Coming Down

[Reluctant Daddy]

From a hiring high of back to back meetings with 2 great guys 2 weeks ago, and the sad realization that I most likely won't see either of them until the same time next year. Both brought something different and exciting to the table, and it's kind of sad that I have to wait a whole year to feel that again. Am I alone in getting more than "getting off" from hiring? Do others get this from all of the guys they hire, or just certain ones?

[+ glennnn]

You hit the nail on the head, buddy! It is difficult for me to see an escort due to time, distance and family arrangements, and it is much more than sex that I miss. I miss the companionship, the honesty, the touching and physical closeness, but mostly, I think, I miss, and so badly need, the chance to be myself with nothing hidden. My escorts are the only men in the world that I can speak with face-to-face without the filter of being gay in a straight world. So far, I' ve felt this way with all of them. I have several special friends here on the forum, but, so far, we haven't met in person.

 

On another, but related note, does anyone else have trouble chosing between escorts? I now have three repeats that I like so much, and a wish list of several that I long to meet. Being limited as I mentioned above, especially by distance, I have a hard time (pun intended) deciding when i have the chance. The only answer is to hire more often. Oh well, a hobby is supposed to be fun, but absorbing, too.

[+ Truereview]

Oh well, a hobby is supposed to be fun..

⬆️ This ⬆️

 

My take on this hobby is that we must engage in the hobby to have fun, however, the minute it becomes "absorbing" or gives us a "down" feeling, something is not right. We must take a hold of ourselves and conduct an inventory; otherwise, we may burn out on it. I don't say this to be negative or mean or a downer. I say it bc I worry when the hobby becomes an emotional outlet or inlet - that can leave anyone vulnerable to abusive types.

 

I keep on saying that the currency of this hobby is emotion, and we gotta be able to handle the burden of that currency eyes-wide-open. I do like the idea of balancing the euphoria of companionship with friendship, kinship, camaraderie, and even intimacy without the physicality - and all of those don't require a fee, just finding the right friends to share them with.

[beachboy]

⬆️ This ⬆️

 

My take on this hobby is that we must engage in the hobby to have fun, however, the minute it becomes "absorbing" or gives us a "down" feeling, something is not right. We must take a hold of ourselves and conduct an inventory; otherwise, we may burn out on it. I don't say this to be negative or mean or a downer. I say it bc I worry when the hobby becomes an emotional outlet or inlet - that can leave anyone vulnerable to abusive types.

 

I keep on saying that the currency of this hobby is emotion, and we gotta be able to handle the burden of that currency eyes-wide-open. I do like the idea of balancing the euphoria of companionship with friendship, kinship, camaraderie, and even intimacy without the physicality - and all of those don't require a fee, just finding the right friends to share them with.

Agreed. As clients we need to keep a sensible outlook on this hobby & keep it in balance with the rest of our lives & not let it veer towards some kind of emotional prop or substitute. We can build a rapport with working guys with mutual respect & I know that friendships can occasionally develop outside of the paid environment, but usually it is a professional arrangement which adds an element of fun to our lives without causing any kind of negativity. Last night I had a great session with a guy who is moving to another part of the country today & my attitude should be, and is, to celebrate the good times & wish him well with no emotional pangs or regrets.

[+ glennnn]

@Truereview,

 

I hear you, and appreciate the concern and caution from one of the best guys on the Forum. You are NOT a downer. By absorbing, I meant something that holds your interest over time, like anticipation of the next time one will get to mess with his stamp collection or work in his wood shop. I am m/m emotionally needy, because I've lost many guy friends to death, and don't have a single gay friend in my life. My interactions with forum friends like you is so helpful. Thanks, as always, to you all.

[+ Truereview]

I hear you, and appreciate the concern and caution from one of the best guys on the Forum. You are NOT a downer. By absorbing, I meant something that holds your interest over time, like anticipation of the next time one will get to mess with his stamp collection or work in his wood shop. I am m/m emotionally needy, because I've lost many guy friends to death, and don't have a single gay friend in my life. My interactions with forum friends like you is so helpful. Thanks, as always, to you all.

I hear you, cookie I didn't mean to preach. I just got set off. I think we are saying the same thing though. See directly below...

 

Last night I had a great session with a guy who is moving to another part of the country today & my attitude should be, and is, to celebrate the good times & wish him well with no emotional pangs or regrets.

Right on and, it is not easy! That euphoria some of us clients feel after connecting with high caliber guys is hard to manage afterwards, particularly if there are no other readily available human connections to soften the post-event declining feeling.

 

In my view, this is precisely where a forum can help. I may be too naive here, but to me, this Forum we play in regularly can be a conduit for friendship, kinship, camaraderie, and yes (!) even intimacy without physicality. I will readily admit I use this forum to keep me company in long flights, boring nights, lonely moments, and yes, even as a pocket set of advisors to help me make a decision (from what ATM machines to use outside a strip joint in Montreal to how to hit on a sexy stranger sitting next to me)

 

[uSER=12070]@NYClocker[/uSER] - to your question, yes, I for one still get that feeling you are referring to, and I'm learning to manage it. It helps to hear others feel it too

[mike carey]

to how to hit on a sexy stranger sitting next to me

The stuff of legends! Wait, did I say that?

