I don't think this guy gets it.

[+ Kman]

Sooo I had a date on Tuesday with a guy I met on a dating app. Things were going pretty well super cute guy we were clicking, ect. At one point he asked if I had roommates and I answered no and he perked up a bit and said "maybe we will end up there later," which I just laughed at...it was cute. Then later he goes let's go somewhere and talk (we were in a loud bar) and so I figured we would go to a coffee shop or just walk and talk. Then we are standing outside and he is wondering where my car is, and I say "why where are we going" THEN he has the nerve to invite himself over to my place. I politely said no we are not, lets go back in and we can have another drink. After that he gradually got weirder and more awkward and eluding to that I will ditch him at the end of the night and never want to see him again that I rejected him because I didn't want him to come over. (HOLY #$&^*). Then he brings up coming over again, and I explain I don't know you, its too intimate in my opinion. Then he suggests that we split a hotel room (honey you aren't getting it)...so again I tell him I am not spending the night with you. SO reluctantly I drive him to his place...and he was devastated as he felt that I rejected him completely...and he even messaged me on the app asking if I in fact "rejected" him. I responded what makes you think that way (this is after I get back home)??? Then I was thinking I should not even try to figure this out...so I left I didn't even open the app for awhile.

 

Fast forward a bit and he sent me a couple of messages trying to explain himself that he was in a bad place after breaking up with his bf...and so he asked to start over...probably shouldn't have agreed...and he goes lets do a dinner and a movie and let me cook dinner at YOUR place!!! and I have yet to respond to it...wtf do I say or do I just block him now???

[Nvr2Thick]

Yes, block him now. Clearly looking to hook up, damaged and still healing from a breakup, baggage packed with drama. I've both met this guy and been this guy.

[+ Avalon]

Stay away from him!

[+ ArVaGuy]

My first date practice is to meet for coffee in the mid afternoon. It’s a lot more casual and less expensive than going to a restaurant or bar. You can have a real conversation without too much noise or loud music. Also, there’s an easy out if you’re not hitting it off. All you have to do is say you have to leave for another appointment or go to the gym. Sometimes I’ve set the timer on my phone to ping about 45 minutes into a meet up. Then I either excuse myself or extended the conversation.

[Guest]

You’re lucky you found out so quickly that he’s a weirdo. If it were me, and I were available, it would only have sufficed that he’s “super cute,” and I would have been all over him, anywhere, any place, anytime. It would have taken me much more time to figure that out.

[samhexum]

I don't think this guy gets it.

 

 

Maybe he's so anxious to get 'it' from you because he usually doesn't get 'it'.

[+ Tarte Gogo]

I am not sure I can provide any advice as you require because I don’t understand what you are actually looking for.

 

According to you

1. You are going on dates, so presumably you are looking for something.

2. He is super cute

3. He likes you a lot.

4. You were “clicking”.

 

Why don’t you jump on him and enjoy the ride?

Are you trying to explain that you don’t sleep on a first date, and that him suggesting it has put you off your initial attraction?

[+ Kman]

Are you trying to explain that you don’t sleep on a first date, and that him suggesting it has put you off your initial attraction?

 

Exactly. And him simply inviting himself over more than once.

[Walker1]

Maybe he wants free room and board ?

[+ Kman]

Maybe he wants free room and board ?

 

Ha! Probably not he told me multiple times that he has a good job...so not sure why he has a roommate.

 

But the other part of it is, Am I just being a prude? But outside of wanting desperately to come to my place...the guy was slightly intoxicated and was being really negative...telling me that I already rejected him...so with that I don’t think I want to take that ride

[+ Tarte Gogo]

Exactly. And him simply inviting himself over more than once.

Ok.

 

I am going to go against the crowd here above, and say, rather than blocking him, I think it would better if you explained.

Because, in his position, I also wouldn’t get it.

 

Tell him something along those lines:

 

“I am sorry, <name of guy> but I don’t think we are compatible. I was looking for a relationship but you seem to be the kind of guy that wants to sleep on a first date.

That isn’t going to work for me but I hope you find what you want through some other dates.

Best of luck. “

 

Also, you should mention on your dating profile something along the lines of “I am not looking for sex on a first night, I am not that kind of cheap girl!” so that your future dates are warned and there is no such misunderstanding.

 

That is my advice, but if is not useful to you, you can tell me bluntly :-), I won’t be offended, we are all different after all. Good luck in search for true love!

[+ Kman]

Ok.

 

I am going to go against the crowd here above, and say, rather than blocking him, I think it would better if you explained.

Because, in his position, I also wouldn’t get it.

 

Tell him something along those lines:

 

“I am sorry, <name of guy> but I don’t think we are compatible. I was looking for a relationship but you seem to be the kind of guy that wants to sleep on a first date.

