Escorts vs. Other Avenues ("dating")

[Rick M]

"Dating" in double quotes because in order to date, one must find an individual willing to commit to a trial date, and there's the sticking point. Plus, my definition of dating includes testing the waters for a platonic friend, not always a sex partner.

 

I think my latency time between serious relationships must average 8 years or so. In those interims I am hard at work tilling the fields of social reciprocity, but those are barren grounds. Before dating apps, there were the likes of IRC, snail-mail newsletters, and online mailing lists. Things were bad then, and are as bad or worse today.

 

Bars are useless. Everyone has his ironclad circle, and new applications are not being accepted. I don't have the endurance to stay up till the wee hours in a dingy hole on the off chance I might end up with the one eligible bachelor, who also happens to be the inebriate that passes out in my arms.

 

Okcupid: When I first signed up several years ago, there was a glimmer of hope. People were more likely to respond, and I had a handful of initial encounters, leading nowhere. Nowadays, nothing.

 

Grindr: The chaos overwhelmed me, and I deleted the app 2 minutes after installing.

 

Scruff: Somewhat better, but no one seems sincere in actually meeting another person. Had one (sex-only) encounter that resulted in a repeat; when I inquired about a third go-round, I was given the most absurd excuse... But never mind. I have agreed to a couple of other howdy-dos on Scruff, but have been stood-up.

 

Meetup dot com: Ugh. Too often this option results in an awkward group situation where one lonely heart will attach himself to yours truly and will drone on for half an hour about his life history without pause, and, coincidentally, will not listen to a single reply. Or, the throng becomes so consumed with whatever activity provides the excuse for gathering, they cannot give a particle of attention to anyone else.

 

Doublelist: Populated with spouses cheating (or pretending to cheat) on spouses. Not a fertile territory.

 

The other outlets -- adam4adam, recon, etc. -- are equally dismal.

 

So, given all that (and I don't think I'm exaggerating, am I?), engaging a contractor doesn't seem all that outrageous. Sure, hiring has its pitfalls, but the odds of deriving some pleasure out of a meeting are gobsmackingly greater than Plan D, and the joy of simple, direct interaction with another human is its own reward.

[MscleLovr]

I can’t dispute what you state @Rick M

 

I can only state the obvious, that if you are interested in a “serious relationship” you have to keep dating. Escorts provide a useful service and may be delightful companions for a time, but...

 

I’d add that you mustn’t lose heart. I certainly kissed a lot of frogs on old-fashioned dates before I met my ‘prince’ 6 years ago and I’m in my 60s.

[sbguy]

I personally don’t feel hiring a contractor is outrageous at all. Only that it can potentially get outrageously expensive. Especially if you find a contractor that you simply cannot get enough of. ? But if you have the resources, why not use them to get yourself what you need. ?

[Gymowner]

If you want to date someone then be a guy that someone wants to date.

 

Think about it

[sexymonk]

If you want to date someone then be a guy that someone wants to date.

 

Think about it

That means first get hot body and presentable looks? Dating is about the first physical barrier thingy in gay world!!! Am I right?

[Rick M]

If you want to date someone then be a guy that someone wants to date.

 

Think about it

You're right. My social skills are not the sharpest. I have tremendous trouble breaking the initial ice. But once engaged, I'm as affable and eager as a Labrador retriever.

[+ JEC]

When you contract, you are contracting for the act, which may include a (fleeting) connection. You are paying for a fantasy. It's not real. Dating is much more complex, and potentially more fulfilling (if it leads to something permanent). Don't confuse the two!

 

Oh, and most of those apps....are hookup apps, not dating apps. If you want to date......find a hobby, volunteer for a gay cause, join a gay bowling, softball, cycling, swing dance, book club.........<insert activity>. I might be old fashioned about this, but I still think real connections happen in person, and the pressure is taken off when you are not in forced situations, like speed dating "it's just lunch" pick-up bars or trying to wade through an app where 90% of ppl are looking for a fuck, not a BF.

 

As for the hot body, it doesn't hurt but....also not what everyone is looking for. There's someone for everyone in this big world. Be true to yourself. But, there is nothing more attractive than confidence. So if taking care of yourself gives you confidence, go for it.

[Rick M]

When you contract, you are contracting for the act, which may include a (fleeting) connection. You are paying for a fantasy. It's not real. Dating is much more complex, and potentially more fulfilling (if it leads to something permanent). Don't confuse the two!

 

Oh, and most of those apps....are hookup apps, not dating apps. If you want to date......find a hobby, volunteer for a gay cause, join a gay bowling, softball, cycling, swing dance, book club.........<insert activity>. I might be old fashioned about this, but I still think real connections happen in person, and the pressure is taken off when you are not in forced situations, like speed dating "it's just lunch" pick-up bars or trying to wade through an app where 90% of ppl are looking for a fuck, not a BF.

 

As for the hot body, it doesn't hurt but....also not what everyone is looking for. There's someone for everyone in this big world. Be true to yourself. But, there is nothing more attractive than confidence. So if taking care of yourself gives you confidence, go for it.

Did the volunteer/hobby route for many years. After a certain point, it resulted in nothing lasting. I still make the effort to attend "light social context" events as you describe (see my meetup comment above), but I never seem to get enough traction with the people there to foster anything but a casual nod the next time I turn up. End of whine.

Edited October 13, 2019 by Rick M