tenderloin

You misunderstand me. I WAS originally considering hiring - that's why I asked for the access - but wouldn't do so after I was refused access to the photos. Both men lost a potential customer. I don't ask for access to get my rocks off - there is way too much free porn around to bother. When I am intrigued by a guy's public photos, and I am/will be in the same vicinity, I request an unlock. It's not like I am asking for a free test drive. Gee. I gotta say that I am surprised at the disdain with which potential clients are often treated with regard to requests for additional info/views - the expectation that the purchase will be made sight unseen. What amazes me is how many clients put up with that crap.

I've recently had two occasions where an escort on the RM site has declined to grant me access to his private photos on the site. I am a bit confused -- my profile doesn't reveal that I am an ax murderer or scat enthusiast, and I don't think there are any other particularly off-putting aspects of my profile. I am curious as to why one would have a stash of "private" photos on the site and then decline to grant access to them for a prospective client. In both cases, I wouldn't consider hiring the 'scort in question. 'Tis a puzzlement.

Thank you. I appreciate it when we can have an exchange of views on this forum that remains civil and thoughtful. Glad to be a part of it.

What is this "invade privacy" bs? Invading an escort's privacy would be something like trying to find out his real name, where he went to high school, and where his parents live. An escort is a sex worker. Seeking to understand a sex worker's sex practices is NOT an invasion of privacy. Note: I didn't say "ask if he is HIV positive." I agree that an answer to that question is of limited value. I said one should ask if he insists on the use of a condom when getting fucked. Can someone explain to me why such a question is an invasion of privacy? If you are an escort and don't like that question, you are in the wrong line of work.

I am more interested in invading his ass than his privacy LOL. You really can't get this concept? Oy. Good luck to you.

It's not such a tough concept. there are two parts to understand: 1. Imagine two people - one says he barebacks as a bottom all the time, the other says he will only get fucked with a condom. Which one is more likely to have an STI? While you do not know for a fact that bachelor #2 is "clean," there are better odds that he is because he is already demonstrating cautious behavior. One can infer.... 2. there is no such thing as "riskless" sex unless you literally do not allow skin-to-skin or lip-to-lip contact. So you must assess the field and calculate the risk that YOU are willing to take - you SHOULD care if your partner is someone willing to take risks - that is part of the calculation. That's all that Quincy is saying, and it makes perfect sense. No judgment. I personally take some calculated risks (as a rimming enthusiast, for example), and have on occasion paid the price (thank God for antibiotics). But I assess my potential partner's judgment and behavior as best as I can and act accordingly.

I think the point of asking that question is not to have the expectation of a completely "clean" partner based on the answer; rather, it's to narrow the field: logic suggests that one who is open to barebacking is more at risk for a plethora of infections. By avoiding those who are open and enthusiastic barebackers and staying only with those who insist on condoms, one is improving the odds of an "STI-free" encounter. Note, I said "improving the odds" not "guaranteeing." To use a different example: many people drink and drive, and you can never be certain who is sober and who isn't. But given the choice, do you go with the driver who says "sure, I tie one on every day" or the one who says they don't drink? Neither is a guarantee, but I get the logic of going with the latter.

Interesting question. In my case, it was not as much learning as confirming. For example, for as long as I could remember (early grade school!) I fantasized about guys' butts. I used to think I was alone and pretty sick for wanting to get my tongue up there... Then, one day I saw a gay porn mag and low & behold here's one guy eating the other guy's butt. Aha! I am not alone! There at several other "interests" that I had instinctively that were confirmed the same way. In that way, I guess porn normalized my kinky fantasies.

They are an argument for capital punishment

By the way, I tried a site called "Be Naughty" because it was listed somewhere... It is a total credit card scam. Fighting with them for ongoing charges. Fucking nightmare.

I would also urge you to educate yourself on health issues - not just HIV, but the full range of STDs. There are many great gay health sites to do this. I don't want you to be scared of doing anything, but you should go into an encounter fully aware of the risks you take and decisions you make.

My situation exactly. And yes, there are downsides to hiring, no question. And I still find that sex with a guy who is with you because he WANTS to be there (as opposed to someone who you are paying to smile and moan) is the hottest. That's what I have been trying to get back to, but I have spent way too much time wooing, and not enough fucking. I've made all sorts of arrangements (canceling meetings, changing travel plans, etc.) to meet someone only to have them flake out at the last minute. I am now so cynical I won't believe someone is real until they are in my apartment with their trousers down. I misspent much of my youth in the closet, admiring but not touching. Now, in NYC, with an understanding husband, I am like a kid in a candy shop. Yes, there are some misfires, but generally the biggest obstacle is finding the cash.

Spring for a hotel room and hire Tim Drake. Not only is he omnivorously sexual, he is also just a nice, sweet guy who would be fun to hang out with. I hired him once when my #1 choice flaked out, and boy was I happy I did.

