Why do you hire escorts?

[Boston Guy]

LAST EDITED ON Apr-13-00 AT 11:28AM (CST)[p]I'm not sure if this should go here or in the Lounge, but they seem to be overlapping quite a bit these days and this topic is sort of in response to one below.

 

The replies posted to the several threads that discussed escorts and their demand for /need for /desire for /right to ask for pics began to make me wonder why some people were hiring escorts. Then, when the replies started getting into the attractivenes of the client and the client's personal self-image and a sort of desperation, I began to get a little depressed because it began to sound like at least some guys are using escorts as their sole source of sexual satisfaction. And just seems a little sad.

 

I had a fairly extensive email correspondance a while back with one gentleman from this board who was engaged in what I perceived to be reasonably reckless personal behavior, centered mainly around repeated visits to the Gaiety. My feelings about his behavior had nothing to do with the Gaiety but rather how he was approaching life as a gay man in general and his sexual and financial life in particular. It seemed to me that he was desperate and saw escorts at the Gaiety as his only choice. (In some ways, he reminded me of an adolescent even though he is in his mid-50's.) He even used the word "addicted" over and over to describe his feelings about going there.

 

I tried to help him see that there were many other outlets for him, most of which would likely leave him more satisfied and help him grow as a gay man and develop good gay friendships. But I think he did not like my advice and the email petered out.

 

But now I wonder if perhaps there are many like him who are desperate, possibly because of their own perceptions about how they look (too old, too fat, too thin, too ugly, ...). If this is true, it would seem on the surface that hiring escorts would simply reinforce again and again that the only way this person could have any sex would be by hiring an escort.

 

So why do you folks hire escorts? And -- for the escorts -- does any of this make any sense? And do you have any advice for guys who might be trapped in this particular rut?

 

And to get this going, I'll start. I hire escorts from time to time for two reasons: (1) I travel a lot and I've found that hiring an escort is a good way to deal with the boredom of yet another hotel room; and (2) after very long business days that can sometimes be 18 hours long, I can be very stiff and hiring a guy to come over for a massage can help wonders. I try to locate good escorts and masseurs in those places I travel to and hire them on a "regular" basis so we get to know each other. I treat them with exactly the same level of respect and dignity I accord anyone in my life and I expect exactly the same in return. It works well for me. And I virtually never hire escorts at home.

[Barry]

Great topic BG.

 

Like you, I started a few years ago to relieve the boredom while on business trips.

 

I only started after escorts began seriously advertising on the net and you could exchange emails in advance of meeting them. I never had the balls to just call someone listed in an ad.

 

Another reason was to fulfill a fantasy specific to what never happened during my high school, college, grad school days. My gay youth was locked up tight, not in a closet...more like a vault. Those were the 60's and 70's and to be out was just shy of a death sentence where I lived. I went to a high school where to get an A in a class would almost certainly result in a beating.

 

Escorts have afforded me the pleasure of reliving the sexual wet dreams of all those I lusted for back then. It has become a nice once a month hobby. I have even had the unanticipated pleasure of becoming friends with a few I have seen.

[Traveller]

Escorts don't bitch and moan like a BF (and they're far less expensive in the long run), and you can choose whatever look you're into for that particular time. But to dollar cost average, I've hooked up with some real hot studs on the misterrightnow.com website. Handsome, tall, lean, muscular men and they're free. Who knew?

[Guest RobPA]

Why do I hire escorts? I hire them primarily because its convenient. I live in a very small, very rural town where the chances of meeting another gay man are slim to none. Even if there are other gay men in my area, and I assume there probably are, it would be nothing less than personal and professional suicide to pursue it in such a small redneck area. The closest activity I've found is a restroom in a mall an hour or so away where a few older gentlemen spend their days hoping someone will come along and allow them to give them a bj.

So, I basically have two options; 1) become a T-room queen (not gonna happen) or 2) travel.

When I travel, I don't want to waste my time going from bar to bar hoping to find someone. It's much more convenient to have a session set up with an escort. Now, with the internet, its much easier to be sure you're going to meet up with someone with whom there is a reasonable chance of having a good time. You can see pics up front, develop a limited "rapport" via email and/or chat to determine if this is the guy you really want to meet. Of course, the info on this board is also invaluable.

