Merboy

I'll go first. It was my 23rd birthday - 2008, a few months before the election that made Barack Obama president. My friend Brandon takes me to a gay resort and we go have a nice dinner at the restaurant. I think the music that was playing was something from "A Chorus Line" - maybe "At the Ballet". Anyway, it was the same resort that as a member of the local gay youth group I joined in 2005, I ate lunches for free. All of a sudden from the corner of my left eye, I see a back. Yes, a back. And it is the best fucking back I've ever seen - just very muscular, buff, and broad shouldered - and I knew right away this dude was ripped. I really had to get that tight grey shirt off of him. So Brandon takes me down to the little bar down by the lake. It kinda has this Friday the 13th vibe going on because by now it's getting pretty late and it's a school night I think. I have a college class in the morning - Human Sexuality (; Well, I see that dude - and omg he is breathtakingly gorgeous. He looks like the boy that worked at the local Abercrombie and Fitch store at the mall - but only hotter and more buff than even he was. I was feeling very daring that night because I just waltzed up to him and took a seat to his left. I kinda turned a little to check him out, but once he caught me staring, I quickly looked the other way. I think he liked that - thought it was cute, and wholesome. So we started to talk - Brandon and the bartender, a nice married man that made homemade soap with his hubby, and me and this guy. I find out he's from that college in Syracuse and his breath smells AMAZING. Maybe it's the fruity drink he's got. He asks if I'd like a drink. I say no because I don't drink alcohol. I joked that I was a member of the Christian Women's Temperance Union. He liked that. He asked if I'd like to dance, and I said no. I didn't know how to dance. Eventually the conversation - as it usually does in these places - turned to sex. He asked if I was seeing anyone. I said I was a virgin who hadn't even be kissed. I could see the bulge in his tight shorts popping up. That definitely turned him on. It was also 100% true. Well I walked Brandon out and was planning on leaving with him back to the campus, but I overheard Sex on a Stick tell the bartender that he wanted to take a dip in the hot tub. OMG. Shirt was definitely coming off. Yes! So I did something very brave: I told Brandon I'd stay back and that I'd catch a ride with someone. Who that someone was I had no fucking clue, but I was not going to miss out on watching this gorgeous man take his clothes off. I said goodbye to Brandon and thanked him for the lovely dinner he paid for. He said to be careful, be safe. I gave him a big hug and watched the car drive down the road and into the woods. I walked back to where the lake was and that guy (let's call him Josh) emerged out from a bush and scared the shit out of me. He gave me a very salacious grin with one side of his mouth, then adjusted the towel around his waist. Then I realized this guy was everything I had ever dreamed of for the past four years of college. Holy shit, he was hot as hell. His body was all steamy and underneath the steam was like drops of hot water trickling down his pecs and onto his abs. So I made another joke: "So I guess you work out, huh?" "C'mon into the hot tub. I know you want to." Then he stepped an inch closer to my face. "I know you want me." Oh good lord. I was a very wholesome, sweet, Catholic country boy and was not at all used to this. I didn't know what to do so I just shrugged. He took the initiative and grabbed my hand and led me to the hot tub. There was a couple from I think one of the former Soviet Bloc countries making out. Josh just started taking off my clothes and I froze. I said I could wear my T-shirt and undies in the tub, but then he whispered in my ear, "I think it'll be more fun like this." Okay then... now keep in mind I have not had my first kiss yet and I just turned 23 that afternoon. So then Josh and I sit next to each other along the side of the hot tub. I can't make out the Eurocouple from the other end, but I think one of the dudes is fucking the other. We can hear moaning. I turn to Josh and omg that face is so handsome, like an old movie star from Classic Hollywood, but with the body of a Chippendale dancer. Josh looks at me intensely and then says: "You could be a male model." He then reaches for my glasses and peels them off. I can't see without them, but it made Josh even more attractive because all I could see was a REALLY HOT man who looked delicious in the water. I told him I was nervous, and he smiled. I told him I had never been kissed before, and then after a few moments of him staring at me, he just moved in and gave me my first kiss. It was a French kiss - his tongue went deep into my mouth, and my instant reaction was to hop onto this guy and use all my power to take control of his body. I licked his pecs, his abs, and then got down to his cock and just feasted on that for a minute. Then I told him to fuck the shit out of me, and he said "Hold on". I guess he was going to grab a condom. Then I never saw him again. Apparently he was actually a bottom and was getting fucked in the (cold) pool. It took me a whole year to get over him.

