LaffingBear

Fall for as in love? Nope. But one of my earliest hires... i sorta developed daddy feelings. He was in his mid-20s, I was near 40. I paid for his flights to visit me. We arranged hybrid visits, lots of time off the clock punctuated br some hourly sessions. As I learned about his tough times, I was building a desire to be a benefactor. He wanted none of that. And I learned that "we're paying for time," is a good thing, and expecting time off the clock as part of a longer package arrangement is a very bad idea.

Not the activity likely intended by this post, but two of my most regretable experiences. One was a date. Spent the night. Oddly, while ok the night before, perhaps something chemical in his body, awoke to to the worst B.O. ever. And didn't know what to do. He must have thought I just became uninterested next morning. Never saw him again. Other was a hire in Vegas. He arrived at my hotel. Things started. He was hot. I was having fun. But leaned in towards his groin, and wow, he smelled like shit. For real shit, like "I dont wipe thoroughly." Ugh. I was done. In retrospect, both instances, I dont know why I didn't recommend we move our fun to the shower. I love playing in the shower. And that would be my advice too...go play in the shower, enen a little touching in there if indicated.

The one time that happened to me, I got really pissed. Vegas. Because the guy arrived via an agency. Quoted outrageous rates to do more, like a menu of services. I refused. He agreed to come back on his own time. I stupidly agreed. We started, and he started yanking me furiously, like there was a contest. I couldn't stop him. I was done in 10-12 minutes, then he announced "everyone understands the rule. You cum, we're done." I got him to just hang around and talk... pointless, but I was sorta in shock and wanted my hour. Stupid waste of time.

To be thorough, I haven't hired since Covid. I'm older, retired, and any experience i have is not current/recent. I canceled, walked out, or had him leave my hotel room several times. I cant recall it specifically being due to not matching pictures. I got up, got dressed and bolted from a hotel room 15 minutes in when I saw the big sore on his dick; he told me it was a spider bite. I made it five minutes with a last minute sorta desperate hire after a few cancelations and no shows. Muscle guy. Acknowledged roiding. Hugged him, my hands came away very soggy. He was, unfortunately, experiencing horrible backne due to the roids. Yech! I left a small amount $, departed. I picked a guy up in my car in San Francisco and quickly realized it was going to be trouble. Drove around 10 minutes wondering what to do. Pulled into parking lot, told him to get out. He wouldn't. Took a deep breath, got out with my keys, went to passenger door, yanked him out. I was scared, but refused to be a victim. I broke my own rule and arranged to meet a guy at my home first visit. He arrived. Leather jacket & mirror sunglasses. Ballcap. I stupidly paid up front. Walked around my place searching for cameras - he studied the little LED on-light on my TV, etc. Then hesitated to undress, wouldn't remove his hat or glasses, repeatedly citing anonymity & fear of video. I asked him to leave, he resisted. I somehow got all of my money back except $20 or $40, and got rid of him. The one experience I can think of as I learned pics were fake, the guy was en route to my place. I had scheduled and canceled previously, he seemed very nice. I was so eager, I reverse-searched his online images to find more, and discovered they belonged to a male model.. even confirmed the model was in Europe at the time. I called my appointment, started to cancel. He asked me to give it a try anyway, agreed to meet publicly, and he'd walk away if I was at all unsatisfied. We met near a coffee place. He was better looking than his pics and maybe the hottest rent guy I ever interacted with. I hired him multiple times, did overnights, etc. I'd still advise: fake pics, walk away. But, ya never know......

I felt the same about NobHill in SF. For a variety of reasons.

I might be skeptical if I was told that. I might also have some hygiene concerns, not just about the person, but a backpack, etc. For me, it's not a prudent disclosure for the escort. There are, potentially, bad actors on either side of these transactions. Homeless escort seeking some assistance sounds like a script for a TV cop show with a bad outcome for the escort.

