rn901

To answer the original question, it depends on the circumstances and the way they act when canceling. It may also depend on how last minute the cancellation is. If you're canceling while I'm already on my way to the meeting point, then screw you. Generally, I usually do a three-strike rule. One time is okay. Two consecutive times is pushing it. Three consecutive times is we're done here. My dick, I decide what I do with it.

Believe it or not, I might actually think higher of a client if they reimburse for a cancellation than if they didn't cancel at all. Well, I don't know. It does leave a good impression though. It speaks to their character and what kind of person they are. They are going out of their way to do something that is completely unnecessary and thoughtful. It is an act of a gentleman. It shows that they're mindful of other people's time besides their own and are genuinely remorseful if they caused an inconvenience to a person. I always take note when clients do this and if it is a client I never have met then I take it as a green light as this is someone who is trustful and dependable. I highly recommend clients do this if they are to cancel. Even a modest compensation goes a long way.

"If it offends me or makes me uncomfortable then it must be wrong" is not how we derive a thought-out sexual ethics in a free society. Bodily autonomy and consent are guiding principles. Anyone who argues otherwise is acting like a tyrannical child and should be pushed back against by other leftists who actually have read the decades long feminist debates on pornography/free speech and have thought these things out. The toxic atmosphere of contemporary politics has silenced intelligent progressive minded people who have been enabling this kind of nonsense for too long. The attacks on free speech have spilled over into attacks on sexual freedom and bodily autonomy. That's what this is. What will these attacks spill over into next if left unchecked and allowed to continue? Tyrants never stop. You might not be into this or that kink, but they will violate your boundaries and self-determination next if enabled enough.

Right now, a good mix of fiction and nonfiction. On my list for the next month or two are: Thomas Paine and the Promise of America by Harvey J Kaye Conduct Unbecoming: Gays and Lesbians in the U.S. Military by Randy Shilts The Married Man by Edmund White Of America by Susan Sontag Memoirs of a Geisha by Arthur Golden One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest by Ken Kesey

You may have less rage if you minded your own business and respected the sexual autonomy of other consenting adults. Their personal private sex lives are not obligated to accommodate what offends you or doesn't offend you personally. No one has such a dictatorial right over the sex lives of other people. It's difficult to even fathom the level of entitlement it takes to think one does have such a right to deny such sexual agency in others. Yes, it is a collective rather than individual problem. It is a complete disregard for the sexual autonomy/freedom of others, the self-agency of others, the privacy of others and the boundaries of other people beyond oneself. I'll say it again- no one has the right to dictate what one consenting adult can or cannot do with another consenting adult in mutually enjoyable consensual sexual activity. Also again, since you ignored this repeated point in this thread, somehow the rampant misogyny is okay in the BDSM scene but raceplay is not. If you condemn raceplay but have nothing to say about the constant reenactments of sexual violence or the daily stream of homophobic/misogynistic epithets in the scene then you are inconsistent and you are a hypocrite. You're just condemning what's more stigmatized and taboo at the current moment. At least Andrea Dworkin and Catharine A. MacKinnon were consistent in their obnoxious puritanical opposition to sexual freedom and self-autonomy. You are not.

Is it different than demeaning someone based on their gender or sexual identity? Degrading sexist, homophobic, transphobic language and role play are all over in BDSM. There was a time when second wave feminists contended such activity perpetuated sexism and sexual violence in the wider society. Fortunately, they lost that argument. If such BDSM is different than racially degrading role play, then explain how so. If one is acceptable and the other is not, explain how that's consistent. Where are you drawing the line in deeming what's acceptable and unacceptable for consenting adults to practice in the privacy of their own bedrooms? If such activity that is consenting and mutually enjoyable for all parties involved is deemed wrong, then how do you plan on remedying it? The law? Censorship? In movies or theater, we usually are able to differentiate between the actor and the character being played on stage or on screen. But when it comes to sex and raceplay, that ability seems to evaporate. This says more about how acts of sex invoke emotionally driven reactions and positions not so thought out with the scrutiny of logic. There's something about sex that makes people want to control what others do in their own bedroom. It doesn't matter if it makes you uncomfortable or if it offends you, it's none of your business if you're not engaging in it. Adults have the right to engage in whatever consenting sexual activity they want to with other consenting adults. When determining what sex acts are moral and immoral, we should not let our own knee-jerk discomfort and our own feelings of offense restrict the freedom of consenting adults engaging in mutually enjoyable private behavior. No one has that right over the rights of others, no matter how offensive their kinks and fetishes are to you personally.

