A reminder to myself and all: Make up, after you break up....

[Mocha]

@Mocha Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.

 

I don't usually do this, but I'm pulling this particular quote from another thread as an example. But I'll first say, I apologize to Oliver Sacks in advance and prior for having to use his quote as an example. It really bothered me for someone to say such a thing. However, such witty connotations don't always apply in real life...

 

Couple weeks ago, I had a falling out with a flight attendant friend I've know awhile. Long story short, we met in Miami for a couple hours, then had a disagreement later that night which ultimately lead to a spat that ended with me saying, "delete my number" over the phone the next day.

 

That would be the last time I'd ever hear from him. His boyfriend recently announced his passing away in a tragic accident yesterday. Prior to this, I couldnt be too quick to forgive him because just like in the past, this person would take advantage of me time and time again and a few months or couple years later, and I'd forget about it. Only for it to happen again. So in a way, I had to hold the anger in my backpocket, in case I needed to reference it later when we found ourself in the company of mutual friends.

 

However, I really wish we could have left off on a better note. Something was compelling me these past 2 weeks to just try and make amends. But he's done me dirty as a friend too many times. Though our actual Reuniting in person was refreshing, fun and got along (except his comment about me looking older than him, which I guess now is a blessing to be), his overall prescense felt rather indifferent. Earlier that day I picked out matching seashell necklaces in Key Largo, and still gave him one as we departed with a bookmark to meet later that evening, which never occurred.

 

Moral of the story: We never know when someone else's time might be up, much less our own. Simply acknowledging and coming to a mutual understanding is better than not having the oppurtunity to make amends.

[MassageDrew]

I think when people say that anger is not good for you is slightly overrated. If you dwell on it then I can see why it can eat you up. I'm angry with some people but I don't let this anger dictate my life. It comes up if I happen to run into these people, but only if I happen to run into them. I just don't acknowledge them. Friends know me as a very happy person and I don't hesitate cutting off anyone or anything that threatens that innocent, happy guy in me.

 

You mentioned that he took advantage of you multiple times. I'm sorry to point it out but you never learned anything the first or even after the second time he did it? I have friends in the same situation and it makes me scratch my head. You must really like his attention to allow him to keep doing this to you multiple times as you indicated. I think you're trying to make amends within yourself rather than actually forgiving him. That's a good thing. Healing starts with you.

[YoungAD]

Mocha,

 

Perhaps you should apply this same logic towards reconciling with clients who have wronged you (purposely or not), instead of holding grudges, making threats to destroy reputations, and so on. Do you really believe that the clients who contract a less-than-perfect experience with you did so out of some sense of malice? Regarding the other thread in which you claimed to have followed through with 100% of clients who contacted you and set up an appointment, you have complained about a great many of those same clients. Merely seeing everyone who contacts you does not correlate automatically with a perfect rating on Men4Rent.

[Guest AnthonyDriller]

Amen.

[Mocha]

Due to the nature of this incident, I will not be further discussing or arguing over this matter. What happened happened and is not up for debate. Clearly, Life is too short to spend it debating with anonymous mother fuckers who aren't doing shit for me but talking shit and criticizing.

 

If you want to tell someone how to think and live their life, get a degree and license in clinical psychology. Otherwise, all that talk is opinions...which like an asshole, everyone has.

 

As far as holding a grudge, stop. Y'all making it seemed like I cursed this person to cause this to happen. No. i wasn't there. I had nothing to do with it. I had already moved on from the friendship and met other people. I wasn't mad. I even said I was going to make amends with him, but y'all pigheaded mofos read what y'all want to read.

 

If anything, my anger towards him probably saved my life because riding with that mother fucker would of had me killed...just like he coulda killed us in Dallas driving like a goddamn fool. And I told him I would never ride in the car with him again after that.

 

But if anyone is interested in the actual story, please read: https://www.google.com/amp/s/miamiherald.relaymedia.com/amp/news/local/community/broward/article135161379.html

3 killed after crash at Broward County bus shelter

 

5:05 AM, Feb 27, 2017

 

HOLLYWOOD, Fla. - Authorities are investigating a fiery crash Sunday morning that killed three people in Broward County.

[Mocha]

Wait, and who's reputation did I threaten to destroy? Who? Seems the only thing I'm destroying is you guys sense of control over me to mechanize my thoughts and personality to mold how you see fit.

 

Just stop. Like I told somebody else, work on you first. Don't worry about me. Or my clients.

 

That said, God bless you all, have a great weekend and please pray (peaceful) things for me and the people in your life. I've seen and heard too many close people pass around me and I thank the lord, my strength, for getting me through each and every day.

 

AMEN to that!

 

[Mocha]

You mentioned that he took advantage of you multiple times. I'm sorry to point it out but you never learned anything the first or even after the second time he did it? I have friends in the same situation and it makes me scratch my head. You must really like his attention to allow him to keep doing this to you multiple times as you indicated. I think you're trying to make amends within yourself rather than actually forgiving him. That's a good thing. Healing starts with you.

