Does language matter?

[Wings246]

On 8/24/2025 at 5:02 PM, Nightowl said:

Not wanting to cause offence is still something I wrestle with.  My upbringing taught me that when you hire someone, you treat them respectfully and as a professional.  I’ve sometimes found it difficult to ask for what I want

I cannot agree more and you are not alone, for I share the same mental blocks.  This psychological & moral courtesy is deeply implanted in our brains since childhood.  It’s extremely difficult to reverse and erase decades of gaslighting.  For me, it applies more broadly to everyone (even to my sworn enemies and people I hate — can you believe that?).  It wasn’t until recent years — after I got older — that I can finally begin to shake some of it off.

Sometimes, I just feel that I can’t constantly give a shit to everyone and everything.  I need to learn to prioritize myself first.  I am not saying we should be rude or unkind to others, but verbalizing and demanding what we want (and justifiably so) shouldn’t be such an obstacle.

[Nightowl]

3 hours ago, Wings246 said:

I cannot agree more and you are not alone, for I share the same mental blocks.  This psychological & moral courtesy is deeply implanted in our brains since childhood.  It’s extremely difficult to reverse and erase decades of gaslighting.  For me, it applies more broadly to everyone (even to my sworn enemies and people I hate — can you believe that?).  It wasn’t until recent years — after I got older — that I can finally begin to shake some of it off.

Sometimes, I just feel that I can’t constantly give a shit to everyone and everything.  I need to learn to prioritize myself first.  I am not saying we should be rude or unkind to others, but verbalizing and demanding what we want (and justifiably so) shouldn’t be such an obstacle.

I’m not sure I’d call it gaslighting but it was definitely indoctrination that became deeply ingrained.  I’ll probably always try to be courteous and respectful verbally, but once I’m with a provider in the heat of the moment, my body usually takes over and does—or tries to do—things that my brain and mouth would be reluctant to ask for. … I agree that we can’t constantly give a shit about everyone and everything.  Now in my old age I reserve the right to say “Fuck it. I don’t care what anyone thinks.” It’s a lot easier now than it was a few decades ago.

[Redbook]

14 hours ago, Thelatin said:

God I ducked and weaved fast a while back - it was like in slow motion coming at me lol.

You should see the movie Love. There is a hot scene with a close up of actor Karl Glusman cumming right at the camera — like a facial POV.

[Nikba]

General speaking, I ask the same questions to all the providers and keep it short. The body language is the most important to guide with gentle tap and look. A good one knows and anticipate the move. Was in UAE early this year, met an exact type I needed for that moment, the guy could read my mind and we ended up did only one thing. 

[+ Jamie21]

I sometimes suggest to clients who are reluctant to verbalise what they want to send me a link to a video of a porn film (even one of mine! 😂) which shows what they’d like. It’s easier to say ‘this movie shows what I’d like to happen especially the bit from minute x to minute x’. They don’t have to use any words or descriptions. As always a picture is worth a thousand words. 

However, even better, I think it’s important for clients to describe how they want to feel rather than what they want to happen. It gives me a better understanding of what they’re looking for. If there’s activities they want that I’m not able or willing to do I can perhaps include something else that gives them the same feeling. Of course getting guys to say how they want to feel is almost as difficult as getting them to say what they want done to them 😂, but if you can get there with that understanding then as a provider you can really make a difference for them. As always, I say sex work means working their biggest sex organ - the brain.