Am I the only one?

[NMGUY87]

I am a very emotionally connected person and I almost prefer closeness, affection, and touch over full blown sex. I have been a long time observer of the massage section of this forum and read the reviews from people, but it seems that (at least for me) its very difficult to find a massage therapist that doesn't just massage, then get to sex. To me there is something about the anticipation and having the other person "want" you without any pre-arranged notions. It's one reason, why I haven't book a massage from Rent Masseur or Massage Finder, cause I feel that it wouldn't be a geniuine connection. Like I still want the amazing professional massage, but also want that emotional connection. It seems soooo weird when I type this and read in my head. But does anyone else feel the same? 

[+ Lucky]

I usually don't set any desires forth with a massage, except in answer to a direct question. I like to see where the masseur will go without any expression of desire from me.

[CuriousByNature]

I think you're asking a very important and understandable question.  I have not met with anyone myself, but I imagine that it would be very difficult to find a provider that you would have a genuine connection with on your first meeting.  I'm not saying it isn't possible, but that it's probably difficult, and for your own sake, you might need to set your expectations relatively low until you meet someone who genuinely clicks with you.  I'm also not sure how one would judge what a 'genuine' connection is, given the transactional nature of the meetings - but I am sure there are providers who care very much about their clients and try to provide the most genuine experience possible.  It's important to remember that providers are people like everyone else, and each will have their preferences about looks and personality - therefore, it could be like hitting a jackpot to meet a provider for the first time and find that a genuine connection exists for both of you.  I hope this doesn't sound discouraging at all - that's not how I mean it to sound.

[+ Jamie21]

11 hours ago, NMGUY87 said:

but it seems that (at least for me) its very difficult to find a massage therapist that doesn't just massage, then get to sex.

Those masseurs don’t understand sensual massage. They separate the massage and the intimacy/sex part. It’s usually because they were trained as therapeutic masseurs where the intention is definitely not to arouse and you don’t go anywhere intimate with touch. These masseurs then take up the ‘happy ending’ style massage and what you get is 80% therapeutic massage and 20% jerk off. The worst ones do a perfunctory massage, then grope a bit at your genitalia in the last 5 minutes and then flip you over to finish with a hand job: no body contact, no kissing, no tender touch no build up, no holding hands, no cuddling….no connection. That’s not a sensual massage. 

There are proper sensual masseurs out there who understand that sensual massage is a treatment of the mind as well as the body. Ask a few questions of your masseur and find out whether they have this approach or the massage and sex approach. Or book me next time you’re in London 😉. 
 

[caramelsub]

Sounds like you’re demisexual. According to google, “Demisexuality is a sexual orientation in which a person feels sexually attracted to someone only after they've developed a close emotional bond with them. Forming a bond doesn't guarantee a person will feel a sexual attraction, but the bond is needed before sexual activity is even possible”.

Edited March 11 by caramelsub

[Nightowl]

8 hours ago, Jamie21 said:

Those masseurs don’t understand sensual massage. They separate the massage and the intimacy/sex part. It’s usually because they were trained as therapeutic masseurs where the intention is definitely not to arouse and you don’t go anywhere intimate with touch. These masseurs then take up the ‘happy ending’ style massage and what you get is 80% therapeutic massage and 20% jerk off. The worst ones do a perfunctory massage, then grope a bit at your genitalia in the last 5 minutes and then flip you over to finish with a hand job: no body contact, no kissing, no tender touch no build up, no holding hands, no cuddling….no connection. That’s not a sensual massage. 

There are proper sensual masseurs out there who understand that sensual massage is a treatment of the mind as well as the body. Ask a few questions of your masseur and find out whether they have this approach or the massage and sex approach. Or book me next time you’re in London 😉. 
 

When I first started hiring for sensual massages, my experiences were *exactly* what you describe. 80% therapeutic—usually very good—followed by a little bit of sensual touch and a happy ending. Now that I’ve had a good number under my belt, I try to explain that I enjoy sensual/erotic elements throughout the massage, not just at the end. The best ones I’ve found utilize gentle touch, eye contact, and kissing.  I find it far more sensual than anything that is solely genital-focused.  I think I definitely need to look you up next time I’m in London….

[NMGUY87]

11 hours ago, Jamie21 said:

Those masseurs don’t understand sensual massage. They separate the massage and the intimacy/sex part. It’s usually because they were trained as therapeutic masseurs where the intention is definitely not to arouse and you don’t go anywhere intimate with touch. These masseurs then take up the ‘happy ending’ style massage and what you get is 80% therapeutic massage and 20% jerk off. The worst ones do a perfunctory massage, then grope a bit at your genitalia in the last 5 minutes and then flip you over to finish with a hand job: no body contact, no kissing, no tender touch no build up, no holding hands, no cuddling….no connection. That’s not a sensual massage. 

There are proper sensual masseurs out there who understand that sensual massage is a treatment of the mind as well as the body. Ask a few questions of your masseur and find out whether they have this approach or the massage and sex approach. Or book me next time you’re in London 😉. 
 

This exactly! Like I’m not expecting a connection 100% of the time. But I also don’t want obligated touching because you were paid and it’s what you advertised. It’s why I feel I like the professional massages that had zero expectation turn into something more. Before I moved I saw a guy for a few years and from the very first massage, there was obvious tension (the good kind). We clearly both found it each other attractive and talked through the entire session. After the 3rd or 4th session, he would do subtle things (lean close into my hand/arm/head) and when I didn’t objected he would then in later sessions, allow his hands to carefully explore without being too aggressive. Finally after about 20 sessions, I was on my back and he was doing his thing and he started working on my arms. When he got to my hands, my hand automatically held his and he held tight for what felt like minutes. The amount of ecstasy I was in, in that moment, was indescribable. thing progressed much further in that session, but it was the lead up that was the most stimulating for me. 

[NMGUY87]

8 hours ago, caramelsub said:

Sounds like you’re demisexual. According to google, “Demisexuality is a sexual orientation in which a person feels sexually attracted to someone only after they've developed a close emotional bond with them. Forming a bond doesn't guarantee a person will feel a sexual attraction, but the bond is needed before sexual activity is even possible”.

See that’s the thing, I can hookup with a random person and get off. But having that deeper level of intimacy makes the whole thing that much better (for me)

[+ ApexNomad]

8 minutes ago, NMGUY87 said:

See that’s the thing, I can hookup with a random person and get off. But having that deeper level of intimacy makes the whole thing that much better (for me)

For those that value intimacy, a deeper level of intimacy always makes it better. But that is very hard to get in a transactional relationship, especially as a first timer. A trusted regular yes, it’s possible—but that takes time. 

[NMGUY87]

1 hour ago, ApexNomad said:

For those that value intimacy, a deeper level of intimacy always makes it better. But that is very hard to get in a transactional relationship, especially as a first timer. A trusted regular yes, it’s possible—but that takes time. 

Agreed. But even in a transaction situation, if the compatibility is there, it’s possible.