Gar1eth

I was just listening to my sister-in-law reading some pre-nap time stories to my almost 2-1/2 year old great-niece (i.e. my sister-in-law's youngest granddaughter). And I was thinking about books I liked when I was young. http://dl.dropbox.com/s/fpvszvtk0n0maj5/IMG_0147.JPG?dl=0 At the age of 3 or 4 I can remember loving the story of the "Teeny-Tiny Woman." It's about, strangely enough, a teeny, tiny woman who finds a bone that she decides to use to make soup. I had my Mom read it to me so much that I could repeat it back to her by looking at the pictures. I also loved (and still love) "Put Me In The Zoo." There was something about the idea of the animal changing it's spots that I really liked. Maybe it was the illustrations. Then in first grade we could order books from the Weekly Reader Book Club. I think 'Miss Suzy' was one of the first books I ordered. It's about a squirrel run out of her tree by some other squirrels. But don't worry. She finds a dollhouse to live in. Also I think around 1st grade I discovered the Boxcar Children Series by Gertrude Chandler Warner.http://dl.dropbox.com/s/8pfb9cewts9us4w/IMG_0149.JPG?dl=0 I might have been a bit older than 1st grade as I remember reading most of the series myself although my Mom might have read at least parts of this 1st one to me. I particularly liked "Surprise Island" where the children find they have an older cousin. I knew the 1st book had been written before I was born. When I was older, I found to my surprise that Gertrude Chandler Warner had only died in 1979 when I was 18. I had thought she had died long before. If I had known she was still alive during most of my childhood I would have thought about writing her a letter telling her how much I enjoyed the series growing up. Another series I loved as a child was I think one of my teachers read the book during story time. And I picked up the rest of the series after that. What books did you like? Gman

Thanks. I read a lot-always have-fantasy or light-hearted mysteries mostly. I'm not anhedonic. Gman

Muscle Service Station https://www.muscleservice.com/ Gman

I appreciate the vote of support. Unfortunately I'd have to say that I disagree with Ms. Smith's formulations in the article you posted above. In my opinion if you've accomplished Ms. Smith's 4 Pillars, then I would think most people would be reasonably happy. If they aren't, then either something might be wrong with them or with Ms. Smith's Basic Pillars. I, on the other hand, while I accept I'll probably never be happy-or let's not use happy-let's say non-depressed-I am not happy (or if you prefer 'am upset') about it. It bothers me greatly. I think about it constantly. And no, just because I can't change it doesn't mean I don't wish things were different. I do. But there are lots of things that I wish were different that can't be changed. I wish my father hadn't suffered from Alzheimer's disease for the last 5 to 10 years of his life. I wish by the time I was ready to tell my immediate family I was gay that I had been able to tell him and have him say he still loved me. (We as a family decided not to tell him because of his Alzheimer's. He might have understood. But also maybe he wouldn't have. And possibly even if understood could have forgotten the conversation several days later as he had trouble remembering what he had for lunch that day. ) I wish I hadn't had thyroid cancer. I wish I didn't have Myasthenia Gravis. I wish I weren't bald. I wish I hadn't waited so long to have sex. I wish I were capable of falling in love with the proviso of there being someone falling in love with me. I wish I were good at sports. I wish I could sing. Just because something can't be changed doesn't mean you don't care enough to wish that it could. In spite of what therapists tell you, some things just are. Gman

