Steven Kesslar... are the abs still there?

[whipped guy]

Now hopefully we can have it even better

 

Please let us know when you will be returning from your Parisian sojourn. This will be the perfect opportunity to hire you while you are in stellar shape and before you return to your old ways… Personally I would have suggested a different method of whipping you into better shape… but this seems like a legitimate and suitable approach… and by the way the rickshaw is a nice touch!!!

 

So please do inform us of your schedule… and would it be too much to ask for a stopover in NYC on your return from Paris???

[+ stevenkesslar]

RE: Now hopefully we can have it even better

 

>

>So please do inform us of your schedule… and would it be

>too much to ask for a stopover in NYC on your return from

>Paris???

>

>

>

Hey, now we're talking. As long as you are willing to whip me with that thing between your legs, I'll cum to NYC anytime. Or at least by this Summer. Do I have your email address? :-)

[jackhammer91406]

As if the raves from my friend in Ohio (who recently had Steven visit him while he was in Palm Springs) weren't enough, this thread has me convinced that I want to meet this out of shape guy with the twisted sense of humor. I had the chance to meet him when he came down to visit my friend in Palm Springs, but I was worried I would be a third wheel so I stayed away. Now that I know of the spare tire this guy is carrying around his waist, I realize I shouldn't have worried.

 

Perhaps I will feel sorry for him and have a bag of Raman noodles just in case he starts to grow faint after the workout I would put him through.

 

Steven, very clever posts. You score serious point in my book and I will throw you a charity fling anytime you can drag your saggy ass to Los Angeles. Classy and comical. Who needs abs?

[+ stevenkesslar]

>

>Steven, very clever posts. You score serious point in my book

>and I will throw you a charity fling anytime you can drag your

>saggy ass to Los Angeles. Classy and comical. Who needs abs?

>

 

 

Send me your email address and I will contact you before I get to LA.

 

And I am glad YOU ASSHOLES are finally learning. Starvation and constant sexual arousal are better than fine dining, unless it is ON YOUR ASSHOLES AND COCKS.

 

By the way, if you guys want me to lead you around on a rickshaw that is fine as long as you build a special harness strapped around my cock and balls so that I am kept constantly erect and dripping.

[whipped guy]

RE: Now hopefully we can have it even better

 

Agreed... no problem... you got it...

 

PS: But will make private contact just to make sure...

[+ stevenkesslar]

Joan here, signing off

 

Well I think I've strung this out about as far as I can safely go.

 

Dane called me and said I was sounding a little scary. Since he is the most gorgeous hunk of man in the world and I will soon spend four days cuddling in bed next to him, among other things, I don't really want to sound scary right now. :-)

 

But before I sign off I did have a few other thoughts.

 

We are all supposed to get our 15 minutes of fame. Fundamentally all I've ever wanted is 15 minutes of Joan Crawford. Thank you, Whipped Guy, for allowing me to channel my inner bitch.

 

Second, when I started escorting I read a great how-to book by Matt Adams called "Hustlers, Escorts and Porn Stars". In it he pointed out that most escorts do their thing in their 20's. Then he said something like this: with today's plastic surgery and other cosmetic enhancements, some escorts can even go to the age of 40 before they retire.

 

So I thought it might be weird to jump into this game right around the time I'm supposed to be getting out.

 

Seven years and God knows how many miles of cock later, it is nice to know that life doesn't end at 40. This post has been a huge blast for me because it proves that sex is not IN the brain, sex is the brain. I suspect maybe a few of you reading this are, like me, of a certain age, and damn isn't it nice to know that as long as we are creative and sexy and fun, and spend some time in the gym, we can in fact stay young and pretty and be dumb and fuck.

 

Take care ASSHOLES!

[kevininsa]

RE: Joan here, signing off

 

I haven't been in the forum for several weeks just due to being busy. I came in today to find this thread. Truly the best thread of 2008 thus far. Thanks Steven... I needed a good laugh!

 

KevinInSA

[+ deej]

RE: Joan here, signing off

 

:*

 

Best

 

Thread

 

Ever

 

>Dane called me and said I was sounding a little scary. Since

>he is the most gorgeous hunk of man in the world and I will

>soon spend four days cuddling in bed next to him, among other

>things, I don't really want to sound scary right now. :-)

 

PICTURES! WE WANT PICTURES! :o

[+ Rickee]

Steven, we've never met or even conversed. But I somehow stumbled upon this post of yours from EIGHT years ago (May 2008). I've just now stopped laughing so hard that I can finally compose myself and bump it forward to a year 2016 deja vu post.

 

Wish I was joining y'all in PS -- what a hoot it must be with this kind of humor floating around!

 

As Indiana Jones once said, "It's not the age..........it's the mileage."

