Strange incident

[bostonman]

In a day where a number of odd, out of the usual, things happened to me, this one takes the cake, lol, and I just had to share.

 

I'm done with work, and given the cold weather and my desire to get home, I decided to hire an Uber rather than to take the subway. (I indulge in this occasionally lol.) I would have a 5 minute wait for the cab. I waited in a usual "safe spot" nearby - under the lighted marquee/overhang of the college theatre complex I work in.

 

Occasionally, when I wait there, some of my students or faculty colleagues will pass by, along with anyone else passing by on the sidewalk. None of them tonight, but then, a man approached me. He said hi, I said hi back - and I'm already trying to figure out if I know him or not - but I don't think I do. He seemed very friendly, though, as if we did. He said something else to me that I can't remember, but it prompted me to ask, awkwardly, if I knew him. (He was an adult - he could have been a faculty member I had met briefly or something.) He extended his hand, said his name was Paul, and I shook his hand and told him my first name. It was clear that I did not know him - I don't remember anyone named Paul that he reminded me of.

 

I should also mention that it's a cold winter night and we're both bundled up in our coats. And there is light around us, but not all that much, by the theatre doorway. This is also a busy city street, not some secluded area.

 

Then he says, unmistakably, out of the blue, "you're very handsome."

 

:eek:

 

Awkwardly, my instinct had me come up with a "thanks." But this was damn weird. He started asking me where I was from - did I live in Boston, etc. I mumbled something, trying to get out of this - and he then repeated that he thought I was very handsome. At which point, I started walking away and said goodnight. He said goodnight in return (and mentioned my first name as well) and that was the last I saw of him. And it wasn't long before my uber showed up and I was on my way home.

 

So here I am, humbly an average looking guy with too much belly lol, being picked up by some random man in the middle of a busy downtown Boston street on a very cold winter night. WTF??

 

Of course, all those afterthoughts appeared in my head - what if I had gone along with his flirting and seen where this could have led? Maybe he was a nice guy after all. But no - his approach was so strange that I can't imagine it would have been safe to pursue this with him. DID he know me somehow? From where? Or did he really just try to pick up a stranger in the oddest of places? Was this something he did often, maybe trying to snag some vulnerable college kids? What the hell was all this?

 

I know I made the right decision to get away from him...but the whole thing has left me rather weirded out. Especially given the weather and all that. (Like, what a weird night to be cruising lol.) This was not a place I'd expect to be approached like that - and to be honest, I'm not the kind of guy that naturally does get approached like that.

 

Just...so...fucking...strange...

[Gadfly22]

He was one of your students. The one with the failing grades.

BTW you didn’t mention if he was hot or not!

[bostonman]

I'm sure you're joking, lol, but I have no students named Paul, and besides, he was definitely an adult male.

 

To be honest, I could barely tell if he was hot - we were both in heavy winter clothes. He seemed to have a nice face, I think. But he couldn't see me all that well either - so again, where the "handsome" comments came from I don't know.

[+ WilliamM]

You made the right decision to walk away

[LaffingBear]

You'll never know. Don't obsess. Or choose to use it as basis for some daydreams.

[BgMstr4u]

The thought going through my head reading this is, This is what it must be like for many women a lot of the time: To be the object of someone else’s desire. The guy could have been anything, from a shy sort working up the courage to tell you something from the depths of his heart to a serial killer stalking his prey and everything in between. It doesn’t matter. What matters is your response. You were made uncomfortable, you did not want that attention, and you got out of it safely. Except something in you was violated. It’s nice to be thought good looking, but the weird factor in this seemed too great. It’s as though you exist to please him, not as a person but as a projection of his desire. There are structured situations where openly articulating attraction is acceptable, within the conventions of that kind of situation, which is what ice cream socials are for, not to mention more explicitly sexual gatherings. But everybody there has signed on to flirt appropriately. You were right to follow your feeling, for no other reason than you have a right to own the integrity of your own response.

Edited March 1, 2019 by BgMstr4u

[+ sync]

I've seen too many "chillers." You were masterful. I would have probably left skid marks.

[Guest]

Well, maybe I'm not so average-looking, so don't feel it so strange to be picked up by someone I don't know. There are certainly neutral places to go like Starbucks if you're concerned he's a weirdo. Maybe he couldn't tell that you're average-looking with extra belly, under those winter clothes. If he was someone to whom I was attracted, I might have suggested grabbing a coffee, a drink, or a bite to eat, depending on the time of day.

[IndyGuy]

You did the right thing. ALWAYS trust your instincts. Your instincts told you to walk away. Nuff said.

[bostonman]

The thought going through my head reading this is, This is what it must be like for many women a lot of the time: To be the object of someone else’s desire. The guy could have been anything, from a shy sort working up the courage to tell you something from the depths of his heart to a serial killer stalking his prey and everything in between. It doesn’t matter. What matters is your response. You were made uncomfortable, you did not want that attention, and you got out of it safely. Except something in you was violated. It’s nice to be thought good looking, but the weird factor in this seemed too great. It’s as though you exist to please him, not as a person but as a projection of his desire. There are structured situations where openly articulating attraction is acceptable, within the conventions of that kind of situation, which is what ice cream socials are for, not to mention more explicitly sexual gatherings. But everybody there has signed on to flirt appropriately. You were right to follow your feeling, for no other reason than you have a right to own the integrity of your own response.

 

I have to say that a lot of this has gone through my mind.