I appreciate everyone's advice. But I just don't think it's in the cards for me to change. That's why I'm often reluctant to go to therapy. Before March of this year, it had probably been about 2 years since I had seen a therapist. And the one I saw then (for a few sessions only ) was one I had seen for several months a few years before that. I have some basic assumptions about the way things are or should be. I don't care if no one else shares many of my assumptions. But they form my basis of reality. (Don't worry the majority of my reality is the same as most people's. I don't live in a fantasy world.). I subscribe to the idea (and not only for myself) that just because the way you feel/believe about things may make you unhappy, it doesn't necessarily mean that the beliefs are wrong. It's just unfortunate that things turned out that way. On top of these inner feelings, my "external" circumstances/objective day to day reality (which I don't really want to go into here) is pretty crappy. And what's more I don't really expect it to ever get much better (in all possibility there's a slight chance it could get better, but the probability is extremely low. And there's probably at least a 50/50 or better chance that things will get worse at some point). Now if I could resign myself to my externals, which is what the latest therapist seemed to want me to do-yes possibly I'd feel better. But while I can't really do a lot about my current situation (And no I'm not going to explain. You'll have to take it on faith that I know what I'm talking about.), it's not what I want. If I somehow, someday feel significantly better about it, it would only be due to inertia causing me to finally give in or a massive brain injury which totally changes my personality. Given that I'm not willing to change my inner reality because my feelings are valid to me, and that it doesn't seem to be in the cards for my external reality to improve ever but definitely anytime in the foreseeable future, I don't think happiness for me is in the cards. Gman

That's all fascinating. I'm going to look at all these references. But I don't think I have PTSD. And while it's nice and convenient for me to hang the majority of my problems on being gay, I honestly think I'd still have some type of problems even if I were straight. I think it's just my nature-the way my protoplasm and my environment have interacted to produce me. People aren't perfect. Not everything can be fixed. Gman

While I'm not sure your supposition about me not finding the right therapist is correct-after all since they all tell me the same type of things, and give me pretty much the same type of suggestions, then an outlier therapist with a totally different viewpoint might be suspect. Other than that your assessment of me is probably pretty spot on. Your comments about change reminded me of a character quote in the book "Prince Caspian" by CS Lewis. I had been thinking the quote was from "The Lion, Witch, and the Wardrobe, but I was wrong. The scene is the Pevenseys, who were former rulers of Narnia, have returned to Narnia after 1000's of years. Not everyone is pro-Pevensey. But they meet a badger who is a Pevensey partisan even after all this time. The badger declares, "“I’m a beast, I am, and a Badger what’s more. We don’t change. We hold on.” So it looks like I'm a beast. What kind of beast you ask? Apparently I'm a badger. And I don't really think I can change. I've never been able to fully acclimatize over going bald 27 years ago. If I can't adjust to that, I don't have much hope for overcoming more important attitudes. Gman

I'm not interested in medication. I've been tried on three different medications 4 times in the past. They had absolutely no effect on my mood for good or ill. But they all led to unpleasant side effects of one type or another. Since I was prescribed them, there have been more and more questions posed on how effective they really are. Plus, at least from a NYT article a few months back, it seems that withdrawal symptoms can be more severe than were initially recognized. https://nyti.ms/2GK795C?smid=nytcore-ios-share I can't say that the NYT article was the reason I'm not willing to try medications again. I had already decided long ago I wasn't interested in taking medications again unless there was a strong guarantee that the agent would be effective without annoying side effects. But it was nice to be able to point the article out when the subject of medications was brought up by therapists. I've read about CBT. And I think a previous therapist I had was using those techniques. I wasn't a fan. This isn't my first go around with therapy. Maybe one day I'll meet the perfect therapist for me. But I don't think this one was it. Or, as I think very likely, it's more probable that just as medications haven't worked for me counseling doesn't work either. Not everyone can be helped. I'm tired of coming out of a session either feeling it was useless or feeling more depressed than I was when I went in. Gman

