Thank you for bumping this thread. I wasn't around when it got started.
I don't go to spas, so my history and expectations are for private masseurs.
I rarely choose therapeutic only masseurs, since m4m massage is a sexual (in the broadest sense) and emotional experience for me. If the masseur explicitly advertises sensual/erotic or charges (as of Aug 2019) $150 or higher per hour, the understanding is that he will be partly or (usually) completely nude, that I will touch their body in some ways, and that they will probably handle my ass and cock. If those conditions aren't met, I feel misled. There's a wide range of possibilities in these three things, however, and that, for me, is where respect for the masseur's desires and limits come into play, as well as the chemistry between us.
Most masseurs are good at signaling their boundaries and desires. I have never asked about mutual touch (I think most m4m masseurs in the range I am describing assume most clients would like it) and I believe that not asking has created a more organic experience of mutual touch. I've only had a couple experiences of disappointment.
Ah, he is performing a stretch, and when he places my hand on his chest, his waist, or his thigh, I slowly start to carress. My arm is hanging off the side of the table, and he rests a hairy legs against it for me to stroke. And when I flip over, after his hands have been so kind to me, so, so much beautiful body to touch.