Merboy

Consider yourself lucky.

Oh it wasn't so great then?

My h.s. yearbook had a "best body" award for each gender, but they wore regular street clothes in the photo.

Was the guy that won "best body" really smokin'? We had a guy in my high school who was ripped beyond belief and he insisted on wearing a plain, skin-tight white T-shirt EVERY DAY. He would walk across the cafeteria and I swear everyone's eyes went to that bod.

By the time of the 1964 election, I was not living at home, so we didn't watch it on tv or talk about it much. As often happens between generations, my father was more politically conservative than my grandfather, who had been very active in the progressive wing of the GOP (he was a protege of Teddy Roosevelt), while I was more liberal than my father. As for gay rights, it was not a subject that my father would have been comfortable discussing, so I didn't push him; he was OK with me being gay, as long as he didn't have to talk about it. He would have been very worried for me if he had known how involved I was in the gay rights movement before Stonewall.

Wow you should definitely write a book! Sounds like a fascinating life story

I never had any desire to see 42nd Street but saw it a few years ago when it was playing at the Royal Drury in London, a few doors from my hotel and noticed Sheena Easton was staring so had to see it and loved the show. Sheena was a bitch after the show she exited the start door and only had about a dozen people wanting autographs (someone had even brought a vinyl cover for her to sign) and she exited with a couple people and refused to talk to anyone.

Who's Sheena Easton? (Sorry I only know of "Sheena, Queen of the Slut People" from The Golden Girls but I'm assuming that wasn't Sheena Easton.)

My high school did this for the seniors and gave certain students titles, like Most Likely to Succeed, Best Smile, Class Clown...and oh yeah. Most Quiet. That was me.

There was also a male beauty pageant they did for the seniors the year before me. I think there was a swimsuit competition but I never would have gone to that. I was way too conservative and way too closeted to even entertain the notion.

Every time I would go to a gay bar, I would ask myself the same question - "Why isn't anyone in here talking to one another?" Then after ordering a ginger ale and asking if there was going to be a male stripper (which usually was responded to with "No, I wish") I'd tip the friendly bartender and leave, taking some local gay publications with me as I went out the door.

Had wanted to see "Gypsy" (Bernadette Peters version), "The Producers", and "The Normal Heart" but never got to.

So far I've seen about 10...

Carousel (1994) - the best - the Best - the BEST I tell you. My favorite childhood memory.

Beauty and the Beast (1994) - a 90s Disney kid's Dream Come True.

Grease (1994) - Rosie O'Donnell played Rizzo. The cast was nice after the show.

Show Boat (1995) - excellent as well, fabulous company

Ragtime (1999) - incredible, moved my mother to tears

42nd Street (2001) - fantastic, just a grand ol' time from start to finish

The Phantom of the Opera (2002?) - mixed feelings - set and costumes were superb of course but there were areas that bored me to death.

Thoroughly Modern Millie (2002 or 2003) - good, I don't recall if I saw it with Sutton Foster or not but the guy that played Jimmy was the understudy

Wicked (saw it twice) - Fun, creative - the book is hilarious at parts

Pippin (2013) - Just wonderful, so glad I was able to see it.

aw

My father and I were very different from one another in many ways, yet we liked and understood one another. He dropped out of school at 16, and had a variety of jobs, mostly white collar or blue collar; I have three degrees and was a tenured college professor by the time I was 28. But we both approached problems with the same kind of engineering mindset. I have much more money than he ever had, but I am financially conservative and frugal in the same ways that he was. He was born in the Eastern Time Zone and left it only once in his life, for a weekend in Milwaukee; I love travel and have been all over the world, including living and working in other countries. He was outgoing and made friends easily; I was very shy when I was younger, but managed to overcome that. He was quietly religious and I was a quiet non-believer. He was family-oriented; I was 'gay community' oriented. He rarely read anything more challenging than the New York Daily News, and I majored in English literature. Our tastes in music and art were different. He voted for Barry Goldwater; I voted for Lyndon Johnson. He enjoyed sports activities all his life; I worked out at a gym until I was middle-aged, solely to stay in shape for sex, and then took up tennis. He was honest, loyal, kind, considerate, organized and responsible, and I always wanted to be like him in those ways.

