What to do?

[Courage]

I'm a 42 year old who, for reasons not immediately relevant, is totally inexperienced--with escorts, with men (except as dates that haven't gone anywhere), with sex generally. I've decided to see what I've been missing by hiring.

 

So. How does this transaction go? Initiate contact through email with a well-reviewed guy on RM, okay. That's simple enough. I take a shower beforehand, yup.

 

Then...do you pay up front? Do you have rubbers and lube there or do they provide their own that they trust? Is every act agreed to before-hand specifically or is it less formal? Do you ask this sort of stuff over email or does that make you a pest? Do they care (within reason) whether you stay at a Sheraton or do they expect 5 stars?

 

I realize some of this sounds silly. But you don't get to be the proverbial "40 year old virgin" without being an unusual guy. Take it easy on a first time poster.

 

Thanks!!

[escortrod]

Some escorts will require that you pay upfront, but most don't. Many clients put the cash in an envelope and put it on a surface somewhere in the room, to demonstrate good faith.

 

It's a good idea to have condoms and lube, though any decent escort will also have his own.

 

If there are particular acts you are interested in, or if you are into something particularly unusual, it is a good idea to discuss this with the escort beforehand. You may also have to read between the lines of the escort's profile a little to see if you are both compatible. Otherwise it should be quite fluid.

 

Most escorts won't care if you stay at a Sheraton. Frankly I'd avoid those who insist on a five star hotel for sex.

 

None of your post sounds silly. Good luck with your first hire!

[beachboy]

Good advice from Escortrod. I can't afford an expensive hotel, so asked a certain escort if he minded & his reply was that he didn't care as long as it was clean. My point is that I'd rather have more time with him & pay the money to him rather than to a hotel chain. Pick a well reviewed guy, ask on the forum for anyone's experience with him then book him & have an absolute blast! Good luck

[+ Eric Hassan]

Welcome to the board, [uSER=14922]@Courage![/uSER]

 

@escortrod has an excellent response - I would say the exact same thing. You might - if you feel comfortable - let the guy you're interested in hiring know it's your first time and ask him to help guide you through the process. The right guy will listen, provide feedback, ask questions and make sure you feel comfortable along the way.

[Bearofdistinction]

Welcome to the board, [uSER=14922]@Courage![/uSER]

 

@escortrod has an excellent response - I would say the exact same thing. You might - if you feel comfortable - let the guy you're interested in hiring know it's your first time and ask him to help guide you through the process. The right guy will listen, provide feedback, ask questions and make sure you feel comfortable along the way.

 

Eric you are such a nice boy! Come see Big Daddy for a nice Pot Roast Dinner -- and we will find something to do with the

extra gravy!

[BSR]

I'm a 42 year old who, for reasons not immediately relevant, is totally inexperienced--with escorts, with men (except as dates that haven't gone anywhere), with sex generally. I've decided to see what I've been missing by hiring.

 

So. How does this transaction go? Initiate contact through email with a well-reviewed guy on RM, okay. That's simple enough. I take a shower beforehand, yup.

 

Then...do you pay up front? Do you have rubbers and lube there or do they provide their own that they trust? Is every act agreed to before-hand specifically or is it less formal? Do you ask this sort of stuff over email or does that make you a pest? Do they care (within reason) whether you stay at a Sheraton or do they expect 5 stars?

 

I realize some of this sounds silly. But you don't get to be the proverbial "40 year old virgin" without being an unusual guy. Take it easy on a first time poster.

 

Thanks!!

Welcome to the board

 

Is every act agreed to before-hand specifically or is it less formal?

Since you're pretty new at this, I'm guessing that you don't have a specific list of activities that are important to you. For example, for myself and many of us on this board, kissing (deep, not dry) is an absolute must, and I won't hire an escort unless I know he's into it. If you do have an activity that is very important to you, say, you really want to try bottoming, then make sure you don't hire an exclusive bottom But seriously, I would let the escort know that it's your first time bottoming, and sound out if he's cool with it. A lot of escorts take great pride in their skills with the inexperienced. If he tells you, or your gut tells you, that he's not great at breaking in new guys, there are plenty of other fish in the sea. Just make sure never to include rates/money exchanged and specific activities in the same discussion. For example, if an escort advertises "ask me" for his rate, send one text/email asking for his rate, then in a separate text/email, mention that you're really hoping to experience bottoming for the first time. Remember that any explicit statement of money for sex is prostitution in the eyes of the law.

 

Final bit of advice: try to keep the number of texts/emails/phone conversations to a minimum. Escorts have to deal far too often with time-wasters, guys who have no interest in hiring but just get off on the back & forth banter with escorts. You're obviously a serious client, but the escort(s) you contact don't necessarily know that.