Escorts can be alot of fun and its usually a good experience. I've found over and over again that if you treat the escort with respect and treat them like you'd like to be treated, they respond in kind.

Because of time constraints I'm only able to travel 6-8 times a year. Trust me, when the opportunity for sex only comes along a half dozen times a year you want to make the most of it - and so far, escorts have filled that bill for me.

In response to the first poster - sure, I'd love to able to develop friendly relationships with other gay men and have the "normal" gay lifestyle - but it aint gonna happen here.

[Guest Monopolizer]

I hired my first escort to celebrate my 40th birthday; I had only had gay sex with one man up to then (my best friend) and wanted to branch out. I had no experience with picking up guys from bars and really didn't have the confidence in my looks and physical shape.

 

When I hired the first escort I wasn't aware of this site.

 

The next escort I hired, the fabulous Rod Hagen, I found from this web site; I hired Rod because I wanted to fulfill a fantasy of having sex with a really hot blonde muscle god. Boy did he ever fit the bill.

 

After hiring the two escorts, I slowly am gaining confidence in myself, have been feeling more desirable and attractive; and have even started talking to guys in bars and getting some attention from some nice looking guys.

 

I guess the main reason I will hire escorts in the future is to have sex with guys that are very hot and that have a certain look.

[CT Dick]

And, I hire them for the convenience, too. I'm in my 50's. I did the bar and tea room scenes for years. Now, I'm tired of them but still want sex.

I don't want to hang around a smokefilled bar until 2am and possibly drink too much only to leave alone. I am in the fortunate financial position that I can go to the phone and get pretty much what I want when I want it.

I have a very active gay social life but this is my only sex life (aside from my videos). I don't understand why the guy who started this link feels sorry for me; it's a nice, comfortable life.

[Guest paulnyc]

Boston guy. I'm the guy you write about in this posting. As I recall, you never responded to my last email to you. I did appreciate and value your advice, although I found it to be extremely harsh and moralistic. Fortunately, I am feeling much better about myself than when I made that initial frantic post. And feeling better about myself makes a difference in how I feel about the escorts I may encounter.

[HooBoy]

Great question!

 

I hired my first escort when I was 25.

 

I am extremely selfish and I want things my way.

 

I'm still in love with my first lover but we can't live together. (Listen to "I Have Always Loved You" on the Enrique CD)

 

The escorts I hire are very handsome and smart. I think I'm an ugly troll and good escots make me feel special.

 

Many escorts have become friends. Now, I find that many of them take advantage of me. Ain't that a turn of events! Ha!

[Guest Ken]

Great topic.

I am in my 50s and realize that I no longer have my looks. When I was younger and good looking, I would go to the bars and try to hook up with someone. As I aged, it became more difficult. Now, I feel that I don't want to waste my time in a smoky bar and drink, trying to find someone who won't give me the time of day...let's face it, as wonderful a personality as I have, "looks" is what initially attracts. I have a full social life with gay friends but that doesn't include sex. To get sex, I hire escorts. However, I am extremely selective in who I hire (this site appears to be a godsend for someone like me). I am a very romantic person and "dick size" is NOT my main concern. From comments made by "reviewers", someone like "Shamus" from NY would appear to meet my needs.I hope to hook up with him when I next get to NY. Meanwhile, I may get lucky and meet someone who wants me but until that happens, escorts will have to do.

[Guest bosguy]

I hire escorts because I'm a married, bi male and obviously need descretion.

I have a "regular" escort that I hire who is extremely personable, very goodlooking, killer body and loves to have sex. I could never attract someone with these attributes on my own - don't reply back that I need to think more of my self - I'm middle age, overweight and average looking

We have almost become friends, and this relationship is perfect for me.

[+ Charlie]

I hire escorts (several of who I have reviewed) for a mix of reasons. I am in a very longterm relationship that no longer includes sex; I am not looking for an emotional commitment, so it seems more honest to make the transaction strictly business. I am sexually attracted to men who are not likely to be very interested in me (nearing senior citizen status)without the extra attraction of money.I wasted a lot of time in my youth cruising for sex; the bars now bore me, and I don't know how to pick up people any other way, nor do I want to spend time and energy on pursuing someone for a very brief sexual fling. Besides, I am much more likely to get exactly what I want when I want it if I purchase the services of an escort. So it's mostly a matter of efficiency.

