Fin Fang Foom Deconstructs Benjamin's Mea Culpa

[FinFangFoom]

I tried to read the 847,924 (at last count) replies in Doug69's masterly detective work but at response 43,413 the room starting spinning and minutes later I discovered I had passed out and fallen face forward onto the keyboard. However, I think I've gotten the gist of the Mahabharata-like brou-ha-ha-ha-ha.

 

I was amused at how many guys defended Benjie by saying what a charming, sweet, kind, loving, generous, funny, blah blah blah blah guy he was. Who gives a shit? Even Hitler had a girlfriend.

 

The fact that he's nice to you (for $200/hr) has nothing to do with the fact that he is a lying sack of shit. So if it will make you guys feel better, I'll stipulate that Benjie is a charming, sweet, kind, loving, generous, funny lying sack of shit. Can we all agree on that?

 

We can add to his other sterling attributes that he's deeply, deeply, DEEPLY sorry..........

 

........NOW THAT HE'S GOTTEN CAUGHT (and probably being threatened with a lawsuit).

 

With that said, let’s take a little journey through Benjie's mea culpa, shall we?

 

Dear readers,

 

If you’re going to patronize us, could you at least capitalize “readers”?

 

 

An apology has to be one of the toughest sentiments to express in written word.

 

Actually, an apology isn’t a sentiment – it’s an act of contrition that comes from genuine remorse.

 

 

It does not come with vocal inflection, or the ability to look someone in the eye with remorse, or convey the level of emotion that comes with strong feelings of regret.

 

Is it too much to ask that you just cut the fucking shit? We’re only a few sentences into this and you’re already trying to wax eloquent.

 

 

Whether you know it or not, I did something incredibly wrong.

 

Ya think?

 

 

Out of sheer stupidity and laziness, I took portions of other writer's work without proper attribution, using their words here on 15 Minutes and presented them as my own.

 

LIAR.

 

It wasn’t an act of stupidity – it was calculated on your part. The only stupidity involved was that you didn’t think you’d get caught.

 

LIAR.

 

It wasn’t lazy of you. You had to take the time to choose the stuff you liked best and fiddle with it. Those columns didn’t simply fall out of the sky and find themselves on your lying blog.

 

 

There is no excuse for such behavior.

 

We’re all in agreement there – however, he’ll manage to find a few shortly.

 

 

As a professional,

 

(This is like pouring blood in the water while sharks are circling.)

 

Benjamin Benjamin Benjamin (wagging finger back and forth)

 

Yes, you’re a professional but the type of professional you are has nothing to do with journalism. Memo to Benjamin: You’re a prostitute – not Carl Bernstein.

 

 

I am filled with shame and remorse and, personally, I know I will have to live with my mistakes for a long time to come.

 

Especially while you’re being dragged through civil litigation. You’re gonna have to keep your ass lubed and up in the air 24/7 to pay the legal bills you’re going to incur.

 

 

My greatest regret is that I hurt writers I truly admire.

 

LIAR.

 

You’re greatest regret, like all liars, is that you GOT CAUGHT.

 

 

Dave Barry and Andy Borowitz are two of the best humorists out there and my respect and adulation for their work is sincere.

 

Whoopee shit. Who else would you plagiarize? Guys who you thought sucked ass? Get your face out of their asses Benjie – they aint paying you anything.

 

 

I am amazed and envious of their ability to continually come up with fresh and funny ideas.

 

Unlike you.

 

 

That's not an easy task when you're still growing and you set a personal deadline.

 

So much for there not being any “excuses”.

 

 

That was my mistake: I put an incredible amount of pressure on myself to make weekly entries to my blog and it ended up suffering from my inability to meet my goals.

 

PRICELESS! He’s the victim of his own high standards.

 

Memo to Benjamin: Your MISTAKE was consciously choosing to be a lying sack of shit.

 

 

I plan on making some changes and I promise to never make the same mistakes again.

 

Once a liar, always a liar. This wasn’t an isolated incident. I can assure everyone that our little Benjamin (and no, that’s not a sly reference to his less than impressive penis) is a stranger to the truth in all areas of his life. His plagiarism is merely a symptom of a much larger pathology.

 

 

I am human and far from perfect.

 

(cue the violins)

 

 

This was, hopefully, one of the last large mistakes I hope to endure in my adult life.

 

Is there another life you’re going to be leading or do you plan on being a child again? Also, you don’t “endure” mistakes – you COMMIT them and then endure the consequences. Once again, little Benjie is playing the victim card – acting as though this were something beyond his control.