 

So I am going to make a real honest confession. All this escorting (I mean thousands of fucks, sucks, and orgasms since 2000) has taken its toll. And it is because MY STUPID FUCKING CLIENTS are to blame!

 

Look at the shit I have to put up with:

 

1. I have to fly to these remote places like Tulum, Mexico or some god damn beach in Hawaii where there is not even access to a gym, or at least one that has good equipment and reasonably good eye candy. HOW THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO STAY IN SHAPE LYING ON MY ASS ON THE BEACH GETTING A TAN? I mean come on guys even if I fuck a couple times a day that is no replacement for hitting the weights for an hour or two. So YOU PEOPLE are conspiring to make me look fat and old. And you dare ask if "time has taken its toll?" This in YOUR GOD DAMN FAULT!!!!

 

2. On top of this I am being forced to go to these fancy ass restaurants with all this high fat food that would make it hard for anyone not to tip the obesity scale. Granted, once in a while a thoughtful client takes me to a good vegetarian restaurant like Greens or gets so worked up he forgets to feed me at all because he wants to just fuck. But most of you are COMPLETE ASSHOLES! Two different clients took me to Paris last year and every fucking night there was some snobby high end restaurant where people were speaking some language I don't understand and all this rich food - sauces, meats, canard, foie gras - it is DISGUSTING and I am expected to eat all this shit and then YOU TRY TO BLAME ME when I look a little fat????

 

3. Just this month I have been on this low-fat diet and my refrigerator is stocked with vegetables and salmon and it feels great to be eating healthy, but then - you guessed it -guess what? THOSE FUCKING CLIENTS WANT TO BE FUCKED AGAIN, OR FUCK ME, OR WHATEVER. And it is not good enough to focus on my cock or my asshole. No, you feel you have to feed me. So I just get back from Texas and what the fuck happened? This guy takes me to one of the best steak houses in Texas. THEY DID NOT EVEN HAVE A VEGETABLE PLATE ON THE MENU. And then today I fly to Palm Springs for three days and this client is going to pull the same shit as always - light some candles, play some mood music, start up the fireplace, and serve me a gourmet meal he prepared. And this is going to happen EVERY NIGHT for three god damn nights in a row. AND THIS GUY HAS BEEN DOING THIS SAME THING FOR SIX YEARS. And you think I have a choice but to eat it???? You eat all that rich food and drink a bottle of wine and see if YOU feel like going to the gym instead of just lying in bed and having your cock sucked.

 

4. If any of you were normal people I would at least get a workout through the sex but NO YOU ARE NOT you get fucked or fuck me and then cum and then there we go - you want to cuddle or go on a nice walk or talk about who should be President or the absolute worst - take me to some fancy ass restaurant. YOU GUYS SUCK!!! Actually no you don't suck enough if you sucked and fucked more at least I would break a sweat and it would be like cardio instead of pigging out on food. WHY CAN'T YOU JUST BE FILTHY SEX PIGS LIKE YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO?

 

5. And then all the other pressure. Pressure, pressure, pressure. Okay I will admit this one client got me this subscription to Muscle and Fitness and it has workout programs and diets like cottage cheese and tofu and shit which I can read and cook even so that is good. But then this TOTAL FUCKWAD client who thinks he is so fucking smart gets me a subscription to The Economist!!!! Have you ever tried to read that piece of shit? The print is like the size of a pubic hair and they think they know everything and you are supposed to care like whether some stupid African dictator steals an election or there is a monetary crisis or somebody's house gets take away because they had a submissive loan or something. What the fuck is a submissive loan anyway? It totally rattles me so I try to read this stupid shit and I just want to eat a pizza because I am just so flustered.

 

6. Its only gets worse. So some asshole writes a review after I go to Mexico and there is no gym and A PLATE FULL OF REFRIED BEANS and then next thing you know there is this email: "Oh you sound so romantic let me take you to Paris" and so now I AM FUCKING HAVING TO GO BACK TO THAT SHITHOLE and you know what that means TOTALLY FATTENING FOOD AND YOU DON'T EVEN UNDERSTAND WHAT IT IS BECAUSE THE PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN FRANCE TALK LIKE THERE IS FOOD IN THEIR MOUTH and then if he writes a review someone else will call and want to go somewhere else and it just goes on and on!!!!!

 

So the next time you accuse me of letting age creep up on me you just think twice and realize IT IS YOUR FUCKING FAULT because it is people like you who force good natured escorts like me to get FAT and OLD and TIRED and despite all the money we make IT DAMAGES OUR SELF ESTEEM when all we really want to do is stay young and pretty and be stupid and fuck. And instead I end up looking like this:

 

 

http://profiles.aim.com/stevenkesslar

 

or this:

 

http://www.male4escort.com/Escort.cfm?escid=10292

 

 

This is your fault that I look this way - all of you - and I hope you feel very very sorry for me you bastards!!!!!

