Apparently I'm A Girl...

[+ Gar1eth]

Who knew?

I guess I should explain myself. People attentive to my posts over the years will probably know that I was a late bloomer. I was a total virgin until I was 41. My first sexual experience was with an escort. He even had to teach me how to kiss. 

Since then the  closest I ever had to a boyfriend was 8 to 9 years ago when I had a close "friend with bennies" relationship with Sam (a nom de Message Center) whom I met off a hook-up app. We were together  for (I think) about a year. Sam was married. But I think it was sexless. And Sam's partner had a profile on the apps. So they weren't monogamous.   Other than that one relationship, I've been at the mercy of occasional actual dates or hook-ups from guys I've met on the apps. I've almost never had anyone steady. 
 

No one steady that is until now. I met this guy, Andrew (another nom de Message Center), last fall. And we've gradually grown closer. I wouldn't quite characterize him as my boyfriend. But it's the deepest relationship I've ever had. And it's not all about sex. I'm not sure I'm in love. But I'm def in deep like. 
 

So why do I say that I've found out I'm a girl? Well I'm beginning to have some vague wedding fantasies. I don't mean flowers and china patterns. But I did possibly have  a brief thought about tuxedos and maybe the officiant (there's a gay retired cantor in town-although I think he travels a lot now that he's retired). I know I definitely had a thought about rings once -and wondering how I'd ever afford one. 

The whole thing is ridiculous. I haven't even slept over at his place yet. It's really  my first relationship. I'm bound to screw it up. But try telling my vague fantasies that.   

 

Edited June 10 by Gar1eth

[+ Just Chuck]

There’s no single path for everyone. I wish you and Andrew the best. 
 

Don’t self-sabotage with bad predictions that you’re going to screw up a relationship.  The relationship already sounds like a successful one even, if you’re struck dead by lightning tomorrow.  I like Dan Savage’s point: there’s no reason to think that the only way a relationship is successful is if it lasts until somebody dies.  

 

 

[samhexum]

1 hour ago, Gar1eth said:

I'm beginning to have some vague marriage fantasies. I don't mean flowers and china patterns. But I did possibly have  a brief thought about tuxedos 

I can definitely see that... I just hope it doesn't take you eight years to tell each other I love you. 
 

[wsc]

Statistically, about 40% of marriages end in divorce. The others are worse - they end in death!