Becoming a Sex Surrogate

[+ Lance_Navarro]

 

Sex Surrogate Training

 

https://www.gofundme.com/SurrogateLance

 

 

At the end of May I will be making a trip down to Southern California to attend training to become a Certified Sex Surrogate. For those who are not familiar with Sexual Surrogacy, it is a form of hands-on sex therapy that was originally developed by Masters & Johnson in 1970. A year later, IPSA (International Professional Surrogate Association) was formed to train and certify individuals to be surrogates. Masters & Johnson recognized that not all sexual disfunction and intimacy issues can be resolved by just talking about them with a therapist, and that hands-on therapy is often helpful or even essential.

 

Over the course of the last 8 years I have met several men who have come to me needing the structured type session that surrogate work provides. These are men who have dealt with abuse, molestation. substance abuse, trauma from the AIDS epedemic, etc. These traumatic events often create a PTSD-type reaction to intimacy and sex, and the only way to work through them is to move slowly through the process of embracing touch and connection.

 

The awareness of Surrogacy work has grown a bit in the last 5 years with the movie "The Sessions" (starring Helen Hunt) as well as the show "Masters of Sex". As I began looking into the certification process, I became aware that there is an extreme shortage of certified male surrogates who work with men. In fact, there is only one in Northern California and only a few in Southern California. Recognizing the need is part of what has motivated me to embark on this journey. I also, within the last year have become friends with the woman that Helen Hunt portrays in "The Sessions", Cheryl Cohen Greene. She has been the source of great inspiration and guidance and has also offered to be my mentor after I get done with training.

 

I have saved enough money to cover my tuition and travel, however could use help covering the cost of my room & board, as well as 2 weeks without being able to work, as my days will be entirely full with training and homework.

 

The training will begin on May 28th, so that is the date by which I hope to be able to reach my fundraising goal. Any help you can provide would be greatly appreciated and will make it possible not only for me to expand my knowledge and career, but more importantly, I'll have the skills to be able to help many men embrace intimacy in their lives, something that is far too often overlooked and undervalued.

 

Love & Light

Lance

 

 

https://www.gofundme.com/SurrogateLance

[tyro]

Some working guys seriously underestimate their power to heal (or hurt) their clients. Thank you for embracing the responsibility inherent in this occupation.

T

[+ Lance_Navarro]

Th

Some working guys seriously underestimate their power to heal (or hurt) their clients. Thank you for embracing the responsibility inherent in this occupation.

Thanks so much for saying that!

[+ pitman]

Best wishes on your new venture. and thanks for everything you have given to the community.

[+ Lance_Navarro]

Thanks so much to the guys that have donated so far, I knew I could count on this forum to be there for me. While I AM doing this to advance my career, I'm also doing it because of the need that's out there for gay male surrogates.

[LADoug1]

Seeing a sex surrogate is one of my ultimate fantasies. Can't think of many persons more qualified or dedicated than you Lance. Best of luck.

[mike carey]

I confess, I have difficulty with the concepts here. I don't understand the idea of a sex surrogate. I can accept the idea of meeting guys here with whatever that may involve but I can't see how being a sex surrogate adds to that.

[+ OliverSaks]

I confess, I have difficulty with the concepts here. I don't understand the idea of a sex surrogate. I can accept the idea of meeting guys here with whatever that may involve but I can't see how being a sex surrogate adds to that.

I think Lance will add "legitimacy" by undergoing this type of training. He mentioned that this will help him come out about his sex work to a family member, for instance.

 

He will partner with sex therapists, who are legit and more mainstream. He will also probably encounter more sexually-traumatized and fearful clients who might not consider hiring an escort.

[MiamiLooker]

How would it work if the client has no attraction to the surrogate?

[Mydavid]

How would it work if the client has no attraction to the surrogate?

Why does he hire?

[AndreFuture]

I wish I was in a position to contribute to your training (I'm (thankfully) recovering from an illness, but now I've got a lovely my hospital bill), but with your permission, I can share your funny link on my social media networks.

 

I'm now really interested in learning more about sex surrogacy.

[+ sniper]

How would it work if the client has no attraction to the surrogate?

 

I could see it being useful for certain things, like say, learning to bottom and all that entails- if you just watch porn you don't really know that people typically prepare for it or about lube even. Or for people who come out later in life and are too embarrassed about how to go about it with someone they meet. I know I hesitated to date because I felt like I was at an age where I should know how to do things and didn't want prospective boyfriends to know how clueless I was.

