Attraction And Relationships

[+ Gar1eth]

I am almost 58-7/12 of a year old and never really had a romantic relationship**

 

For those of you either in relationships now or in the past, or those with a dating history consisting of continuity with a guy and not just one night stands, and before you really got to know the guy, was there something physical that first attracted you to him?

 

 

Or in a related question-have any of you ever had a significant relationship with someone-who at least initially you weren't physically attracted to-but were drawn to because of their intellect/personality/something other than their physical features?

 

Thanking all of you in advance.

 

Gman

[Guest europeanman]

My experience: Several multi year relationships, all started and developed in the same pattern: Stage zero, extreme physical attraction. Stage one, madly in love for several months. Stage two, deep connection, love and affection for several years. Repeat with the new guy.

[jjkrkwood]

My partner from my last relationship, which lasted 22 years until his death held no physical attraction to me initially. I was introduced to him, a nice guy, but really not my type. He pursued me, and I gave in for a date, the rest is history.... Getting to know him and the person he was became the attraction for me, and he was a "beautiful" person, treated me with kindness and respect, and we had a sexual compatibility I thought I would never find.... So the moral of the story guys is if the man doesn't make you "drop your panties" when you meet, hang in there... you might be surprised what will develop when you get to know him and get past the "looks" thing?

[TruthBTold]

I think that physical attraction becomes less and less important over time and actually can become a bar to forming a boyfriend relationship if you rely too heavily on it. Two that are not out of bounds are eyes and smiles. People can have really nice eyes and smiles that are very attractive without necessarily being physically attractive in the traditional way. I have always made the mistake of thinking the other guy should be physically attractive for me to date them and so no one makes the grade (to my detriment). I have asked friends why they never tried to "fix me up" and they generally have told me that I was "too picky." It was very hard to hear but I think it was what they meant and it was probably pretty true.

[RealAvalon]

I think that physical attraction becomes less and less important over time and actually can become a bar to forming a boyfriend relationship if you rely too heavily on it. Two that are not out of bounds are eyes and smiles. People can have really nice eyes and smiles that are very attractive without necessarily being physically attractive in the traditional way. I have always made the mistake of thinking the other guy should be physically attractive for me to date them and so no one makes the grade (to my detriment). I have asked friends why they never tried to "fix me up" and they generally have told me that I was "too picky." It was very hard to hear but I think it was what they meant and it was probably pretty true.

Hmm. A number of random thoughts on this. I have deep emotional and intellectual connections with many people that I don't have sex with. And hot sex without (some at least) emotional connection, does not a repeat encounter presage. Years ago I tried to have a relationship with a man who was kind and thoughtful and did not challenge me intellectually at all (constantly agreed or acquiesced). The sex got very boring very quickly. I'd rather be single than not have both with a partner.

[+ Charlie]

Each relationship started with a strong physical attraction, but could only be maintained with an even stronger intellectual and emotional compatibility.