[Guest Merlin]

I would add that the fact that we hire escorts does not mean that we are desperate. If we were setting around bars night after night hoping that a great looking guy will decide to go with us--that would be pathetic desperation. I can afford to meet hot escorts and I like the fun of making the selection. I have been with some of the hottest porn stars known to man, and regard it as something of hobby. Most of my vacations and travels involve planning who I will meet.

[Boston Guy]

LAST EDITED ON Apr-14-00 AT 10:55PM (CST)[p]I agree that guys who hire escorts are not necessarily desperate. In fact, I don't think I used that word.

 

But it seems like maybe a fair number of guys are deriving all of their satisfaction from escorts and what I originally hoped to get across was that it seems to me that a strategy that focused entirely on escorts seemed a bit sad and maybe not an optimum strategy.

 

I guess I'm coming from a point of view that views a good loving relationship between two guys as a good thing and, in many cases, better than being alone.

 

Hiring an escort to have fun can be terrific and I enjoy it as much as anyone else. But when that becomes the sole strategy in someone's life then the pursuit of escorts can replace other kinds of activities, including meeting guys who might also be eligible, doing a little dating and, perhaps, falling in love.

 

There's a strong focus in the gay community on youth and looks and a lot of guys seem to translate that into "I'm old/out-of-shape/fat/not cute, etc., therefore I'll never attract anyone so why should I try to meet anyone." But I think that's a false way of looking at the world and there are lots and lots of guys out there looking to meet people who are not necessarily young and beautiful.

 

I know someone whose 85-year-old, very plump mother met a little old guy who was two years older than her. Both had been widowed for years. They liked each other, started dating and had a great relationship for years until he had a heart attack recently. So it really is true that there are people out there for everyone.

 

I'm not quite sure where I'm going with this or where I was thinking this thread would go. But I do know that it seems to me that guys who only hire escorts and who, for whatever reasons, cut themselves off from meeting other guys in contexts that might lead to dating and more are short-changing themselves.

 

Meeting escorts, having great sex with them, all of that is fun and can be very exciting and exhilarating. But, at the end of the day, one still wakes up alone and one has slightly reinforced the idea that one has to pay money in order to have sex.

 

Without pointing fingers, Hooboy has sort of made this point when he has said that he views himself as an "old troll." Because he views himself this way, he hires escorts. That's all well and good -- and believe me, I'm not judging people. But if HB or anyone like him gets to the point where they think escorts are their only option for sex and a little romance (remember HB saying he is a little depressed when the escort leaves -- the romance has once again walked out the door) then I suspect they are really short-changing themselves and really closing doors on themselves unnecessarily. Escorts can be great fun. But a roll in the hay with ANYONE for an hour or two or a weekend just isn't as good as time spent with a real boyfriend, warts and all.

 

The bottom line: if anyone thinks that escorts are their only option and no one would possibly want them as a boyfriend, they need to understand that the only possible reason why that might be true is that it has become a self-fulfilling prophecy based entirely on their own respect for themselves, or lack thereof.

 

And, as I said above, I'm not really even sure why I'm posting this.

[Will]

LAST EDITED ON Apr-15-00 AT 03:05AM (CST)[p]LAST EDITED ON Apr-15-00 AT 02:37 AM (CST)

 

BostonGuy, you are Poster #1 for this site -- at least in my book. This is the topic I have been waiting for, but suddenly I find myself bereft of words. Well, perhaps not entirely. I do have one comment and one question.

 

