I love a good pun...

[samhexum]

My best friend texted me a pic this morning.

I don’t keep track when I sign her up for magazine subscriptions.

Today she got 5 copies of Harper’s Bazaar.

Which must have made her mail carrier think how (much) bizarre!

this is true, btw.

[Guest]

On 11/7/2022 at 4:13 PM, sync said:

He should be thankful he didn't wonder into a different bedroom...

                     

Yes, if he'd wandered into my bed, who knows what might have happened?

John Randal Tyson (born c. 1988) is an American businessman who is the chief financial officer at Tyson Foods. He was previously its chief sustainability officer from 2019 to 2022. On November 6, 2022, Tyson was arrested and charged with criminal trespassing and public intoxication. He allegedly entered a random Fayetteville home and was found sleeping in the resident's bed. His Wikipedia entry doesn't say if he's married or not.

Edited December 4, 2022 by Unicorn

[samhexum]

LAW & ARDOR

Two NYPD recruits were suspended Friday after they were caught having sex in a bathroom at the department’s training academy in Queens, sources told The Post.

[samhexum]

my sister just sent me this text:

 

[Guest]

On 12/3/2022 at 10:19 PM, Unicorn said:

John Randal Tyson (born c. 1988) is an American businessman who is the chief financial officer at Tyson Foods. He was previously its chief sustainability officer from 2019 to 2022. On November 6, 2022, Tyson was arrested and charged with criminal trespassing and public intoxication. He allegedly entered a random Fayetteville home and was found sleeping in the resident's bed. His Wikipedia entry doesn't say if he's married or not.

It looks as though he pleaded guilty. If I'd found him in my bed, I'd have dropped the charges in favor of some oral action....

John R. Tyson pleads guilty after waking up in college student's bed

NYPOST.COM

---

John R. Tyson, the 32-year-old heir to the meatpacking empire, agreed to pay $440 in fines and fees.

 

[samhexum]

No baa-d ending here.

Oklahoma police rushed to rescue who they believed to be a man screaming for help — but to their surprise, the source of the cries ended up being a goat.

Hilarious bodycam footage captured two Enid cops walking down a field toward the faint sound of someone yelling, “Help.”

“I think that’s a person,” one confused officer said.

After another anguished scream, officers David Sneed and Neal Storey both broke into a run directly toward what they thought was a man in distress.

The yelps — which sounded deep and similar to the voice of an adult man — became louder and closer together as the brave officers ran in the direction of uncertainty.

In spite of what they “herd,” Sneed and Storey quickly realized their damsel in distress was a pissed-off barn animal.

“It’s a goat,” Sneed said.

“It’s a goat?” a confused Storey responded before laughing: “Ah, it is!”

The silly billy was upset that he had been separated from his friends, the farmer explained to law enforcement.

The property owner greeted and laughed with Sneed and Storey outside the goat’s pen as it continued to shriek, prompting the farmer’s dogs to join in on the noisemaking.

“Sometimes a call can really get your goat,” the Enid police department said in a statement.

“Thank you, gentlemen. Your swift actions (although in the end not necessary) are appreciated by us all.

“All in all, you really can’t say it was that baaad of a call.”

https://nypost.com/2023/05/10/oklahoma-police-run-toward-screaming-man-find-goat-instead/

[samhexum]

Exclusive: Florida Police Issue Arrest Warrant For TheGuySite Model “Ludvig” (a.k.a. Richard Lam) Following Murder Of Studio Owner

this is too easy...

So I guess the guy is on the lam...

[samhexum]

Michael Kay had it his way with the rare Burger-King matchup when the Yankees took on the White Sox on Thursday afternoon.

During the first leg of the teams’ doubleheader, White Sox slugger Jake Burger came up to the plate to face Yankees pitcher Michael King in the top of the seventh inning.

By the third pitch of the at-bat, Kay realized what type of shenanigans were unfolding in front of him.

“Check the bug up there — Burger against King,” Kay said. “Burger King.”

And then the quips started coming.

