Ex-NFL player comes out as gay, considered suicide

[+ lkbreth]

This article is a really fascinating read.

 

https://www.outsports.com/2017/6/20/15835374/ryan-ocallaghan-gay-nfl-new-england-patriots-kansas-city-chiefs

 

Some of the notable bits were:

• 6-foot-7, 330-pound offensive tackle
   
  
• football was the best place in the world for a gay teenager to hide. The brute, physical nature of the sport went against every stereotype of gay men he knew.
   
  
• Every media image O’Callaghan had seen of gay men had featured chiseled features and six-packs, so he let his appearance go, becoming a "sloppy straight guy." He started chewing tobacco because, he figured, you don’t see many gay men in TV and film doing that.
   
  
• O’Callaghan can’t recall a single time during his six NFL seasons that he heard someone use a gay slur.
   
  
• For the first time since realizing he was gay, he had no playbook to study, no practice to attend, no game to prepare for. His darkest thoughts crept into the void.
   
  
• Without football to protect him, he suddenly felt vulnerable to questions about his sexual orientation. He had decided many years ago that he would never — could never — live life as an openly gay man.
   
  
• "I was abusing painkillers, no question," he said matter-of-factly. "It helped with the pain of the injuries, and with the pain of being gay. I just didn’t worry about being gay when I took the Vicodin. I just didn’t worry."
   
  
• "I started spending all my money to put myself in a position where it would be impossible, or at least extremely difficult, to back out of killing myself."
   
  
• "Ryan is one of those people who, if you look at them, would never draw suspicion. But as a practicing psychologist, your mind goes through the list of things that drive people to consider suicide, and that was one of them." Plus, she had counseled gay NFL players before. The concept was not foreign to her.
  
• "I’ve got something else I’ve got to tell you," O’Callaghan said. At this point he was fighting back tears.
  

 

You'll just need to read the article to find out what happened.

 

You can find Ryan O’Callaghan on Facebook. You can also email him at ryantocallaghan@yahoo.com

 

If you are LGBTQ and considering suicide, The Trevor Project is there to help. You can visit their Web site or call their hotline at 866-488-7386.

[LaffingBear]

Good read. Thanks

[+ nycman]

That article was beautiful.

 

Thank you for sharing it.

 

It's important to remember that we come in all colors

of the rainbow and each of our journeys is unique.

[BasketBaller]

It's a strong story that has a lot of echoes of my own. Basketball was where I hid, but I successfully hid even from myself until I was already married with kids. I never considered suicide because I was so adamantly NOT gay. I didn't totally avoid the showers but I made them quick. And, sad to say, the talk about women in the locker room is entirely familiar, and I did my share-- because that meant I wasn't gay. I'm so glad to have read this, and that he's doing well.

[Phil_musc]

Thanks for posting. What a great article.

[Mocha]

Oh please with this garbage. That ain't shit. He played, got his fucking millions, and came out gay AFTER the fact. Big deal. And now he wants to come out? Miss me with that bull. And that whole article is foul garbage. Look at the comments giving him kudos for staying in the closet, and others saying not to expose his homosexuality to others? Nothing about the article or revelation is remotely enlightening or beneficial to gays or coming out gay. I'm offended and disgusted by the trash. All it does is perpetuate the idea that it's better to drug your way thru gay than to fucking come out and face it. He was successful BECAUSE....he hid his gay well, is the jist of the story. But because of it, he planned to turn to suicide AFTER he built a $70,000 cabin behind his home? Lmao, What the Fuck??? If he really wanted to make a difference in gay acceptance in the NFL he would have said something back then or he would have died and got it over with. He got what he wanted, hid it well and now he wants to talk about it when there's no money on the line: nearly a decade later. And I'm supposed to feel enlightened?

 

Michael Sam who came out a few years ago as the first gay NFL player, likely went through FAR more, although I had mixed opinions about the publicity of it all. It didn't seem like they were publicizing because he was gay, but for his reaction and the boyfriend he was with.

 

I had wondered whether ESPN's olé gossiping no good ass would have done the same had he been with a black or more masculine partner. Or even just single. They had to put his business all out there, and plus most them football jocks come from some pretty gay unfriendly mentalities. I know how that shit works.

 

He was the one who really opened the doors, but the whole congratulations for the man fell flat when he didn't get signed and it just looked like a total sham. https://www.google.com/amp/www.cbssports.com/nfl/news/michael-sam-first-openly-gay-player-retires-for-mental-health-reasons/amp/

 

http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-k5f3lq-_xD8/U3MOGNpW7wI/AAAAAAAAsEU/PPwcMKTLrts/s1600/michael+sam+kiss.JPG

[Bearofdistinction]

This article is a really fascinating read.

 

https://www.outsports.com/2017/6/20/15835374/ryan-ocallaghan-gay-nfl-new-england-patriots-kansas-city-chiefs

 

Some of the notable bits were:

• 6-foot-7, 330-pound offensive tackle
   
  
• football was the best place in the world for a gay teenager to hide. The brute, physical nature of the sport went against every stereotype of gay men he knew.
   
  
• Every media image O’Callaghan had seen of gay men had featured chiseled features and six-packs, so he let his appearance go, becoming a "sloppy straight guy." He started chewing tobacco because, he figured, you don’t see many gay men in TV and film doing that.
   
  
• O’Callaghan can’t recall a single time during his six NFL seasons that he heard someone use a gay slur.
   
  
• For the first time since realizing he was gay, he had no playbook to study, no practice to attend, no game to prepare for. His darkest thoughts crept into the void.
   
  
• Without football to protect him, he suddenly felt vulnerable to questions about his sexual orientation. He had decided many years ago that he would never — could never — live life as an openly gay man.
   
  
• "I was abusing painkillers, no question," he said matter-of-factly. "It helped with the pain of the injuries, and with the pain of being gay. I just didn’t worry about being gay when I took the Vicodin. I just didn’t worry."
   
  
• "I started spending all my money to put myself in a position where it would be impossible, or at least extremely difficult, to back out of killing myself."
   
  
• "Ryan is one of those people who, if you look at them, would never draw suspicion. But as a practicing psychologist, your mind goes through the list of things that drive people to consider suicide, and that was one of them." Plus, she had counseled gay NFL players before. The concept was not foreign to her.
  
• "I’ve got something else I’ve got to tell you," O’Callaghan said. At this point he was fighting back tears.
  

 

You'll just need to read the article to find out what happened.

 

You can find Ryan O’Callaghan on Facebook. You can also email him at ryantocallaghan@yahoo.com

 

If you are LGBTQ and considering suicide, The Trevor Project is there to help. You can visit their Web site or call their hotline at 866-488-7386.

 

WELCOME TO THE FOLD your Muffin Basket and may your toaster leavins glow for ever

[Mocha]

Just a follow up to this, if I came off a little hard on the OP for posting this. It's nothing personal. I'm sure this guy's story is a lesson or motivator to someone grappling whether to come out.

 

My whole thing was, I just didn't feel like he did anything. The guy is not a hero. I could see if he came out and talked about how hard it was to ACTUALLY be openly gay while playing for the NFL. But he covered it up, went on fake dates with fake wives, and basically lived a lie.

 

There's either 2 things going on: either everyone on the team already knew (which believe me, straight guys ALWAYS know) and they let it slide, or he's trying to now get a moment because it's irrelevant now. Could be both. But nothing in the revelation sounds compelling to me. So he can't talk about the struggles of a being gay, when "supposedly" nobody knew and he never bothered to make it known.