tenderloin

That you don't consider such an attitude a character flaw or immaturity speaks volumes about you

Seems a dubious assertion. On what grounds do you base this conclusion? You are tarring most white gays with the racist label, and then profess your annoyance because we won't just admit that you are right. BS

Sorry, not buying it. You attempt to offer a lengthy excuse for what are simply immature, unreasonable actions. My comments are not "super-speculative" They are reasonable assumptions based on available evidence. What you don't seem to understand is that it's not just ghosting. That is bad enough, but sadly part of our culture now. It is the intentional misleading of a client clearly designed to cause annoyance and inconvenience (in my case, I said "thanks but no thanks" to two other providers once I had reached agreement with the one in question. By the time the charade was exposed, it was too late to go back to the others). To what end? What is the motivation to make an extra effort just to annoy? You may like being a defense attorney for assholes, but there is no other way that the person's actions can be explained. if you disagree, then give me a plausible alternative, don't just say "there are lots of them." Why would a person lead a client on, send communications leading the person to believe that he was just moments away, and then not show, not respond to further emails or texts, and never offer any explanation?

A reasoned and plausible argument. My concern is that the nuances of your point get lost on some or reduced to "if you don't want to screw an Asian you are racist" (witness the lawsuit against Grindr). As someone who has dealt with societal disapproval of my sexual orientation for most of my life (not to mention some of the kinks I enjoy LOL) , I feel like I carry enough baggage on this issue. Many still consider us perverts, deviants, and sickos. Getting tagged as a racist too because of those tastes is just too much.

Let me help you understand the "leap": When there is no excuse proffered, however lame (my sister is dying, I broke my leg on the way over....) and the person is leading you on (I am just around the corner....be there in ten minutes...I am in the lobby) and then doesn't show up and ghosts you, it suggests significant animus/anger. So, the logical person says to himself, "did I do anything to cause offense? Did I insult or haggle or annoy?" So then you look through the correspondence for any spot where things could have been misinterpreted, and it all appears pretty straightforward: inquiry, agreement on services and price, agreement on location and time. Nothing to indicate that one of the parties is evidently angry enough to lie and manipulate the other. Even if the guy just changed his mind and didn't feel up to it, why the charade with the pending arrival? To me, this speaks of some form of emotional immaturity/instability, that may or may not be connected to substance abuse. If you have a more plausible explanation, I am all ears. And I am happy to post the email chain from the most recent incident if it would help.

With all due respect, blurring sexual tastes with societal racism is illogical. Sexual preference does not relate to racism in any way. Do you think Strom Thurmond and so many of his southern buddies who fathered mixed-race children were NOT racist because they were evidently sexually attracted to black women? Of course not. The test of racism is whether or not you believe the other person deserves the same rights and opportunities as you and whether or not you harbor animus against them on the basis of their color or ethnicity, NOT whether or not you will fuck them. We don't understand what makes our genitalia hard. I certainly don't. I am VERY attracted to some ethnicities, including people of color, but not others. It doesn't make me racist. It makes me someone with specific sexual tastes.

I often wonder if I have somehow unwittingly offended. It has happened three times in the last ten years. I did a self-review after each incident, and really couldn't find any way that caused offense or transgressed. Ultimately, I think it is some combination of emotional immaturity/instability and/or drugs.

As a client, I was just treated to it last night in Chicago. This is the guy: https://friendboy.pro/boys/Chicagobottom We had a normal email exchange, worked out the details - I agreed to his price without negotiating -- set the time and the place (my hotel room), and the last note said that he would be there within 30 minutes. Then silence. No explanation. And of course I can't review him because no meeting took place. Grrrrrr

That's exactly my point. Countless times I have invested money and time and effort proposing for work in my field. Most of the time I don't win the work, but I do win often enough to keep me going. If I don't want to be selling and marketing and cajoling and putting up with client BS, I am in the wrong line of work. So I ask a 'scort for a three fingered selfie, and I ask him to be specific about the things I am interested in buying. That's what being a consumer means. If they can't be bothered with that , they are either so successful that they don't need to bother with customers, or they are in the wrong line of work.

I appreciate your response and you sound like a very reasonable and thoughtful guy (sexy, too). I can imagine how frustrating it must be dealing with all of the false leads, but -- and I don't mean this to be disrespectful -- I think it is part of the price you have to pay as a service provider. And it IS your responsibility, as the person trying to win the business, to reassure the client of your credibility. In my day job, I am a "service provider," albeit of a different type of service. I am writing proposals all the time, taking prospect calls, and visiting potential clients in far off places at great cost in travel and time. My hit rate is low, but it's enough to keep us in business. I need to pursue a lot of prospects - kiss a lot of frogs - to win a few contracts. In this particular M4M "calling," we are looking at very intimate services - it's about as personal as it gets. Of course I am going to be a picky, deliberate, careful consumer in this area. I have had enough incidents of providers not providing what they promised, showing up with hygiene issues, or jacked up on drugs, or not being the people in the picture, or not even remotely interested in M2M intimacy, or being too depressed, tired, or scared to do something.... After those experiences, with the resultant costs in time, money, and frustration, I am going to look for the provider to reassure me of his credibility. Again, you sound like a good guy, so I don't mean this in an argumentative way. Peace.

No, but given my recent experience on A4A and Rentmen, I will gladly take a direct recommendation from someone on this site. As if to reinforce my cynicism, in the course of planning for an upcoming trip, I have reach out to several 'scorts who fit my bill (hung, verse, affordable) and had very good conversations -- until I asked for some form of photo verification (you know, the facetime thing or a three-fingered selfie). 5 out of 6 immediately went silent.