Comment: I hire escorts because it is the only way I have found to have sex with somebody other than myself. I live in a small college town near a large but very provincial city. Although I have no qualms about seeking out and nourishing friendships with other gay men, people who live in that city think of the place where I live as so remote that they don't even imagine themselves seeing me on a regular basis, even just to go to the movies. Over the years, I have made many gay friends of an appropriate age and background; as for romance, however, it has for the most part eluded me. I don't regard this (any longer) as my fault. It's just the way things are. The only serious love relationship I have had in over twenty years was with another person who worked where I do. It did not, in the end, work out and he moved away. Otherwise, I have dwelt in a virtual desert as regards my needs as a sexual person. Don't get me wrong: I don't live in Redneck City. On the contrary, ours is a very gay-positive, gay-supportive community, but it is, as I said, a small college town. The ethos of every college town I know of emphasizes youth, the youth of students and the youth of faculty and staff. Thus it is that the older a gay man gets in a college town, the more invisible he becomes as fully human. (I was indifferent to my older gay colleagues when I was young, too, and so I know this perception does not reflect some recently-acquired repulsiveness on my part.) To tell you the truth, nothing would make me happier than to find someone with whom I could have a close, loving, intimate and fully sexual relationship. It need not even be with someone who lives close by. After all, by the time a single person has reached his/her fifties and is still active, outgoing, and attractive, s/he has learned how to live alone contentedly. Therefore, I would enter such a relationship with a man whom I couldn't see every day, but perhaps only on weekends or even every other week. So I hire escorts because I need the occasions of full sexual intimacy that I had done without for years until I finally realized, about eighteen months ago, that it was not necessary for me to go through life under a sentence of involuntary celibacy. Paying men to have sex with me isn't ideal, not by any means, and it doesn't feel entirely dignified. But it's the best thing I've been able to figure out and it beats the hell out of nothing at all.

 

So much for the Comment. Now comes the

 

Question: What would you suggest to a man in my situation? Judging from what's been posted here already, I'm not at all alone in my sense of bewildered isolation. And although I'm loathe to admit it, I think your instinct about desperation is right in my case. When I get lonely enough, frustrated enough, tired enough of restricting my social life to lunch because I am the only one of my friends who is single (gay or straight), and when I watch the biological clock tick, then I begin to feel self-pitying, and that leads to self-blame and depression. I become desperate to do something to get myself out of this dark, silent cocoon. Therefore, I don't deny that it was desperation that drove me into the arms of the world's oldest profession. Desperation, however unattractive, is still better than depression. For the time being, it's far more comfortable in rented arms than it is back out in the cold. If I could find a way to develop something real with a fully-present man, I would be happy. For me, the absolute worst thing about hiring an escort is the fact that I can never really know how he feels about me as a person. It is part of his job, after all, to tell me that he thinks I'm great. Even when he says he's telling the truth and I believe that he's telling the truth, how could I possibly determine whether this is so? If I can't believe that he's being untruthful, then I can't believe that he's being truthful, either. I know how I feel about him, otherwise he would not be sitting across the table from me. But the escort himself remains inscrutable and, curiously enough, safe. It is the client, not the escort, who is the more vulnerable of the two. I agree with St Augustine, who says that the greatest sin of all is deception. A relationship founded by definition on illusion cannot, in the end, be "real" in my way of understanding reality. The pain of knowing that, even in the throes of pleasure, is so great that I would gladly swear off the whole thing forever, if I thought that I had a reasonable choice. As the only choice I can see isn't reasonable -- return to the previous situation -- I conclude that the best way I can take care of myself it to seek and cultivate the company of bright, articulate, caring, affectionate, and funny men whose time and attention are for hire. I've slept alone most of the nights of my life. Enough is enough.

 

There. As I said, I am bereft of words this morning and I apologize for my brevity. Thanks again, so much, for bringing up this topic. Next time, I hope I'll have more to say!

[Guest N]

I have been in a relationship for over 30 years and love my partner and can not imagine being emotionally involved with someone else. I had a number of affairs over the years, including one with an escort who would not take my money. It is not fair to the other person since no relationship could really develop.

 

My lover and I have not had sex together for over twenty years. We both see escorts. Our deal is that we do not flaunt it in front of each other or infringe on the other one's time.

 

Escorts are a way of having a fantasy sex life with georgous guys and being able to walk away from it without anyone being hurt.

 

Since we can afford it and have no need of emotional lives outside of our relationship why not have the fantasy?

[+ Charlie]

Boston Guy, although you have said many very reasonable things in various messages, I think you have an overly romantic,even sentimental vision of sex. Sex is not essential to a healthy emotional life, and having sex with someone you like/love just because you think you should is not psychologically healthy. We all have different sexual desires, and they may not be satisfied within the confines of warm and cuddly coupledom. I love my partner, but it was not sexual desire that brought or kept us together, and we both still have sexual desires. For years we both were sexually active outside the relationship, but that put strains on the relationship because our sex partners often wanted us to break up and form new nuclear couples, which was not our interest. Using escorts allows us to satisfy our sexual needs (which arise in our unconscious, over which none of has control)in a way that does not threaten our primary bond.

