What diseases do you have?

[Mocha]

If this question would rub you the wrong way, I would feel the same.

 

Even though things are improving, there's still some tools who slip thru. I had someone inquire do I "smoke/diseases". The smoke thing is one thing (which for an out all to someone's hotel, really shouldn't matter...as I'm a non-smoker and if a client is a smoker, that's not a deal breaker long as it's not fogging up the room). But to ask if I have not one disease but disease(S), was a bit more than just a concern of health (and this was like out the blue, morning before the appointment, and started with "I have a couple questions for you".)

 

My answer to him was, if you're concerned with catching anything; perhaps you should consider condoms and getting tested like I do. In which he then said okay, and shortly after cancelled.

 

I think if someone has a genuinely concern and asks, “are you d/d free and recently tested” that’s not an issue. But to come right out and use the word disease as it relates to setting up a date with an escort or anyone, is disrespectful. Kind of like how some guys will ask, “are you negative” before anything else...because they’ve been conditioned to believe (darkened skinned) men are mostly HIV positive.

 

Even though the person was likely doing it to get a rise, I’d assume they were acting out of some sort of stereotypical mindset.

Edited February 14, 2018 by Mocha

[Quincy_7]

My way of asking that question is to ask the escort whether they're open to bareback. If they say yes, I don't pursue.

[hornytwells]

I have to say I found that one of the most ridiculous questions ever-like anyone is ever going to say: oh yes, am riddled with gonorrhea and chlamydia, is that a problem??? I mean honestly? I assume responsibility for my own sexual health, and never assume. The partner could be unaware of their status, or possibly might not tell the truth.....it happens with people you know, never mind strangers. The only totally safe sex is no sex, so assume responsibility for your own sexual health and decide what risks you are ok with or not.

 

I do think there are plenty of responsible people out there who will be honest about their HIV status in as far as they are aware, but that doesn't mean everyone you come in contact with will be. That would be naive to assume, at best.

Edited February 15, 2018 by hornytwells

[Cyd_StVincent]

My way of asking that question is to ask the escort whether they're open to bareback. If they say yes, I don't pursue.

 

What do you do if you don't hear back? Because often people will ask me about bareback and since I don't want to go down the road of arguing about it I don't reply. Now I just think some of them might have been testing me lol.

[Quincy_7]

What do you do if you don't hear back? Because often people will ask me about bareback and since I don't want to go down the road of arguing about it I don't reply. Now I just think some of them might have been testing me lol.

 

I haven't encountered that situation as of yet but if I did I suppose I would ask again and then move in if there still was no response.

[FTM Zachary Prince]

Sorry that happened to you. Sounds irritating as fuck. Yes some people do these things purely to get a rise out of sex workers because they don’t respect us. And unfortunately, those kinds of people who would do such a thing are usually about as bigoted as they come and will target marginalised sex workers more often than others, and in more prejudiced ways. I feel like if someone asked me “What Diseases Do You Have?”, it would set my red flags off so hard I would start mouthing off and block their ass in short order. I’m super professional until someone reveals themselves to be a time-waster or someone who intentionally fucks with escorts. Giving them a brief piece of my mind and then blocking them sends a clear message that I have zero tolerance for that shit and helps me zap my frustration out and move on. Not really concerned with delivering polite responses to fuckwits... it’s hard to explain to civvies where that line is exactly, but I think a lot of us who have been doing this for a long time can get clued-in at some point when someone is fucking with us. I personally can’t tolerate it politely.

 

Worded differently, in different circumstances, the question is still naive, but will get a more cordial response from me of course. This example is clearly, as you noted, disrespectful. Props to you for remaining professional because I wouldn’t have.

[+ José Soplanucas]

In my humble opinion, in 2017, if BBing is a deal breaker is a matter of ignorance and irrational fear. If you are concerned, just play safe with everyone. What your partner does with others is not your business.

[Aaron_Bauder]

My way of asking that question is to ask the escort whether they're open to bareback. If they say yes, I don't pursue.

 

And just because they say no you believe them and proceed? lol

 

I love the false sense of security people get from these kinds of questions, when fact is anybody could be lying to you at any time. Everyone should be doing what is necessary to protect his or her own health. Just because someone tells you they don't bareback or tells you they're neg or regularly tested or whatever is ocmpletely and totally meaningless.

[+ GregM]

My way of asking that question is to ask the escort whether they're open to bareback. If they say yes, I don't pursue.

 

You are aware that one can catch an sti without going bare. It's called oral sex. I've only ran into one or two people use condoms for oral. So your question is stupid.

