LaffingBear

For that exact reason, I pay no attention to the term. I have no expectations of anything specific when I read that someone offers BFE. I will ask about specifics. And, if I become a repeat customer, seeking lengthier appointments, I may specify an interest in additional behaviors - some things some people consider BFE behaviors.

Same answer, but for different reasons. Stop pursuing the guy who, after indicating interest, has, in actuality, been a source of frustration. I'm projecting, but I tend to believe that, sometimes, as clients, we get stuck considering the possibility of an outstanding meeting. Even after all indications are that it won't happen. And we prolong our frustration. Go with the tried and true. Don't bother to initiate contact with the other guy --- not even to say that you're no longer available. You'll derive no happiness from the effort. Now, if he suddenly contacts you after his non-communicative behavior.... then you can tell him, "can't do it, but maybe another time."

Hope youve contacted your credit card carrier, opened a dispute, and initiated a chargeback.

Bitchy people on the internet?! Who'd have thunk it!?!?!? Seriously.... admonishing people to behave in a particular manner online, or to comply with organizational setup... has zero chance of succeeding. So, I wouldnt advise you its a "dick move" @Tarte Gogo, just futile.

It's happened to me more than once. And, it also happens in a significant portion of my non-rentguy activities. I believe it has a lot to do with changing communication norms. The volume of information hitting humans on so many different platforms, in so many different forms..... its become acceptable to convey "not interested," "never mind," "not coming" or similar by simply ceasing to communicate. It's a form of Ghosting. I hate it. I could write a rant about. But it's happening. And there's nothing to be done about it. Except, control my own reaction, recognize that the reason behind disappearing may have nothing to do with me, and the behavior of communication-cessation certainly doesn't reflect on me. So, I shrug, and move on. I noticed in another thread, totally unrelated to this topic... someone wrote "you guys are so jaded!" Yeah, I am. I no longer expect civility. It takes a thicker skin to deal with some of today's communications norms.

Bad skin can be a turn off. One of my nightmare hiring experiences involved a guy who was roiding. It was a stupid, unresearched, last minute replacement hire, because of prior arrangements falling through. He was beefy. Studio apartment in SF Hayes Valley neighborhood... bed was a mattress on floor of closet. Shirt comes off. I hugged him. My hands came away gooey from the backne. If there was such an Olympic category... I set a record for fastest fat-ass getting dressed and getting out.

No But all gay men are named Mark, Rick or Steve. And, All gay men have track lighting.

Wow. I can't believe I read the WHOOOOOOLE Thing. And, related to much of it. I live 15-20 minutes from Steamworks. Never been. Have no desire to go. But the self-consciousness, the description regarding body image, are very accurate. (I tried a bathhouse one time in the WeHo area... I think it had the name Melrose ..... I hated it. The floor was sticky and grimy. My towel was threadbare. I felt like I was in a petri dish. I yelled NO loudly when something unknown touched me in a blackout room, and bolted. It's when I recognized I'm not just conservative vanilla, I'm kind of a judgmental prude regarding sex.... and OK with it.) In an odd way, the description of the bathhouse experience reminds me of experiences at the BiggerCity dances they used to hold at STUD in SF. It's pretty rewarding to see guys who are shy regarding their bodies, eventually get over it, remove their shirts, and shake their booties on the dance floor; places safe from judgment have wonderful effects on people! The description of NobHill was very helpful. I have lengthy posts regarding the place in this forum - my experience is all at least a decade old. The dancers shown on their website, and now this post, convinced me that I'm in no hurry to return there.

Correct.

No I texted "what part of town?" He replied "Castro"

Been texting him, pending his visit. Staying in Castro. I'm pondering. A little concerned regarding language barriers. And, challenged by the undiplomatic potential of "uhhh where are you staying? Cause, if its Beck's, I'm not interested."

I have a different view when I see disappointment regarding gentrification. Sure, I get a little sad. Winsome. Nostalgic. Wonder a little about what's lost as neighborhoods evolve. And recognize that money plays a major role in whats happening. But isn't it also evidence of increased societal acceptance? We live in a market economy... if the gay bars were all thriving, they wouldn't get pushed out. My age cohort needed safe places - that often meant separate. If younger gays dont need gay neighborhoods, or bars, or cruises... isn't that a sign of progress? If a young gay guy can go out to a bar with buddies, gay and straight, and he's just as comfortable approaching a guy in the bar as his buddy would be approaching a woman... isnt that reason for hope? If not proof of total success, at least indication things are getting better? Not all assimilation is bad. Its the American story... the ghettos and neighborhoods based on ethnic and religious populations transition, and eventually become more heterogenous. The trick is to prevent all aspects of cultural, or group, identity from disappearing entirely. The closing line of that article states ".....may be becoming a place not meant for the LGBTQ community anymore." Its not all bad if that means LGBTQ folk dont feel a need for a place to congregate, whether to live or play.