One of my best friends who I meet and hook up with once every week or so, started as a client. It's become a "situationship" where we aren't in a relationship but we're more than a simple friendship with benefits. He's young, in-shape, handsome, intelligent, educated and an extremely kind mannered introvert. Our first meet ups consisted of him giving me a massage prior to the sex (Not a bad gig to get paid for receiving massages!). More and more our sessions got longer, with wine and conversations late into the night. After a couple months of visits, I stopped charging. He then started taking me out to dinner and I regularly started spending the night. We live about a 10 minute walk from each other and see each other almost weekly now. This peculiar arrangement has lasted over five years, with us still reluctant to make anything official out of it (why change something that isn't broken?). I hesitate telling clients this because I don't want them to get any ideas. Throughout my career I've had other clients try to push to something beyond a client/provider arrangement and I've had to maintain boundaries. It's important to not let the lines get too blurry as things can get messy fast if such lines aren't clearly established. I've had longtime regulars who have become some of the best friendships of my life. Some are almost like family, yet they still happily pay as clients because that's the sort of wonderful souls that they are. As Benjamin describes, they're the ones with social grace and fruitful effortless conversations. I hope to keep them all in my life well after I retire from this work. The ones who have treated me the best usually also made me feel very appreciated. I find it interesting that almost never do the most generous and most pleasant say they should be the ones getting paid instead. That's just not something they say. Others of a lesser caliber will act that way or say that but that's not how these best among clients think or operate. Rather, they be their great selves and they pay my rate without ever the slightest objection or hesitation. They're humble, while being the most giving. They're men of class and kindness.

Oh and how could I forget Gore Vidal's nonfiction writings on American history and politics: - Perpetual War for Perpetual Peace: How We Got to Be So Hated - Imperial America: Reflections on the United States of Amnesia - United States: Essays 1952-1992 - The Last Empire: Essays 1992-2000 - Inventing a Nation: Washington, Adams, Jefferson (Icons of America) To name a few

Anything by Eric Foner is great, particularly on Reconstruction. Two of my favorites were The Second Founding: How the Civil War and Reconstruction Remade the Constitution, and the other, Reconstruction Updated Edition: America's Unfinished Revolution, 1863-1877. Of course if one were to dive into that topic they would also need to check out the classic Black Reconstruction in America, 1860-1880 by W.E.B Du Bois. Just finished reading the biography of John Brown by Du Bois this year and it was pretty good, but nothing beats his book on Reconstruction. On the civil rights movement, I highly recommend Harvard Sitkoff's The Struggle for Black Equality. It offers a very concise coherent overview of the movement's development and history. Two others on the topic would be Howard Zinn's SNCC: The New Abolitionists and Francis Fox Piven's and Richard Cloward's Poor People's Movements: Why They Succeed, How They Fail. The latter discusses social movements in general, one being the civil rights movement but also the mobilization of the unemployed during the Great Depression, the CIO/labor movement and the welfare rights movement. Howard Zinn's People's History of the United States is also a classic must read on American history. It covers every social movement in American history: the labor movement, the women's movements, the civil rights movement, anti-war movements, ect. Some books on the women's movement and feminism I've enjoyed were Angela Davis' Women, Race & Class and Rebecca Solnit's Men Explain Things to Me. Anything by either of those writers will make for a good read. Rickie Solinger's Abortion Wars: A Half Century of Struggle, 1950–2000 will give an extensive look at the fight over Roe v Wade and other abortion laws in the United States. Roxane Gay's Bad Feminist is good as I'm sure her other writings are. If your mother enjoyed Bob Woodward's books then she probably would like John Dean's. He wrote a book on the Trump administration titled Authoritarian Nightmare: Trump and His Followers and another on the Bush administration titled Worse Than Watergate: The Secret Presidency of George W. Bush. My favorite book of his is Conservatives Without Conscience. In it he describes a lot of the psychology and personality traits that go into an ardent right-wing conservative. Another two books with a similar theme would be Lisa McGirr's Suburban Warriors: The Origins of the New American Right and Chip Berlet's and Matthew Lyon's Right-Wing Populism in America: Too Close for Comfort. One book on my list on the topic I haven't read but plan on reading is David Nelwert's Alt-America: The Rise of the Radical Right in the Age of Trump. Some other books on my list for this year on American history and that your mother may enjoy are Harvey Kayes' The Fight for the Four Freedoms: What Made FDR and the Greatest Generation Truly Great and his other book Thomas Paine And The Promise Of America. I listened and watched some interviews of Harvey Kaye and loved him. I plan on also getting to Chalmers Johnson's book Blowback, Second Edition: The Costs and Consequences of American Empire and Michael Parenti's Against Empire. Noam Chomsky's Hegemony or Survival and Manufacturing Consent are also classics on American foreign policy. I also have been putting off and need to finally get to Roxanne Dunbar-Ortiz's An Indigenous Peoples' History of the United States. Hope your mother enjoyed it. It's a popular read that I have no excuse to not get to. I also plan on diving into Shelby Foote's three volume series on the Civil War and James M. McPherson's Battle Cry of Freedom. If she likes Steinbeck then of course there are the classics Grapes of Wrath and my favorite In Dubious Battle. Given her appetite, I wouldn't be surprised she has already read both. If she likes Steinbeck, then she probably also would be a fan of the classic writings of Upton Sinclair. However, she has probably gotten to those as well. (but those are all fiction, so maybe not) Hope that helps. Looking at that extensive list, I would say she has good taste. Good for her on having such an active mind at the age of 90!