 

Since he didn't actually try to make any physical move towards me, I don't know that I truly feel "violated," but I suppose I could be, in the way that a woman feels when whistled at out of the blue, etc. For me, the shock of it all was more in the abruptness and randomness of the moment - indeed, had this been at a gay club or resort or other more obvious place it wouldn't have bothered me at all. (I did have an experience in Boston's notorious "Fens" back when I was a college student - there are definitely cruising spots in the city. This wasn't one, lol.) The fact that "you're handsome" happened even before any real sense of smalltalk was not only surprising but disarming - like, what was I supposed to say back to that? Just strange.

 

And, you know, it's a shame - because if he really saw something he liked, and if he had really given me a moment to take him in as a person before going on the attack, maybe he would have caught my interest. I'm sure we've all had something like that happen - you start a friendly polite conversation with a stranger you're sitting with on a train, or in some public setting, and maybe you start wishing you could get to know him better, etc. But, this guy acted like a predator, and I couldn't respond to that in any way except to get out of there.

 

No regrets, no fantasies, no looking back (except to say WTF? lol). But, after having related to a few of my students earlier that evening what a strange day I had been having, this was the ironic capper to it all.

Edited March 1, 2019 by bostonman

[bostonman]

There are certainly neutral places to go like Starbucks if you're concerned he's a weirdo.

 

And you bring up another point. How many times have we all gone into a coffee shop, or a store, etc, to find a very attractive clerk - but how many of us would dare break what I think is a basic protocol to comment on their looks, or to make a pass beyond that? I've certainly known some hot baristas at Starbucks, but I'm not the type to try to ask one out as I order my coffee, lol.

 

[rossthebosssf]

The very tiny romantic in me says you should have seen where it went, but the logical me says you made the right decision. Cruising (oh how I miss that) is a thing of the past unless in a gay community or bar. I would be weary of what one's intention would be. And given it was nighttime with no one around, the worst could have happened. Had the Uber appeared while he was there, I would have offered my card and told him to call me, but that's as far as I would have let it go.

[Deadlift1]

[+ Just Sayin]

I am just thinking of what an interesting play this could be, with various courses explored: one be you starting talking with the stranger and develop a relationship with him; one might be you end up having a torrid one-night stand; one might be that he was trying to rob you; anyway, it would be fun to explore how a random encounter can change a person's life!

[corndog]

If you would have given him five more minutes, he would have started asking you for iTunes gift cards.

[caliguy]

I'm perplexed by this. He says you're handsome and you go into Rain Man mode. It's good to be cautious but your behavior was pretty damn weird too. At least you have something in common. Lol

[bostonman]

I'm perplexed by this. He says you're handsome and you go into Rain Man mode. It's good to be cautious but your behavior was pretty damn weird too. At least you have something in common. Lol

 

Thank you for the respect. How would he have even known I was gay? I guess you would have had to have been there to feel how awkward this whole thing was. I’m sorry that you felt the need to say things the way you did.

[MikeBiDude]

So here I am, humbly an average looking guy with too much belly lol, being picked up by some random man in the middle of a busy downtown Boston street on a very cold winter night. WTF??

Yes you did the right thing.

 

On the other hand....boost your confidence level!

[bostonman]

On the other hand....boost your confidence level!

 

Ha! I suppose many of us could use that advice, and often, lol.

[+ WilliamM]

I am just thinking of what an interesting play this could be, with various courses explored: one be you starting talking with the stranger and develop a relationship with him; one might be you end up having a torrid one-night stand; one might be that he was trying to rob you; anyway, it would be fun to explore how a random encounter can change a person's life!

 

I meet a number of young men and women in the local Starbucks near a community college.

 

A few hours ago a male student who was sitting at the next table reminded me that we had a long conversation a few months. A few minutes later he answered a call from his girlfriend.

 

That call, or more precisely his side of the call, reminded me what a nice guy he is. I had much more information than @bostonman. He should be praised, not subject to debate. IMO

[Nickf66]

After you exchanged names, then it would have been okay to have asked if you’d met before. He might have said yes, I’m so-and-so or “whatever” OR no, I don’t believe so. A similar thing happened to me a long time ago: turned out the mysterious stranger was someone who had an office down the hall from mine - we had passed each other often but never made the formal introduction. Not long after, we ran into each other again, and it was a nice platonic encounter.

[+ Just Sayin]

full disclosure: I own shares of Starbucks. I think there is something to this "third place" (not home, not work) where individuals from all walks of life can be together, and, by chance perhaps, experience a brief connection with others; OK, OK: second full disclosure: I may have a thing for Stephen, the hairy chested barista who I often see on weekends.

Edited March 1, 2019 by Just Sayin'

[+ Travis69]

full disclosure: I own shares of Starbucks. I think there is something to this "third place" (not home, not work) where individuals from all walks of life can be together, and, by chance perhaps, experience a brief connection with others; OK, OK: second full disclosure: I may have thing for Stephen, the hairy chested barista who I often see on weekends.

Is the third full disclosure that you have 200 pics of Stephen on your phone and enjoy looking at them late at night while in bed??:p

[+ Travis69]

The guy is probably someone who works in the neighborhood and has seen you before and thinks you're hot. He probably usually sees you running for the subway and this time saw his one chance to talk to you. He was probably nervous and didn't present himself well.

[+ Travis69]

A guy who worked near me also lived near me. I would see him walking the same route to work every day. Got in the habit of waiting a few minutes to see if he would show up and then follow him just because he had the cutest butt. Never introduced myself. Just enjoyed the view. Made going to work so much fun.