samhexum

NOT A PUN, BUT THIS CRACKED ME UP:

DEAR ABBY: My son and his family live six hours from me. I can afford the gas to drive there, but paying for a hotel room for two nights is beyond my means. My son is a stay-at-home dad of seven children. When I asked his wife if I could stay at their place, thinking one child could make a pallet on the floor, giving me their bed, she said she didn’t want to put their child out. At my age, I can’t sleep on the floor because I have some health issues. This means I can’t see my son and his family. They don’t offer to help pay for a room. I remember when someone stayed in my parents’ home, they gave up their bedroom to the guest. I don’t expect my son and his wife to give up their room, but one of the children should. It makes me feel sad, disrespected and uncared for since, in the past, my son said he wanted me to get closer to his children. Is there any answer? — DENIED GRANDMA IN WASHINGTON DEAR GRANDMA: This may not be a case of being uncared for or disrespected. From what you have described, your daughter-in-law makes the decisions in that household rather than your son. The reason may be that she’s the one financially supporting the family. If you (and your son) want you to grow closer to your seven grandchildren, perhaps a foldaway cot could be purchased for you to use when you visit. It shouldn’t cost more than a few nights in a hotel. (Have you ever ASKED them if it would be possible for them to pay part of the cost of a hotel stay?) If a cot is out of reach, consider sleeping on a sofa or in an easy chair, if one is comfortable enough. I MUST ADMIT I’M STUMPED. THE LOGICAL THING TO DO WOULD BE TO PICK OUT YOUR LEAST-FAVORITE GRANDCHILD (it should be easy… you've got seven - at least one must be particularly annoying) AND KILL HIM/HER, BUT YOUR BITCH DAUGHTER-IN-LAW WOULD PROBABLY EXPECT YOU TO PAY FOR THE FUNERAL, SO THAT SOLUTION IS OUT…

And, believe it or not, she is still 100!

And, equally off-putting, probably pricy.

Lou Dobbs, Conservative Political Commentator, Dead at 78 TVLINE.COM Conservative commentator and talk show host Lou Dobbs died on Thursday, at age 78. Dobbs, who as...

TV Icon Bob Newhart Dead at 94 TVLINE.COM Comedian and actor Bob Newhart, who starred in long-running sitcoms 'The Bob Newhart Show' and...

Christina Hall (née Haack) is keeping the keys to her HGTV kingdom. The reality star, 41, is reportedly filming her new show, “The Flip Off,” without estranged husband Josh Hall after they filed for divorce from each other this week. The competition series, announced in May, was supposed to see Haack and Hall, 43, face off with her first husband, Tarek El Moussa, and El Moussa’s current wife, “Selling Sunset” alum Heather Rae El Moussa (née Young).

this one?

It's ironic but during all the talk about Biden's mental state, Joy seemed a step slow today.

Maybe you're in one of the areas that HAS updated their system.

Fandango founder ID’d as jumper who leaped to his death from luxury NYC hotel

I wasn't thinking the worst; I was stating the facts.

All the other indexes, or indices if you prefer, took a bath today, but the Dow climbs on… It passed 41,200 but finished at 41,198.

DEAR ABBY: I met this guy at work. He was everything I’m looking for in a guy. During a lunch walk, he told me about his breakup with his ex and how he moved out and bought a house. He lives with his son and his nephews and their family. The entire two months we dated were amazing. There may have been a couple of red flags my co-worker and friends noticed. He couldn’t message me often after work or on weekends, and he was always so busy with his kid we couldn’t go on a date. He told me his ex was not in the picture, which I thought was odd since his son is only 2. I don’t know why I decided to do some internet research on him, but I found out he actually is married and bought the house with that “ex.” When I confronted him about this, he insisted he had told me about it when we first started talking, which is not true. Now that the cat’s out of the bag, he says he’s getting back with her “for his son” but still wants me in the picture as his side piece. I fell in love with him, Abby, and he says he loves me, too. I don’t think it’s right to do this, but I don’t want to stop talking to him. Should I block him and move on or stick around since he still wants me? — SIDE PIECE IN CALIFORNIA DEAR SIDE PIECE: Close your eyes, dig deep and see if you can feel around and locate a shred of your self-esteem. Why would you be content to be a “side piece” in this philanderer’s life? He doesn’t love you. I doubt he loves anyone but himself. Do yourself a giant favor: Quit listening to his sales pitch, block him and find someone who can give you the love you crave. ABSOLUTELY STICK AROUND!!! YOU’RE TOO STUPID TO DESERVE ANY BETTER. JUST PLEASE USE BIRTH CONTROL… OUR POPULATION IS DUMB ENOUGH AS IT IS. DEAR ABBY: Last week my wife and I were at a local function. During intermission, a man walked up behind my wife and placed his hand on her shoulder. She looked up, shouted “George!”, jumped out of her chair and was all over him, fondling his face and head. I had to turn away, but our friends continued to watch as the two carried on. She claims it was not inappropriate behavior and that I am just jealous. Is this really a married woman’s normal behavior? — WOUNDED IN MISSOURI DEAR WOUNDED: Bind your “wound” and let it go. While your wife’s reaction may have seemed over-the-top to you, if George is someone your wife cared about and hadn’t seen in many years, it wasn’t out of the realm of normality for her. TO HER SEAT EACH TIME YOU’RE OUT IN PUBLIC. PROBLEM SOLVED. YOU’RE WELCOME. DEAR ABBY: My ex-mother-in-law caught wind that my 6-year-old would be getting her first haircut and took it upon herself to trim my daughter’s baby curls without telling me so she could keep some for herself. I am livid. She has taken the first birthday, the first Christmas dress, the first pair of shoes. I get that it’s her first time being a grandma, but this is my first and only time being a mom. She is a delicate woman. How do I approach this? — FIRST-TIME MOM DEAR FIRST-TIME: Explain to your ex-mother-in-law what you wrote to me, omitting the part about “livid” because she’s “delicate.” The next time a first approaches, inform her politely that you wish to be consulted before she does anything else involving your daughter. KILL THE DELICATE BITCH BATTLE-AXE.

I am shocked! Shocked I tell you!!! Christina and Josh are getting a divorce. She's just going to cycle through all the men in California until she and Tarek finally get back together.

If it can gain 112 points in an hour and a quarter, the Dow will hit 41,000 today. It got as high as 30 points away before finishing about 45 points short of 41,000.

She was drunk. She checked into rehab.

Just after lunchtime on June 18, Massachusetts’ leaders discovered that the statewide 911 system was down. A scramble to handle the crisis was on. Police texted out administrative numbers that callers could use, Boston Mayor Michelle Wu gave outage updates at a press conference outlining plans for the Celtics’ championship parade, and local officials urged people to summon help by pulling red fire alarm boxes. About 7 million people went roughly two hours with no 911 service. Such crashes have become more of a feature than a bug in the nation’s fragmented emergency response system. Outages have hit at least eight states this year. They’re emblematic of problems plaguing emergency communications due in part to wide disparities in the systems’ age and capabilities, and in funding of 911 systems across the country. While some states, cities, and counties have already modernized their systems or have made plans to upgrade, many others are lagging... The nation's 911 system is on the brink of its own emergency 911 has been changed.wav Here Comes Trouble.wav oh shit.wav urgent messages.wav