Do you prefer escorting the single life? Or dating alongside?

[Mocha]

As an escort (or client), I wonder if some of us avoid the gay playing field for these reasons:

 

I hooked up with a guy once last year, and then again recently this year. Somehow, we ended up talking keeping it 1 on 1. We've met 3 or 4 times since, but it was apparent the sex was all he wanted. So, benefit of the doubt. But a couple weekends ago, I heard nothing from him until after 10:30 pm on Saturday. By then, I had decided to go back thru my messages and hit up someone else who I wanted to meet before. We made plans to meet, but ended up at the same club the other guy was at (it's a small world). We had a great time, as I kept the situation in check.

 

Now, I may sound like (and was accused of being) a "player" for doing that. But, I had that talk with him already. If all a guy does is hit me up for sex, that's not boyfriend. That's hookup. And that's not right to leave me waiting all weekend, to get an answer on if we meeting. The other guy seemed much more into me as a person, not a sex toy. So we kept in touch.

 

Fast forward, both guys are playing games (ghosting/inconsistent with making plans), and I'm considering to drop both of them. The original 1 on 1 guy: he's made passes at other guys and been asking me if I know someone for 3 soms. Which validates he wasn't even serious all the while.

 

I had already toyed with the idea of stopping encounters with guys outside of escorting. But I can't decide how to do it. I could either ONLY do platonic hangouts (which is very hard) or I can ONLY hookup with them ONCE or TWICE, and then never hit them up/see them again after that. Thing is, I don't want to be like the rest of the American gay culture that promotes that type of lifestyle. Many guys confess to habitually and purposely cutting guys off after 1 or 2 meets.

 

At the same time, I prefer not devote my entire social/sex life to escorting. Not all clients have the time (or money) to spend an entire day/weekend. For example this past Saturday, despite the 2 no shows...I had a 2 hour client pre-booked. It was great, but I didn't have much else to do the rest of the night.

 

It seems like the compromise would be to continually expect to meet new guys each weekend, with no expectation of it going beyond 1 or 2 meets. Issue is, if I'm constantly on the prowl, that can become a distraction to organizing my time for clients.

Edited March 27, 2018 by Mocha

[FTM Zachary Prince]

I much prefer to be “single”, but that doesn’t mean I don’t have a personal sex life. I’m moody about unpaid hookups, so I never arrange them ahead of time. Rather I simply cruise for them in gay bars, public places, or on hookup apps when the mood strikes me. I don’t expect anything dating-related to occur afterwards. I have made some good friends that started off with hookups, and that is cool with me. But unless there is a true click of friendship, I do not go on repeat encounters with most of my hookups. Guys are eager to use people for sex, I’m pretty open about being an escort, and most are way too eager to justify treating me like their personal FREE escort again and again if I would allow it. We hook up only when I’m in the mood and it’s convenient for me, which is typically only once. I find servicing someone at THEIR convenience to be WORK, so unless someone is paying me, NSA sex is just not going to happen regularly.

 

At the same time I have no interest in traditional dating. Yucks me out in just about every way possible. I do love some people very dearly, especially my close friends. Some of my friends & I even have ongoing intermittent sexual relationships. I do not mind going out of my way for someone else’s pleasure if there is true mutual caring and friendship between us. I just don’t need or want that to look like “dating”...

[+ Keith30309]

I much prefer to be “single”, but that doesn’t mean I don’t have a personal sex life. I’m moody about unpaid hookups, so I never arrange them ahead of time. Rather I simply cruise for them in gay bars, public places, or on hookup apps when the mood strikes me. I don’t expect anything dating-related to occur afterwards. I have made some good friends that started off with hookups, and that is cool with me. But unless there is a true click of friendship, I do not go on repeat encounters with most of my hookups. Guys are eager to use people for sex, I’m pretty open about being an escort, and most are way too eager to justify treating me like their personal FREE escort again and again if I would allow it. We hook up only when I’m in the mood and it’s convenient for me, which is typically only once. I find servicing someone at THEIR convenience to be WORK, so unless someone is paying me, NSA sex is just not going to happen regularly.

 

At the same time I have no interest in traditional dating. Yucks me out in just about every way possible. I do love some people very dearly, especially my close friends. Some of my friends & I even have ongoing intermittent sexual relationships. I do not mind going out of my way for someone else’s pleasure if there is true mutual caring and friendship between us. I just don’t need or want that to look like “dating”...

