Drained Empty

Ok this one goes back awhile. Back to the years of finding masseurs in the ad section of Frontiers Magazine. Before the advice of forum members. There was a guy whose body was amazing kind of like the guy from Tarzan movie with Bo Derek ... Miles Okeef I think. ( 20 somethings start googling). Any way I arrived at a dingy little apartment. He seemed pretty out of it. He in told me to go ahead and lie face down on the bed which was unmade and sheets were obviously not fresh. ( OK let me say it is amazing what you will let slide when some one is extremely good looking. ) He then lay on top of me and kind of kneaded my shoulder with one hand occasionally mumbling incoherently. On a side note his hair was shoulder length but more little lord Fontleroy then Sexy romance novel and obviously had not been washed in a very long time. I digress,the strange Kneading continues until it becomes obvious he has dozed off. Yes full dead weight on top of me asleep. So he come to as I writhe about a bit. continuing to mumble and pinch. At this point I initiate the turn over and just want it all to end. So I am a bit fuzzy on this but there was some sort of HE, more Hurried than Happy. The kicker, as I am getting dressed he decides it is time for him to prep dinner. This is a one room with kitchenette so I get to watch as he waves a huge knife around and tries to make small talk. Now had it been a paring knife to cut his potato no biggie but this was a fight crocodiles in a swamp knife so I was wondering if was ever going to be seen again. I go into compliment mode, going on and on of what a great time it was as I dressed and edged toward the door. I made my escape to home and a very long shower.

Sorry to enter this discussion late... it is an interesting and valuable one, and one that can easily open the very real wounds that some of our brothers carry as a result of mis-treatment because of their identity.
 
One thing that resonates deeply for me is how white-ness plays out here. White people, especially men, can far more easily navigate through places -- actual or implied -- than any others in our world. There is almost an assumption that whiteness is the norm ... a kind of hegemonic whiteness... and that anything that is other-than-white is the exception that must be "dealt with" as the other.
 
White men cannot possibly understand just how "easy" we have it - how our lives are not full of the aggressions (micro or otherwise) that are part of the daily realities of persons of color in our world.
 
To suppose otherwise - to in any way imagine a world in which there is "color blindness' is to be delusional.

Do you reveal your race to your masseurs or escorts when booking?
 
I'm Asian American and admittedly a little neurotic about how my race is perceived in the gay community after years of experiencing tons of negativity.
 
I'm in my 30s and in decent shape, which I don't disclose because I feel that's "acceptable." But I always disclose my background, usually in the form of "I'm Asian, is that okay?" For the record, no one has ever said no, but in hook-up situations (which I know these aren't), I always reveal it right off the bat. I also don't respond to say, a Craigslist ad or Grindr post unless they specifically say "seeking Asians" (I don't even reply to ads that say "open to race").
 
I've just read/experienced instances where guys thought an Asian guy was Caucasian and felt "tricked." I have an equally neurotic fear of rejection (especially based on race) which is why I always disclose.
 
I disclosed to the last masseur while booking, and he asked why I did it and thought it was "weird." But then again I just read a thread here about a local masseur who reportedly doesn't serve Asians. It would be my biggest nightmare if I booked him and he rejected me after opening the door.
 
Maybe I'm just being crazy, but does anyone else do this?

What happened with your masseur is terrible, Glee. That's my worst fear. You can just tell on someone's face when they're disgusted by your race. It's one of the worst feelings in the world.
 
Ironically, it's their problem and not ours. If they're truly professional they should work with clients of all shapes, sizes and colors, especially if they are masseurs and their bodywork is meant to be therapeutic.
 
I can understand if a client has open sores or a skin condition that could pose health risks, but being Asian is NOT a disease, even though some treat it as such. The entire energy changes and you put the blame on yourself.
 
I've come to accept social rejection based on my race, and now business (because that's what massage or escort service is) rejection as well.
 
It's a sad and depressing reality, but one that I can't change. I will continue to disclose my race, but only after the rate is stated so they can't raise it. And if they close a door in my face or don't touch me, so be it.
 
The masseur who allegedly doesn't like Asian clients is Grant (formerly Taylor) in Weho, according to his thread.

I'm a member at Burke Williams Santa Monica and every visit there is at least one super hot guy there.
 
Yesterday was no exception: a beautiful tan and toned guy who was very hung, and a dancer from Sweden I struck up a conversation with.
 
Oh, not to mention the four-way jerk fest in the steam room. But that's only happened once before. It's usually more miss than hit, but I've had a few hot sessions.
 
Maybe we should try to meet up sometime.

It is some of the MOST prevalent discrimination in the gay community. Obviously you can't quantify it with sizeism and ageism, but there's a reason why you see "no fats, no fems, no Asians" in many posts, or the succinct and equally offensive "no rice or spice" (no Asians or Southeast Asians).
 
Just google "gay racism." Fwiw I grew up in the Bay too.

What happened with your masseur is terrible, Glee. That's my worst fear. You can just tell on someone's face when they're disgusted by your race. It's one of the worst feelings in the world.
 