One of the most important things I had to learn was to differentiate between ability to afford, and determination of worth. Thankfully, I was lucky enough to never be in a situation that I couldn't somehow find the funds. The decision became whether it was high enough priority to spend the funds, perhaps forgo some other non-essential. I wholehearted agree with this statement. I can't relate to even considering hiring if it means struggling to pay the basics. Early on, I'd have to choose between hiring and a home improvement project or maybe a weekend getaway. Eventually, when funds weren't an issue, I had to consider other forms of affordability. Afford triggers multiple interpretations for me. I know the intent here is to have the financial means. Something I learned about myself: I couldn't afford to make a rash decision that resulted in an unsatisfactory session. Kudos and a bit of envy to the guys who could spend $300 on an unsatisfactory session and shrug it off! I couldn't, and would feel like I wasted money unnecessarily. "Damn! Now I'd really rather I'd have put new blinds in the den. What a crotch-thinking fool!" 🥴

Sad I never made it there. I'm actually surprised I didn't. I knew about. I was in NY for work frequent 2000-2004, always added a weekend midtown, saw broadway shows. I wasn't nervous, as an SF bay resident and fairly frequent patron of NobHill Theater and Campus Theater. I always felt some regret that I never experienced the place. Perhaps those places don't match current/younger folks desires. All of the SF places closed too.

All but one of my initial sessions with a guy were 1-hour. Situations vary. I'd rather have an excellent time and ask if he wants to extend - willing to risk that he can't or won't. What I wanted to avoid... 30 minutes in, nothing is wrong, but the X-factor is missing. Things felt ok, but I'd have been content to end things even before the full hour. No complaints. But if I'd have booked 1½ or 2 hours, I wouldn't end early and short change a guy for subjective reasons. So I'd feel a bit frustrated.

For curiosity sake How close to 100% text response rate is anyone in the non-escort segments of their lives? Because I'm not, in any sector. Not even close. Work contacts? Nope. Not even employees for whom i was their boss. Not coworkers. Not service providers or contractors. People who've said they were interested in work around my home. People who've said yes, they'll send a proposal. Contractors whose bid I've signed and returned, even contractors who disappear mid-projects. Friends, relatives, fellow volunteers on a community board of directors... None of the above are near 100% text response rate in my life. Maybe it's not ghosting, but those much younger than me will maintain that not responding is a response. Why would rentguys be any different?

I never asked...it just sometimes developed. To be precise, I had very few sessions with guys hired as a masseur, rather than an escort. It never happened in any of those circumstances. Shoulder rubs to back rubs developing into full massage as a things heated up with an escort? ... sure, that happened.

Poor performance is subjective . I don't think I ever had an encounter for which I didn't pay something. Particularly if I spent the entire scheduled time. I was more likely to say "never mind" and leave some courtesy cancel-pay, if there was a significant issue early in the session. And, I can think of some red flags that prudence might have suggested I should have canceled. Like arriving for a 24-hour session with a very well known rentguy, excellent reputation, I'd seen him for multiple visits. He was at the end of a trip, and greeted me by telling me he'd had such a great trip, he was exhausted, was therefore doubtful he'd finish in our sessions. I probably should have walked.

Nope, couldn't do it. And not only because of the interpersonal customer service, faking attraction, etc. Although that would be a challenge. I don't have that hustle mentality. Things may stabilize once established, generating overnight and longer appointments. I wouldn't have made it past the early days when multiple one-hour appointments in one day may be required. Accurate or not, one of the things I always did when I was active was to try and chat with the rentguys about things other than our specific interaction. And the things I heard - no way I could put up with much of it. I couldn't deal with the uncertainty. Making plans, traveling to another city, incurring the cost of lodging etc, and then not generating enough business to cover costs. Nope! Things I heard/learned... more often than we'd expect, advance plans with first timers fall through. Guys are thinking with their crotch. Or, guys are very tempted, have good intentions at 6pm, but at 9pm, they lose their nerve. The reliance on the internet means there are plenty of scammers out there, including people who just get their jollies jerking the providers around. I'm a skeptical guy. Always approached this with a caveat emptor mindset. Had my share of scammers. But as I listened to providers, i came to learn it's just as tentative for them. And I know myself. If I flew to NYC, checked into a hotel, made some appointments, and had a bad run of one then another cancel or flake - i'd be unsuitable company for any remaining clients. Nope, no way I could do the job.

My personal biggest cooking fails are: My first attempt at bread. I made some simple cheddar casserole bread recipe.... it was beautiful to see as it came out of the oven. And a rock hard crust surrounding an entirely hollow interior. I've never attempted loaf bread since, only quick breads and bready pastries. I hosted a birthday party for a friend. Main course was Arroz con Pollo with seafood. Chicken, rice, with mussels and shrimp. Beautiful table great hors d'oeuvre, first courses, etc. The main course was a gummy mess. It tasted OK, but I'd used the wrong type of rice, and something called a paella dish, but it was really 100% unsuitable for that type of cooking. The party fail that sticks in my memory is my parents, big entertainers, all out bashes. One party in winter.... my mother took a big crystal bowl to a local caterer or bakery, had it filled with chocolate mousse. No room in the refrigerator, she set the box outside on the porch until dessert time. Next morning, there was an OMG moment, "I forgot all about the mousse!" We opened the back door and the squirrels went running... they'd gotten into the box and feasted on mousse. There was an, "I hate to tell you what i spent on that mousse!" comment. Eventually, we laughed about it for years.

