Knowing the cause of death for someone you barely knew?

[EastCoastBtm]

I went to my local coffee shop today and noticed a sign on the door saying they would be closing early.  I immediately assumed, like many businesses in the area, they were short staffed once again and didn't have enough staff to cover the hours.

When I went into the shop, there was a table filled with flowers and a sign talking about the store closing for a memorial for one of the workers.  When I got home, I started googling the name of the coffee shop and discovered the obituary.  I was in shock and sad - It was a guy from the store I used to flirt with and he kindly reciprocated.  He was 20 years younger than me and I felt flattered.  I knew he was gay from t-shirts he wore and occasionally ease dropping on his conversations. 

I find myself now wondering how he died.  The obituary states in lieu of flowers, please donate to a suicide prevention charity.    I don't want to read into that, but I find myself wanting to know if he committed suicide.  Why do I want to know?  I just assumed I was too old and too fat for this guy to like me, but maybe he did.  I have visited that coffee shop for over a year.  I wish I would have asked him out.... I have struggled, overcome, and still struggle with depression, but I know how to cope.  I just wish I could have helped him if he was in that dark place.

Sorry.... just processing on the forum.  

[jeezifonly]

Even in anonymity we can be touched buy others’ humanity. I understand the curiosity, and you may have to accept it will not be satisfied. 

Keep the nice memories of your conversations, and think of him when generously tipping some other server somewhere. 

[Guest]

Yes, the obituary was a not-so-subtle way of telling people he committed suicide. These deaths always bring up a lot of "what if's". As a general matter, if I feel someone may be flirting with me (and I'm available, which I'm not), I might discreetly hand him a note saying "Let me know if you'd like to go for a coffee some day. Unicorn (123) 555-1212." As my father used to say "The worst that could happen is he'll say no." Nothing wrong with doing that, as long as you're not being aggressive. Even if you misinterpreted, and he's not interested, the worst outcome is he's flattered and you at least know for sure. 

The trick is not to take any perceived rejection personally. For me, never knowing carries a worse feeling than any rejection.