 

Hugs,

Greg

[tenderloin]

You are aware that one can catch an sti without going bare. It's called oral sex. I've only ran into one or two people use condoms for oral. So your question is stupid.

 

Hugs,

Greg

I think the point of asking that question is not to have the expectation of a completely "clean" partner based on the answer; rather, it's to narrow the field: logic suggests that one who is open to barebacking is more at risk for a plethora of infections. By avoiding those who are open and enthusiastic barebackers and staying only with those who insist on condoms, one is improving the odds of an "STI-free" encounter. Note, I said "improving the odds" not "guaranteeing."

 

To use a different example: many people drink and drive, and you can never be certain who is sober and who isn't. But given the choice, do you go with the driver who says "sure, I tie one on every day" or the one who says they don't drink? Neither is a guarantee, but I get the logic of going with the latter.

[Quincy_7]

And just because they say no you believe them and proceed? lol

 

I love the false sense of security people get from these kinds of questions, when fact is anybody could be lying to you at any time. Everyone should be doing what is necessary to protect his or her own health. Just because someone tells you they don't bareback or tells you they're neg or regularly tested or whatever is ocmpletely and totally meaningless.

 

I use condoms nonetheless. Asking that question simply helps me to narrow the field by removing riskier candidates from my list.

 

You are aware that one can catch an sti without going bare. It's called oral sex. I've only ran into one or two people use condoms for oral. So your question is stupid.

 

Hugs,

Greg

 

See above.

[Quincy_7]

In my humble opinion, in 2017, if BBing is a deal breaker is a matter of ignorance and irrational fear. If you are concerned, just play safe with everyone. What your partner does with others is not your business.

 

You can't assume an escort to be on PrEP. Furthermore, even if they are, there have been incidents of people contracting PrEP resistant strains of HIV.

[+ José Soplanucas]

You can't assume an escort to be on PrEP. Furthermore, even if they are, there have been incidents of people contracting PrEP resistant strains of HIV.

 

If you think you are rebating my point, I do not see how.

[MikeBiDude]

Furthermore, even if they are, there have been incidents of people contracting PrEP resistant strains of HIV.

Can you please show some web links/cites pointing to this info

[+ GregM]

Can you please show some web links/cites pointing to this info

 

There's been maybe 2 or 3 such cases that I read about. But with the 2 or 3 cases vs the number of people taking prep my money is on prep.

 

Hugs,

Greg

[Quincy_7]

Can you please show some web links/cites pointing to this info

 

https://www.poz.com/article/prep-fails-gay-man-adhering-daily-truvada-contracts-drugresistant-hiv

 

http://instinctmagazine.com/post/canadian-prep-user-contracts-strain-prep-resistant-hiv

 

Combining PrEP with condoms is the safest way to go. STI's aside, there've also been a few times an escort wasn't exactly clean and sparking down there, if you know what I mean, and I was glad I had a condom on.

[Quincy_7]

I'm not trying to proselytize. What you do is your own business. I'm just explaining why I don't bareback, since latbear4blk made that comment.

[Aaron_Bauder]

Asking that question simply helps me to narrow the field by removing riskier candidates from my list.

 

And if the response is a lie then you've actually increased your risk, as a liar is much less likely to be responsible and trustworthy in general about protecting his health and that of others.

 

Self-report is a notoriously unreliable data collection method. But what you do is your business, you're right on that.

Edited February 16, 2018 by Aaron_Bauder

[+ José Soplanucas]

I'm not trying to proselytize. What you do is your own business. I'm just explaining why I don't bareback, since latbear4blk made that comment.

 

You are still not making sense. The comment I made is that what your partner does with others is not your business. I was not asking you to BB. If you play safe, why do you care whether or not your partner may be +?

[tenderloin]

You are still not making sense. The comment I made is that what your partner does with others is not your business. I was not asking you to BB. If you play safe, why do you care whether or not your partner may be +?

 

It's not such a tough concept. there are two parts to understand:

1. Imagine two people - one says he barebacks as a bottom all the time, the other says he will only get fucked with a condom. Which one is more likely to have an STI? While you do not know for a fact that bachelor #2 is "clean," there are better odds that he is because he is already demonstrating cautious behavior. One can infer....

2. there is no such thing as "riskless" sex unless you literally do not allow skin-to-skin or lip-to-lip contact. So you must assess the field and calculate the risk that YOU are willing to take - you SHOULD care if your partner is someone willing to take risks - that is part of the calculation.