“Well, King wants to have it his way right now.”

After Burger grounded out to third base, Kay slipped in, “That was a whopper of an out that King got.”

[samhexum]

[Guest]

[CarolinaRen]

This apple is quite appealing 🤣🙄

[samhexum]

 

[samhexum]

If there’s one thing the St. Paul Saints know better than baseball, it’s pigs.

When former team president Mike Veeck was taking a walk along the Mississippi River, he came across a historical marker that read: "St. Paul, formally known as Pig’s Eye Landing." Named after an old French trapper called Pig’s Eye Perrant, Veeck saw this history and knew he had to incorporate it somehow into the Saints franchise.

So he sent a St. Paul staff member on a mission to find a pig to become the team's live animal mascot. The quest went all the way to Wisconsin, but eventually, the team struck gold.

“That was really the first contract ever signed by the St. Paul Saints,” team GM Derek Sharrer said. “It wasn’t a player. It was a pig farmer.”

For the past 30 years, the Twins’ Triple-A affiliate has engaged in the unique tradition of a ball pig who delivers baseballs and sports drinks to the home plate umpire, often with wonderfully punny names like 867-530Swine, Notorious P.I.G, Ham Solo, Kevin Bacon and SlumHog Millionaire, chosen by St. Paul staff via thousands of fan submissions.

 

But as is the case with many long-standing rituals, sometimes changes must be made. The Saints, formerly an independent ballclub, used to only play a handful of home games that required a ball pig’s presence. As a Minor League franchise, they have 75 home games to play, and in the span of 150 total games, a pig will grow from 1 pound to over 300, at which point it becomes unmanageable.

To accommodate this, the pig farmer recommended the team have two pigs, so the club decided on a first-half and second-half pig. Since the Saints now announce a new pig midseason, they recently conducted an in-game contest on social media in which fans submitted name suggestions and the staff picked a new one on the spot.

So what’s the name of the 2023 second-half ball pig? None other than Squealon Musk.

Edited July 21, 2023 by samhexum
for absolutely NO @%!*ing reason at all!

[samhexum]

[Rod Hagen]

On 4/26/2023 at 5:33 PM, Unicorn said:

It looks as though he pleaded guilty. If I'd found him in my bed, I'd have dropped the charges in favor of some oral action....

"You're not much of a burglar are you?  Come to bed, and you can have whatever you want."

 

 

[Guest]

3 hours ago, Rod Hagen said:

"You're not much of a burglar are you?  Come to bed, and you can have whatever you want."

Is the movie any good?

[Rod Hagen]

1 hour ago, Unicorn said:

Is the movie any good?

If you're interested in Francis Bacon, then Yep.  And Daniel Craig bottoms.

Edited July 22, 2023 by Rod Hagen

[samhexum]

1 hour ago, Rod Hagen said:

If you're interested in Francis Bacon, then Yep.  

And if you're interested in France's bacon...

[samhexum]

[samhexum]

[samhexum]

A friend of mine is a successful headhunter who has worked remotely for decades.  One night she was driving us somewhere and took a brief call from a candidate she was trying to place.

After she hung up, I looked over at her steering wheel and said, "Wow!  I'm so impressed. You actually have a button on your steering wheel marked resume so your candidates can send you a resume.  Where do they come out?"

I was less impressed when she told me it was just a button to reactivate her cruise control.

Edited August 6, 2023 by samhexum
for shits and giggles

[mike carey]

4 hours ago, samhexum said:

A friend of mine is a successful headhunter who has worked remotely for decades.  One might she was driving us somewhere and took a brief call from a candidate she was trying to place.

'A head hunter who has worked remotely for decades.' I was envisaging in the Amazon or Borneo, or some such.

[samhexum]

 

[+ sync]

7 hours ago, samhexum said:

 

I'm embarrassed by how long it took me to get "Why, Emcee A?"  (YMCA).

[mike carey]

1 hour ago, sync said:

I'm embarrassed by how long it took me to get "Why, Emcee A?"  (YMCA).

Often reading out loud is your friend!