More than an escort ?

[rw164]

This topic has been discussed before but all I could find is old posts.

 

I was looking to hire an escort and I called a few. After speaking to one we just hit it off. We spoke for about 2 hours about everything. When he came over it just seemed like the chemistry was there. I have met people at parties and bars and sometimes you just click with someone. Whenever we get together we talk for hours about life, likes, family etc… and we talk on the phone almost everyday. In bed it seems like more than just casual sex. The times we have gotten together I have given him a present when he leaves. We have talked about if we had met under different circumstances but not in depth. I am very open-minded but never thought hiring an escort would turn into this. I have hired a few other escorts and they were great but it was just a good time for a few hours. I could be way off base but I am not sure how to proceed,

 

Is it possible to have more than a client/escort relationship? Should I bring up the topic?

 

Looking for advice not judgments :-)

[escortaaron_m]

v ery tricky dude.....i do genuinely like some of the gyus i have been with but....i am professional in all i do...it's quite hard to for me personally to see myself g\being romantically invopved with a client.......we can be friends....

 

but like i said, i am very profesional i n all i do......it;'s hard for me to switch off and not be so professionalll.....it would take a huge paradigm shift for me to be ionvolve romantically with a client...he'll have to stop engaging me as an escort and really chase me like how ordinary guys chase me.

 

just my 2 cents

[+ Charlie]

It is possible that if you two had first met in a normal social situation, you would have become friends or fuck buddies, but the fact that you really did meet as escort/client changes the whole dynamic. And if you continue to hire him, it reinforces that relationship. If you want a different kind of relationship, you need to proceed very cautiously. You might suggest some completely non-sexual activity, such as a hike or a museum exhibit that interests both of you (NOT dinner and a movie, or anything for which you pick up the tab), and see if he is as interested, and as interesting, as he seems in a sexually-charged meeting. But don't get your hopes too high.

[Lookin]

Sounds like good advice so far.

 

The only other thing I'd suggest is to keep your expectations under control.

 

If you're not expecting much, then one option is to let things go the way they're going. You'll both continue to learn about each other, and see if there's a basis for a deeper relationship.

 

But if you find that you're starting to plan the wedding, it's probably best to get that out in the open sooner rather than later. You could get hurt if you're ready to go further, and he's not.

 

Best wishes.

[rw164]

So far these are some good ideas.

 

I have no expectations, I am aware of the problems and conflicts this can cause. We have gone bike riding and to the beach 2 separate times and both times we went out own way, but the couple of bottles of water or soda I bought. Would these be the outings you guys were speaking of?

[BradBoyd]

First, congratulations on finding such a great escort! It sounds like he's made sure you have some very special times...and that's what the best escorts strive to do.

 

On the issue of forming a "romantic relationship," I believe you may have developed some emotions for a guy that doesn't exist. See, when you hire a boy, it is our job to focus on you and make sure we're doing everything we can to make you happy. In a romatic relationship, it's a give and take of making each other happy.

 

If you would like to see if you and he would be compatable outside of your client/escort relationship, my advice will differ from the other replies. My philosphy is to always be up front and honest about what you're thinking. My fear is if you progressively try to test the waters outside the client/escort relationship, he'll quickly notice and may feel like you're trying to manipulate him. (Unfortunatly, clients will at times try to take advantage of escorts, so we're pretty quick to see those red flags.)

 

So, I'd hire him for an overnight sometime, take him to dinner at the beginning of the appointment, and say something like:

 

"I want to ask you something and want your honest answer...I won't be hurt either way...I promise. We've spent a lot of great times together, and I have to admit that I have really fallen for you. I realize our relationship is a business relationship right now and am very happy with it the way it is. However, do you ever see it moving into something of a more romantic nature?"

 

No matter how he responds (either affermative or negative), I would really encourage you to tell him that you respect his business and the boundaries you currently have, so if nothing changes it's fine. Your primary goal in this interaction should be to avoid making him feel like he's letting you down if it won't become more romantic.

 

Anyway, best of luck to you!