I have recently been vividly reminded as to why I hire. I am a decent-looking guy, early fifties in ok shape, sometimes told I am handsome. Recently I have been dipping the toe in the online (non-escort) hook-up world, and wow what a psychotic place it is! Getting into lengthy back and forth with people who aren't who they say they are, or flake out at the last minute, or I guess just get their jollies by exchanging dirty talk via text and email...it is endless. Seriously, there are a lot of people out there with too much spare time LOL. Suddenly the option of reaching out to a guy, fixing a time, and getting off and getting out is soooooo attractive. Sorry, just had to vent.

No way. I know that this has been covered before, but in my now considerable experience, EVERY TIME an escort has insisted on being paid up front, he didn't deliver afterwards. After the cash changes hands, you find out that he "just had dental work done" so he can't kiss, or his ass is sore so you can't penetrate, or he's come 12 times in the last three hours so he can't come again, or the minute I come he's pulling his pants on. My favorite was a guy who tried to claim that I was too large "down there" to fuck him. I should have such problems LOL! I try to establish a rapport via email/phone with guys whom I am meeting for the first time so that they know I am going to treat them with courtesy and respect, but if it is cash up front, I show them the door.

It is for most people. Hence the enhanced intimacy here.

I have a wonderful connection with a lovely, very sexy guy in NYC. We're friends on many levels, and I top him as often as possible. To be clear, I'm not into scat, but we've made the douching process part of our extended foreplay -- I think that the very intimate and personal of the process has made it into an incredibly bonding and sensual experience for us both. We are both rock hard throughout, and move seamlessly from shower to bed. I don't think it would work with just any guy who I didn't know, and I know it's not for all tastes, but wow what a trip.

I saw him 4-5 years ago. Pics are accurate as to what he looked like then and yes he is hot, but he was cold and distant. Just business. He's hot enough that I decided to give it another shot, and he stood me up. We had an appointment and he just stopped answering his phone.

To me it is all a matter of timing: when the pro let's me know with some notice (at least a few hours) I think it is acceptable. Over the years, I have had three occasions where the person just didn't show - no text, no notice, no nothing. Recognizing that escorts are human, too, I do think it is reasonable to hold them to a higher standard with regard to cancellations -- after all, they are the professional service providers, we are the customers. Like it or not, when you are in a service business, you've got to be flexible, patient, and forbearing. If you can't be, you are in the wrong business.

If they are good questions, there is no problem with him asking. This is a discussion board, after all.

As a client, let me offer a more precise definition: as a general rule, I think a BFE is at least in the offing when 50% or more of the session involves the escort doing something other than trying directly to get me off, and that time is both pre and post nooky. That could consist of: talking, hugging, caressing, kissing, watching TV with his head on my chest, napping together etc. What is it not? When the guy walks in, drops his pants and bends over, or starts to jerk you off while you are still trying to get your shoes off. I've had a few of those.

Mocha - With respect, I don't think you are doing yourself any favors here. As a man twice your age who probably makes more than you do, I can tell you that the anger and resentment you are exhibiting here would make me think twice before retaining your services. I think that any business man can benefit by trying to understand the perspective of those with whom he is doing business. People are not reaching out to you to make reservations at a restaurant. Many of the people reaching out to you are in the closet, or "out" but scared of exposure for doing something illegal, or worried that you are actually a cop, or worried that you are actually a thug who is trying to take advantage of closet queens to rob them, blackmail them, or harm them. Understanding and empathizing with your potential client pool will win you a lot more business than dismissing and insulting them will. Just a point of view from an old, affluent fucker.

Mocha, allow me to add something from the client perspective: - if you look at many many escort ads, certainly the lion's share of Backpage and Adam4Adam, they say "same day appointments only" or "don't contact me if you are not ready to play" or something to that effect. I have tried from time to time to make some advanced arrangements with those guys, and i get shot down. So us consumers can find it difficult to know which way to go. - If a sudden window opens in my schedule (my plans fall through and suddenly I am free tonight and feeling horny) would you rather that I not contact you, even when your rentmen ad says "available now"? Should I assume that "available now" does not mean that you are available now? - sometimes my plans change in the other direction - I thought I would be free, or I didn't know I would catch a cold or that a blizzard would strike. I have been occasionally treated rudely by guys I have cancelled on (giving as much notice as possible) because of changing circumstances. It's like the advanced plan commits me by contract. - As to why we use email rather than phone: I may be showing my age, but to me email is somehow less intrusive and interrupting than a phone call. If you are, indeed, on line and "available now" it is reasonable to assume that you will read your email. If you are in the middle of a meal or a workout or an appointment, i assume you won't read your email (and therefore are unlikely to be "available now.") None of that excuses people who just stop communicating. But I hope the above offers some perspective you didn't have.

I reached out to him on RM and he never replied

Best thing is to be EXPLICIT re your expectations -- think about yourself like a porno director: "I want to top him while you suck his nuts...I want lots of sloppy wet three-way kissing...I just want to watch...etc." As long as both guys are specifically comfortable with your vision, you should be in good shape.