[+ sf westcoaster]

Without question my hires are much more than a sexual activity. That is not to say that I don't enjoy the sex or the act of getting off, but it is the sharing of a meal, the exchange of experiences, the thrill of holding someone's hand that keep me hiring.

My hiring has no fixed time pattern. I may go a month or more without a hire and then have three or four hires within two weeks. Hiring has never taken priority over other life activities.

My hires are about sixty percent with gentlemen I have been with previously and the remainder new. I find that a first time hire either provides a new excitement and therefore another possible rehire or the new hire reconfirms why I go back to guys I have previously hired.

[beachboy]

I hear you, cookie I didn't mean to preach. I just got set off. I think we are saying the same thing though. See directly below...

 

 

Right on and, it is not easy! That euphoria some of us clients feel after connecting with high caliber guys is hard to manage afterwards, particularly if there are no other readily available human connections to soften the post-event declining feeling.

 

In my view, this is precisely where a forum can help. I may be too naive here, but to me, this Forum we play in regularly can be a conduit for friendship, kinship, camaraderie, and yes (!) even intimacy without physicality. I will readily admit I use this forum to keep me company in long flights, boring nights, lonely moments, and yes, even as a pocket set of advisors to help me make a decision (from what ATM machines to use outside a strip joint in Montreal to how to hit on a sexy stranger sitting next to me)

 

[uSER=12070]@NYClocker[/uSER] - to your question, yes, I for one still get that feeling you are referring to, and I'm learning to manage it. It helps to hear others feel it too

I guess that feeling is not uncommon to many of us. There is one guy I could easily fall head over heels in love with. While he treats me as a lover during our time together I know its a beautiful fantasy and

to keep away the 'down' feeling I focus on the amazing times I've had with him, the joy of intimacy with him & look forward to the next time, counting my blessings for knowing what those times have added to my life. He lives quite a long way away from me so it's a special trip when my budget allows, which makes it even more special.

[+ glennnn]

As I've said before, when you are dying of thirst, it is difficult not to fall in love with the one who gives you water....even if you are paying for it. Talking to each other really helps keep things in perspective.

[Reluctant Daddy]

I think I should clarify. It's not a feeling of love, but I have to say that I do love that these guys were part of my life and hope that they continue to be so. I went into this for the sex, and that continues to be a large part of it (I'm not completely daft!). Like Glenn, it's difficult for me to see escorts for many of the same reasons, and a little bit more. My life basically revolves around my soul crushing job and my home, and they both consume an enormous amount of my time and energy. I think I had a Lester Burnham (see the film - American Beauty) moment last year when I started this and decided, "Fuck it!" Not really an emotional crutch, more like an emotional Ace bandage.

 

The first time was terribly awkward, but wonderful , but the guy inspired me. I was embarrassed to be naked and kept my shirt on the whole time. I don't think he cared, but it provided me with the incentive to shed weight and try to tone up. I wanted to look better for the next time, for me. And he was a bit of a muse. I bought a camera and started photography classes because I wanted to have an opportunity to photograph him (he's model material). I haven't had inspiration like that in a very long time. I met with him this month and felt more confident and a little less awkward. The other provided me with a much needed push toward building that confidence (think Viola Davis and the little girl in "The Help"). For that, I'm very grateful.

 

These are feelings that I haven't had in a very long time, and it was invigorating. I just hope they hold until the next time we meet.

[Reluctant Daddy]

As I've said before, when you are dying of thirst, it is difficult not to fall in love with the one who gives you water....even if you are paying for it.

 

You've summed it up perfectly.

[+ Truereview]

I think I should clarify. It's not a feeling of love, but I have to say that I do love that these guys were part of my life and hope that they continue to be so. I went into this for the sex, and that continues to be a large part of it (I'm not completely daft!). Like Glenn, it's difficult for me to see escorts for many of the same reasons, and a little bit more. My life basically revolves around my soul crushing job and my home, and they both consume an enormous amount of my time and energy. I think I had a Lester Burnham (see the film - American Beauty) moment last year when I started this and decided, "Fuck it!" Not really an emotional crutch, more like an emotional Ace bandage.

 

The first time was terribly awkward, but wonderful , but the guy inspired me. I was embarrassed to be naked and kept my shirt on the whole time. I don't think he cared, but it provided me with the incentive to shed weight and try to tone up. I wanted to look better for the next time, for me. And he was a bit of a muse. I bought a camera and started photography classes because I wanted to have an opportunity to photograph him (he's model material). I haven't had inspiration like that in a very long time. I met with him this month and felt more confident and a little less awkward. The other provided me with a much needed push toward building that confidence (think Viola Davis and the little girl in "The Help"). For that, I'm very grateful.