I'm not finding reddit to be that much different than other platforms. I should note that I'm older, close to Boomer age. I'm still a member of Facebook, but I haven't posted since 2017. I lurk, check every few months, because that's the only communications some folks use - it's how I'll learn if a relative or old friend died. I quit Twitter/X when Elon did all of the BS here in SF Bay. I joined TikTok because I felt I should be more aware of current communications modes. I quit - If I believed it humanly possible, I'd support banning TikTok for its potential to make people stupid. Really - like a Surgeon General warning that repeated exposure can drop your IQ! I was never too involved with Insta, watched a bit. I suppose my account is linked to my Facebook- I deleted the app from all devices. A friend recommended Reddit. I like the potential for organization and focus. I suppose as a percentage of posts, there's less lunacy. But there's still plenty. I'm in no politics subs. Have we moved past the age of search engines entirely? I get people are suspect regarding ads and targeted results, but people can't look up the most basic question? But it doesn't occur to a user to look up a map? Or search how many feet in a mile? For me, it's a disturbing exposure to people who seem to be unable to think for themselves. "The water rises up near the rim when I flush my toilet. Do you think it's clogged?" There are plenty of Nextdoor-like "What was that noise?" posts. Everything is catastrophized. Or politicized. One bad customer service experience, Amazon are crooks. Stubhub is a 100% scam. Paranoia runs wild.. so users are posting concerns before anything goes badly. I posted a comment that I think Whole Foods quality and service is deteriorating, sharing specifics from recent visits; I got attacked with attitude for ever liking the elitist store. There's passionate hate for the way people queue at the Costco gas pumps. There's the same BS about things like tipping, just without the angry videos of TikTok GrubHub drivers or restaurant servers. Join a sub about your local region, and it's, "why can't people here learn not to drive slowly in the left lane?" I'm in the cooking sub. The paranoia and passion over Teflon is insane. People post pictures of a pot with ¼" scratch "is this safe to use?" "I took my chicken out of the refrigerator and got a 15-minute phone call. Is it still safe to eat?" There are some very focused subs, and some very tightly moderated subs, that can be fun and/or informative. The rest aren't really that different than the other social media platforms. And, candidly, it's another depressing indicator of human online behavior and impressionability. I'm already cutting back, leaving a variety of subs.

It's the human condition. Things are complicated. Any number of possible reasons, even if some are unlikely yet not impossible. There are also bad potential clients, and bad escorts advertising. They want travel time They're just concerned about the security and conditions where they're being asked to travel. Better time management if they have multiple appointments. Getting them to travel and waste time may be the fetish-desire for the guys that get off on wasting their time. No one home - ha ha! Last minute cancelation rate is so high, at least it's less wasted time and money if it happens on in-call. They're nervous that clients have recording equipment setup. Maybe it's a sting. Maybe they have a safety net buddy in the adjacent room or lobby. The escort is a bad guy, has plans for client arrival. E.g. Recording. Thugs for shake-down. Probably many many more reasons in support of incall or outcall.

I have no individual recommendations - sorry. But I have a process recommendation. My experience was always that the majority of guys who advertise in San Jose are in San Francisco. And the two cities, depending on time, day and traffic, are at least an hour apart. Be thorough in reviewing ads, confirm their location. You're going to pay a travel premium if you want them to come to you. Or you're going up to San Francisco. There are some guys in San Jose if you check carefully.

I've had guys up to my room there. I don't have much to add to prior comments, except.... if it's a very well known rentguy with an online presence... security may come knocking. They hate having porn "filmed" in their rooms. I think Cosmo is extra cautious because the terraces attract content creators. There's a well known influencer who Cosmo mistakenly accused of producing porn because he arrived with a big case of recording equipment.. he posted about it. That said, I've seen onlyfans vids on porn sites and recognized Cosmo, Mandalay Bay, Aria and Vdara rooms.

I had many one-time encounters that didn't deliver, but many that did. What made me sad was reflecting on my active years, thinking back on great first encounters, guys who i still recall as favorites, arranging to see those guys multiple times, having great times, but eventual slides into disappointing 1-2 final encounters. Or, other factors that deterred me from contacting them again.

