Introvert at gay social settings

[BillyMan]

Questions for fellow introverts:

- What are your strategies for connecting with others at gay bars (other than staring at them if they catch your fancy)?

- Does your strategy differ with your intention: hooking up vs. developing friendships?

- Is it easier to connect in settings where the intention is more obvious (sex parties, Meetup groups, etc.)?

Thanks, and happy new year!

 

[soloyo215]

5 hours ago, BillyMan said:

- What are your strategies for connecting with others at gay bars (other than staring at them if they catch your fancy)?

 

Ranges from walking away and never looking back to the place, to push my boundaries, to not being a big deal approaching a person and talking to him. Many times when I don't feel safe or comfortable in a place it's been because it's not the right environment for me, not because of something I am or do. Introversion is only one of the many factors that will make me shy away from connecting with others.

Furthermore, the more electronic device oriented a person is, the less social skills they develop. I am in charge of only my 50 percent of any interaction with another person.

5 hours ago, BillyMan said:

- Does your strategy differ with your intention: hooking up vs. developing friendships?

 

Yes, I certainly don't flirt with prospective friends. Besides, I have come to realize that sometimes if I find myself thinking "strategy" to something that's supposed to be exciting and enjoyable, maybe I'm pushing myself to something I am not sure I will enjoy anyway.

5 hours ago, BillyMan said:

- Is it easier to connect in settings where the intention is more obvious (sex parties, Meetup groups, etc.)?

My experience in group settings, including sex parties and places for hooking up, is that they have "moods". I've been to the same place for hookups in different occasions, and the experiences have been different because there seems to be a "mood". For example, one day the place feels like people are incurring in activites that I find beneath me (although I don't judge, I know well what does it and doesn't do it for me), and a different day I feel like the place is my home. So in that respect, sometimes even when the intentiions are obvious, there are no guarantees that there will be people that I could connect well. However, when a place has a specific purpose (i.e., a sex party), We definitely don't need to wonder if people go there for sex (altough there might be people who might tell you otherwise), so that will make certain premises easy to understand.

What you should not do is:

1. Rely on something like alcohol or drugs to "losen you up"
2. Make up stories or excuses
3. The opposite to #2, it's a social setting, not a confessional
4. Take rejection as something that you did or are
5. Assholes and predators are everywhere, so always count on finding at last one and don't take it on you
6. Ignore your insctincs
7. Present yourself as someone you are not
8. Think that the night is ruined because of a rejection

Also, I hear a lot of people who use introversion in a discriminatory manner. Keep in mind that we introverts are as humand and deserving of consideration and respect as everybody else.

I hope this helps.

Edited January 2 by soloyo215

[Shoedog112]

On 1/1/2024 at 1:19 PM, BillyMan said:

Questions for fellow introverts:

- What are your strategies for connecting with others at gay bars (other than staring at them if they catch your fancy)?

- Does your strategy differ with your intention: hooking up vs. developing friendships?

- Is it easier to connect in settings where the intention is more obvious (sex parties, Meetup groups, etc.)?

Thanks, and happy new year!

 

I would consider myself an introvert, if not shy. I prefer small groups over large groups which makes it difficult in some gay settings. On the other hand, in straight environments, I am completely more comfortable and engaging. If I’m with gay friends in a gay environment, I am much more comfortable.  I think this started at a young age when I felt some gays were either too over the top, or intimidating by their looks/physique. I’m sure I missed a lot of opportunities being an introvert as I look back. But I have also been able to observe people and find some solid quality friends. I don’t think this answered any of your questions…it has allowed me to reflect if I would have done anything differently. 

[Guest]

Introversion is not a vulnerability, it’s a superpower!

[Mo Mason]

Introverts can be assholes too.

Like this guy

<-----------