 

I think Will is a good example of someone who has a sane viewpoint without being cold or cynical.He also brings up a realistic problem which people like you conveniently ignore: there are not lots of eligible potential partners just waiting out there for us to break down our emotional barriers against intimacy. My mother is also an old lady who would probably have married again if there had been an available old man, but they are few and far between. AIDS has eliminated many of the potential partners in my generation (50s), and many gay men live in areas, like Will's, that are not swarming with gay strangers on the make; it's fine if one lives in a mecca like New York or San Francisco, but not in a small town or city in Tennessee or North Dakota. And please don't tell people to just move to where the action is: it's not that easy for anyone with strong roots or no marketable skills; besides, it is not good to suck all the gay men and women out of the country and into a few ghettoes, if we want to keep our countrymen aware that we are normal human beings.

[Boston Guy]

Good morning, Charlie -

 

You make some very good points (and, yes, I'm something of a romantic :-)).

 

I think you and N both reflect an interesting point-of-view, that of guys in committed relationships who hire escorts for sex and fun. Your and his reasons for doing so seem to make a great deal of sense and, if it works for you, that's terrifc -- it's almost a best-of-both-worlds situation. Your points about geographical difficulties, echoing Will's problem, are very well-taken. And, while I'm in my 40's, not my 50's, I well know the gaps in our community that have been left by AIDS.

 

But neither you nor N reflect the person I had in mind when I started this thread. I have a good friend here in Boston who has decided he's too old to meet someone (he's not) and isn't attractive any more (he is, in an average guy kind of way). So, in the midst of a large city with lots and lots of single guys, he hires escorts for sex. And it makes him happy for a little while and he gets excited about the prospect of hiring a new guy. (I know this, because we have talked any number of times about it.)

 

But when the latest escort leaves he becomes depressed -- a sort of "is that all there is" depression settles in once again.

 

Since he has discovered escorts, he no longer even attemps to meet a new boyfriend, even though that is the very thing he really wants, and on weekend nights he is online trying to decide what guy he will hire that night instead of going out and meeting people like he used to do. So, yes, he's satisfying his sexual needs but, in so doing, taking steps that help him rationalize away doing the very things that are likely to help him find the relationship he really wants.

 

I don't know if this makes sense at all. But, having spoken with him about this, I suddenly began to see signs of the same thing in other posters here and in the person I described in the initial post of this thread who corresponded with me. In some cases, especially the ones like Will who are dealing with small towns and difficult geography, it's very hard. But in other cases, it seems like guys who are living in big cities are turning to escorts and, in so doing, possibly taking steps that will help to prevent from attaining what they really want.

 

Again, I really am not judging any one. We all find our own way. Instead, I'm trying to put this issue out here because I think maybe a lot of guys are doing this and perhaps in this discussion someone might suggest some steps that might help at least one or two to move to what might be a happier place. That's all.

[Guest longtimelurker]

The quality of the responses to this topic is surprisingly high. I feel I can add little to the discussion. I will only mention that it can be as difficult--no, impossible-- to meet a potential lover in a "mecca" like New York as it must be in a small town outside of Cleveland. Take it from a native and life-long resident.

 

The effects of nature, nuture, temperament, and environment are so intertwined throughout our lives, but at a certain point we begin to create, and then maintain our own environments and realities; wherever we live geographically, we really live in our own heads, and the desert can be of our own making.

 

I was born in 1954, and I sensed early in my life that I was homosexual. So, too, unfortunately, in a fearfully conformist and hostile period, did others. I was very badly treated by peers throughout my childhood and formed an extremely damaged self image as a result.

 

Luckily, I was academically, and later, professionally successful. As a late adolescent and as an adult I had friends and a full social life. I also had very strong sexual feelings which I was completely unable to express. My very first sexual experience with another person, of any kind, was with a paid escort, and did not occur until my mid-thirties. I have NEVER since had ANY sexual experience with another person that was NOT a commercial transaction.

 

I have NEVER had sex I have not paid for.

 

Again, as damaged as my sexual history is, I have been lucky: I live in New York, where there is access and availability; I have the means to pay for it; my sexual tastes, rather than turning towards the self hating and self destructive as they might have done, are safely vanilla (I have had enough REAL rejection to know I prefer affection!), and extraordinarily, I have been lucky enough to have found a kind, decent man I have seen regularly for the last few years. He is essentially straight, and the sex is low-key: he has his limits. I wish we could do more, but I don't press it--I'm grateful for what he is able to share.