[LivingnLA]

Welcome to the forum [uSER=14922]@Courage![/uSER]

 

First, ask yourself what you want to experience. Do you want sex with a woman? With a man? Do you want to try both? Be honest. Be open. Be curious. Make a list. Do you want a "boyfriend experience" with "deep kissing," lots of body contact, cuddling, and sex? Or do you want a "wham bam, thank you sir" kind of experience? Do you want to suck cock? Do you want to be fucked? Are you curious about BDSM? Some kind of role-play? Understanding what you might be into is important in helping you identify professionals that might be a good match for you.

 

(As an aside, since this is your first time, I would urge you to consider going for a "boyfriend experience" with an escort that is skilled in helping someone new have a great first time. You can explore your kinks and other interests another time. Think of it as a journey that you want to start off right.)

 

Second, I would ask the forum for recommendations of top quality escorts in whatever geographic area you are located in or that you plan to travel to for this experience. Mention a desire for whatever it is you want so fellow forum members can make useful recommendations. For example, I would imagine you'd want an escort like @Eric Hassan or @TopTierTop (these are just the first 2 excellent escorts who popped into my head, there are many others) who're clearly intelligent, considerate, experienced, and have an authentic interest in providing excellent experiences.

 

Third, after you have your short list, contact each escort with a brief message. Mention that you're new and looking for a first-time experience involving whatever you want. Do not mention money in this message. Though, in a separate message or better yet in a voice phone call with the escort(s) that replied well to your message, you can ask about payment for their time, but do not mention sexual activity in that exchange.

 

Lastly, once you and the escort are agreed, set a time, and get a decent hotel room. Meet the escort for a brief chat at a nearby coffee shop or the hotel bar just to ease your nerves and confirm the chemistry. It's unlikely to happen since you've already limited yourself to only contacting excellent escorts, but if something feels off or you don't believe it'll work, trust your gut, apologize, and say so. It would be polite to offer at least "cab fare" or something similar.

 

Hopefully, y'all get along and move the conversation to your room. Have fun! Be safe! Enjoy the journey and feel free to post in the forum for advice or contact me via a private message if you have questions you don't wish to publicize.

 

Oh, since you're a virgin, are you current on all your vaccinations?

• Hep A/B
  
• Meningococcal (MenACWY) if you're in Southern California or plan to travel there for sex with men. (Every 5yrs)
  
• HPV (Gardasil-9) Growing evidence suggests this is behind significant numbers of anal and oral cancers. Since you are beyond the age currently recommended, your insurance (if you have health insurance) won't pay for this vaccine. But, if you plan to be sexually active, I would suggest paying for this vaccine yourself because HPV is very prevalent among sexually active adults.
  

On a related note, bring your own lube and condoms just in case and because you're a virgin, you may wish to use condoms for oral sex to reduce the chances of catching HPV. Unless an escort was properly vaccinated, it's nearly a certainty that he has one or more strains of HPV given the nature of the profession.

[Courage]

Thank you for the gracious and helpful replies, everyone--I hadn't even considered some issues (vaccination in particular).

 

I have contacted someone who has been very understanding of my situation. Nevertheless, I surely wouldn't mind further sound advice.

[TruthBTold]

This isn't advice but just that it is actually great you are asking questions. Not all of us know all the answers so when you get them we get them. It's actually a service (if that makes sense). Good luck and have fun.

[+ Eric Hassan]

Eric you are such a nice boy! Come see Big Daddy for a nice Pot Roast Dinner -- and we will find something to do with the

extra gravy!

 

You're speaking to my New England roots with all your fancy pot roast talk. When's dinner?!

[+ Funguy]

One other suggestion re: vaccines - hepatitis A and B should not be question marked. You should get both. . .A is a series of 2 shots; B is 3 shots.

[Courage]

One other suggestion re: vaccines - hepatitis A and B should not be question marked. You should get both. . .A is a series of 2 shots; B is 3 shots.

 

I have an appointment with my doc next week and I'll get 'em started. Apparently they're a series of injections over months.

 

[Edited to remove possibly erroneous information]

[+ Funguy]

Re someone's mention of HPV vaccine: I asked about HPV vaccine over the phone with a drugstore clinic. Apparently I'm simply too old for that one--they don't administer it after 20-something.

 

It is covered by insurance up to age 26.

Years ago when it first came out it had only been tested up to age 26 so that was the limit. it was also felt that if you had been sexually active that by age 26 you had probably been exposed.

"They" did not take into monogamous relationships which ended or non-monogamous relationships, including same sex.

It is highly recommended esp. in the gay community: it prevents oral, throat, anal and rectal cancers as well as anal warts among other things. Your insurance will NOT cover it. It is several hundred bucks per shot and there are 3 shots but considering the consequences/prevalence it is money well spent.

A few years ago Michael Douglas had throat cancer which he stated was HPV in origin and he publicized this in an effort to get people to get immunized. Considering how much oral and anal sex is practiced in our community, you can bet that there are a lot of cases one can blame on non-vaccination.

Get all 3 shots and closely adhere to the recommended schedule.

[Courage]

Get all 3 shots and closely adhere to the recommended schedule.

 

Thank you. I'll insist.

[+ Funguy]

Good boi!