 

I came out to my father when I was 19. He was not happy about it, but he tried to be understanding (after all, he had long realized that I was going to be "different" from him). I think he was conditioned by the fact that his favorite male cousin, whom he had grown up with, was gay, and the whole extended family had tacitly accepted that fact for years, since Fred wasn't a flaming queen but a 'normal'-looking guy who lived with his widowed mother rather than with his male partner, who was nevertheless included in family activities. Once I was established in a respectable career, Dad could accept that I might have the same kind of settled life as Fred, even though I was openly gay and lived with my partner, whom he liked. When he was dying, his main concern was what would happen to my mother, and was relieved when I assured him that I would take care of her just as Fred had taken care of Aunt Minnie. He has been dead for many years, but I still think about him often.

My father and I were very different from one another in many ways, yet we liked and understood one another. He dropped out of school at 16, and had a variety of jobs, mostly white collar or blue collar; I have three degrees and was a tenured college professor by the time I was 28. But we both approached problems with the same kind of engineering mindset. I have much more money than he ever had, but I am financially conservative and frugal in the same ways that he was. He was born in the Eastern Time Zone and left it only once in his life, for a weekend in Milwaukee; I love travel and have been all over the world, including living and working in other countries. He was outgoing and made friends easily; I was very shy when I was younger, but managed to overcome that. He was quietly religious and I was a quiet non-believer. He was family-oriented; I was 'gay community' oriented. He rarely read anything more challenging than the New York Daily News, and I majored in English literature. Our tastes in music and art were different. He voted for Barry Goldwater; I voted for Lyndon Johnson. He enjoyed sports activities all his life; I worked out at a gym until I was middle-aged, solely to stay in shape for sex, and then took up tennis. He was honest, loyal, kind, considerate, organized and responsible, and I always wanted to be like him in those ways.

 

I came out to my father when I was 19. He was not happy about it, but he tried to be understanding (after all, he had long realized that I was going to be "different" from him). I think he was conditioned by the fact that his favorite male cousin, whom he had grown up with, was gay, and the whole extended family had tacitly accepted that fact for years, since Fred wasn't a flaming queen but a 'normal'-looking guy who lived with his widowed mother rather than with his male partner, who was nevertheless included in family activities. Once I was established in a respectable career, Dad could accept that I might have the same kind of settled life as Fred, even though I was openly gay and lived with my partner, whom he liked. When he was dying, his main concern was what would happen to my mother, and was relieved when I assured him that I would take care of her just as Fred had taken care of Aunt Minnie. He has been dead for many years, but I still think about him often.

Thanks for sharing that story! 19 - meaning you came out before Stonewall then! That's incredible! Courageous young guy you must have been.

He voted for Barry Goldwater; I voted for Lyndon Johnson

I proudly voted for Hillary Rodham Clinton, my dad not really that proudly voted for Donald Trump. What was the 1964 election like when the both of you watched it on TV? Did you talk about gay rights issues at all and if so what were those conversations like?

I agree with @sniper . Life is not a dress rehearsal. You won't get back any missed opportunities. If you are not really interested in sex, then I would encourage you to see your doctor for an evaluation. However, if you really want it, and are just volitionally denying yourself, you should take a hard look at your motives, and consider counseling. A temporary ban until you get vaccinated does make some sense. But denying yourself for years because you don't want to feel like a "slut" doesn't make much sense to me, and simply ends up denying you life's greatest gift, sexual satisfaction. It's entirely up to you, of course, but I would feel sad if you don't seek help.

Hi - I just feel some days I'm so busy and so tired that I have no energy to even have any relief at all. I totally agree that it's very important to have a healthy sex life!

My dad was born in El Salvador in the 70's and immigrated here as a teen. I grew up with a great family and we are all close. Although we basically get along and agree on most things in life (politics, morals, etc.), he just doesn't understand anyone who isn't straight.

 

I'm closeted and my brother is straight. I have a feeling that my parents might have an inkling that I'm gay for 2 reasons. He once told me that he would kill himself if I was gay and second, my brother has a history of relationships with girls while I do not.