Ok... I hope that you humor a somewhat personal question (and the same goes for @Mocha any other escort reading this). It’s one I’m always curious about with those companions I meet:

does what you do in your personal time differ greatly from what you do with clients?

 

I always try to figure out something my companion would enjoy doing and my queries usually elicit an “I enjoy everything.” While that may be true, not all things are equal and is there an itch you like to scratch every now and then that you would share with a willing, curious client? Or are there boundaries for your favorite activities?

(I’m not interested in specifics as much as some inkling of how persistent a client can be with that “what do you like” question.)

[YoungAD]

Fast forward, both guys are playing games (ghosting/inconsistent with making plans), and I'm considering to drop both of them.

 

It would appear this decision has been made for you.

[Aaron_Bauder]

I’m not interested in specifics as much as some inkling of how persistent a client can be with that “what do you like” question.

 

Accept whatever answer he gives and leave it alone. There's nothing more annoying that someone who won't take yes for an answer. Nobody likes feeling badgered or being made to repeat themselves.

 

If an escort tells you "I like everything" it either means one or two things. One, he likes everything. Two, he doesn't feel like answering the question and is politely setting a boundary. Either way, why make a nice situation awkward, complicated, and negative by second-guessing and pressing the issue? You asked, he answered. Accept the answer and move on.

 

It's why I don't understand the "I hope you enjoy/Do you really enjoy our time together?" queries. I mean, what's he going to say? "No, I hate it, I just want your money." Of course, he's going to say yes whether he does or not, what else would he say? But why ask a question that would force him to lie? He's agreed to spend time with you, accept it.

[Mocha]

Ok... I hope that you humor a somewhat personal question (and the same goes for @Mocha any other escort reading this). It’s one I’m always curious about with those companions I meet:

does what you do in your personal time differ greatly from what you do with clients?

 

I’ll alter your question slightly and take it that you’re asking, if the time I spend personally, differ greatly from clients. Absolutely.

 

For the most part (key word), most client encounters are very specified, and confined to the time/setting taking place. There’s a duty to be discreet, and no one usually knows the 2 of us are meeting. Which is fine, as it’s appropriate for the interaction.

 

Constrast that to a couple of weeks ago: the 26 year old guy I met, started out our first meet on a Saturday night at a bar. Then, we went to another club and I met his brother and friends. I spent the night at his place, met his roommate. The next afternoon, we went to brunch, followed by meeting a group of his friends at this upscale rooftop bar in downtown Orlando. The following weekend, we met at another rooftop bar, introduced me to more of his friends and my friends, and we had a blast.

 

That kind of scene with clients may happen once every few months over an overnight or dinner. But even still, there’s no twerking or meeting friends/networking. However, I have had instances where a client and I have gone beyond the encounter and did things such as skiing, hiking, and being out on the town having a good time. But that’s still VERY RARE. Many clients aren’t looking for that type of openness.

[FTM Zachary Prince]

Ok... I hope that you humor a somewhat personal question (and the same goes for @Mocha any other escort reading this). It’s one I’m always curious about with those companions I meet:

does what you do in your personal time differ greatly from what you do with clients?

 

I always try to figure out something my companion would enjoy doing and my queries usually elicit an “I enjoy everything.” While that may be true, not all things are equal and is there an itch you like to scratch every now and then that you would share with a willing, curious client? Or are there boundaries for your favorite activities?

(I’m not interested in specifics as much as some inkling of how persistent a client can be with that “what do you like” question.)

 

Do my activities differ? Yes... I am nearly 100% top in my personal life. And nearly 100% gay. I say nearly because we all know that there are always exceptions to everything. But you can easily generalise my personal sex life as those two things. In my professional life I am very much versatile and very much bisexual. I can sell those experiences very well, but they’re not just not what I generally pursue in my time off.

 

The pressing about what we REALLY LIKE can be invasive tho. It’s a deeply personal thing to inquire about, and doing so often violates the boundaries we may set between our personal and professional life. At the same time, we are selling a fantasy. We don’t want to ruin your experience by reminding you of those boundaries in that moment. But it’s an awkward question. Do you press the owner of your local pizza shop about whether he REALLY likes pizza or not? Do you ask your lawyer what legal matters he personally has pending? Do you ask your surgeon what surgeries he’s had done on him?

 

I realize it’s different, but you need to understand that whatever we do in our personal lives is just that- PERSONAL. Whatever we sell to you is a fantasy geared toward providing an awesome experience.