I also assumed for weapons. I was worried once in Vegas when, after many delays in arrival, a rentguy showed up wet and in dirty clothes... and, while I didnt want to frisk him, it occurred to me he had a gun in his travel-bag. Unfounded concerns, as it turned out. I dont see the harm in frisking if the rentguy knows its part of some play-scenario

Try going direct to the rental car company... not through third parties like expedia. Search online for coupons. Explore your memberships. I get offers from AAA, and from my credit card carriers.

He's been listed in San Francisco in recent weeks. Unaware of this thread, thought he was a new guy in town. I was planning on contacting him, as I have reason to be in SF tomorrow. He listed himself as Not Available on RM for last 3-4 days, so I made no contact effort. Awoke this morning to find hes now in San Jose. Finally got around to searching and finding this thread... Wish there was a way of discerning... some rentguys list travel plans, and some just seem to change their location as they move about.

Good advice to yourself..... You may never know why. Don't waste your time ruminating about something that, in all likelihood, does not reflect on who you are, or that you cannot control. .... wonderfully simple advice to give to others.... please don't ask if I'm capable of heeding it myself.

Perhaps this will yield a higher response rate in the Ask An Escort forum. Unrelated to rentguys entirely.... fakes, scams, and what seems like just plain "too much time on their hands coupled with disregard for others' time" seems to be increasing. I say that based upon my personal experiences with online selling, employment recruiting, and some internet-dependent volunteer work.

To be thorough: if/when a rentguy opts in, the adult info will appear on his review page. The adult section is a review page segment. Dont want to send clients and reviewers scrambling to find an adult section.

He appeared live on Instagram, in a commercially-related activity, on January 17. In excellent shape. Abs apparent.

Wow! I could write a book in response to this post. I too attract the bears. And, while I occassionally find a bear attractive, I am not universally attracted to bears. We're all wired differently... I cant relate to being atteacted by hair, regardless of other attributes. Some hairy guys are hot, some hairy guys are not. And, after years in bear scene, attending bear events, and firmly fixing my ass on a seat in a well-known bear bar..... the only thing in life I find sillier than woofing is men who say/type "Grrrr." I was directed towards the bear bar 25 years ago when I arrived in SF. And, I'm convinced that some -not all or most, but some- bears hookup with bears because they dont believe they have choices. I also believe that repeated exposure and familiarity work on our brains to enhance attraction. I too used to opine that gay men were scum, or pigs. But its really men in general, driven by their crotch. When both parties think with the organ not in their skull... then logic and proportion fall sloppy dead. The apps exacerbate the worst of crotch-logic. People online behave without civility. Add that you're never quite certain that any online interaction isn't really with a 43 yo loser/gamer living in his mom's basement, or two pimply 14 year olds messing around before dinner. It took repeated disappointment for me to realize that I hung out at a bear bar because it was my potential audience, yet not my desired target. I've installed Grindr, Growlr, Scruff, and BiggerCity, and uninstalled them... at least four cycles. I used to be on Bear411. But its backwards logic.... driven by a need to connect, perhaps enhanced opportunity for acceptance, even thought its acceptance from those whose acceptance one wouldnt seek, given a choice. I frequently remember a guy I met years ago sharing that his grandmother said "anyone can get married, if they'll marry anyone." Haven't been to a bear bar in about 15 years. No hookup apps on my phone at present. But strong motivations are at work.... and I can't guarantee Scruff wont get installed a fifth time.

Get tested to put your mind at ease about your brief bottoming experience. If the idea of medication side effects and long term effects concerns you, maybe drugs arent for you. Just go the condom route. Fear is a basic human emotion. You can try to address your fear regardless of the protection method chosen.

OK. This is my new favorite gif

Let them know. Put on your thick skin.... The narrow-minded guys will decline your business. Some may caution that their services may be limited... e.g. a fantasy of being held aloft during sex may not be realistic. For the most part, once you put it out there, the better escorts will not only tell you its not a problem, they'll put you at ease. 100% speculation on my part, but I'd bet that the nice rentguys spend time allaying self-image concerns with a significant percentage of clients.

I was part of a corporate retreat once, where two competing factions -- people who loathed each other -- tried to work out their differences. There was a trained facilitator. He announced "you can't build trust by working on trust." I usually roll my eyes at such pithy pronouncements. But that one made sense, and I believe it to be accurate, decades later.

Dont beat yourself up. You write that you know what you did was wrong. I dont necessarily agree, but if you feel that way, everything else is irrelevant. Dont dwell on it. Easy to advise, difficult to do. But try. Time for a change of focus. Go walking, see a show, sign up for a class. Distance lends clarity. Time and perspective. You may never achieve clarity in knowing his reasons for what happened, but you'll gain clarity/perspective regarding its effect on you.