Thank you so much honey. Yes, he did come. We had a very lovely meal. He's a dear friend of mine who is gay and has been living with HIV for a very long time. Club Cafe is great - very nice place, lots of young people coming out tonight (it was the first cool day and night in weeks) and the line was very long when we left. We did check out the club in the back but it was mostly a very young crowd in little groups of friends. I had a ginger ale and he had a Diet Coke. Both of us don't drink. I hope the young boys there feel free and liberated and enjoy their youth. I'm sure most of them will be back on Grindr soon. Sadly, gay bars and gay clubs aren't offering that access to make friends there. In my experience, I don't make friends unless it's a place I work at or go to school at. There has to be a shared experience really and bars and clubs are just places to hang out with friends you already brought with you. I've struggled with my gender for years. I'll be 36. I am not young anymore and I was a very ugly young man - Italian, huge nose, ugly side profile, just really unattractive and undesirable, which explains why I had to resort in my late 20s to hiring escorts because I wasn't getting anyone unless I paid them to. There was only one experience on the night of my 23rd birthday when I met pretty much exactly the type of guy I liked (muscular, hunky, gorgeous, masculine) but that was extremely unfulfilling. He did kiss me, the very first time anyone ever had, but it was over before it even started. The entire experience lasted maybe one minute at the most and it was also humiliating because this guy, who was older than me, told me to kiss another dude in the hot tub that I didn't even know. He was an asshole and later admitted "it wasn't my finest moment". Well, for me it was my first time, so it sucked. I've met a few guys here and there in the mental health system in Boston - the closest was a lovely boy from Kazakhstan who played the piano so beautifully and we sang showtunes together once walking in the street. I felt a very strong connection to him. I kissed him, and even got us a hotel once, and I got to kiss him some more, and it was great really, but he had no interest in me, and I told him I liked him and he said he didn't feel the same way. My youth and the early part of getting and growing older (up to age 36) has been dominated by extreme loneliness, social isolation, severe depression, suicide attempts, hospitalizations, mental illness, autism, PTSD, sexual repression, and just an endless series of tragedies, heartbreaks, devastation, self-loathing, and nervous breakdowns. It's been, quite honestly, a miserable, tortured life, and I'm ready for big changes. I don't want to live another 35 years in this kind of hell. I want so desperately for the next 35 years, if I do get to live to be 70, to be full of good, happy memories, not rage and bitterness. Thank you for being so kind, all of you - you have really been there for me.

I’m on here. That pretty much says everything. Some handsome dudes in here but everyone’s with someone else or in a group. Everyone is having a nice time except me. I’m waiting for a friend who’s stuck on shitty public transit and it’s raining out. Boston blows. ive been in this city for 8 years and haven’t gotten anywhere with any guy here. Had more luck in Pennsylvania. Seriously. Boston is snob city. Can’t wait to make more money so I can leave it for good. Club Cafe as an establishment is really nice tho. It’s Boston’s only gay bar. In a city of hundreds of thousands of hunky young men, it’s the only gay bar. Of course, a very girly, aging queer like me is not what anyone wants, which is why I am coming out on this forum as the real me in this post. I am not gay. I am trans. And I want a sex change one day. And as a woman I have no interest in bars or hookups or sex or porn. All I want is to be me and all of me, no matter how much work I have to put in to make that happen. I will one day be everything I ever dreamed of. I believe in myself. I really do. wishing you all a very happy night sincerely, Boston’s loneliest person

Okay, I'll go first. I want to look like a young Christopher Atkins. In between The Blue Lagoon and A Night in Heaven. I want to live in the Village in the late 90s Manhattan. And I want to have sex with every soap opera hunk that existed (soaps were still quite a big deal in 1999), starting with Jesse Metcalfe from Passions and then making my way to Eddie Cibrian from Sunset Beach, Victor Webster from Days of Our Lives, and maybe a pit stop at Chippendales to cap off a really fabulous evening of debauchery.

I'll find a way to get the 50k. I'll fly him in from Antarctica if I have to. Just tell me his name... 😈 I said under 30 but what I really mean is 28 not 21 or 23, which I insist is the sexiest age for a man.

https://www.instagram.com/p/Bz27c_plldG/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link Omg is that his bf? look at his eyes ❤️

you are my everything - thank u ❤️ This dude is delicious af. thank u

For me, it would be her. Miss Netherlands of 2011. She's an absolute angel. I'd buy her everything she ever wanted, and let her sleep with any man she wanted. Or woman. I'd be there to cuddle, watch horror flicks, take her shopping, treat her to expensive dinners and spas and vacations all over the world. (That is, if I am the wealthiest dude on Earth lol.)

Honestly. I would die very happy if I just spent the night with a breathtakingly gorgeous hunk of man. Just me and him - for hours and hours... talking on the bed and then fucking, talking some more, then fucking some more, and then one explosive fuck - the most incredible bang since the Big Bang. Oh yeah.

From the 90s alone, between the ages of 5 and 15... The cutie pie from the Rescuers Down Under. Cody. He takes off his shirt in one scene. I must have been about 6. Good lord. Then there was Devon Sawa, a typical 90s crush - from Casper and Now and Then. A breathtaking vision. God I loved that 90s hairstyle on guys - that swooshy way the hair went, curtained I think is the word. But by the late 90s hormones were flying all over the fucking place and I was horny as shit. The first time I ejaculated and saw this icky white goo explode all over the keyboard was Eddie Cibrian in "Living Out Loud". O.M.G. I was never the same after that. But in 2000, I fell madly in love with Jesse Metcalfe, who played the dopey Miguel on the nutty soap opera Passions. I watched it only to get a glimpse of that face and that bod. I wanted nothing more as a 14 year old to feast on his magnificent pecs, just suck them all day and all night long. I didn't really get into the porn until a few years later - first it was sexy scenes in mainstream stuff like Sex and the City, then it went to those softcore Cinemax movies (Jarod Carey, drool) and then it went to really hardcore porn by the first year of college and by the second year of college I had developed a horrible addiction to porn. Wasted away, spent all night looking for hot guys to jerk off to, and then fell asleep right when class was starting. I was a very naughty dude, and I really wanted my philosophy professor to punish me. 😈

Yeah I could see that. Those two look "straight" and I hate to use that word... except there's something about the really tight shorts of the far right dude. It's too emphasized. Do any of you think any of these guys are straight because I really think they're all gay - even though they look very macho.