 

That's all that Quincy is saying, and it makes perfect sense. No judgment. I personally take some calculated risks (as a rimming enthusiast, for example), and have on occasion paid the price (thank God for antibiotics). But I assess my potential partner's judgment and behavior as best as I can and act accordingly.

[+ José Soplanucas]

It's not such a tough concept. there are two parts to understand:

1. Imagine two people - one says he barebacks as a bottom all the time, the other says he will only get fucked with a condom. Which one is more likely to have an STI? While you do not know for a fact that bachelor #2 is "clean," there are better odds that he is because he is already demonstrating cautious behavior. One can infer....

2. there is no such thing as "riskless" sex unless you literally do not allow skin-to-skin or lip-to-lip contact. So you must assess the field and calculate the risk that YOU are willing to take - you SHOULD care if your partner is someone willing to take risks - that is part of the calculation.

 

That's all that Quincy is saying, and it makes perfect sense. No judgment. I personally take some calculated risks (as a rimming enthusiast, for example), and have on occasion paid the price (thank God for antibiotics). But I assess my potential partner's judgment and behavior as best as I can and act accordingly.

 

I see @Quincy_7 got a good lawyer.

 

The point is how do you assess your partner's behavior without invading his privacy. In case you do invade his privacy, how reliable the info you get would be.

[tenderloin]

I am more interested in invading his ass than his privacy LOL.

 

You really can't get this concept? Oy. Good luck to you.

[+ José Soplanucas]

I am more interested in invading his ass than his privacy LOL.

 

You really can't get this concept? Oy. Good luck to you.

 

I think you are not getting my point. Back to the beginning. You are so irrationally scared that you are willing to invade other's privacy pointlessly.

[LivingnLA]

1. People lie. All the time. Frequently to themselves.

2. Escorts are a high-risk demographic.

3. Men who have sex with men are a high-risk demographic.

4. There are treatment resistant strains of all known STDs / STIs.

5. There are already a handful of documented PrEP resistant cases in the wild.

6. Men, generally speaking, are frequently asymptomatic for many known STIs.

7. All known STI tests have false-negative and false-positive rates.

 

What does this all mean? Simple: the ONLY person you can truly know about, is yourself and only if you're open and honest with yourself. So, how do you protect yourself? If you're looking for total 100% protection, live in a protective suit and never touch another human being, though that will lead to serious mental health issues and likely physiological issues as well. More realistically...

 

A. Get tested for everything, at least once a year, and preferably 2-4 times a year or more depending on your volume and diversity of sexual partners. That includes throat and anal swabs for infection colony checks.

B. Get the vaccines that apply to you. Hep A/B, HPV (Gardasil 9), and meningitis are generally accepted current recommendations for men who have sex with men in Southern California.

C. Educate yourself on proper condom and dental dam use AND consider PrEP for a more comprehensive defense. That also means recognizing the pros and cons of these defensive measures.

D. Learn what to look for and the symptoms of the major STIs so you're aware if you experience symptoms and also know what to look for with your sexual partners. Also recognize that for some STIs, a substantial majority of every sexually active human on Earth has at least one.

E. Never assume your sexual partner actually knows their status for anything unless they test regularly and are highly informed. In other words, I trust an HIV+ person who's undetectable or a person on PrEP who's tested at least quarterly far more than a married guy who maybe hasn't been tested in years, if ever, when they discuss their status. But recognize, that even a frequent tester may be asymptomatic and may not show up on tests because of incubation periods and how sexually active they might be. In other words, they could've been clean last month, had sex with someone last week, and are infectiously sharing this week and for the next week or two before they're tested again.

 

Lastly, and most importantly, please don't invasively interrogate escorts. It's good to learn their safety practices, but beyond that is rude. Take ownership of your own body and make your choices about the risks you wish to take as you live your life. Life contains risk. Every moment of every day. Learning your comfort level with various risks and how you address them are part of being a mature and engaged individual.

Edited February 18, 2018 by LivingnLA

[LivingnLA]

And lest my previous post start a flame war or piss someone off, for me--a married 40-something dad who still has sex at home--I have my vaccines, I'm comprehensively tested twice a year, and I engage in sex with men sometimes. Usually, about once a month with a known partner who I've seen for some time. I love to suck cock and swallow cum. Clearly I don't have him wear a condom for that activity. I also enjoy bottoming and being fucked. I use condoms when I am fucked. If I were to see a new guy, I would expect condoms for everything. But, that's my choice. Someone else probably chooses differently. As with all sexual activity, enthusiastic informed consent is the way.

Edited February 17, 2018 by LivingnLA