 

____________________________________

~Brad Boyd

 

Web Site: http://www.men4rentnow.com/ds/search.asp?cmd=view&id=137559

Reviews: http://www.male4malescorts.com/reviews/brad_desmoines.html

 

E-Mail: JockBoy9@hotmail.com

[noviceny]

Damn...that's a tough question. I have no idea what to do, so I will say nothing (another first for the board !!!) but best of luck and the advice given so far seems pretty good

[latinolover]

My God you´ve opened a Pandora´s box here: My advice, as a client, from bitter experience (twice in totally different circumstances) is to assume that you are being manipulated. I live in England, I had a ´relationship´with a Colombian guy I met in a brothel in Madrid for 4 long years. I´ve posted on here about it before, but not for some time. From the first meeting, he told me I was very special, the sex was sensational, I never met someone so compatible with me, I´m sure he was enjoying it too, I flew down to Spain once a month to see him, was lied to and taken for a fool, but eventually I thought I gained his trust, met his mother and his brother and family, spent many times as a dinner guest with them all at his apartment, always being persuaded that they were struggling as immigrants to Europe, helping them with thousands of euros, eventually taking my guy on nice holidays here and there, but I could never give him enough, his greed and arrogance finally overwhelmed me, once when I arrived with a gift I got in the airport of an expensive DKNY watch, he said ´well, that´s very nice, but I really wanted a Cartier´. Two months later, as a final gesture, I bought him a Mazda MX5 sports car in Germany, and drove it (with the help of his brother, and I´m not making this up) 2000 km to Madrid, only to be told when we arrived "Well it´s very nice, but I really wanted an Audi TT". I saw him one more time after that, took him for a weekend holiday to Majorca, paid for everything, plus another 1500 euros for a scooter he wanted (I think he´d discovered since he got the Mazda that a car is not much use in gridlocked Madrid) and at the end me demanded another 500 euros because he said he´d decided to have the wheels of the car re-chromed. So, finally, adios cabron.

Meanwhile, I met another guy, Brazilian, in the Thermas sauna in Barcelona. The first few times we were escort and client, but very soon we seemed to become good friends, and, interestingly, the sex turned out to be rather unimportant, it was never that brilliant anyway. He´d come to visit me in my holiday house in France, loved cooking meals in my kitchen, got to know all my friends, I helped him financially from time to time but he was never demanding, it seemed a very easy and natural friendship, we´d be in almost daily contact by email and telephone, he´d call me when he was down or in a crisis, we´d give each other mutual support, he told me I´d become the most important person in his life, was always very affectionate and seemed totally sincere and genuine.

Then, one month ago, it emerged little by little from him that he´d met some new guy in Barcelona, who, in the course of a week, it emerged had become a boyfriend and Godlike figure. According to him, this guy told him he had to cut all his ties with former clients, and, shock of my life, that included me. So, it was adios again, I flew down to Barcelona specially to see him because I just couldn´t believe what he was telling me, I was actually very happy for him that he´d found some guy that could be there with him and care for him all the time, and I´d kind of assumed that I´d be able to meet them both, go out to dinner in a restaurant, wish them well and continue with the guy as a normal friend. But he´s basically told me to fuck off, won´t answer emails or phone calls from me, but finally agreed to meet me, then after seven minutes of brief talk in the street, the new bf called him and told him he´d had long enough with me. And that was it. Finish. Acabo. Get lost.

So all I´m saying is be careful.

[rw164]

DAMN... Poor guy .... I will take you advice and take it slow, I thank you for your candidness and wish you better luck in the future. I think right my situation is more under control than yours. Time will tell and I am playing it with caution.

 

I hope you are able to work out your stuff and should take your own advice and be very careful the next time.

[guptasa1]

I, too (from a client perspective) recommend caution.

 

To be completely truthful, I have been with an escort that I did sorta fall for. Very sweet, genuine person (or so it seems to me, but I really think that's the truth), and he's someone I respect, trust, and really care about. Had some of the best times in my life with him. He probably doesn't know this outright (though I'm sure he could sense I like him), and I always tried to make sure not to say too much for both our benefit because I know, as much as I wish it could, it wouldn't work out as something more, and all telling him these things would have done would put him in an awkward situation and dash my hopes (and any chance of future contact possibly).