 

It isn't

[Guest longtimelurker]

sorry for the double post--I don't seem to be able to edit the first: simply to finish, I will say--It isn't perfect, but as you say above, we each make our own way.

[Boston Guy]

LAST EDITED ON Apr-15-00 AT 11:17AM (CST)[p]Dear LTL -

 

I've been pondering Will's post and was trying to frame a response when I saw your post.

 

You said you thought you could add little to the discussion and then you go ahead and make a wonderful contribution. :-)

 

Your observation that "wherever we live geographically, we really live in our own heads, and the desert can be of our own making" has really struck straight to the heart of one side of this issue and it has sent me back to the drawing board for a response to Will.

 

Thank you for such a thoughtful and personal response.

 

BG

[Guest Hardeyes]

Escort sex is as misunderstood as solo sex. Some view masturbation as a sorry substitute for "the real thing"; others find it an entirely different experience in its own right. It can provide pleasures that partnered sex cannot, just as partnered sex can provide its own unique peaks.

 

Just so with escorts. Not everyone hiring an escort is pining away for Prince Charming or seeking a pass from the magic wand. Why do some people think it pathetic for a man to pay another man for sexual favors? Eating in a restaurant doesn’t necessarily mean that you don’t have a kitchen, only that you feel like paying someone to prepare your meal.

 

At 51, I am just getting started in this business of hiring escorts, although I have a lot of experience, almost entirely positive, with dancers in strip clubs. Why do I hire escorts? Let me count the reasons.

 

First: Like Charlie, I am in a long-term relationship that is emotionally (but no longer sexually) fulfilling. And my flabby body does not make me attractive to the sort of guys that appeal to me. The exchange of money helps to level the playing field (the mattress?) so that I don't feel that I am cheating the other guy. We each have something to offer.

 

Second: As a veteran of The Glorious 70s, I really enjoy sex with strangers, sex without chat, sex without strings. As a dear friend likes to say, "Sex with someone you love is great, but it can’t compare to sex with a stranger—or a whole roomful!" (Lest some dreamy-eyed Harlequin Romancer take offense, that was meant as a quip, and the operative word is "sex," not "lovemaking," and yes, it is just one man's opinion, shared wholeheartedly by me.) I'm not interested in tea-room sex, hurried and furtive. I want the kind of sex with strangers that is intense, even emotional, not trivialized by small talk. Alas, the reality of AIDS and the gaining of wisdom make the orgy room unwise (not to mention largely unavailable). And as Ken points out, an interesting personality is not the means to attract a stranger for carnal knowledge. So I am not looking for an escort to tell me I am gorgeous or have a hot body or really turn him on--because those professions are untrue. The escort-client relationship allows honest intercourse in all senses of the word.

 

Third: I love to watch men having sex, and most people don’t welcome the voyeur into their bedrooms. Peeping through windows is illegal and dishonorable. So, I hire a couple (or three or five) willing and eager escorts to put on a show where I may freely watch without encroaching on their privacy (although I may freely encroach on their privates).

 

Fourth: I enjoy playing with another man’s body (solo sex *does* have its shortcomings!) Like most men, I especially enjoy fondling a hard body, but since I do not inhabit such a temple, I am uncomfortable (and unwelcome) nibbling a stud’s nipples and polishing his six-pack without a quid-pro-quo.

 

Others have their reasons for hiring escorts; I have mine. I am not geographically isolated (in fact, I live in a big, gay city). I don’t think of myself as an ugly troll. I am not married, bisexual or closeted. I am not too busy—or too good—to cruise the clubs. Social life, I have. Friends, thank god, I have. Home and hearth, I have. Hot sex, I need and want and am willing to pay for.

[HooBoy]

Boston Guy wrote:

>I have a

>good friend here in Boston

>who has decided he's too

>old to meet someone (he's

>not) and isn't attractive any

>more (he is, in an

>average guy kind of way).

> So, in the midst

>of a large city with

>lots and lots of single

>guys, he hires escorts for

>sex. And it makes

>him happy for a little

>while and he gets excited

>about the prospect of hiring

>a new guy.