[+ purplekow]

Steven, we've never met or even conversed. But I somehow stumbled upon this post of yours from EIGHT years ago (May 2008). I've just now stopped laughing so hard that I can finally compose myself and bump it forward to a year 2016 deja vu post.

 

Wish I was joining y'all in PS -- what a hoot it must be with this kind of humor floating around!

From what i hear, laughing is not he only thing that Steven does as hard now as he did in 2008. Of course, that is a wind aided measurement.

[+ Funguy]

you mean he farts, too, with gusto?

 

A full-service escort.

[jjkrkwood]

Now I am gonna get it

 

In my tirade I refer to a client who is, regrettably, taking me to Paris. He happened to read this post today, and this is the response I got privately from him. He said it was okay to post it. I guess I am in big trouble now!

 

 

 

I read your letter in Daddy's Forum this morning.

Your really fucked now.

 

1. I've changed your meal on the flight to a weight watcher's Hindu vegetarian with no alcohol (or useful calories whatsoever).

2. Through my contacts at United, I've arranged to remove your seat and replace it with a treadmill that will be preset and locked on to a random hill pattern at 6.7 miles per hour and since you'll be seatbelted into the machine, you've got almost nine hours to burn off any calories that you, you poor baby, have packed on at Flemings. I will, out of sheer kindness, give you a copy of my novel to read while you're working out. But don't sweat on it.

3. The Ritz has a great gym and pool. That's where you're staying. No soft wonderful bed for you with rose colored sheets and hot and cold running maids and butlers. You will, of course, be allowed upstairs to MY room for frequent erotic and passionate sex. You can use the shower in the health club and you can fucking pee in the pool. Since as you'll see below, you're not going to eat anything but me, you'll have no need to shit.

4. I'll spend my evenings at some wonderful restaurants. You on the other hand, will eat me (as often as you like) and can spend as much time as you like licking my body and ingesting any skin cells that come off. You can also eat my ass and while deep kissing me for hours, you can run your tongue around my mouth in an effort to find any loose food particles that I overlooked while brushing and flossing.

5. The Ritz usually puts a daily food comp in the suites -- most often dessert. After I eat both of them, you'll be allowed to sniff the dishes.

 

And if that isn't enough for you, as we spend the days roaming around the city, you'll be hitched to a rickshaw.

 

There.

Your fucking problem is solved!!

 

 

Wow, that REALLY makes we wanna be an Escort... :D

[+ Funguy]

See - all I could do is some botox, a peel, a bit of filler - and he would be Wowzer! Alas, he'll have to do more than the "good looks" category to get those abs under control!

[+ stevenkesslar]

Wow. What an amazing trip down memory lane. It seems like only yesterday I wrote those words. How does that Joni Mitchell song go? "Don't it always seem to go that you don't know what you've got till it's gone?" Boy ain't that the truth. Just like the song describes, I've gone from living in a paradise I wasn't even aware of, to the utter hell I find myself in now.

 

How sweet to think there was a time when all I had to do was roll over in bed in the morning and get my cock sucked by some stranger I despised being with. Or maybe exert myself a little and lift his legs and plow his hole and appear interested. And to think that whether I could look down and see my abs was even an issue?!?! Now I'd be happy to be able to look down and see my penis, let alone make it appear to be actually excited or useful. At some point I guess I stopped noticing that I didn't seem to be having orgasms or erections anymore. I guess it was the psychotic break. All that medication blurs everything.

 

But you've all been so very kind to me. Why just this weekend someone was going on about what a "legend" I am, and nobody even added the words "sure....in his own mind." It was so kind of one of you to gently rub my troubled head in the hot tub at Helios while the 23 year old caused trouble by waving around his fat endowment and bragged, "It's not even hard yet." Later I heard the young lad tell someone, "I'm booked all weekend." And I made the mistake of assuming he was talking about appointments with his psychiatrists, like I have. Somebody had to explain to me that back in the day I had a penis that got hard, too, and people paid me to cause trouble with it. So I'm fine with it. I realize you all just needed somebody to talk to or gossip about while you were waiting in line for the 23 year old.

 

It's so nice of all of you to let me go on about the good old days. And on and on and on. I realize Bigvalboy probably tires of my rants, but he still hits the "like" button as he drinks cheap gin and saves his pennies for his next love tryst with Killian. Hell, even Dame Kockwood has made a reappearance to comfort me, and purports to want to be like me, or at least be like what I deluded myself into thinking I was. You've all just been so sweet to try to lift me from my sorrows. And yes, I know that Kenny is not really my boyfriend. But it's so nice of him to reach out to me, and say sweet things, and compliment my charts and grafts. At least the old queen can delude herself into thinking the abs are still there, can't she?