 

Now, in my situation, I was quite sure there was no way it could work out as something more, so I decided to just enjoy it for what it was. Yours sounds like there is more of a possibility. So while I can't say don't go for it, I would say...and this is a good investing tip too, but it works here...don't invest more than you can afford to lose. lol. IE, if you do try to approach him, you can't predict how he'll react for sure, and you need to realize it may undo the professional relationship you have now and you won't be able to see him again. I sincerely wish you the best and hope this doesn't happen, but I think it's something you need to consider as possible.

 

The other thing you need to realize if it does remain a professional relationship is that he will eventually retire, and you'll have to accept...possibly quite suddenly...not being able to see him again. That can be quite difficult as well, again from personal experience.

 

Emotions are part of people and with something like this, it's difficult not to get emotionally involved at least on some level, but to avoid as much pain as possible, try to keep it real and make sure you're not succumbing to wishful thinking instead of reality.

 

In any rate, I truly wish you the best of luck in whatever you decide. I do think the one suggestion from an escort of sitting him down, telling him exactly how you feel, and leaving the ball in his court while taking as much pressure off him as you can by letting him know you won't be hurt if the relationship stays as is is a very good suggestion. Though I can also tell you I probably couldn't do that myself. lol

[JT Brooklyn]

Unfortunately The only time I ever heard of a "Working Guy" and Client going the Relationship ROUTE, was when the "Working Guy" discovered feelings beyond HIS usual Hookups!

He "Retired", they shared in all EXSPENCES etc! Did they live happily ever after? For about 7 months!

So I Strongly suggest you don't read more into your situation than what is really obtainable! :+

[Guest rampo]

I know of one relationship where the two met as client and escort, but it developed at a time when the escort was already scaling back on that career and focusing on his "real" job. They maintain separate residences and are financially independent of each other but for the past 3 years have seemed to be quite happy with each other. I would definitely say that this was the very rare exception and not the norm.

[twinkboylover28]

I would keep things just the way they are. Don't fix what's not broken.

 

Gay relationships, other than "open relationships," don't last very long as it is.

[rw164]

Ok guys new wrinkle in this.

 

I saw my friend last night, he just left this morning, when I gave him his envelop he refused to take it and said he does not take money from his friends. Any comments?? I am not sure how to interpret it...

 

Another thing I saw this website where escorts are advertising and they are also saying that they are looking for LTR what is that?? Here is the link http://www.localmaleescorts.com/search.asp

[JT Brooklyn]

LTR..Long Term "Rate" As Working Guy and Client! :+

[rw164]

Ok you maybe right but ir said Long Term Relationship, I abbreviated

[rw164]

I guess the question I should have asked is why are escorts looking for Long Term Relationships ? Maybe My meaning is different than yours but to me an LTR means involvment of friends or more and does not necessarily mean money compensations.......

[guptasa1]

If he refused to take the envelope (assuming I understand right and you had an intimate session?), then I'd say (and I don't want to be premature on this, but realistic) that he does want something more with you than just a professional relationship. Especially given the comment that he doesn't take money from his friends. But I do suggest you continue to be careful and analyze the situation to make sure you're, again, not seeing things you want to see (because it's easy I know - lol).

[esn311]

RW

 

Like some of the guys told you, be careful. You really need to get to know someone.

 

I wonder if it is true what JT said about 7 months, it seems to me of you are gay or straight unless you find your soulmate 7 months is a long time.

[+ Tom Isern]

This is a very interesting question because it provokes other questions, including this big one: How do escorts understand their "relationship" to their clients? There seem to be as many answers to that question as there are escorts.

 

With few exceptions, I believe escorts are motivated by money--whether or not they enjoy the job generally or have feelings for their client(s). Most escorts would probably agree that our energies and attention should be focused on making our clients happy and ensuring that they have a fantastic time while they are with us. Everyone could agree with that because it's vague. But here are tougher questions: Do we tell the client what we think he wants to hear? Do we "pretend" to be romantic? Do we manufacture feelings in exchange for money? Do our very souls become a commodity for exchange for an hour or two or more? If any of this is true, and I know it is true for many escorts (no judgment here--many clients want and pay for precisely this kind of relationship), how can a client know the ground from which to propose a different kind of relationship? It seems to be nearly impossible.