>But when the latest escort leaves

>he becomes depressed -- a

>sort of "is that all

>there is" depression settles in

>once again.

>

>...he no longer even attemps to

>meet a new boyfriend, even

>though that is the very

>thing he really wants, and

>on weekend nights he is

>online trying to decide what

>guy he will hire that

>night instead of going out

>and meeting people like he

>used to do. So,

>yes, he's satisfying his sexual

>needs but, in so doing,

>taking steps that help him

>rationalize away doing the very

>things that are likely to

>help him find the relationship

>he really wants.

>

>I don't know if this makes

>sense at all

 

For a moment, I thought you were talking about me, then I realize I'm not in Boston! Also, I do rarely have time to hire anyone anymore because I spend all my free time working on this site - reading about the great evenings others have had. :-)

 

Seems like its been a long-long time since I actually submitted a review.

 

I used to fly to Bangkok every 3 - 6 months and sex is all I would do, very much like a family packs their kids and does a week at Disneyworld, I'd do my week on Pat Pong Road.

 

I still travel a lot and in a strange city with no friends, it's much easier to comb through the reviews and find someone to talk to for an evening.

 

Yet there is an emptiness that overwhelms me after most encounters.

 

HooBoy

[Guest paulnyc]

Hooboy wrote, "Yet there is an emptiness after most encounters that overwhelms me." I appreciate you saying that, Hooboy, because invariably I feel the same way after meeting with escorts..especially if the escort has been special...Sometimes, this feeling is so intense that I have a difficult time returning to my daily routines without constantly thinking about the escort and trying to imagine that it was more a meaningful relationship than intellectually I know it was not.

[Guest Ernie]

Maybe a column on how to hire escorts in a healthy way? A prostitute is not a substitute for love or self esteem. That said, it sure can be fun when you want a taste of something new or just feel like getting it on. Me? 45, can still attract attention when needed, house, dog and LTR (11 years) Why do I hire escorts? Because sex with my boyfriend is not real exciting and I don't want to have an emotional affair. Gosh, does this sound preachy? I hope not. Interesting discussion guys, thanks for starting it Boston Guy.

[Paul Revere]

Boston Guy;

 

Great question, and one that we should be asking ourselves all of the time. I will list some of my reasons, in no particular order:

 

1. Its fun

 

2. It feels good

 

3. I can (afford it)

 

4. It helps fulfill many fantasies

 

5. Many of these escorts are great companions and interesting guys and good fun.

 

6. I like being with guys who do not have the same self-image and/or sexual hang-ups that I have. (Did I say 'hang-ups'? I'm dating myself!)

 

7. I am making up for a repressed youth in a previous decade.

 

8. I get to be in control

 

9. It is great to be held by a strong beautiful man, even if it is only for a brief period of time.

 

10. Its better than many of the options. Cruise spots are too much work, unreliable, and I consider more unsafe on many levels. (That would be a good topic for a thread, safety of escorts vs. cruising vs. bar pick-ups etc.)

 

11. I don't have the time or energy or patience for the bar scene anymore. I also think that a professional escort is safer in many ways than a bar trick.

 

12. No emotional involvement.

 

13. I can have the best.

 

14. I like and enjoy the affection (OK, its my fantasy).

 

15. Going without sex and affection makes me a very unpleasant person.

 

16. Its an excuse to go to Montreal or New York!

 

 

I did not say that all of these are good reasons, they are just reasons. I beleive that we all "pay for it" one way or the other. Hiring an escort is just on way of "paying for it". I would rather have great evenings with escorts than to be in a bad relationship.

 

The "no emotional involvement" reason of course cuts both ways. I was dismayed to hear Hooboy talk about feeling bad afterwards. I never do. I ususally feel relaxed and refreshed, and I'm smiling. The escort thing becomes a problem if it precludes you from having other healthy relationships. When I started out a few years ago, I only did it about once every six or eight weeks. In recent months I have had a series of multiple escort weekends. I beleive that I have to cut down, so that I don't completely block out the possibility of a real relationship with a real person. I share some of Boston Guy's romanticism there. I was really happy to see postings on this thread of mature men in commited relationships who use escorts to enhance their lives. That's cool.

 

So I will probably continue to engage my dancing boy friends, but I have to make sure that I continue to work on the possibility of finding a BF.