 

There’s a long standing joke in escort circles that clients constantly ask us escorts what WE WANT to do in bed, but aren’t ready for the REAL answer, which is to order takeout/room service and watch Netflix in bed for two hours. LOL

 

Whenever a client asks that question, he’s typically hoping for an answer that falls within his realm of fantasy about what makes for a fun time. If we don’t even know the client, we are literally being asked to be MIND READERS in that moment. How can we come up with something to fulfill the client’s fantasy of fulfilling OUR fantasy when we don’t even know what the client hopes our fantasy is? If we say the wrong thing, he’s going to get turned off.

 

A good escort should give you an idea of the type of experience that he enjoys selling in his marketing materials. If you want to make the session enjoyable for him, list everything you’re into and then ask him if he has any matching interests. Don’t pressure him or press his boundaries. Tip him an extra $20. Feed him nice snacks or drinks during the session. Give him a massage. Book him to sit in the jacuzzi and drink champagne with you. Let him make the first move. Pay him up front. Play some nice music. Send him home in a private car. There are SO many things you can do to make the session enjoyable for him. Most escorts who say they are in this for their own sexual pleasure are employing a marketing tactic. We are in it to make a living. Whatever we do for our own sexual pleasure is not typically something we would discuss with our professional clients under most circumstances. We are selling a fantasy of ourselves in that moment.

 

Now...

 

All that said, I have learned to be clear about what I’m into in any marketing. It leads to a more compatible client base for me. I would still cringe at being directly questioned about it, but hopefully anyone who has seen my marketing understands that I want to lick their ass, suck their dick, and stroke their prostate until they lose control of their legs & their ability to form complete sentences.

 

But like what if I’m in a room with a client who is clearly very Toppy in nature and he presses me about whether I REALLY enjoy getting fucked? I’m there to fulfil this guy’s fantasy. Do you think he’s getting an honest answer from me?

[Mocha]

I much prefer to be “single”, but that doesn’t mean I don’t have a personal sex life. I’m moody about unpaid hookups, so I never arrange them ahead of time. Rather I simply cruise for them in gay bars, public places, or on hookup apps when the mood strikes me. I don’t expect anything dating-related to occur afterwards. I have made some good friends that started off with hookups, and that is cool with me. But unless there is a true click of friendship, I do not go on repeat encounters with most of my hookups. Guys are eager to use people for sex, I’m pretty open about being an escort, and most are way too eager to justify treating me like their personal FREE escort again and again if I would allow it. We hook up only when I’m in the mood and it’s convenient for me, which is typically only once. I find servicing someone at THEIR convenience to be WORK, so unless someone is paying me, NSA sex is just not going to happen regularly.

 

At the same time I have no interest in traditional dating. Yucks me out in just about every way possible. I do love some people very dearly, especially my close friends. Some of my friends & I even have ongoing intermittent sexual relationships. I do not mind going out of my way for someone else’s pleasure if there is true mutual caring and friendship between us. I just don’t need or want that to look like “dating”...

 

I can understand what you say, but I think that’s where I am different from other people. You said exactly what I heard someone say years ago: I don’t do repeats.

 

But why? Everything you mentioned is plausible, but it seems to discuss it as it relates to hookups, versus actual dating. What if you took the sex part out of the hookups, would that make it only friends? Or could you have someone you want to be with, without necessarily having it sex based?

 

I love being single especially while escorting... You get the best of both worlds, you get the intimacy without the excess baggage and complications. It feels like I have 20 part time boyfriends lol which you spend an amazing time with each one of them and then you leave. Outside of escorting I do not hookup with randoms... I haven't had sex without being paid in awhile. I get calls/texts randomly at any point from clients so thats the reason. Maybe when I'm older but why be tied down when I'm literally in my prime, how can I ever be lonely when my job is literally meeting all you fine horny beautiful gentlemen

 

Lol...very true. But as I explained above, the client encounters tend to be confined to specific times. So to me, being an escort isn’t a cure for loneliness. Especially considering, for 10 years, Saturday nights after 6 pm are usually the least likely night that I’ll meet a client, followed by Monday. And it’s the night that MOST people are out doing things. That’s why I often find, Saturday nights without set plans are the hardest day of the week for me to get thru. The best way to get past it, is to plan a date or go to the club and mingle.

 

At the same time, the baggage and complications are real. Since my last “boyfriend” in Nashville that ended last May, pretty much every guy I’ve hooked up with outside of escorting, has not gone beyond 1 or 2 meets. Sometimes it seems like it could, but they either have a sex motive, or they are just not ready. Earlier this year I almost lost a client, because I went out my way and postponed a trip, to meet someone who I thought was interested in rekindling something. Only to tell me a few days later, he wasn’t looking for anything.

