tenderloin

I am more interested in invading his ass than his privacy LOL.
 
You really can't get this concept? Oy. Good luck to you.

It's not such a tough concept. there are two parts to understand:
1. Imagine two people - one says he barebacks as a bottom all the time, the other says he will only get fucked with a condom. Which one is more likely to have an STI? While you do not know for a fact that bachelor #2 is "clean," there are better odds that he is because he is already demonstrating cautious behavior. One can infer....
2. there is no such thing as "riskless" sex unless you literally do not allow skin-to-skin or lip-to-lip contact. So you must assess the field and calculate the risk that YOU are willing to take - you SHOULD care if your partner is someone willing to take risks - that is part of the calculation.
 
That's all that Quincy is saying, and it makes perfect sense. No judgment. I personally take some calculated risks (as a rimming enthusiast, for example), and have on occasion paid the price (thank God for antibiotics). But I assess my potential partner's judgment and behavior as best as I can and act accordingly.

What is this "invade privacy" bs? Invading an escort's privacy would be something like trying to find out his real name, where he went to high school, and where his parents live. An escort is a sex worker. Seeking to understand a sex worker's sex practices is NOT an invasion of privacy. Note: I didn't say "ask if he is HIV positive." I agree that an answer to that question is of limited value. I said one should ask if he insists on the use of a condom when getting fucked. Can someone explain to me why such a question is an invasion of privacy? If you are an escort and don't like that question, you are in the wrong line of work.

Thank you. I appreciate it when we can have an exchange of views on this forum that remains civil and thoughtful. Glad to be a part of it.

What is this "invade privacy" bs? Invading an escort's privacy would be something like trying to find out his real name, where he went to high school, and where his parents live. An escort is a sex worker. Seeking to understand a sex worker's sex practices is NOT an invasion of privacy. Note: I didn't say "ask if he is HIV positive." I agree that an answer to that question is of limited value. I said one should ask if he insists on the use of a condom when getting fucked. Can someone explain to me why such a question is an invasion of privacy? If you are an escort and don't like that question, you are in the wrong line of work.

What is this "invade privacy" bs? Invading an escort's privacy would be something like trying to find out his real name, where he went to high school, and where his parents live. An escort is a sex worker. Seeking to understand a sex worker's sex practices is NOT an invasion of privacy. Note: I didn't say "ask if he is HIV positive." I agree that an answer to that question is of limited value. I said one should ask if he insists on the use of a condom when getting fucked. Can someone explain to me why such a question is an invasion of privacy? If you are an escort and don't like that question, you are in the wrong line of work.

I think the point of asking that question is not to have the expectation of a completely "clean" partner based on the answer; rather, it's to narrow the field: logic suggests that one who is open to barebacking is more at risk for a plethora of infections. By avoiding those who are open and enthusiastic barebackers and staying only with those who insist on condoms, one is improving the odds of an "STI-free" encounter. Note, I said "improving the odds" not "guaranteeing."
 
To use a different example: many people drink and drive, and you can never be certain who is sober and who isn't. But given the choice, do you go with the driver who says "sure, I tie one on every day" or the one who says they don't drink? Neither is a guarantee, but I get the logic of going with the latter.

It's not such a tough concept. there are two parts to understand:
1. Imagine two people - one says he barebacks as a bottom all the time, the other says he will only get fucked with a condom. Which one is more likely to have an STI? While you do not know for a fact that bachelor #2 is "clean," there are better odds that he is because he is already demonstrating cautious behavior. One can infer....
2. there is no such thing as "riskless" sex unless you literally do not allow skin-to-skin or lip-to-lip contact. So you must assess the field and calculate the risk that YOU are willing to take - you SHOULD care if your partner is someone willing to take risks - that is part of the calculation.
 
That's all that Quincy is saying, and it makes perfect sense. No judgment. I personally take some calculated risks (as a rimming enthusiast, for example), and have on occasion paid the price (thank God for antibiotics). But I assess my potential partner's judgment and behavior as best as I can and act accordingly.

It's not such a tough concept. there are two parts to understand:
1. Imagine two people - one says he barebacks as a bottom all the time, the other says he will only get fucked with a condom. Which one is more likely to have an STI? While you do not know for a fact that bachelor #2 is "clean," there are better odds that he is because he is already demonstrating cautious behavior. One can infer....
2. there is no such thing as "riskless" sex unless you literally do not allow skin-to-skin or lip-to-lip contact. So you must assess the field and calculate the risk that YOU are willing to take - you SHOULD care if your partner is someone willing to take risks - that is part of the calculation.
 
That's all that Quincy is saying, and it makes perfect sense. No judgment. I personally take some calculated risks (as a rimming enthusiast, for example), and have on occasion paid the price (thank God for antibiotics). But I assess my potential partner's judgment and behavior as best as I can and act accordingly.

I think the point of asking that question is not to have the expectation of a completely "clean" partner based on the answer; rather, it's to narrow the field: logic suggests that one who is open to barebacking is more at risk for a plethora of infections. By avoiding those who are open and enthusiastic barebackers and staying only with those who insist on condoms, one is improving the odds of an "STI-free" encounter. Note, I said "improving the odds" not "guaranteeing."
 