 

My father loves hearing/making jokes about lgbtq+ people and is utterly disgusted when anything of the matter is represented in movies/tv. He even thinks soy products can "turn" men gay or feminine...so he avoids tofu and soy milk at all costs. His persona is very macho and will always comment on an attractive lady on tv. To be so homophobic makes me think he might be covering up his own true feelings in a way, but I'm not sure.

 

The older I get, the more I think about how I would tell my parents or if I ever should. Maybe I never have to since I'm ok with not settling down and just having fwb's. They want me to have kids and a family, but I just want to be happy.

awww I can really relate to that in a little way, but that must be awfully hard to deal with. I think it's so important to come out but it's just not easy.

For those to young to remember him - Jon-Erik Hexum was an actor, breathtakingly beautiful, who was killed in 1984 in a tragic accident on the set of the show he was filming.

omg thats terrible! Yeah I was born the next year. Was he very popular at the time with the gay men of the 1980s?

Wow - These are heartfelt, poignant stories fellas! thank you for sharing.

Out of curiosity, how often does he wash the sheets?

Constantly. He's a very clean guy

More pecs and chests for y'all...

More pecs and chests for y'all...

A son’s relationship with his father can be quite complex. My dad died when I was in my early 20’s. Our relationship was sometimes distant, and I never really felt much closeness. He never knew about my sexuality, but would likely have struggled with it. Based on my memories I think he had bipolar disorder. As I have dealt with my own mental health issues in my adult life, I feel more empathy for him now than I did as a kid or a teenager, as he probably suffered a lot of pain without getting any help. An astrologer once told me “you are more like your father than you realize”. Possibly true, but sadly, too late to find out.

Oh my relationship with mine is certainly complex. We're at a point I feel where we are worn out from so much. It's been a long, hard ride, and it's not over yet. In fact it's just really beginning, even though he's now 60 years old. I never got to tell my mother about myself, but maybe she knew in a way. My father has been the dominant parent in my life by now and he can be very controlling at times - he's cranky at times. It all depends on the day and the mood he's in. I think I share some things with my father... I am sorry your dad died so young, David1024. I lost a parent very young as well.

A son’s relationship with his father can be quite complex. My dad died when I was in my early 20’s. Our relationship was sometimes distant, and I never really felt much closeness. He never knew about my sexuality, but would likely have struggled with it. Based on my memories I think he had bipolar disorder. As I have dealt with my own mental health issues in my adult life, I feel more empathy for him now than I did as a kid or a teenager, as he probably suffered a lot of pain without getting any help. An astrologer once told me “you are more like your father than you realize”. Possibly true, but sadly, too late to find out.

Oh my relationship with mine is certainly complex. We're at a point I feel where we are worn out from so much. It's been a long, hard ride, and it's not over yet. In fact it's just really beginning, even though he's now 60 years old. I never got to tell my mother about myself, but maybe she knew in a way. My father has been the dominant parent in my life by now and he can be very controlling at times - he's cranky at times. It all depends on the day and the mood he's in. I think I share some things with my father... I am sorry your dad died so young, David1024. I lost a parent very young as well.

Maybe they can name a law school after him one day! ?

Maybe they can name a law school after him one day! ?

will he limit himself to 2 orgasms instead of 5 or 7?

 

What about him escorting? Reminds me of the episode of the Golden Girls where they get confused with prostitutes and Dorothy calls Blanche career oriented.

I love TGG. I watch it on a loop.

will he limit himself to 2 orgasms instead of 5 or 7?

 

What about him escorting? Reminds me of the episode of the Golden Girls where they get confused with prostitutes and Dorothy calls Blanche career oriented.

I love TGG. I watch it on a loop.

Have you asked him if it's possible for him to have sex at the other guy's place instead of yours?

Yes that was brought up! He's going to travel to a guy's place in a week from now.

Have you asked him if it's possible for him to have sex at the other guy's place instead of yours?

Yes that was brought up! He's going to travel to a guy's place in a week from now.

Hopefully you can help your friend through this time without it becoming dangerous or risky for yourself, and I hope things turn out well with your father, whatever that situation might be.

Thank you so much