Defining Our Appointments

[Cannon]

Hey Guys,

 

So, I have a massage client in Laguna Niguel. He is a great client. We talk a lot and he knows that I very much enjoy getting out of Los Angeles on occasion. In any case, we usually book our appointments through text. A few days ago he asked me to call him &I I acquiesced. He asked what I had been up to and one of the things I mentioned is I am considering a temporary move outside of Los Angeles. He asked why and I told him. He said he wanted to talk it over with me some more. He then asked what my plans are for Sunday and if I wanted to come to Laguna. I asked him if he was referring to my plans for the afternoon or for that evening. He replied "just... what are your plans". "My schedule is ever evolving & as of right now, I haven't begun to make plans" was my reply. He then said, "would you like to come to Laguna"? I said sure. He then mentioned the shows he wanted to watch with me and a restaurant he would like to go to when I arrive. This was all conducted differently than how we normally set up our appts. Normally he'd just say, "hey are you available Saturday night?"

This wsd unclear to me whether this was an appointment, a mild intervention to keep me from making the temporary move, or both. I need to clarify for the sake of clarity.

Now, I'm a very direct and bottom line person but I know that can be offputting to some people, so I often soften my delivery at times when needed to keep the relationship healthy. I think everyone in any business does that. You have to be firm when needed and soften it when you necessary. I know that for some people it's not what you say it's how you say it. What are some good ways for me to clarify that this is an appointment and that I won't be able to just blow off (for lack of a better term) an entire day in Laguna? Thank you kindly for your time guys.

Edited April 6, 2018 by Cannon

[kevininsa]

I think blunt is the only thing you can do. "Hey, as Sunday approaches I realize that I'm confused and am not sure what we're doing? Is this an appt? a friendly get-together? I've missed something and don't want to make any assumptions. Apologies if I'm just being dense." Good luck!

[dcguy20]

I was just going to respond, but kevininsa pretty much said what I was going to.

[+ oldNbusted]

I don't know either party in this conversation or what goes on between them but this description sounds like a client testing the on-the-clock/off-the-clock boundary and i don't like it one bit. As a client, I think I will have a better experience if a provider is not overly on-guard against me breaking out with some weirdness. I spend a considerable amount of energy to present as not creepy/entitled/a jerk and worry that I will inadvertently say something stupid or offensive, so I cannot imagine initiating such a vague conversation.

Edited April 7, 2018 by oldNbusted

[+ Tarte Gogo]

I don't know either party in this conversation or what goes on between them but this description sounds like a client testing the on-the-clock/off-the-clock boundary and i don't like it on bit. As a client, I think I will have a better experience if a provider is not overly on-guard against me breaking out with some weirdness. I spend a considerable amount of energy to present as not creepy/entitled/a jerk and worry that I will inadvertently say something stupid or offensive, so I cannot imagine initiating such a vague conversation.

I made a mistake like this in Brasil, where I was about to spend a whole day with an escort and I realised at 9 am that he wasn’t even sure that I was paying him, because sex was not possible (we were out and about).

There was a very short awkward moment where he checked with me (and with language difficulties on top of this) and I reassured him that his standard rate was what I was thinking of paying him.

It was nobody’s fault, and I wasn’t testing the boundaries (his full day was US$150, really not a problem to pay that!), I just forgot to discuss it, maybe because it was obvious to me? and he didn’t dare to ask until then.

It can happen, but yes, avoid this situation at all cost, just check before agreeing.

[Rudynate]

Hey Guys,

 

So, I have a massage client in Laguna Niguel. He is a great client. We talk a lot and he knows that I very much enjoy getting out of Los Angeles on occasion. In any case, we usually book our appointments through text. A few days ago he asked me to call him &I I acquiesced. He asked what I had been up to and one of the things I mentioned is I am considering a temporary move outside of Los Angeles. He asked why and I told him. He said he wanted to talk it over with me some more. He then asked what my plans are for Sunday and if I wanted to come to Laguna. I asked him if he was referring to my plans for the afternoon or for that evening. He replied "just... what are your plans". "My schedule is ever evolving & as of right now, I haven't begun to make plans" was my reply. He then said, "would you like to come to Laguna"? I said sure. He then mentioned the shows he wanted to watch with me and a restaurant he would like to go to when I arrive. This was all conducted differently than how we normally set up our appts. Normally he'd just say, "hey are you available Saturday night?"

This wsd unclear to me whether this was an appointment, a mild intervention to keep me from making the temporary move, or both. I need to clarify for the sake of clarity.

Now, I'm a very direct and bottom line person but I know that can be offputting to some people, so I often soften my delivery at times when needed to keep the relationship healthy. I think everyone in any business does that. You have to be firm when needed and soften it when you necessary. I know that for some people it's not what you say it's how you say it. What are some good ways for me to clarify that this is an appointment and that I won't be able to just blow off (for lack of a better term) an entire day in Laguna? Thank you kindly for your time guys.

 

There's a strange sub-text: that you need "help" and he is assigning himself the task of being your "helper." I see boundary issues looming. Your job is to maintain the boundaries that have worked so well.

[Cannon]

Thank u guys for the feedback. I opted to be my usual direct self. I asked him and He assured me that the invite was both for the massage session and to chat AKA talk me out of the move that I'm considering. So...off to Laguna I go. Thanks again.