During the height of the pandemic a lot of providers increased their rates and probably have kept them at those new levels thereafter. Mine have stayed the same, but I can see how others have increased theirs this past year and a half.

If you only want to sleep with people who have an attitude of financial insecurity and financial need, then I'm sorry that's just sad.

The nature of the business of selling one's emotional labor and body isn't the same as selling merchandise to little miss Karen at a store. He had just as much as discretion as you in this transaction. Too bad. Get over it.

Your underpaid therapist isn't sleeping with you (well hopefully). A therapist can also kick out a client and decide which clients they see. You didn't object to him having a bad attitude, you objected to him having an attitude of "I have a real job so I don't need to do this". On the one hand this isn't a real job? On the other you expect the same attitude as your therapist with a PhD, trained in mental health? You wanting an escort to have an attitude of financial desperation suggests you don't want reality where people have a balance of power in deciding what they do with their bodies. Too bad. You'll have to deal with the real world sometimes. Most escorts also likely don't have the same training of dealing with difficult clients as your underpaid underappreciated therapist, god bless them.

Again no one said there aren't legitimate complaints by reasonable clients about various escorts. That in no way addresses the question that was not even asked of you. What I said in no way negates that. "Conversely, not all escorts are dishonest. if the client is treated well and if the escort keeps his word about what will happen, there would be no need for a client to come here to complain. " Wrong. That takes the presumption that every client is in the right in every circumstance when they come to anonymously complain on an anonymous forum. Many come on here to complain about a wide host of matters and reasons, and such an environment can and has attracted the worst of clients and their toxic behavior/attitudes. Acknowledging that reality is to not say there aren't good reasonable clients on here or that there aren't clients who come on here with legitimate grievances. I don't know how to make this any more clear. Additionally, the original question asks why few providers come on here. Apparently not everyone is in consensus with your view that there are plenty on here.

I'm sorry I didn't realize this was Ask A Client forum. No one said those escorts don't exist and that there aren't clients with legitimate grievances. Pointing out that this site also attracts the clients who complain the most in no way contradicts or negates any of that. So no, you don't need to modify what I said in the Ask A Provider forum. Pointing out that this site can attract some of the worst clients actually answers and addresses the original question- why so few providers come on here. Your response is kind of an example to what people are talking about.

Sounds like the feeling would be mutual

When I disagreed with some people on here, I was told that I'm not advertising myself well and/or that I need to use my real provider name (yes, I know contradictory claims). The common denominator in those two contradictory arguments though is this is a space where we, as providers, are not welcome or encouraged to express ourselves freely (or as freely as clients). The site also attracts the clients who like to complain the most. I barely spend enough time on RM, let alone come on here to read the Karens and Kevins of the industry pile on someone else. It's an emotionally taxing job as it is, many don't want to make it any more taxing by coming on here. It's a shame because there are some interesting clients on here who talk about interesting things(about and outside this kind of work), but it's ruined by a culture of entitlement other clients perpetuate. Shawn Monroe, Aaron Bauder and others describe the problems with this culture well. I don't see it changing for the better any time soon.

Sounds like he's doing just fine or at least fine enough to be selective, which some of those commenting have an issue with. They want their escorts with an attitude of desperation. That says more about them than any provider.