 

The frustration don’t end there. The first guy I mentioned earlier in this post, he told me last week he’s moving to New York for a job. So that’s unlikely to go anywhere anyway. It’s like everytime I try to get into something, it just doesn’t go anywhere.

 

It doesn’t help when I had a client who was trying to move into relationship realm with me. His reasoning was, that I needed to get a job at the Mariott, and perhaps that would open me up to meeting some better people. I told him thanks, but I’m happy in this business. The reason why all these hookup apps are so proliferated, is all these other guys are going thru the same thing...and I’m sure they have “regular” jobs.

 

I wish there was something I could inprove to change things, but very few times do the guys I date give me a reason for not going to the next level. If they do, its always something very shallow and vague. Other times, it has to do with an ex or new fling who stepped into the picture.

 

I believe what it is, most average American GAY GUYS want someone who’s all tattooed up, smokes pot or other miscellaneous, or has cliques and connections. I have connections, I just don’t have cliques. It’s all superficial. It’s all about what can you do to make THEM look better. Gay guys nowadays don’t maintain relationships because they’re so preoccupied with the SELF.

 

Right now I’m in Florida. Flake central. I don’t know what it is about this place. Likely the fact there’s just too many options here. These guys out here play so many games, it’ll put a player to shame. It extends beyond the gay dating scene...to the straight scene, to the person coming to paint your house. Lies, lies, lies.

Edited March 29, 2018 by Mocha

[FTM Zachary Prince]

I can understand what you say, but I think that’s where I am different from other people. You said exactly what I heard someone say years ago: I don’t do repeats.

 

But why? Everything you mentioned is plausible, but it seems to discuss it as it relates to hookups, versus actual dating. What if you took the sex part out of the hookups, would that make it only friends? Or could you have someone you want to be with, without necessarily having it sex based?

 

Oh that’s because, as mentioned, I have no interest in dating. Literally none. Everything about the structure and concept of dating annoys me. I’m not interested in a partner who I am supposed to be committed to and building a life together with. Nor courting people in pursuit of that. I like living my own life and I like friendships and I like lovers. I don’t see the point in “dating” when I have no interest in finding a partner.

 

And it’s not that I don’t do repeats. Most guys are just looking to USE their hookups for sex. I don’t do repeats of THAT. There’s nothing in that for me except the first time when I happen to be in the mood and they happen to be convenient. If they’re not a part of my LIFE, then how would it happen a 2nd or 3rd time without essentially making and keeping a dick appointment? I make and keep dick appointments for a living and I have no interest in doing it for free. I like spontaneous sex that happens in the heat of the moment from LIVE real time cruising. THAT is what excites me sexually when it comes to NSA hookups.

 

I totally do repeats with my friends. What’s the difference? My friends are part of my real life. We have other shared interests besides using each other for sex. We are getting to know each other. We discuss other topics. We do favours for each other (not just sexual). We attend events in the same community circles. With or without sex, the friendship stands. I don’t consider these PEOPLE who are my friends to be my “hookups” even tho we are “hooking up”. Hope that makes sense.

[Mocha]

Oh that’s because, as mentioned, I have no interest in dating. Literally none. Everything about the structure and concept of dating annoys me. I’m not interested in a partner who I am supposed to be committed to and building a life together with. Nor courting people in pursuit of that. I like living my own life and I like friendships and I like lovers. I don’t see the point in “dating” when I have no interest in finding a partner.

 

And it’s not that I don’t do repeats. Most guys are just looking to USE their hookups for sex. I don’t do repeats of THAT. There’s nothing in that for me except the first time when I happen to be in the mood and they happen to be convenient. If they’re not a part of my LIFE, then how would it happen a 2nd or 3rd time without essentially making and keeping a dick appointment? I make and keep dick appointments for a living and I have no interest in doing it for free. I like spontaneous sex that happens in the heat of the moment from LIVE real time cruising. THAT is what excites me sexually when it comes to NSA hookups.

 

I totally do repeats with my friends. What’s the difference? My friends are part of my real life. We have other shared interests besides using each other for sex. We are getting to know each other. We discuss other topics. We do favours for each other (not just sexual). We attend events in the same community circles. With or without sex, the friendship stands. I don’t consider these PEOPLE who are my friends to be my “hookups” even tho we are “hooking up”. Hope that makes sense.