 

The ethics of escorting...now that would be an interesting book. My own approach is to be honest--as much as that's possible. I try not to say things that are misleading or imply more than we both know is at stake. I try to be myself and develop a relationship with my clients that flows naturally out of who we are as individuals (sorry if that sounds corny). I have feelings for some of my clients that are stronger than I would guess they suspect, and these are held in check for various reasons--including money, to be frank. If I "convert" the relationship with people I like or enjoy, my bills don't get paid. The calculus is, at least for me, that simple.

 

But if you are seriously interested in an escort and would like to develop a romantic relationship, I'd begin with a frank discussion about your desire and his situation—he may be dependent on the money. Common sense says that the best way to ascertain his feelings is to ask him to "date" you in a context where money is not exchanged—but that may not be possible for him. There is even danger in asking the question: If your escort/client relationship is built of romantic illusion, his "no" may destroy that for good.

[JT Brooklyn]

IMHO.As has been said many times before, "Pretty Woman" was just a Pretty Movie! Not a real life ending 99.9% of the time....

Unfortunately, Dreams can turn into Nightmares..:+

[Guest msclonly]

I don't understand the advice!

 

It seems strange to try to build a long term relationship by holding back, being carefull, bbeing cautious, not fully engaged, and being free to express oneself.

Doesn't sound like a way to enjoy life.

 

WHy not just be yourself and LIVE IN THE MOMENT, and enjoy the relationship as it is handed to you for WHATEVER time it might be.

 

How can you build a lasting relationship by holding back with someone, who obviously isn't interested in a long term realtionship. He is not the one responsible for your long term goals. You are the one trying to bend the situation to fit your fantasy.

 

My experience is to enjoy the relationship to the maximum possible and be realistic enough, that infatuations or honeymoons live in the real world about six months on the average from what I have observed with many. Even legal marriages don't last much more then that, and the divorce rate proves it. Men are more fickle, then women in this regard.

 

 

:+

[Guest msclonly]

Realistic replies above.

 

The three replies above are the most realistic of all.

Enjoy the relationship for as long as it lasts, and don't try to expect to change the guy to suit your needs and wishes.

 

Got a chuckle out of the 7 month relationship. It lasted longer then the average 6 months. So there was a one month bonus added for good behavior. :+

[Guest msclonly]

LTR?

 

And I thought it meant Leather! LOL!

 

:7

[augustman]

As they say "the tangled web we weave." It is very easy to say live for the moment and enjoy the pleasure given and received. I find that very hard to do. As much as I agree men are more fickle than women, by the same notion I believe there is a part of us all that seeks the connection, unfortunately the carnal nature of men is to enjoy the hunt and see if the moment lives up to it. Saddly most of the time it meets once or twice and then fades quickly.

 

Remember a part of the escorts' job is to give you your fantasy, it is part salemen. For some of us part of the fantasy is to be pursued to a point. To have someone truely interested in us. But there is a greed factor with some. I have had an escort who I have seen several times try to give me a snow job. The first time no problem but I never offered the money to help him out I just listened. When he tried a similar story that would lead to my sending him money I only listened and have never accepted or returned a call to him again. Too bad he is a hot man and great sex and energy but I knew a snow job when I saw it.

 

The key here is you have found a level of intimacy with this man that you were missing in your life. I would say he has given you a window of opportunity by not taking your money and and labeling the relationship as friends. It was stated early why hide behind doors live for the moment for happiness. The thing we fear most is rejection, for whatever reason. If you are prepared to get the answer "I just want to be friends or no more payday, I am not sure about that" then go for it. If he says no it is important for you to set up a boundary if you want to remain friends. You will go through heartache. I have been there and the escort did not do anything to encourage it, fortunately I could see what was happening and backed away. It happened twice. I gave a very nice note expressed my feelings and then allowed at least two weeks to get my emotions in control before I started communicating with them again, fortunately they were overnights from a different place.

 

If he says yes let us know how it goes and maybe we can help you keep perspective also. I have found a fellow client on line and it has helped to stay in contact and review our situations. Sometimes you need someone fromm the outside, but sympathetic to your situation just to keep feelings clear and offer a perspective you may not have thought about.

 

But the first question I do have if he says yes, are you going to ask him to give up escorting? If so does he have an alternative life or are you going to support him?