 

These are feelings that I haven't had in a very long time, and it was invigorating. I just hope they hold until the next time we meet.

To me, those sound like excellent, positive feelings! In my view, they propel you to being sex positive, but also self-affirming. My concern was the "down" from it. The aftermath can and should be uplifting, but it sounds to me like you are managing quite well but also realistically- it won't be all just peachy.

[Reluctant Daddy]

[+ Truereview]

LOL...Just don't wear that sweater, darling

[+ nycman]

I may be too naive here, but to me, this Forum we play in regularly can be a conduit for friendship, kinship, camaraderie, and yes (!) even intimacy without physicality.

 

"intimacy without physicality"?

 

Is that a polite way of saying I'm not supposed to FUCK other forum members?

 

NOW he tells me!

 

SOMEBODY better update the god dammed FAQ if you expect me to play by the "rules".....

 

Grin

[+ Truereview]

"intimacy without physicality"?

 

Is that a polite way of saying I'm not supposed to FUCK other forum members?

 

NOW he tells me!

 

SOMEBODY better update the god dammed FAQ if you expect me to play by the "rules".....

 

Grin

Now, that supposition would certainly give me a coming down feeling.

[+ glennnn]

"intimacy without physicality"?

 

Is that a polite way of saying I'm not supposed to FUCK other forum members?

 

NOW he tells me!

 

SOMEBODY better update the god dammed FAQ if you expect me to play by the "rules".....

 

Grin

 

Is there a rule against fucking other posters? Where? Why? How? There are several of you I would love to at least blow, because you are so sexy and beautiful in our chaste, online discourse. I'm hot to turn our discourse into intercourse. You know who you are.....I hope! Seriously @Guy Fawkes , is there any rule against poster fraternization?

[rvwnsd]

Is there a rule against fucking other posters? Where? Why? How? ...

 

Oh, hell yes! Violating that sacred rule gets you a notation in your permanent file. Believe me, you DO NOT want that to happen.

 

I'm kidding. There is no rule stating that forum members cannot fuck each other.

[+ glennnn]

Oh, hell yes! Violating that sacred rule gets you a notation in your permanent file. Believe me, you DO NOT want that to happen.

 

I'm kidding. There is no rule stating that forum members cannot fuck each other.

 

So, what are YOU doing tonight, sexy?

[rvwnsd]

So, what are YOU doing tonight, sexy?

Just returned from a team-building event. Then a week of training. Go team, go!!!

[+ glennnn]

Humph! You avoided the question! Go team, indeed!

[+ Eric Hassan]

I think I should clarify. It's not a feeling of love, but I have to say that I do love that these guys were part of my life and hope that they continue to be so. I went into this for the sex, and that continues to be a large part of it (I'm not completely daft!). Like Glenn, it's difficult for me to see escorts for many of the same reasons, and a little bit more. My life basically revolves around my soul crushing job and my home, and they both consume an enormous amount of my time and energy. I think I had a Lester Burnham (see the film - American Beauty) moment last year when I started this and decided, "Fuck it!" Not really an emotional crutch, more like an emotional Ace bandage.

 

The first time was terribly awkward, but wonderful , but the guy inspired me. I was embarrassed to be naked and kept my shirt on the whole time. I don't think he cared, but it provided me with the incentive to shed weight and try to tone up. I wanted to look better for the next time, for me. And he was a bit of a muse. I bought a camera and started photography classes because I wanted to have an opportunity to photograph him (he's model material). I haven't had inspiration like that in a very long time. I met with him this month and felt more confident and a little less awkward. The other provided me with a much needed push toward building that confidence (think Viola Davis and the little girl in "The Help"). For that, I'm very grateful.

 

These are feelings that I haven't had in a very long time, and it was invigorating. I just hope they hold until the next time we meet.

 

This is very sweet and I would like to reframe something.

 

You were inspired by the first guy you hired to lose weight. YOU put it together that it was something you wanted. YOU bought the camera and started taking classes in photography, presumably because you've had an interest in photography. YOU found a muse inside this man. YOU have found new feelings, new purpose, a sense of being invigorated. YOU did this. Not him. That's not to say he didn't have his role, it's just to say that you had all of this inside of you already. You can enjoy him and draw inspiration from him, and I hope you do. You also get to keep those good feelings between sessions because they come from YOU, not him!

[+ Truereview]

This is very sweet and I would like to reframe something.

 

You were inspired by the first guy you hired to lose weight. YOU put it together that it was something you wanted. YOU bought the camera and started taking classes in photography, presumably because you've had an interest in photography. YOU found a muse inside this man. YOU have found new feelings, new purpose, a sense of being invigorated. YOU did this. Not him. That's no to say he didn't have his role, it's just to say that you had all of this inside of you already. You can enjoy him and draw inspiration from him, and I hope you do. You also get to keep those good feelings between sessions because they come from YOU, not him!

Bravo!

[+ glennnn]

@Eric Hassan

 

You are a good man, Eric, and a wise one.