To use a different example: many people drink and drive, and you can never be certain who is sober and who isn't. But given the choice, do you go with the driver who says "sure, I tie one on every day" or the one who says they don't drink? Neither is a guarantee, but I get the logic of going with the latter.

Interesting question. In my case, it was not as much learning as confirming. For example, for as long as I could remember (early grade school!) I fantasized about guys' butts. I used to think I was alone and pretty sick for wanting to get my tongue up there... Then, one day I saw a gay porn mag and low & behold here's one guy eating the other guy's butt. Aha! I am not alone! There at several other "interests" that I had instinctively that were confirmed the same way. In that way, I guess porn normalized my kinky fantasies.

Interesting question. In my case, it was not as much learning as confirming. For example, for as long as I could remember (early grade school!) I fantasized about guys' butts. I used to think I was alone and pretty sick for wanting to get my tongue up there... Then, one day I saw a gay porn mag and low & behold here's one guy eating the other guy's butt. Aha! I am not alone! There at several other "interests" that I had instinctively that were confirmed the same way. In that way, I guess porn normalized my kinky fantasies.

Interesting question. In my case, it was not as much learning as confirming. For example, for as long as I could remember (early grade school!) I fantasized about guys' butts. I used to think I was alone and pretty sick for wanting to get my tongue up there... Then, one day I saw a gay porn mag and low & behold here's one guy eating the other guy's butt. Aha! I am not alone! There at several other "interests" that I had instinctively that were confirmed the same way. In that way, I guess porn normalized my kinky fantasies.

Interesting question. In my case, it was not as much learning as confirming. For example, for as long as I could remember (early grade school!) I fantasized about guys' butts. I used to think I was alone and pretty sick for wanting to get my tongue up there... Then, one day I saw a gay porn mag and low & behold here's one guy eating the other guy's butt. Aha! I am not alone! There at several other "interests" that I had instinctively that were confirmed the same way. In that way, I guess porn normalized my kinky fantasies.

I hire because I'm in a sexless marriage, and this hobby allows me to stay sane and feel sexually fulfilled. It allows me to fulfill the fantasy of sleeping with the hot jock/muscled bodybuilder/hairy muscle daddy types that aren't normally interested in me. And since I've had so little experience in my life, hiring is allowing me to explore what I like sexually in a non-threatening environment (when I can quell my nerves about an encounter, that is). I'm learning as I go.

Is an escort stops responding, stop messaging. He's an escort, not your long lost son.....

They are an argument for capital punishment

I would also urge you to educate yourself on health issues - not just HIV, but the full range of STDs. There are many great gay health sites to do this. I don't want you to be scared of doing anything, but you should go into an encounter fully aware of the risks you take and decisions you make.

They are an argument for capital punishment

And you wonder why people hate us?
 
Again...curse you Davey Wavey!

I 've tried bars, bathhouse and strip joints and always disappointed. I moved to Craigslist but most were no shows. I tried Rentmen and have met 4 great guys there. I always make an appointment and ay the ull fee but over and above the escorts have become friends. We text and communicate by telephone on other matters. As I said, sexual matters are on a business basis. But I enjoy the friendships as much as the sex.

My situation exactly. And yes, there are downsides to hiring, no question. And I still find that sex with a guy who is with you because he WANTS to be there (as opposed to someone who you are paying to smile and moan) is the hottest. That's what I have been trying to get back to, but I have spent way too much time wooing, and not enough fucking. I've made all sorts of arrangements (canceling meetings, changing travel plans, etc.) to meet someone only to have them flake out at the last minute. I am now so cynical I won't believe someone is real until they are in my apartment with their trousers down.
 
I misspent much of my youth in the closet, admiring but not touching. Now, in NYC, with an understanding husband, I am like a kid in a candy shop. Yes, there are some misfires, but generally the biggest obstacle is finding the cash.

No, I have never tried it, but I have been several times a fuck-sandwich in a 3-way: fucking and getting fucked at the same time. It is a little acrobatic, but once you get the right rhythm going, it is amazing.

He was rude and unhelpful on the phone so that was that. Caveat emptor.

I understand you completely. Am in a sexless marriage and have been given permission to open up the relationship and get my needs met elsewhere. I'm not rich, so I initially tried Grindr, Scruff, and Growlr. Absolutely NO luck on either Grindr or Scruff. I'm met some nice people on Growlr, but all they seem to want to do is talk. There's one guy in particular - figured out we actually only live about 3 miles apart. His situation is the same as mine: married to a guy, but they have an open relationship. He has initiated late night sex chatting numerous times, and then after he gets off, I don't hear from him for 4 or 5 days. Rinse and repeat. I finally asked him if he wanted to meet and actually have sex in person rather than over the phone. I've gotten a range of excuses.
 
I've hired three times, and only one of those times has been what I'd call a home run. The other two were very lackluster. Ironically, the lackluster guys got me to cum, but the session I had the best time in, I didn't cum. Figure that one out. So hiring isn't foolproof, but the odds are certainly better I'll have a good time versus trying to woo one of these guys on an app to actually meet. I think, contrary to popular belief, technology has actually made hooking up MUCH more difficult!