That isn’t going to work for me but I hope you find what you want through some other dates.

Best of luck. “

 

Also, you should mention on your dating profile something along the lines of “I am not looking for sex on a first night, I am not that kind of cheap girl!” so that your future dates are warned and there is no such misunderstanding.

 

That is my advice, but if is not useful to you, you can tell me bluntly , I won’t be offended, we are all different after all. Good luck in search for true love!

 

That’s good advice, but I told him why twice why I wasn’t taking him to my place.

 

And that is on my profile. And that’s another this “date” was set up for just hanging out.

[+ Tarte Gogo]

That’s good advice, but I told him why twice why I wasn’t taking him to my place.

 

And that is on my profile. And that’s another this “date” was set up for just hanging out.

Hmmm, ok, then he is not a good listener. In that case, I approve blocking, there is only so many times you can explain something. Also he is clearly not boyfriend material, so nothing to loose.

[+ Kman]

Originally I felt bad about blocking him (I wouldn’t normally block someone). But this is Minnesota people respond better to passive aggressive behavior versus being direct. Ha!

[+ freecahill1965]

Sooo I had a date on Tuesday with a guy I met on a dating app. Things were going pretty well super cute guy we were clicking, ect. At one point he asked if I had roommates and I answered no and he perked up a bit and said "maybe we will end up there later," which I just laughed at...it was cute. Then later he goes let's go somewhere and talk (we were in a loud bar) and so I figured we would go to a coffee shop or just walk and talk. Then we are standing outside and he is wondering where my car is, and I say "why where are we going" THEN he has the nerve to invite himself over to my place. I politely said no we are not, lets go back in and we can have another drink. After that he gradually got weirder and more awkward and eluding to that I will ditch him at the end of the night and never want to see him again that I rejected him because I didn't want him to come over. (HOLY #$&^*). Then he brings up coming over again, and I explain I don't know you, its too intimate in my opinion. Then he suggests that we split a hotel room (honey you aren't getting it)...so again I tell him I am not spending the night with you. SO reluctantly I drive him to his place...and he was devastated as he felt that I rejected him completely...and he even messaged me on the app asking if I in fact "rejected" him. I responded what makes you think that way (this is after I get back home)??? Then I was thinking I should not even try to figure this out...so I left I didn't even open the app for awhile.

 

Fast forward a bit and he sent me a couple of messages trying to explain himself that he was in a bad place after breaking up with his bf...and so he asked to start over...probably shouldn't have agreed...and he goes lets do a dinner and a movie and let me cook dinner at YOUR place!!! and I have yet to respond to it...wtf do I say or do I just block him now???

Since he was cute, I would have asked do you spit or swallow then I would have split the hotel fee and had a good time. Nothing like a hot one night stand. Just saying...

[caliguy]

What social app did you meet him on? If it's Grindr or similiar I could see the confusion.

[marylander1940]

Sooo I had a date on Tuesday with a guy I met on a dating app. Things were going pretty well super cute guy we were clicking, ect. At one point he asked if I had roommates and I answered no and he perked up a bit and said "maybe we will end up there later," which I just laughed at...it was cute. Then later he goes let's go somewhere and talk (we were in a loud bar) and so I figured we would go to a coffee shop or just walk and talk. Then we are standing outside and he is wondering where my car is, and I say "why where are we going" THEN he has the nerve to invite himself over to my place. I politely said no we are not, lets go back in and we can have another drink. After that he gradually got weirder and more awkward and eluding to that I will ditch him at the end of the night and never want to see him again that I rejected him because I didn't want him to come over. (HOLY #$&^*). Then he brings up coming over again, and I explain I don't know you, its too intimate in my opinion. Then he suggests that we split a hotel room (honey you aren't getting it)...so again I tell him I am not spending the night with you. SO reluctantly I drive him to his place...and he was devastated as he felt that I rejected him completely...and he even messaged me on the app asking if I in fact "rejected" him. I responded what makes you think that way (this is after I get back home)??? Then I was thinking I should not even try to figure this out...so I left I didn't even open the app for awhile.

 

Fast forward a bit and he sent me a couple of messages trying to explain himself that he was in a bad place after breaking up with his bf...and so he asked to start over...probably shouldn't have agreed...and he goes lets do a dinner and a movie and let me cook dinner at YOUR place!!! and I have yet to respond to it...wtf do I say or do I just block him now???

 

Is pretty normal for folks to meet someone in dating app and have sex on the first "date" at the place of one of them.

With all the teasing and folks playing game you meet someone cute who wants to have sex, and you turned him down? He approached you again and you are thinking about blocking him. Is he too good to be true?

