Escorts and friendship

[lovergoy]

It has always been my fantasy/dream/hope to be friends with a guy who escorts and we experience community and sharing of gay brotherhood.Anyone thinks that can happen...?

[AdamSmith]

YES!

 

It has, and does. Many here can attest that, and have.

[+ WhamIAm]

we experience community and sharing of gay brotherhood

 

While I'm not entirely sure what you're looking for there, I've developed what I think are close friendships with two guys I previously saw regularly. One has retired, but we did and do have a relationship where we each acted as sounding board/amateur therapist for the other, and we see each other for coffee/lunch about once a week. We haven't integrated the other into our social lives/circles of friends, but I think that works best for us -- not out of any form of embarrassment as to how we met, but because I think we each perceive that having the other as an objective voice is important.

 

In any event, IMHO that's something that develops organically. In fact, it took me a while to get comfortable with the fact that my regular had become my friend and actually wanted to spend time with me off-the-clock, no strings attached. If it flows from your professional relationship, it flows. I don't think it's something you can force or aggressively pursue. If/when it does happen, it's pretty awesome to have a relationship with a guy who, given how it started, knows parts of your brain that your other friends may not.

[+ glennnn]

I agree. Full friendship with an escort hasn't happened for me yet, but there are two of my current guys that have become more than professional acquaintances. I care about them, and, if time spent getting to really know each other is an indicator, they care about me. In both cases it is an older guy- younger guy, mutual mentoring situation. I'm 74, they aren't. I think I help keep them centered, and they keep me what I hope is young. Only time will tell what might develop, but I know I would offer my help if either needed it.

[Bearofdistinction]

YES!

 

It has, and does. Many here can attest that, and have.

 

YUPPERS!

[Rudynate]

I wouldn't rule it out, but I don't see it as something that's likely to happen. One of the advantages of the escort/client relationship, as I've said many times, is it's self-limiting feature. The self-limiting feature of the client/escort relationship would work against the development of friendship. It doesn't say anything about either client or escort and their respective ability to receive/offer friendship. It is just one of the rules we play by in this sandbox. At the same time, I really love knowing that there are these guys out there who know me in such an intimate way.

 

Years ago, I saw a therapist for a fairly long time, and our paths crossed frequently outside of our professional relationship. At first, chance encounters on the street were uncomfortable. I felt like I was supposed to treat him like an old friend, or something like that. When I brought it up, he said not to worry, that a simple nod in his direction would be fine. I wouldn't expect that much distance from an escort bud that I ran into on the street, but I like the spirit of it.

[Good Grief]

It has always been my fantasy/dream/hope to be friends with a guy who escorts and we experience community and sharing of gay brotherhood.Anyone thinks that can happen...?

 

Yes, it does happen. My go-to guy have become friends, communicating on a several-times weekly basis. We have a great time together when we meet and enjoy the in-between texts about our daily lives and the associated shit.

[AdamSmith]

I wouldn't rule it out, but I don't see it as something that's likely to happen. One of the advantages of the escort/client relationship, as I've said many times, is it's self-limiting feature. The self-limiting feature of the client/escort relationship would work against the development of friendship. It doesn't say anything about either client or escort and their respective ability to receive/offer friendship. It is just one of the rules we play by in this sandbox. At the same time, I really love knowing that there are these guys out there who know me in such an intimate way.

 

Years ago, I saw a therapist for a fairly long time, and our paths crossed frequently outside of our professional relationship. At first, chance encounters on the street were uncomfortable. I felt like I was supposed to treat him like an old friend, or something like that. When I brought it up, he said not to worry, that a simple nod in his direction would be fine. I wouldn't expect that much distance from an escort bud that I ran into on the street, but I like the spirit of it.

I must with respect say this half of the escort=therapist model is the completely misguided half.

 

Yes, you must not mistake purchased intimacy for real.

 

But that does NOT mean two sane, not entirely neurotic souls cannot randomly collide through hiring; find true deep connection; then continue down BOTH relationship pathways, in parallel, without tortuously manufactured dissonance between the two.

 

You can pay for his time, and should.

 

If you find he is offering you his soul, you can only reply and pay in kind.

 

If you have one of your own to offer.