In my case I'd say it's both as I've never had sex with a female. Gman

Well I quit my latest therapist on Wednesday. We hadn't actually met that many times-probably about 3 or 4 times. I just didn't feel like it was going anywhere. My family really wanted me in therapy. And not just them. For the last several years, I had been thinking it was time to try out therapy again. But it just didn't seem to be going anywhere. I haven't told my family yet. They probably aren't going to be happy. To tell you the truth, I'm not happy about it either. I was questioning myself even as I told the therapist that I didn't want to continue. But it just felt like a waste of time. And my quitting wasn't due to being on the verge of a breakthrough. It was hearing her say the same things as all my other therapists. Possibly I should have given it longer. But she said the same types of things as most of the others. I'm not saying what she said isn't true. The things she said are what they are all trained to say and believe. But while I can acknowledge that what they say may be a truth, it's not necessarily the way I believe. And while I understand that their way would probably be healthier for me, I don't seem to be able to make myself come over to their way of thinking. The whole situation reminds me of something I remember learning in beginning physics in college. For the Greeks, the natural state of an object was to be at rest. But that's kind of a dead end concept and doesn't really lead to any ideas/experimentation. Then Newton or someone came along and decided that the natural state of an object was to be in motion. And that objects are only at rest due to other forces working on them. From what I remember the book saying-both viewpoints are valid. But the second conceptualization leads to more ideas that can be tested. Well to extend the metaphor to myself, I'm more of a "natural state is to be at rest " guy. I'm not really happy about it. But it's me. It's very difficult being the type of person that neither therapy nor medication helps. I'm just glad I'm not (at this point anyway) addicted to anything because I don't think I'd do well with a 12 Step Program either. I did leave things open with the therapist. I told her I'd call her back for an appt if I changed my mind. Gman

Some character in the movie "Scenes From The Class Struggle in Beverly Hills" says something about a mouth being a mouth being a mouth. If you consider that even some straight pre-adolescent and adolescent males (supposedly) sometimes give their friends blowjobs, then unless your friend was just totally freaked out by the thought of a guy touching his privates, did he really have to be trained to enjoy being blown? I mean taking the other side, the idea of sex with a female totally turns me off. But I could see myself possibly enjoying a blowjob. Gman

As long as we are talking about Skye, I wanted to mention again as I have mentioned in the past that I have never seen anyone produce the amount of cum that man did-or if not cum then precum and ejaculation fluid. This all occurred around 2005 or 2006 when I spent a weekend with Mr. Woods. I should note that he was extremely well-endowed. Then he could edge himself for around an hour-all the while producing prodigious amounts of precum. Basically he oozed large amounts continually that in total were more than the amount of cum I could produce on ejaculation. Then when he actually orgasmed, he still produced an incredible amount of cum. I don't know if this was a natural talent of his or was somehow enhanced by bodybuilding supplements of some type. Gman

I'll happily concede that my 1st contention-that it wasn't Mr. Woods- could be totally wrong. The dark hair might have fooled me. Gman

People, people!! I "know" Skye Woods. I've been with Skye Woods (albeit years and years ago). Here is Skye Woods-- http://images.yuku.com/image/jpeg/b1a36a241f08d3504fa91653a1fded1a7f6b04b1.jpg Isn't Mr. Phatt Booty much too young to be Skye? But on second glance, maybe it is!! Gman

I'd call him 'muscular'. But then again I say "to-MAY-toe." Will we have to call the whole thing off, @alexslaveboy? Gman

I haven't read the articles yet. I'm on the edge of my seat with anticipation. Did either article mention it being due to him having a large tallywacker and being one of g-d's most handsome gifts to the gay hiring community ? Gman

I wish he hadn't gotten his nipples pierced. Gman

Either he's not advertising now or his URL has changed. Gman

' Am I the only who has never heard of this expression before and had to look it up? Gman

Could you expand on this as I have no idea what you mean? Gman

I'm wondering as a gay male who is not attracted to women whether a woman kissing me would make me hard. Gman

No wonder he is so skinny. That fat tallywacker is probably using up all his nutrients. Gman

When you really compare the two pictures from 2014 and now, they really aren't that different. John has more white in his hair/beard now, and his tattoos have expanded. I think a lot of the other 'superficial' differences that people are noticing are due to lighting. The lighting in the current picture is awful and making lots of shadows. And I think that's what people are noticing. @TylerandAce, does Tyler know anything about Alex Collack who was John's previous partner. He never escorted as far as I know. But boy did I used to wish he would. Gman

I'll admit he's looking a bit more mature these days, but he could still eat cookies in my bed. And as long as he's settled in my bed for the night, we might as well canoodle. Gman

:mad::mad: Gman