 

I'm sorry but isn't having sex/dating the whole purpose of downloading grindr or however you met him? Is very common to meet someone and bring him to your home or to his home. On Grindr that happens all the time.

 

That’s good advice, but I told him why twice why I wasn’t taking him to my place.

 

And that is on my profile. And that’s another this “date” was set up for just hanging out.

 

People say on grindr: looking for dates, not hookups and those are the ones who want a cock A.S.A.P. What folks post and their real intentions are very different things? Some might just say they don't want hookups or they're looking for Mr. Right to look good in front of their friends neighbors and preventing being slutshamed by them.

 

Yeah... I'm talking about gay men....

 

What social app did you meet him on? If it's Grindr or similiar I could see the confusion.

 

Good question, I'm also interested in knowing how old is @Kman and how old is this guy?

 

You’re lucky you found out so quickly that he’s a weirdo. If it were me, and I were available, it would only have sufficed that he’s “super cute,” and I would have been all over him, anywhere, any place, anytime. It would have taken me much more time to figure that out.

 

He wasn't a weirdo, he was interested... Your behavior @Unicorn is more of a normal gay men attitude about downloading an app, making plans and hooking up (sex without paying an escort).

 

Again: Was he too good to be true?

[marylander1940]

Since he was cute, I would have asked do you spit or swallow then I would have split the hotel fee and had a good time. Nothing like a hot one night stand. Just saying...

 

Cheaper than hiring an escort for sure!

[+ poolboy48220]

Is very common to meet someone and bring him to your home or to his home. On Grindr that happens all the time.

True. But it's not for everybody (and full disclosure, it's definitely for me :-) ) I know guys who prefer a more traditional dating approach and won't sleep with a guy until several dates in, at least.

 

I'd be more leery of this guy because of his going off on "you're rejecting me because you won't sleep with me tonight". Reminds me of a guy I used to know who would jump straight to "So you hate me now" when he did something that annoyed me.

[Nvr2Thick]

[+ Kman]

I'm using Grindr...yes I know its a hook up app and I think I would have been ok with bringing him to my place had it happened more naturally. I don't think we were there even a hour before he invited himself over and then his comments after I said no, about never talking to him again and that I would leave just like everyone else...really just increased the level of creepiness and turned me off.

 

Lastly I'm 32 he is 33.

Edited June 15, 2018 by Kman

[EastbayMike]

You dodged a bullet. Always trust your gut and stay away from the crazies.

 

I meet a guy in LA once (I live in the Bay Area) who was cute and the hookup sex was great. He asked for my phone number and address. (This was back in the early days of email and texting, writing that seems so quait now.) I gave him my address but something told me not to give him my phone number so I changed the last digit.

 

Within three days of my return I had three different letters from him saying he tried to call but the number was wrong. Without time for me to respond, the fourth letter came handwritten in all caps where by he cussed me out for not responding to him, called me a drug addict, insulted my friends and parents for the way I was raised, and said our relationship was over and I was never to contact him again!

 

So glad I never gave that psycho my real phone number.

Edited June 15, 2018 by EastbayMike

[+ oldNbusted]

Sounds like he's just looking for a rebound boyfriend. It's an unfortunate thing, but it doesn't automatically make him a psycho. But it's never a good idea to get intimate with someone in that fragile state, it hardly ever ends well.

[+ Kman]

Sounds like he's just looking for a rebound boyfriend. It's an unfortunate thing, but it doesn't automatically make him a psycho. But it's never a good idea to get intimate with someone in that fragile state, it hardly ever ends well.

 

Agreed!

[marylander1940]

I'm using Grindr...yes I know its a hook up app and I think I would have been ok with bringing him to my place had it happened more naturally. I don't think we were there even a hour before he invited himself over and then his comments after I said no, about never talking to him again and that I would leave just like everyone else...really just increased the level of creepiness and turned me off.

 

Lastly I'm 32 he is 33.

 

So yinz could date.

 

Sounds like he's just looking for a rebound boyfriend. It's an unfortunate thing, but it doesn't automatically make him a psycho. But it's never a good idea to get intimate with someone in that fragile state, it hardly ever ends well.

 

Thank you for giving the benefit of the doubt to someone who meets a guy through and app and has the crazy idea of suggesting having sex on the first date and later on becoming a would-be-murderer because of asking the same question twice.

 

Also thank you for acknowledging someone on a first date can just admit he (just got dumped I guess) and is looking for a hot hookup that might lead into a new relationship.

 

As they say in Argentina @latbear4blk :

 

"Doña Flora

se la sacan grita,

se la quitan llora"

 

"Ms. Flora

you pull out and she yells

you put inside of her and she screams (of pain)"

 

Damn if you do and damn if you don't