Yes that actually makes a lot of sense. It would seem that the least overcompensating is really the ferocious mind-blowing powerful top 🙂 I've been to Manhattan in the summer - years ago - by the Chelsea area or the West Side Highway. Up along those parks. They really do look like that - all of them. Even the ones that are not ripped beyond belief are breathtaking.

That or "Mr. Goldstone". lol. have a spare rib mr. goldstone... tell me any little thing that I can dooooo....

Saw this and had to post. Dayum that dude on the far right. Good lord he is hot. Is he a top?!? Which one is your favorite? 🏳️‍🌈

Well. I would not be kicking that out of bed.

It's absurd but it's all I want. A queer nation-state where millions and millions of people can be who they are and live in freedom... and sadly I see what's happening to our world and I know what's going to happen. We've got to create our own world. They had the right idea in the 1970s with the creation of gayborhoods. What we've become is just not happy - we need to be with our own kind, and be as welcoming to anyone else that wants to join us - every letter, and all heterosexuals too. The cities are gone - Boston, Manhattan, San Francisco - nearly dead. They've become cities of wealthy elites and to be poor in them is absolute misery. Something's got to change somewhere down the line.

The escorting business took its first huge hit with the shutting down of Rentboy which terrified people. In 2013, you could find the man of your dreams - in 2021, it's barely possible anymore. I stopped hiring altogether years ago - there just wasn't the kind of men I wanted to spend $1,000 on anymore and until there are a few good ones out there, it ain't happening. I'll save that money for things I really need (even though I really need to cuddle with a hot guy in P-town). The second hit was COVID, and we're still in that Hell and it doesn't seem to get any better with these new terrifying variants.

Very true. Chris Hayes may not be Captain America, but he might just be Captain America in the sack, so you never know 🙂

Maybe I should just join a gym to scope out the man candy, offer to buy some guy a drink, and just go for it. If I'm looking for horny bodybuilders who just want to get a nut off, then maybe I should go where guys like that are.

I thought Manhattan was the epitome of gay life - or maybe that was 15 years ago? Is Chelsea and the Meatpacking District still where all the boys are?

Found him. Looks like a guy I made out with in a junkyard behind a Chinese food restaurant.

Mitch Gaylord...so hot and also the other Soloflex dude!

He has such a feminine energy and I guess he's a bottom, but he's very very attractive.

I'm a mess but thank you all for your concern and support! Boston isn't the gayest town in the world - gay men are very hard to find here, or maybe I'm just on the margins of the gay world.

It has been six fucking years since I kissed a guy. What's weird is that my self-worth and self-esteem are so low that I feel I'm beyond hideous... but maybe it's more than that. I grew up in a really small town back in the early 2000s - there were a few gay men in town but hardly any younger than 50 and the ones that were around my age I was already friends with - nice, sweet, country boys who were struggling with dads that didn't accept them too. (Major Daddy issues in this community...maybe Freud was right?) Then I tried to kill myself...more than a few times and then life just fell apart. I gained massive weight - over 150 pounds over 9 years. Boston, the city I'm in, has become an extreme Gilded Age society where there is still no gay community center (otherwise I'd be in there all the time). It's no secret to anyone that I loathe Boston and would return to PA with my car in a heartbeat. The very few gay places I've been in I've been hit on. One guy grabbed my ass at a gay bookstore (remember those?) and another dude grabbed my crotch. After those two horrible experiences, I stopped going altogether. I've made out with a few guys, sucked off a few - not really had what I would call mind-blowing sex. Anal felt like I had to poop. And giving a man head made me bored after 3 seconds. The first time a man kissed me I was 23 and it was in a hot tub and then he told me to kiss this really old guy from Austria (?) and oh god it was an AWFUL first time. I think he was a muscle bottom because he just bolted after that and found two men in the pool to fuck him. He was also wasted. He was extremely cocky and good-looking and an elitist dick... and I guess I was turned on by that. Any alpha douchebag makes me horny. It's always the same type of guy - some Abercrombie and Bitch frat boy or a straight bodybuilder who in real life is dating a little petite blonde girl - and my heart is always broken. Now I live with a guy and he's hot and young (ish) and he gets constant Grindr hookups - 3 or 4 in a day. All he does is fuck, sleep, eat, and fuck some more. Anyway - where am I going with this? 🙄 I have no clue. I guess I just wanted to reach out to you and talk about why we want what we can't have - and why other people can stop wanting that after a while - and why other people are so hell-bent on having it that we'd walk through fire to just have sex with that one gorgeous stud.