 

http://www.anatomy-diagram.info/wp-content/uploads/2015/03/abdominal-muscle-anatomy-diagram-550f94a77887d.jpg

 

And really, all of you coming to Palm Springs and having that orgy of food and alcohol at my house was just too much. I mean, it's almost as if you people somehow feel responsible for turning me into the wreck that I am. True, my circumstances are tragic, but please don't blame yourselves.

 

Just because you all forced me to watch my weight and go to the gym and worry about which one of you wanted to get fucked when, it's not like that makes you responsible for the horror I've become. Even with my fragmented memory I am clear enough about that. For example, WeHo Daddy came to my house this weekend. At first I didn't recognize him, and I was staring at him in a way that sort of was like, "Why is that dirty old man staring at me in a way that suggests that he's had both my testicles in his mouth at the same time?" It's challenging with the medication, you know. But then he reminded me of that morning in San Francisco, over a decade ago. And it all came back to me. And I realized, I can't really blame him for the fact that he dragged my ass out of bed in the morning and forced me to prance my uncaffeinated cock a couple blocks over to his posh hotel so I could get paid hundreds of dollars to spurt whatever cream I was able to still produce. And the asshole didn't even give me one fucking cup of coffee, if memory serves. Not that I can remember a god damn thing anymore. Let alone blame him for any of my tragedy.

 

My point is, it's not your fault. You are all being too kind. Even Daddy. When he convinced the hot young Mexican bisexual kid to lower his bulging Speedo and let his beautiful uncut manhood rest prettily in Daddy's hand, plump and ripe and ready to sample, right there at my patio dining table, not a mere five feet away from where I had just been standing at my kitchen counter, munching on Betty Crocker's equally delicious looking bacon wrapped dates. It all became clear to me. Food. Cocks. Youth. Sex. Foreskins. And bacon. And margaritas. It all blurs together somehow. And the medication.

 

You all know how I hate being dramatic, but it just all brings me to realize you are all trying to help me, and I really must insist you shouldn't feel bad at all for the calamity of my life. I will suffer here in my private hell, stoically bearing the afflictions you really had no intention of setting upon me. And please don't feel bad as the few shreds of grace and beauty that yet remain dim, and I waddle off into the twilight. You did your best to ruin my life. You succeeded. Be happy, and just let it all go. Just like I have.

 

Fuckers.

[+ honcho]

Wow, Kesslar channeling Hunter S Thompson . . . . what a read

[+ Funguy]

You all know how I hate being dramatic, but it just all brings me to realize you are all trying to help me, and I really must insist you shouldn't fee bad at all for the calamity of my life. I will suffer here in my private hell, stoically bearing the afflictions you really had no intention of setting upon me. And please don't feel bad as the few shreds of grace and beauty that yet remain dim, and I waddle off into the twilight. You did your best to ruin my life. You succeeded. Be happy, and just let it all go. Just like I have.

Fuckers.

 

I do so love a complete report of the weekend as Steven has given.

However, when I read the word bolded above, in my dottage and wearing my regular progressive lenses instead of my computer glasses, I read it as affections. Oh, dear me! Tho I have not yet had the pressure, oops - pleasure - of meeting, others have told me that you really have descended the depths of depression and returned with a great big smile and an attitude we all need to share.

 

But, simply beware, he LIES! He does not "waddle off into the twilight." Spry and chipper, he dances off to his own tune.

[+ stevenkesslar]

I will suffer here in my private hell, stoically bearing the afflictions you really had no intention of setting upon me.

 

However, when I read the word bolded above, in my dottage and wearing my regular progressive lenses instead of my computer glasses, I read it as affections.

 

You got that fucking right. Nobody wants to put a finger on a horror show like me.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jRiZRMLGjCY

[+ glennnn]

I unabashedly admit I am in love with Steven Kesslar. He really doesn't know me from Adam, but made me feel so accepted and welcome this past weekend. And if he were any more attractive, smart and sexy, he would need personal protection. Just sayin'...... Thanks, Mr. kesslar

[+ Socalguy]

And if he were any more attractive, smart and sexy, he would need personal protection. Just sayin'

 

What do you think I was doing sticking to him like glue in the Jacuzzi? I was ....protecting him.....yeah, that's the ticket! I was protecting him!

[+ stevenkesslar]

He really doesn't know me from Adam, but made me feel so accepted and welcome this past weekend. Just sayin'...... Thanks, Mr. kesslar

 

What can I say ................. misery loves company???!!!

[+ stevenkesslar]

What do you think I was doing sticking to him like glue in the Jacuzzi? I was ....protecting him.....yeah, that's the ticket! I was protecting him!

 

Okay, that is one thing about me. I may be a hot mess. And I am definitely a total dick.

 

But being that I am a dick, I do know how to protect myself, thank you.