[+ Gar1eth]

I could see it being useful for certain things, like say, learning to bottom and all that entails- if you just watch porn you don't really know that people typically prepare for it or about lube even. Or for people who come out later in life and are too embarrassed about how to go about it with someone they meet. I know I hesitated to date because I felt like I was at an age where I should know how to do things and didn't want prospective boyfriends to know how clueless I was.

 

My, possibly narrow-minded view of sexual surrogacy, was that it dealt more with intimacy issues, people dealing with trauma, and problems like premature ejaculation-but on second thought I guess teaching someone to bottom might be in a surrogate's purview. It seems to me that I remember an HBO Real Sex episode from years ago where the surrogate was in the room fully clothed while two partners were 'making love' and was there to help guide them through whatever the problem (I'm thinking it was the male who was the 'patient') was.

 

@mike carey -I don't think I'm wrong in saying that I don't believe sexual surrogacy-at least if it includes actually having sex with a patient-is totally accepted everywhere in the United States.

 

@Lance_Navarro -would you mind explaining if the role of a surrogate legally encompasses therapeutic intercourse with a patient and what your understanding is the legality of surrogacy throughout the United States. Or if these topics are too large to discuss, resources we could look up to find the answers.

 

If these questions have already been asked and answered, please forgive me. I must have missed them when I was reading this thread.

 

Gman

[+ Lance_Navarro]

My, possibly narrow-minded view of sexual surrogacy, was that it dealt more with intimacy issues, people dealing with trauma, and problems like premature ejaculation-but on second thought I guess teaching someone to bottom might be in a surrogate's purview. It seems to me that I remember an HBO Real Sex episode from years ago where the surrogate was in the room fully clothed while two partners were 'making love' and was there to help guide them through whatever the problem (I'm thinking it was the male who was the 'patient') was.

 

@mike carey -I don't think I'm wrong in saying that I don't believe sexual surrogacy-at least if it includes actually having sex with a patient-is totally accepted everywhere in the United States.

 

@Lance_Navarro -would you mind explaining if the role of a surrogate legally encompasses therapeutic intercourse with a patient and what your understanding is the legality of surrogacy throughout the United States. Or if these topics are too large to discuss, resources we could look up to find the answers.

 

If these questions have already been asked and answered, please forgive me. I must have missed them when I was reading this thread.

 

Gman

 

Here's a segment from a great article that talks about the differences between surrogate work and other forms of sex work. You can also view the full article here.

 

 

1. The differentiation between SPT and a sex worker or prostitution is, obviously, extremely important for the discussion of the legal, ethical and clinical considerations of therapists referring a client to SPT. The main difference between surrogate partner (SP) and prostitution is that prostitution is focused on sexual gratification, while SPT does not necessarily focus on sexual touch, sexual stimulations, or sexual satrisfaction. SPT, as described above, is focused on helping clients build social and physical self-awarness, consciousness and skills in the areas of physical and emotional intimacy. The Kinsey Institute report states that only "About 13% of a client's time with a surrogate partner involves physical interaction, such as directly teaching sexual techniques. Some surrogate-client relationships do not involve sexual contact at all, depending on client preference or the nature of the concern." An SP's focus is different from a prostitute's or sex worker's, in that an SP may specifically address the social, intimate and sexual difficulties and dysfunctions a client may be experiencing, not necessarily emphasizing the client's genital pleasure per se. Also, the SP is working in conjunction with, or under the supervision of, a licensed mental health professional, while that is obviously not the arrangement with sex workers.
   

Of course not all therapists are going to be open to referring their client to see a surrogate, since it remains controversial.

 

As Cheryl Cohen Greene said to me "seeing a prostitute is like going to a restaurant, seeing a surrogate is like going to culinary school."

[+ Eric Hassan]

I confess, I have difficulty with the concepts here. I don't understand the idea of a sex surrogate. I can accept the idea of meeting guys here with whatever that may involve but I can't see how being a sex surrogate adds to that.

 

How would it work if the client has no attraction to the surrogate?

 

Here's a segment from a great article that talks about the differences between surrogate work and other forms of sex work. You can also view the full article here.