"He has a really bad attitude, with his "I have a real job so I don't need to do this" vibe." Good for him. Who wants to meet a client who is only interested if you have an attitude that that says "I'm financially desperate so I'll tolerate more from you"? Providers are entitled to as much discretion as they want with who they meet. No matter how ridiculous their criteria, they have the final word on their body.

One of my favorite topics! Entitlement, smugness, lack of consideration for others, an attitude of "I'm paying so whatever I say, goes" or "I'm the customer and the customer is always right". You can find a little bit of that obnoxious childish sentiment on here, in fact. I can handle arrogance and ego, to a point, until it goes into the territory of entitlement and insult to others. I also usually don't give second chances to flakes/no shows either. That kind of goes into the category of "lack of consideration for others", but I get it. People can panic and be anxious around something as vulnerable as sexuality. I'll cut those people some slack. But if you didn't show up because you "found someone else" or just changed your mind, then no. The least a person can do is message if they are canceling. I'm not wasting my time on you again if you couldn't even give me the bare minimum courtesy of telling me that you're canceling at the last minute. Very rarely have I regretted an appointment. I'll be pretty quick in detecting the entitlement right away and not even entertain meeting such characters in the first place. The flakes are harder to detect, but once you flake then nah not again. So my zero tolerance for flaking and entitlement has done me pretty well in preventing appointments I'll end up regretting. My sanity and self-respect are worth whatever amount they're willing to pay. The power to decide who I meet is one of the greatest perks of this job.

Depends on the client. Some allow me to be my natural authentic self more freely than others and those tend to be longer term regular clients naturally. Others want me to play a role for them and that will be fun but eventually my real self will need to let itself out every now and then. It's kind of a spectrum really and I have clients who exist all over this spectrum. There is no "typical" client and I attempt to adapt to their proclivities accordingly. You kind of need a natural talent of being able to adapt to a wide variety of personalities to be able to do this job. Of course, there are some clients who extend beyond my limits and I won't be able to adjust to. At a personal level, they are past thresholds I can't tolerate lol. However, one needs good people skills and a natural knack in getting along with a wide spectrum of different types of people to last in this business. The clientele who allow you to be your natural self and who enjoy your natural self are friendships to be treasured. The lines between fantasy and reality always need to be remembered by the provider for them to adjust back to their daily personal selves. The work requires a certain type of mental strength. I can see one losing themselves in a sort of chaos with this work. Changing from character to character to suite specific clients, they lose track to who they really are. Kurt Vonnegut's novel Mother Night kind of reminds me of this struggle. It is the story of a spy in World War II who loses themselves in the ulterior personalities they've created, one as a Nazi propagandist. The novel poses questions about how much responsibility does one bear of their actions if they are simply "playing a role". Where are the lines of reality and fantasy drawn exactly? After an extended amount of time performing, who am I exactly? The work touches upon all kinds of questions of ethics, what it means to be human and knowing your self. All such questions are relevant to any provider who has done this long enough, even more so if such work has involved a certain level of kink and sexual fantasy. One must stay grounded in who they really are. Their sense of self needs to remain in tact. Obviously the challenge is even greater for those struggling with various mental health issues. The job isn't for the weak. One's versatility and adaptability will be stretched to new limits, and staying true to your self in the long term is an obstacle that requires a certain mental strength few possess.

Hard to say if there's been a slow down as the week of Christmas pre-covid was when I usually had a small slow down anyways. Had two clients Dec 22 and the next one isn't until Jan 6th. Usually I get a few per week, but a small gap is normal this time of year. This just seems slightly longer for the usual holiday slow down though and that's probably due to Omicron. Hopefully things will be back to where they were by mid January.

Perhaps try explaining the context and fuller story to the admins of RM? It takes a while, but they usually do get to all messages that are sent to them. Their main income is escort ads, so it would be in their interest to keep the ad up if your side of the story is accurate.

If someone knows how providers can change their settings to where they do get notifications, that would be much appreciated. All too often a client will message me on the site, rather than text and it will be too late by the time I read the message on the site. For providers who go to school and/or work, sitting on RM all day every day is often not feasible.

Don't know what the regular rate is in San Francisco. If it's 250-300 in NYC, I can see it being 300-400 in San Francisco. The rent and cost of living certainly would require a higher rate. Plenty of tech money over there. If he can pull off 500 for an hour, then good for him. Time will tell. The website is nice, the grandiosity not so much unless that's your thing.