Ironically, it's their problem and not ours. If they're truly professional they should work with clients of all shapes, sizes and colors, especially if they are masseurs and their bodywork is meant to be therapeutic.
 
I can understand if a client has open sores or a skin condition that could pose health risks, but being Asian is NOT a disease, even though some treat it as such. The entire energy changes and you put the blame on yourself.
 
I've come to accept social rejection based on my race, and now business (because that's what massage or escort service is) rejection as well.
 
It's a sad and depressing reality, but one that I can't change. I will continue to disclose my race, but only after the rate is stated so they can't raise it. And if they close a door in my face or don't touch me, so be it.
 
The masseur who allegedly doesn't like Asian clients is Grant (formerly Taylor) in Weho, according to his thread.

Do you reveal your race to your masseurs or escorts when booking?
 
I'm Asian American and admittedly a little neurotic about how my race is perceived in the gay community after years of experiencing tons of negativity.
 
I'm in my 30s and in decent shape, which I don't disclose because I feel that's "acceptable." But I always disclose my background, usually in the form of "I'm Asian, is that okay?" For the record, no one has ever said no, but in hook-up situations (which I know these aren't), I always reveal it right off the bat. I also don't respond to say, a Craigslist ad or Grindr post unless they specifically say "seeking Asians" (I don't even reply to ads that say "open to race").
 
I've just read/experienced instances where guys thought an Asian guy was Caucasian and felt "tricked." I have an equally neurotic fear of rejection (especially based on race) which is why I always disclose.
 
I disclosed to the last masseur while booking, and he asked why I did it and thought it was "weird." But then again I just read a thread here about a local masseur who reportedly doesn't serve Asians. It would be my biggest nightmare if I booked him and he rejected me after opening the door.
 
Maybe I'm just being crazy, but does anyone else do this?

It is some of the MOST prevalent discrimination in the gay community. Obviously you can't quantify it with sizeism and ageism, but there's a reason why you see "no fats, no fems, no Asians" in many posts, or the succinct and equally offensive "no rice or spice" (no Asians or Southeast Asians).
 
Just google "gay racism." Fwiw I grew up in the Bay too.

Do you reveal your race to your masseurs or escorts when booking?
 
I'm Asian American and admittedly a little neurotic about how my race is perceived in the gay community after years of experiencing tons of negativity.
 
I'm in my 30s and in decent shape, which I don't disclose because I feel that's "acceptable." But I always disclose my background, usually in the form of "I'm Asian, is that okay?" For the record, no one has ever said no, but in hook-up situations (which I know these aren't), I always reveal it right off the bat. I also don't respond to say, a Craigslist ad or Grindr post unless they specifically say "seeking Asians" (I don't even reply to ads that say "open to race").
 
I've just read/experienced instances where guys thought an Asian guy was Caucasian and felt "tricked." I have an equally neurotic fear of rejection (especially based on race) which is why I always disclose.
 
I disclosed to the last masseur while booking, and he asked why I did it and thought it was "weird." But then again I just read a thread here about a local masseur who reportedly doesn't serve Asians. It would be my biggest nightmare if I booked him and he rejected me after opening the door.
 
Maybe I'm just being crazy, but does anyone else do this?

It is some of the MOST prevalent discrimination in the gay community. Obviously you can't quantify it with sizeism and ageism, but there's a reason why you see "no fats, no fems, no Asians" in many posts, or the succinct and equally offensive "no rice or spice" (no Asians or Southeast Asians).
 
Just google "gay racism." Fwiw I grew up in the Bay too.

Sorry when you're doing it in a public place, and accommodating a shared amenity in that public place to do so, you have no reasonable expectation of being left to monopolize it. If they want privacy they can take it to a hotel or their place.

What happened with your masseur is terrible, Glee. That's my worst fear. You can just tell on someone's face when they're disgusted by your race. It's one of the worst feelings in the world.
 
Ironically, it's their problem and not ours. If they're truly professional they should work with clients of all shapes, sizes and colors, especially if they are masseurs and their bodywork is meant to be therapeutic.
 
I can understand if a client has open sores or a skin condition that could pose health risks, but being Asian is NOT a disease, even though some treat it as such. The entire energy changes and you put the blame on yourself.
 
I've come to accept social rejection based on my race, and now business (because that's what massage or escort service is) rejection as well.
 
It's a sad and depressing reality, but one that I can't change. I will continue to disclose my race, but only after the rate is stated so they can't raise it. And if they close a door in my face or don't touch me, so be it.
 
The masseur who allegedly doesn't like Asian clients is Grant (formerly Taylor) in Weho, according to his thread.

It is some of the MOST prevalent discrimination in the gay community. Obviously you can't quantify it with sizeism and ageism, but there's a reason why you see "no fats, no fems, no Asians" in many posts, or the succinct and equally offensive "no rice or spice" (no Asians or Southeast Asians).
 
Just google "gay racism." Fwiw I grew up in the Bay too.

What happened with your masseur is terrible, Glee. That's my worst fear. You can just tell on someone's face when they're disgusted by your race. It's one of the worst feelings in the world.
 