I deleted my X account when Elon started his hijinks in SF a few years ago. Oh well.

I've always felt like I had an odd, or unique, coming out experience. I guess all of ours are somewhat unique. I was closeted. I moved from home, to college town, to grad school in another city, to my first job... all in the closet. Then I moved for my job again, and through an odd circumstances, I was quickly introduced to the most amazing and diverse social circle imaginable. Mixed ethnicity couples. A gay couple. A lesbian. Young engaged couple and older married couple. (I moved many times in my early life...this was the easiest and fastest I ever developed a social life). The older couple met me and pulled me into the group. And, with no history, no anxiety about revealing I wasn't who I'd projected myself to be, I introduced myself as gay. No drama. No fear. It was just a casual, matter-of-fact action. I wasn't yet out to my family, but I was 1000 miles away, so it wasn't a big issue. When I eventually told them, there also wasn't drama. My mother was disappointed as she wouldn't get some traditional expectations like a big wedding, grandchildren, etc, but we didn't change our relationship. Being gay has never been something I wear on my sleeve. There's no gay flag bumper sticker on my car. I don't introduce myself as gay. But I won't hide it. Not even the most casual effort to avoid it. I recall someone at my office questioning me, sorta hinting and probing, but afraid to ask directly, and I finally laughed and said "it's ok, you can ask. I'm gay." I was a manager, and when I mentioned a restaurant I was going to as I left Friday night, staff members hadn't heard of it. "It's in the Castro." "Ohhhhhhhh." I spent my teens and 20s hiding it. It's exhausting! I can't and won't make the effort anymore. It's cost me some closeted acquaintances in my 40s and thereafter. Because when asked to be discreet, my answer is "Look. I won't initiate any action that outs you. But if somehow, the issue comes up about me, I won't lie." I've been uninvited to parties including family, with subsequent ghosting. So, I never had the big emotional drama of coming out. And, really, it wasn't some principled "I am who I am" moment. But thinking back on the evasive comments, the female friend I used as a beard, the avoidance, the careful crafting of not lying but letting people arrive at the wrong conclusions... it really was exhausting. Stressful. And, mostly, coming out was only partly being who I am... a big factor was that I was simply no longer willing to expend the emotional energy it required to hide it. Now in my 60s, every once in a while, I feel a little whistful regret that I really never had the wildly active sexual youth common in one's late teens through early 30s. But, that was the late 70s through early 90s. I was near-celibate in the closet, not afraid of AIDS. But had I been out and thinking with a 20-something's crotch, I might not be here.

That's quite a shutdown message on the former site url.

Somehow, Najee Morning Tenderness became the album of my choice. Long ago enough that the CD stayed in my bedroom for the clock radio with CD player. Relevant to the rentguy activity... long ago, my routine at hiring was to start the 60-minute sleep timer music on the clock radio in my hotel room as I started an hour session. I hired a Vegas masseur who brought his own music. He definitely had a routine. It was a satisfactory experience; I felt as if his massage was timed to his music choice... the music's end and the massage ending were impressively close to simultaneous.

It's only happened once for me. And it was at the conclusion of my weirdest ever encounter; I believe I've posted about it previously. The money request elements include A provider telling me he's waiving his fee, because I remind him of his high school crush. Me spending the cash on something else while with him. Hours later, provider asking if he could borrow some money as I was driving him home - while on my way to the airport for my flight. The provider then concerned what I thought of him, crying, a rushed search for an ATM, and the provider bolting from my car while it was still moving.

I'd seen a guy one day, enjoyed the experience enough to arrange another visit within the next few days. Big, personal trainer type. I must have commented that he'd look hot in a tank top during visit one... he showed up in a tank for visit two. I've bought clothes for guys that I'd seen multiple times. I've made it clear what not to wear in specific circumstances. Again, enjoying muscular guys, I've indicated to guys that, as much as I'm a fan, I'm not looking for them to stroll through the lobby of my hotel in a compression shirt or workout gear. Not exactly on topic, but probably my strongest clothing-related memory. I had an extended stay with a young guy, also buff, part of which was spent in a hotel in San Francisco. He arrived with nothing but well-worn t-shirts. We went out for dinner, not super fancy, but a nice place. I loaned him a plain black polo type shirt. I'll note that I was a chubby guy at the time, XL shirt. It had simply never occurred to me that the same shirt could look so different on someone else. My A-frame bod compared to his V-shape. What reinforced it... he got up to visit the men's room at the restaurant... I noticed every woman's head turn as, black jeans and polo, he strolled between the tables.