 

 

I take full responsibility for my actions

 

How fucking big of you. Unless someone was holding a gun to your head it’s impossible to lay the blame at anyone else’s feet.

 

 

and only ask that you give me another chance.

 

Fooled once, shame on you…….

 

 

I'm not a monster

 

Poor thing, he can't control himself - he’s quoting The Elephant Man.

 

No one said you were a monster Benjie. What you are, is a liar.

 

 

and I never wanted to be a thief.

 

No, you wanted to grow up and be a…….oops, let’s not go there.

 

 

I have morals and beliefs which support and guide my life.

 

While you were serially lying to your readers.

 

 

My mindset is clear

 

Whatever the fuck that means.

 

 

and I enjoy being grounded, even if my actions in this instance suggested otherwise.

 

It’s not an “instance” Benjamin – it’s instanceS.

 

 

I am sincerely sorry and I ask for your forgiveness.

 

Tell it to the hand.

 

 

Come here Benjie and let Uncle Fin give you a piece of advice.

 

Go away.

 

Take the blog down and go away.

 

Now.

 

Not later.

 

Now.

 

You have fragged yourself and there's no way for you to unring the bell. (I love mixing metaphors.)

 

You can continue to lube your ass up and climb into those rural garage slings you so enjoy and get hammered (for $200/hr) all you want. But your days as a blogger are over. You’ve been exposed as a chronic liar and anything you say in the future, accurate or not, cannot and should not be taken seriously.

 

At the moment, understandably you're in denial about the severity of what you've done. However, it doesn't change the fact that you're credibility is shattered beyond repair and all the apologies in the world can't change that.

 

So with that said, would someone please do us all a favor and stick a fork in Benjamin.

 

He’s done.

 

Definitively yours,

 

FFF

[Guest EuropTravl]

Very well done - the only criteria being it made me laugh, that is.

But I'll bet what makes BN the angriest is claiming he only charges 200 dollars an hour - now that's MEAN.

 

>>Dave Barry and Andy Borowitz are two of the best humorists out there and my respect and adulation for their work is sincere.

 

>>Whoopee shit. Who else would you plagiarize? Guys who you thought sucked ass? Get your face out of their asses Benjie – they aint paying you anything.

 

Uhm, I'd keep your face there, Benjie - they aint looking to be the ones doing the paying, right?

[+ Lucky]

RE: Fin Fang Foom Deconstructs

 

Enough already! Haven't you guys had your pound of flesh? He did something wrong, he apologized, he will carry the damage to his reputation. Why endlessly beat this guy up? It's time to move on.

[Guest EuropTravl]

RE: Fin Fang Foom Deconstructs

 

The "moveon.org" cry for the guy with Ann Coulter as his avatar? Nice try.

[FinFangFoom]

RE: Fin Fang Foom Deconstructs

 

>Enough already! Haven't you guys had your pound of flesh? He

>did something wrong, he apologized, he will carry the damage

>to his reputation. Why endlessly beat this guy up? It's time

>to move on.

 

Patience grasshopper - we'll find a new chew toy soon enough.

 

We're merely picking at the carcass.

 

yummy

 

Deliciously yours,

 

FFF

[Guest john1927]

Well done triple F.

A lesson and wake up call for BN, and, for the rest of us, a meditation on honesty/integrity.

[Greathands]

FFF,

 

I couldn't agree more with your comments.

 

I'm not as thorough as RockHard, and it's late and I'm tired ... so here's a question you all may already know the answer to.

 

Have all the plagiarized sections been removed from his blog?

[FinFangFoom]

>Have all the plagiarized sections been removed from his blog?

 

I haven't a clue. Doug would be the one to ask.

 

I would assume Benjie has taken them all down. If he hasn't, he's dumber than he's already proven himself to be.

 

Presumptively yours,

 

FFF

[Louis]

Lucky I agree with you 100%.

Personally when something is being discussed you have to look a both sides of the coin. When a person goes on trial, both sides have their say, and it just doesn't seem fair that people gang up on a person. When several people start posting things with only one point of view, then it might not be considered a discussion, its basically playing follow the leader, and that is very easy to do. I have done that myself in the past, and try to be very concious about not doing it.

BN has posted his regrets. There are those of us, see the sincerity in that and it appears that others do not.

All I can say, is he was man enough to respond, and I respect that very much.

[RockHard]

RE: Fin Fang Foom farts.

 

Oh well, all I can say is...tacky. You're five days too late.

 

Fin, dear, as talented as you are, you still haven't learned how to tease your audience and leave them wanting more (until you leave the board in a huff). The DAMNIT post was a perfect tornado entrance. Too bad you couldn't leave it there and jab us all with well-planned "special" appearances.