Amen. BTW, seeing your boy in a few days. Am salivating in the meantime....

Amen. BTW, seeing your boy in a few days. Am salivating in the meantime....

Amen. BTW, seeing your boy in a few days. Am salivating in the meantime....

I didn't think I was getting nasty - I was asking a question. Not every sentence is a burn. No bitchiness intended

Read my second post. It is the exact same wording for two alleged 9-inch verse guys. What part of that don't you get?

just compared his write up: Very Attractive Private Guy that’s into really extreme kinky sex. I am 25 with a great athletic body, very discreet & a SWIMMER. Total Masuline & dominant Verse-Top athlete, Here to fulfill your desires & kinky Fetishes. Love a submissive bottom & doing sexual things that most people would find weird and A bit to much such as spanking and pissing ect but it gets my dick rock hard. I’m very straightforward. No kiss and tell & 100% clean HIV NEG, DD free, and safe. Available role play and much more. *Please Be professional & clean. Open to ALL RACES. Satisfaction is GUARANTEED. Please text first To that found for https://rentmen.eu/SethXLnyc Very Attractive Private Guy that’s into really extreme kinky sex. I am 25 with a great athletic body, very discreet & a SWIMMER. Total Masuline & dominant Verse-Top athlete, Here to fulfill your desires & kinky Fetishes. Love a submissive bottom & doing sexual things that most people would find weird and A bit to much such as spanking and pissing ect but it gets my dick rock hard. I’m very straightforward. No kiss and tell & 100% clean HIV NEG, DD free, and safe. Available role play.

Has anyone been with this guy? https://rentmen.eu/juansavage

Hubby and I are together many many years, and genuinely love each other. But we have always been sexually mismatched. When I was younger, I had all sorts of ideals about monogamy "only having eyes for you..." After 15 years of monogamy (which mean almost no sex for me) I finally had a series of conversations with him where I explained that I couldn't just shut it down, but I didn't want to lie to him either. With the help of therapy, and love, we got to the point where I can stray as long as I abide by certain rules (the biggest of which is that he doesn't want to know details or ever meet the guys). This don't-ask-don't -tell approach has worked for us, and we continue to be a strong and loving couple. But I also recognize, with the wisdom of age, that each couple has to find their own path, and I don't judge anyone else's approach to love and family so long as folks don't get abused in the process.

Right - but with most lawyers you are not kissing and fucking them (though a few may fuck you...)

I think you are right, but even there, the trick is not to go to the next step: Me, thinking to myself: "gee, I had such an intense, emotional, real connection with this guy. Maybe he wants to grab a quick bite to eat -- my treat? " Him: "sure, that would be nice. I only charge you one more hour" Me: "back to reality"

As I am well into middle age and have hired more than occasionally, and I should know better, but.... My favorite experiences are with guys who can really seem to be into it, who act like they actually like me and are happy to hang out afterwards and chat and cuddle. The genuine BFE. I am amazed at how often I start to mistake a $$ transaction for friendship of some sort. I've just recently been reminded that, however convincing the act is, at the end of the day it is just an act, and our experience is, for him at least, ultimately a transaction. Time is money, and rates are rates, and he wouldn't even be talking to me if I wasn't paying him. That can be tough to remember. To be clear, that is not a complaint or a criticism of any particular pro - they are literally doing their jobs LOL -- but is more an observation about myself: how an ordinarily hard-minded businessman can be completely disarmed by a young, well-hung, sweet and friendly guy who is willing to fulfill my fantasies for a short time. Does that happen to others, or am I just a ridiculously naïve romantic?

I am always getting hellos from guys claiming to be from odd parts of the US (French Louisiana?) but whose profiles show them to be about 4,500 miles distant. Today's guy (walkingbasse123) had some great stats (I swear this is cut and paste): Who: Man Age: 29 Height: 6'8" Weight: 335lb Waist Size: 26" Dick: 18.5" , Uncut At 18.5 inches, I would hope it was uncut! Next he will announce that he is looking for love, and a plane ticket....

I second what Brosnan wrote. I've been having a run of bad luck lately, but this guy broke my losing streak -- truly a gem

I have not reviewed often in my many years on this site; generally, I have only tried when it was to warn y'all about the dishonest, the unkempt, and the appalling. But now I am done with even that. Why? 1. Most recently, I tried to post a review about an unsatisfactory meeting where the guy who showed up wasn't the guy in the pics and didn't deliver. The guy advertises on Adam4Adam; turns out that the folks who run the (completely unconnected to this site) website for escort reviews do not want to bother registering (for free) with A4A, so they won't post my review. A4A has dozens of pros advertising in NY alone, but.... 2. A few weeks ago, a different provider whom I engaged for an outcall gave me constant updates on his journey to me ("on my way!" "should be there in five...") and then never showed up. The folks who run the (completely unconnected to this site) website for escort reviews do not allow a review when the meeting didn't take place, so that little bastard got away with it despite my being able to produce lengthy text exchanges showing what happened. 3. Before that, I submitted a negative review on a different provider only to have it rejected because the provider had deleted his ad; he then recommenced advertising shortly thereafter and still advertises with no negative review connected to his id. attached. I know that the good people who run the review site don't get paid, so I am not going to criticize them. But until some of the "rules" are reexamined, it is not worth my time or effort to be an active participant here.