[+ WmClarke]

I have an appointment with my doc next week and I'll get 'em started. Apparently they're a series of injections over months.

Yes. Several months!

 

Unless it's changed from 2016 (got mine last year), it's a total seven month timeframe from first shot to last.

[+ purplekow]

While i certainly agree that you should be up to date on Hep A and B and test for Hep C, at this point, safe sexual practices are prudent to avoid transmission of those and possibly other diseases. So there is that.

 

Now for the good stuff. Sex. Sex. and More Sex. It can be scary. It can trigger all sort of anxiety. It can make you want to run in the other direction. But ultimately, after a deep breath and with a knowledgable partner, you will be exploring the most basic of human experiences and if you are like most men, you will be wanting to explore that deeper and deeper, again and again and again and ...well you get the idea.

 

Hiring a well reviewed escort, telling him it is your first time and mentioning a few things you would like to do, should all be done prior to the meeting.

 

My best advice for the meeting is Do Not Overthink this. When your brain is overly engaged, you penis will become disengaged. So, if possible, leave your brain outside. Your body will function much better when you go where your body leads you rather than doing what your head tells you.

 

There is no room for shame, guilt, self loathing, fear.

 

In dealing with an escort for the first time, when I hear that knock on the door, I find it best to summon all the confidence I can muster, to feel as secure as I possibly can and then to open the door, let him in and then kiss him passionately before any words are exchanged. After that, it seems like nature takes its course: an offer of a drink, a nod toward the envelop on the bed stand, a hand on his shoulder or arm or leg or a rub over a well muscled ass or perhaps over a temptingly bulging crouch .

 

After that, most escorts will take the lead. However, if you sit and talk, he will sit and talk and while that might be more in your comfort zone the first time, getting out of that zone is more difficult. So my advice is, dive in, you will not drown. Ultimately the first experience will be memorable, just have the confidence to make it memorable and fun.

[Courage]

In dealing with an escort for the first time, when I hear that knock on the door, I find it best to summon all the confidence I can muster, to feel as secure as I possibly can and then to open the door, let him in and then kiss him passionately before any words are exchanged.

 

I think I'll take this advice. Thanks!

[LivingnLA]

One other suggestion re: vaccines - hepatitis A and B should not be question marked. You should get both. . .A is a series of 2 shots; B is 3 shots.

 

Yes, that was a typo. Thanks for catching it. Oh, and there's a combo A/B vaccine that only requires 2 shots in most people. Your doc can fill you in on your options.

[LivingnLA]

Regarding HPV and being "too old:"

 

The original thinking was that after 26yrs, if you'd been sexually active even a little, you would've been exposed because something like 80-90% of the sexually active population has at least one strain of HPV.

 

Now, here's where it gets "fun." There are hundreds of strains of HPV and around 10% of them are thought to be behind anal, oral, and vaginal cancers in humans. The latest vaccine (Gardasil-9) protects against 9 of those known likely cancer-causing strains. So what you say? Well, the latest research shows that while the vaccine cannot protect you from the strains you've already been exposed to, it can protect you from those you haven't been exposed to, so in my opinion, it's worth it.

 

https://www.cancer.gov/about-cancer/causes-prevention/risk/infectious-agents/hpv-fact-sheet

 

http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/newfoundland-labrador/cancer-hpv-gardasil-vaccine-boys-mouth-throat-cervical-1.3812345

[+ purplekow]

Regarding HPV and being "too old:"

 

The original thinking was that after 26yrs, if you'd been sexually active even a little, you would've been exposed because something like 80-90% of the sexually active population has at least one strain of HPV.

 

Now, here's where it gets "fun." There are hundreds of strains of HPV and only around 10% of them are thought to be behind anal, oral, and vaginal cancers in humans. The latest vaccine (Gardasil-9) protects against 9 of those known likely cancer-causing strains. So what you say? Well, the latest research shows that while the vaccine cannot protect you from the strains you've already been exposed to, it can protect you from those you haven't been exposed to, so in my opinion, it's worth it.

 

https://www.cancer.gov/about-cancer/causes-prevention/risk/infectious-agents/hpv-fact-sheet

 

http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/newfoundland-labrador/cancer-hpv-gardasil-vaccine-boys-mouth-throat-cervical-1.3812345

 

And the OP says he has had limited sexual experience, that said, his exposure levels are likely to be low.

[LivingnLA]

And the OP says he has had limited sexual experience, that said, his exposure levels are likely to be low.

 

His exposure to date has been low, but he is planning to hire one or more escorts who are a high risk category coupled with men who have sex with men, another high risk category. He would be wise to protect himself now before engaging in sexual activity.

[+ purplekow]

His exposure to date has been low, but he is planning to hire one or more escorts who are a high risk category coupled with men who have sex with men, another high risk category. He would be wise to protect himself now before engaging in sexual activity.

Perhaps I did not make that clear but I was saying that his exposure has been low and as a result he is at greater risk than the average person in his 40's now that he is becoming more active.