 

This ACT IV deconstruction is SO TIRED and not very funny. The subject has been BEATEN TO DEATH. There's no blood left. Even the haters sound bloated and exhausted. I no longer know if I'm watching a sing-a-long with the Idol 24 or one more episode of Anna Nicole's Funeral. All this tragedy is a blur. Bob Villa's forum is looking pretty good about now. I'm thinking of building myself a new throne. Fin, be careful yours doesn't collapse too quickly. I'd hate to see you run out in a huff, once again.

 

ps Less is more anyone?

[AdamSmith]

RE: Fin Fang Foom farts.

 

>ps Less is more anyone?

 

Rock, really. How 1950s; how Ad Reinhardt; how passe. You know better. MORE IS MORE.

[Guest n2colour]

RE: Fin Fang Foom farts.

 

This horse was dead within a day of arrival (the point was made and hammered home) and continued beating ceased being physically possible a short time after that (before you posted your thread, in fact). Subsequently drawn & quartered, flayed, filleted, fed to the on-lookers, and finally picked over (or rejected as beyond the "sell by" date) by scavengers, all that remains are a few bleached bones, but that won't stop those who want to from sucking on them, hoping toextract the marrow. ;-)

 

Even then, portions of FFF's dissection were worth a read.

[+ Charlie]

I don't know Ben Nicholas and probably never will. I have never been interested in hiring him or socializing with him. I don't particularly care what opinion anyone on this board may hold about him. Therefore, I think I can be fairly objective in reading his apology, and I basically agree with FFF's analysis, stripped of the clever riffs: it sounds like damage control, a self-serving defense rather than an honest acknowledgment of what he did. However, I doubt that Ben cares what I think, or what FFF thinks; what matters to him is whether his friends, and those who would like to be his friends, will accept it as a satisfactory conclusion to this whole brouhaha. I predict that they will, because they want to. Good-looking, charming people--from Mel Gibson to Bill Clinton--will always find enough forgiveness to make their lives relatively comfortable, and all the evidence points to Ben having sufficient attractions, both physical and personal, to continue to be successful in his chosen profession. Those who want him to spend the rest of his life in sackcloth and ashes will be disappointed.

 

So the blog will disappear, some posters will stomp away in disgust, and things will go back to being pretty much what they were around here by next week.

[RockHard]

RE: Acceptance

 

For some, an apology will NEVER be enough, regardless of the chosen words. With Benjamin, we can count on plenty of abject objectivity from the hordes.

 

I've had one or two friends in my life who refused to accept my apology, which couldn't have been more sincere and remorseful. I loved both guys but they didn't have enough love for me in their heart to forgive me. The loss was devastating at the time and an eye opener but I moved on without them. I had to. But the error stays with you forever.

 

"it sounds like damage control"

 

All apologies can be considered "damage control." How can one ever judge someone's sincerity without knowing the heart? We should encourage people to control their damage since we're only human and damage is just a brain fart away for us all. The list of famous people who have publicly apologized is much longer than Charlie has time to type. Public apologies are the hardest because they acknowledge man's weaknesses and no (famous) man wishes to believe he could ever be weak. Sometimes a dose of reality can be a good thing, a good thing for all.

[Lankypeters]

RE: Acceptance

 

At the risk of being hypocritical -- I've tossed a few barbed remarks during this episode -- I'll now suggest it's time to drop this. There's little else to say. It's time to leave the man alone and allow him to move on. That he resorted to plagiarism to begin with suggests deeper problems. To say he'll never deal with them, never change is to give no hope. That's not fair.

 

Think about the difference between skepticism and cynicism. Skepticism connotes a questioning attitude but a mind open to the possibility of evidence and proof. Cynicism connotes a negative, hopeless, bitter attitude. If anything, be skeptical here, with good reason; but not cynical.

 

There is a sincerity, I think, in the apology. And the writing is literate. Perhaps as a writer and in other realms, the man will stand on his own. Give him a chance.

 

I, for one, sign off on this.

[Guest roadhoundnyc]

FFF, you're a pisser and as always, spot on.

 

Why should people drop it already? So this lying trash can

start posting here again and outing preists and suggesting

that escort couples on this site are HIV positive and lying about it?

 

Imagine that, this little trash accusing someone of lying...

 

BTW: did anyone Google his apology and see where he

got it from?

[RockHard]

RE: MORE

 

"MORE IS MORE."

 

Spoken like a true size-queen, I guess.