 

 

1. The differentiation between SPT and a sex worker or prostitution is, obviously, extremely important for the discussion of the legal, ethical and clinical considerations of therapists referring a client to SPT. The main difference between surrogate partner (SP) and prostitution is that prostitution is focused on sexual gratification, while SPT does not necessarily focus on sexual touch, sexual stimulations, or sexual satrisfaction. SPT, as described above, is focused on helping clients build social and physical self-awarness, consciousness and skills in the areas of physical and emotional intimacy. The Kinsey Institute report states that only "About 13% of a client's time with a surrogate partner involves physical interaction, such as directly teaching sexual techniques. Some surrogate-client relationships do not involve sexual contact at all, depending on client preference or the nature of the concern." An SP's focus is different from a prostitute's or sex worker's, in that an SP may specifically address the social, intimate and sexual difficulties and dysfunctions a client may be experiencing, not necessarily emphasizing the client's genital pleasure per se. Also, the SP is working in conjunction with, or under the supervision of, a licensed mental health professional, while that is obviously not the arrangement with sex workers.
   

Of course not all therapists are going to be open to referring their client to see a surrogate, since it remains controversial.

 

As Cheryl Cohen Greene said to me "seeing a prostitute is like going to a restaurant, seeing a surrogate is like going to culinary school."

 

I want to chime in here. As @Lance_Navarro knows, sex surrogacy is a path I'll also be pursuing in the near future.

 

There's a distinction between sex surrogacy and escort work, though there may appear to be overlap. Sex surrogacy is a healing profession. Sex surrogates work in conjunction with mental health and/or sex therapists (and the client) to formulate a plan to help the client achieve his or her goals. Sex surrogacy is like the bridge between talk therapy and "real life" and clients who work with sex surrogates have often experienced things that limit or impair their ability to have the kinds of intimacy and sex they want.

 

You hire an escort to have a certain experience for a certain time. You might use a session with an escort to try something new, or work on something that you want to get better at. You might hire multiple escorts for one-offs or see one (or a few) on a regular basis. You will probably factor in looks/attraction into your hiring decision.

 

You hire a sex surrogate because you have significant impairment in your ability to express your sexuality and experience and enjoy intimacy. You probably will only work with one surrogate with some form of regularity, and the end result is not an ongoing hiring relationship. Looks and attraction are less important than skill and training - the idea is to gain skills and eventually conclude the relationship, ready to go out into the world and participate.

 

A good way to think about the difference is this: if you're a bottom who wants more practice taking big dick, you hire an escort. If you're a bottom who was raped and now you can't even think about having even a date with someone let alone sex, your mental health therapist can connect you to a surrogate (when you're ready) to start re-learning trust, communication, vulnerability so you can eventually go on a date and get fucked again.

[+ Lance_Navarro]

I want to chime in here. As @Lance_Navarro knows, sex surrogacy is a path I'll also be pursuing in the near future.

 

There's a distinction between sex surrogacy and escort work, though there may appear to be overlap. Sex surrogacy is a healing profession. Sex surrogates work in conjunction with mental health and/or sex therapists (and the client) to formulate a plan to help the client achieve his or her goals. Sex surrogacy is like the bridge between talk therapy and "real life" and clients who work with sex surrogates have often experienced things that limit or impair their ability to have the kinds of intimacy and sex they want.

 

You hire an escort to have a certain experience for a certain time. You might use a session with an escort to try something new, or work on something that you want to get better at. You might hire multiple escorts for one-offs or see one (or a few) on a regular basis. You will probably factor in looks/attraction into your hiring decision.

 

You hire a sex surrogate because you have significant impairment in your ability to express your sexuality and experience and enjoy intimacy. You probably will only work with one surrogate with some form of regularity, and the end result is not an ongoing hiring relationship. Looks and attraction are less important than skill and training - the idea is to gain skills and eventually conclude the relationship, ready to go out into the world and participate.

 

A good way to think about the difference is this: if you're a bottom who wants more practice taking big dick, you hire an escort. If you're a bottom who was raped and now you can't even think about having even a date with someone let alone sex, your mental health therapist can connect you to a surrogate (when you're ready) to start re-learning trust, communication, vulnerability so you can eventually go on a date and get fucked again.

 

As always, you've said it so perfectly and beautifully, THANKS! There is the potential for enormous healing and growth in all forms of sex-work, but the intention and pace differ greatly with surrogate work. You are going to be an amazing surrogate. Love you!

[LADoug1]

Going to a surrogate is completely different than seeing an escort. Completely different concepts.