[Rudynate]

I must with respect say this half of the escort=therapist model is the completely misguided half.

 

Yes, you must not mistake purchased intimacy for real.

 

But that does NOT mean two sane, not entirely neurotic souls cannot randomly collide through hiring; find true deep connection; then continue down BOTH relationship pathways, in parallel, without tortuously manufactured dissonance between the two.

 

You can pay for his time, and should.

 

If you find he is offering you his soul, you can only reply and pay in kind.

 

If you have one of your own to offer.

 

As I said, I wouldn't rule it out.

[Larstrup]

I must with respect say this half of the escort=therapist model is the completely misguided half.

 

Yes, you must not mistake purchased intimacy for real.

 

But that does NOT mean two sane, not entirely neurotic souls cannot randomly collide through hiring; find true deep connection; then continue down BOTH relationship pathways, in parallel, without tortuously manufactured dissonance between the two.

 

You can pay for his time, and should.

 

If you find he is offering you his soul, you can only reply and pay in kind.

 

If you have one of your own to offer.

 

That's one of the most emancipating introspections I've read in some time. Bravo, Adam Smith!!

[AdamSmith]

As I said, I wouldn't rule it out.

Don't!

 

Only thing I meant.

[Epigonos]

Over the years this topic has come up repeatedly and the dialogue has always been quite similar to what is being said here. Friendships, as a rule, develop between people who share similar interests and who come together with some frequency. Clients and escorts may share similar interests besides sex but the development of a friendship if often hindered by the lack of seeing each other on a regular basis. I have being seeing two escorts for well over ten years and during that time a friendship has had the time to develop and grow. Frankly friendship is something that happens slowly over time and cannot nor should it be forced

[big-n-tall]

It has always been my fantasy/dream/hope to be friends with a guy who escorts and we experience community and sharing of gay brotherhood.Anyone thinks that can happen...?

 

Yes, it's absolutely possible. Anything is possible with two human beings. We are for the most part emotional creatures who seek companionship on many different levels. As @Epigonos states it usually takes a while to happen. I think forcing it can lead to ruin in some form.

 

Honestly, a few guys I have met, we've pretty much became instant friends. I think this was because we had an extraordinary amount in common.

[+ Bullakaun]

It has always been my fantasy/dream/hope to be friends with a guy who escorts and we experience community and sharing of gay brotherhood.Anyone thinks that can happen...?

 

For me it happened not just once but twice. 2 of the escorts/masseurs I saw became very close buddies. It probably was because I did not treat them as mere bodies touching me. We had life conversations and they reciprocated. I would say, go with a genuine interest for knowing the person below his skin.. That will go a long way in cultivating that friendship that you seek... There's no place where friends can't be made. Good luck

[+ bigjoey]

Yes.

[Eight by Six]

It has always been my fantasy/dream/hope to be friends with a guy who escorts and we experience community and sharing of gay brotherhood.Anyone thinks that can happen...?

I actually have become friends with several escorts that I hired regularly. It all depends on their personality and how accepting they are of themselves and their work. I even had one escort build a deck for me and do a kitchen remodel (after finding out that carpentry and remodeling was his day job). That changed the relationship a little, there was less sex hiring after that, but he still threw me a load now and again to thank me for hiring out the construction projects. I still keep in touch with him now and again, but he is married now, I believe.

[Eight by Six]

I'd say if you want to become friends with them... hire the easy natured ones a few times over and slowly get them to know they can trust you by revealing a few things about yourself. See if they open up slowly as well. And never push them. Give them forgiveness if they don't always perform at full bore. Let them know it's fine and that you understand they are humans and not machines. If you find they aren't receptive to friendship (and you want that)... move on to the next.

[+ WilliamM]

There's no place where friends can't be made.

 

Earlier in hiring, it was much more important to become friends with escorts. But, it's no longer important because the above quote is true for me and most other people. When Pope Francis was in Philadelphia in 2015, the city was suddenly full of people from South America. I have only been to South America twice, but enough to really like South Americans.

 

The first escort I ever hired was half Peruvian. Recently I met an actor from Argentina who was a senior at the University of Pennsylvania. I follow him on Facebook now; he has became a well-know actor as the lead in a TV series not broadcast in the United States.