 

I may be the only poster on this board who could care less about "MORE" ...cock. Jamming x-large things into small body orifices never had much appeal for me and/or provided any pleasure. I'm all about MORE PLEASURE and MORE BRAIN. Oh, yeah, and MO MONEY. :-)

[Guest O solo mio]

I felt the apology was humble and undiluted, it was the smart and sane thing for him to do, the only thing for him to do. But I don't see any reason to think it took courage or guts to apologize after the fact. If he had had a guilty conscience about plagiarizing, and without Doug's discovery he had come forward to admit and apologize, that would have really been something, even his strongest detractors would have praised his strength and honesty. But this apology was just what was expected, like on Court TV when the convicted criminals apologize to the victims or families. Where was the apology before they got caught?

[Guest EuropTravl]

I'd have more respect for BN if he came right on this thread and "deconstructed"

FFF. Why not a pissing contest? Benjamin's fans have already decided we like "bad boys".

And you know BN can't just post one day on another topic and think this will be forgotten - he should just come here and get it over with and tell that bitch what she.....

 

......ok,ok, I'm just bored.

[twinklover]

RE: Fin Fang Foom Deconstructs

 

>>Enough already! Haven't you guys had your pound of flesh?

>He

>>did something wrong, he apologized, he will carry the damage

>>to his reputation. Why endlessly beat this guy up? It's time

>>to move on.

>

>Patience grasshopper - we'll find a new chew toy soon enough.

>

>We're merely picking at the carcass.

>

>yummy

>

>Deliciously yours,

>

>FFF

 

Do some of us delight in his dismemberment? You betcha, we do. Some of us have questioned his character for years. Doug69's expose confirms our long-held beliefs as to his character. What is just as laughable and delightful, however, is seeing his apologists here and elsewhere attempt damage control and try to keep his remains intact.

 

Relax everyone. As Deej predicted in another thread, we still have a few more days to go through the remains. The scavengers and onlookers will fight among themselves after that. There won't be anything left when it's over. Not one scrap. But this will not be forgotten. Everytime the name Benjamin Nicholas is mentioned we will remember this feast and the truth about him and his character.

[+ glutes]

Reverend Ben-Jamin will always have his 'faithful'.

 

Roadhound, you are one step ahead of me.

 

-Disclosing client identities and professions.

-Announcing competitors HIV status

-Serial plagarism in 'his' blog

 

Who would want to hire this guy?

As FFF titled a post "Fin Fing Foom Is Officially Creeped Out By BN's Clients"

[FinFangFoom]

RE: Reverend Ben-Jamin will always have his 'faithful'.

 

>As FFF titled a post "Fin Fing Foom Is Officially Creeped Out By BN's Clients"

 

What's the link for that? All I remember is that it had something to do with Benjie being dragged out to a dungeon in a garage out in the middle of nowhere. It was very Hostel.

 

Curiously yours,

 

FFF

[Guest ncm2169]

RE: Reverend Ben-Jamin will always have his 'faithful'.

 

What? You can't find your own posts?

 

Try this:

 

http://m4m.m4m-forum.org/dcboard.php?az=show_topic&forum=7&topic_id=62532&mesg_id=62532&listing_type=search

[FinFangFoom]

Banish Benjie's Reviews!

 

>What? You can't find your own posts?

>

>Try this:

>

>http://m4m.m4m-forum.org/dcboard.php?az=show_topic&forum=7&topic_id=62532&mesg_id=62532&listing_type=search

 

 

Thanks - I had totally forgotten about that review. All I remembered was something about that garage in rural PA - the "dirty dildo in the mouth" part had mercifully been wiped from my memory.

 

Now that we know Benjie is a big liar, it kinda makes you wonder how many of his reviews he actually wrote himself.

 

We all know he has vigorously denied ever writing a single review but the denial comes from the same guy who lied about helping deliver a baby. I don't think it is a great leap to assume Benjie has written many of his own reviews. I'd put my money on it.

 

In light of his pervasive plaigarism, it would be prudent to remove all of his reviews - regardless if they were first time reviewers or not. There's no way to determine for sure which are legit and which are not so it would be best to err on the side of caution.

 

Suggestively yours,

 

FFF

[+ glutes]

RE: Banish Benjie's Reviews!

 

glutes Thu Mar-08-07 11:50 AM

Member since May 04th 2002

2300 posts

#109240, "RE: FFF - Where are you?"

In response to Reply # 0

 

 

 

 

 

 

Although I have tangled with FFF politically, I too wish he would rise up to this occasion.

He was way ahead of everyone else when he disected the 'fosterchow' review of BN, pointing to us that it was right from a cheap drugstore paperback.

 

~~~ Credibility is like virginity. Once lost, you can never get it back... ~~~