Ironically, it's their problem and not ours. If they're truly professional they should work with clients of all shapes, sizes and colors, especially if they are masseurs and their bodywork is meant to be therapeutic.
 
I can understand if a client has open sores or a skin condition that could pose health risks, but being Asian is NOT a disease, even though some treat it as such. The entire energy changes and you put the blame on yourself.
 
I've come to accept social rejection based on my race, and now business (because that's what massage or escort service is) rejection as well.
 
It's a sad and depressing reality, but one that I can't change. I will continue to disclose my race, but only after the rate is stated so they can't raise it. And if they close a door in my face or don't touch me, so be it.
 
The masseur who allegedly doesn't like Asian clients is Grant (formerly Taylor) in Weho, according to his thread.

It is some of the MOST prevalent discrimination in the gay community. Obviously you can't quantify it with sizeism and ageism, but there's a reason why you see "no fats, no fems, no Asians" in many posts, or the succinct and equally offensive "no rice or spice" (no Asians or Southeast Asians).
 
Just google "gay racism." Fwiw I grew up in the Bay too.

Do you reveal your race to your masseurs or escorts when booking?
 
I'm Asian American and admittedly a little neurotic about how my race is perceived in the gay community after years of experiencing tons of negativity.
 
I'm in my 30s and in decent shape, which I don't disclose because I feel that's "acceptable." But I always disclose my background, usually in the form of "I'm Asian, is that okay?" For the record, no one has ever said no, but in hook-up situations (which I know these aren't), I always reveal it right off the bat. I also don't respond to say, a Craigslist ad or Grindr post unless they specifically say "seeking Asians" (I don't even reply to ads that say "open to race").
 
I've just read/experienced instances where guys thought an Asian guy was Caucasian and felt "tricked." I have an equally neurotic fear of rejection (especially based on race) which is why I always disclose.
 
I disclosed to the last masseur while booking, and he asked why I did it and thought it was "weird." But then again I just read a thread here about a local masseur who reportedly doesn't serve Asians. It would be my biggest nightmare if I booked him and he rejected me after opening the door.
 
Maybe I'm just being crazy, but does anyone else do this?

Do you reveal your race to your masseurs or escorts when booking?
 
I'm Asian American and admittedly a little neurotic about how my race is perceived in the gay community after years of experiencing tons of negativity.
 
I'm in my 30s and in decent shape, which I don't disclose because I feel that's "acceptable." But I always disclose my background, usually in the form of "I'm Asian, is that okay?" For the record, no one has ever said no, but in hook-up situations (which I know these aren't), I always reveal it right off the bat. I also don't respond to say, a Craigslist ad or Grindr post unless they specifically say "seeking Asians" (I don't even reply to ads that say "open to race").
 
I've just read/experienced instances where guys thought an Asian guy was Caucasian and felt "tricked." I have an equally neurotic fear of rejection (especially based on race) which is why I always disclose.
 
I disclosed to the last masseur while booking, and he asked why I did it and thought it was "weird." But then again I just read a thread here about a local masseur who reportedly doesn't serve Asians. It would be my biggest nightmare if I booked him and he rejected me after opening the door.
 
Maybe I'm just being crazy, but does anyone else do this?

What happened with your masseur is terrible, Glee. That's my worst fear. You can just tell on someone's face when they're disgusted by your race. It's one of the worst feelings in the world.
 
Ironically, it's their problem and not ours. If they're truly professional they should work with clients of all shapes, sizes and colors, especially if they are masseurs and their bodywork is meant to be therapeutic.
 
I can understand if a client has open sores or a skin condition that could pose health risks, but being Asian is NOT a disease, even though some treat it as such. The entire energy changes and you put the blame on yourself.
 
I've come to accept social rejection based on my race, and now business (because that's what massage or escort service is) rejection as well.
 
It's a sad and depressing reality, but one that I can't change. I will continue to disclose my race, but only after the rate is stated so they can't raise it. And if they close a door in my face or don't touch me, so be it.
 
The masseur who allegedly doesn't like Asian clients is Grant (formerly Taylor) in Weho, according to his thread.

It happened to me... ugh, multiple times, hiring or non-hiring scenarios.
 
When I first started hiring masseurs, I usually didn’t reveal my ethnicity/race during our conversations before we met unless he asked. Some were absolutely fine when they saw an Asian standing at their door, some... let’s just say didn’t handle it the way I hoped for. One in particular intentionally stood at least further than my arm’s length from the massage table so that I couldn’t touch him. He also said that me as an Asian made him lose all his sex drive and what not. After that, I revealed in any conversations with either masseur or escort that I’m Asian, asking if that’s ok. Fortunately, most of them are fine about it.
 
Social-media-wise, I have indeed had more than just once that people I talked to telling me, “Asian? Nope!” At first I was definitely disappointed, and then I got numb, and in the end I quit all of them. Of course there are some people are pretty nice and even particularly attracted to Asians, but the feeling that you’d be judged because of your race haunts me. I guess I’d rather meet someone who could truly accept who I am in real life instead of guessing if this guy you talk to behind the screen has any issue regarding whom you are. Most of them do not have their racial preferences listed in their profile, so you never know...