 

He was a popular guy. He had a charming personality. We laughed and cried together and told him my most intimate secrets.

 

He had a big Facebook following and lots of people only seen his initial charm. However, the fact that he killed 2 other people in the vehicle as well was a tragic indicator of how I believe even though he made friends easily, didn't seem to have the ability to truly and genuinely feel compassion for them. Which seemed very sociopathic to me.

[Mocha]

Oh and one more thing re: the grudge factor which I'd like to squash like a giant cockroach: A friend of mine spoke to my deceased friend's current boyfriend...and he too felt the same anger and said the same things I was saying. We both share the same feelings of being played and dismayed, and I've never spoke to or met his (now widowed) boyfriend.

 

So all the labeling Mocha as the bad guy, negative guy, etc etc is tiring and old. Take all that ish and shove it back where it belongs.

[MassageDrew]

He was a popular guy. He had a charming personality. We laughed and cried together and told him my most intimate secrets.

 

He had a big Facebook following and lots of people only seen his initial charm. However, the fact that he killed 2 other people in the vehicle as well was a tragic indicator of how I believe even though he made friends easily, didn't seem to have the ability to truly and genuinely feel compassion for them. Which seemed very sociopathic to me.

 

And you're exactly right. Most people get so caught up with being popular thinking the world revolves around them. It takes a lot to stay popular or even for those holier than thou type of people. It usually involves hiding a lot of skeletons in their closets to try to look that perfect to everyone else. Maybe you thought he changed? Is that why you kept letting him back in?

 

I'm a very trusting person. Sure, I'd like to give everyone a chance. Make no mistake about it though. Break that trust and you'll never earn it back. Telling someone to go f*ck himself became a little easier as I matured a little bit more. I was in the same situation then - hangout with the popular ones. It is so juvenile nowadays. Now, I have a good career, great family and friends, and overall life is good. So I really don't need anything other than your genuine you. I've met people who had the chance to be themselves around me but chose to portray someone else's life. Bye Felicia!

[YoungAD]

So all the labeling Mocha as the bad guy, negative guy, etc etc is tiring and old.

 

You really do need to see that therapist.

[+ purplekow]

Mocha, apart from all the drama that this post has created, I am sorry about the passing of your friend and the loss and guilt you feel.

Forgive yourself and forgive him and try to concentrate on the good things he brought to your life.

Take the lesson of this and live a better life, that will be a legacy to you from him.

[Mocha]

. Maybe you thought he changed? Is that why you kept letting him back in?

 

I'm a very trusting person. Sure, I'd like to give everyone a chance. Make no mistake about it though. Break that trust and you'll never earn it back. Telling someone to go f*ck himself became a little easier as I matured a little bit more. I was in the same situation then - hangout with the popular ones. It is so juvenile nowadays. Now, I have a good career, great family and friends, and overall life is good. So I really don't need anything other than your genuine you. I've met people who had the chance to be themselves around me but chose to portray someone else's life. Bye Felicia!

 

He did change. But not for the better. He changed to where I didn't even know who he was. He was trying to be everybody's best friend and running up to random strangers. I'm glad you finally found the light. After this, I realize having friends and popularity only means something when you're alive. And I also think some people drive (pun intended) their friends to their grave by rushing and being impatient. I see it all the time friends rushing to get nowhere. To the same shit that'll be there next week and the next week. A friggin club isn't going anywhere.

 

It's like another sour tragedy in my home state of Florida. Pulse last year. And now this. I wanted to warn my friend, be careful down in Florida. I knew it, I knew it. The wrong crowd here will get you killed. I personally believe, either his friends (or malevolent entities) influenced him more crazy than he already was, or he probably got roofied or drugged in addition to whatever else. Hard to tell when the bodies were burnt beyond recognition.

 

With that said...being today is Sunday, I thought I'd share this video as a testimony to how I feel.

 

[Mocha]

Mocha, apart from all the drama that this post has created, I am sorry about the passing of your friend and the loss and guilt you feel.

Forgive yourself and forgive him and try to concentrate on the good things he brought to your life.

Take the lesson of this and live a better life, that will be a legacy to you from him.

 

Lol I know, I overdramatize this thread, writing essays and thesis and such. I was wine grieving. But I agree, it's too late to say, "I told him so". I even gave him a crash course (another bad pun ugh) on rural driving when we were driving at night through remote areas.... It's just so crazy. One minute they're here, next minute they're just dust and ash. Life is not fair, but death is ruthless.

 

You really do need to see that therapist.

 

I agree. I've not been through a lot...but I've seen other people go thru a lot and it scares me. Anyone would need therapy. But it's like $200/half hour and $700 for a few sessions. Makes an escort look like a bargain.

 

In the meantime, cheap effective therapy for me will have to come in the form of books and inspirational blogs.