 

Thanks for clarifying/explaining, but the part where you mentioned having sex with friends, doesn't make sense to me lol. Not saying I don't agree with it, but I've never had close friends who I have sex with, in the way you describe.

 

Maybe this is where the differences between race, gender, and culture come to light. In America, having sex with friends is seen as "weird". Once you're friends or "friend-zoned", any sexual relations apparently throw things off. Unless you're friends with benefits, in which case that's just periodic hookups, which are usually sex based and on par with "open-relationships" in the aspect of freedom and commitment.

 

The other thing is, I feel many gay guys in America are bigots. I couldn't tell you how many times I've met guys who are happy to play in the bedroom, but never quite make it to doing anything outside of the bedroom. Again, that's fine for paid encounters, but some of these guys try to convince me there's a relationship in that. How? I even had one guy play for months as if I was his boyfriend. But all he ever wanted to do is fuck. Never once hungout beyond his bedroom. I went along because he was so fucking cute, but I didn't get the relationship I wanted.

 

That's too the plight of interracial dating, which I do a lot of...and have had to evaluate? Most of these guys, whether they're White or Latino, see their Black "dates" as sex toys, not an actual person with feeling. I thought Latin guys were different, but they're just as flaky and phony as the White guys sometimes. If I were to ever not let it get sexual on a date, they want nothing to do with me, and will move on to the next dingaling. That's exactly what happened with the other White guy I thought I was dating in Denver. Everytime we met, he was horny. One day, I didn't feel like cumming...and he broke it (our flings) off after. He now hits me up everytime I visit, and I just blow him off, and not in the way he wanted.

 

That's why many of these guys go ghost without even feeling a guilty bone in their body. It's sad. That's why I rather escort, so I atleast get to meet people who make me feel like I'm deserving of something. Most gay guys who hookup for free are just nasty: liars, cons, and will just dog the fuck out of you.

[+ Keith30309]

Thank you @FTM Zachary Prince and @Mocha for the well considered and articulate responses. These are perspectives i hadn’t considered and are helpful.

[FTM Zachary Prince]

Maybe this is where the differences between race, gender, and culture come to light. In America, having sex with friends is seen as "weird". Once you're friends or "friend-zoned", any sexual relations apparently throw things off.

 

I agree that it’s a cultural difference, but it’s not an America vs not America thing. Almost all of the friends who I have sex with sometimes are American. It’s very rare in India to find someone who is cool with it. If you think that Americans aren’t open to having sex with their friends, then it’s the specific Americans you’re connecting with. Look for more open-minded people and you would find that it’s no longer an issue.

[Mocha]

I agree that it’s a cultural difference, but it’s not an America vs not America thing. Almost all of the friends who I have sex with sometimes are American. It’s very rare in India to find someone who is cool with it. If you think that Americans aren’t open to having sex with their friends, then it’s the specific Americans you’re connecting with. Look for more open-minded people and you would find that it’s no longer an issue.

 

Lol...nah it’s not just that. Trust me I’ve run the gammut. I’ve had a couple of friends who seem to had to fight within themselves and tell me, if we were to have sex, they are either afraid A) they’d like it too much and I’d have to quit my job or B) it would make things awkward.

 

Now, I’m not saying I haven’t had sex with friends. But, it usually started as a hookup, then friends with benefits. I don’t really like that type of stuff because it’s kinda in a grey area. They could up and start “talking” to someone else at any minute. Then that person gets jealous when they see us around (especially when it’s white guys who date black guys, the black guys get super jealous and do all sorts of bullshit to create drama in the “friendship”). At the same time, it’s liable to happen in any situation. I remember in Denver, most of the fights that broke out..was usually because one or either person didn’t claim the other person. That person (usually gay guy) gets caught kissing another gay guy, and all hell breaks loose.

 

I know I sound jaded and bitter, and maybe I am a little. But, I’ve been thru a lot. You’ve definitely given me a different perspective though, and for now I’ll just ride it out. I think I’ll try to just become like every other gay guy: meet guys for hookup once, and then never meet up again/play games after. I’ll look like the bad guy, but atleast I’ll be ahead of the game.

 

Repeats will be reserved only for paying clients. But I’m just being facetious. There are some good guys out there. I believe most guys want to make a good impression. I also realize my situation isn’t really conducive to dating anyway, as I’m not all the way settled into one place. So that in itself is a reason to not get bent out of shape over relationships that likely won’t go anywhere anyway.