Do we have to fuck? Inspired by Gar1eth

[jjkrkwood]

I'm glad for you jj! As I said, I know better than projecting to others my needs

 

I only mentioned it because MOST people find my story odd, and honestly, unbelieveable. They cant understand how a GAY relationship cant sustain without anal. I'm not sure if thats a comment on relationships or being GAY ? And in most on my dealings with social dating apps, the first msg I usually get is "ANAL" ? So I undertsand where you are coming from and I was only presenting another side of the coin.

[+ José Soplanucas]

I only mentioned it because MOST people find my story odd, and honestly, unbelieveable. They cant understand how a GAY relationship cant sustain without anal. I'm not sure if thats a comment on relationships or being GAY ? And in most on my dealings with social dating apps, the first msg I usually get is "ANAL" ? So I undertsand where you are coming from and I was only presenting another side of the coin.

Got it. Yeah, do not count me in that Group. I can perfectly picture men being in a happy relationship without penetration. Even in my case, it never happened to me and I think it is very hard that something like that would happen to me, but I am not completely close to that possibility. Who knows? Maybe I am about to meet the man who is going to blow my mind who happens to be also a strict top.

[+ sam.fitzpatrick]

anal sex for me is like having Root Canal.....

 

Having had both in the last week, I can assure you the I did not need eight 600mg doses of Ibuprofen after anal sex.

[philly cheese]

Nope, a whole lot more than anal sex out there... and thank goodness!

 

Yessir.

[Racketjock]

Not required, but can be an amazing part of the fun activity list.

[BasketBaller]

Back when I was just fantasizing about sex with men, once I could admit that I was attracted to them, I started watching porn. Gay porn was more appealing to me than straight porn had been, another confirmation that I was kidding myself. And as I watched it, I found myself more and more intrigued by bottoming. So when I finally grew a pair and made the decision to hire an escort, I hired a top. I told him everything, probably way too much, but he knew he was taking my cherry and was awesome, patient and sensitive. In the back of my mind I think I hoped that this was an experiment, and once I tried it it would be out of my system. Wrong. However I'm built or wired, getting fucked is bar none the most pleasurable sexual experience I ever have had. Physically and psychologically it satisfies something that had never, ever been satisfied before.

 

Because I was a single dad with three kids, and probably because I was still somewhat conflicted about it all, I didn't pursue a gay social life, and really still haven't. So I hired and very occasionally hooked up, always with the intention of getting fucked. I love kissing and oral, but it's foreplay for me and I'd be disappointed if it didn't progress to me lifting my legs and him climbing aboard.

 

Now when all of the boys are in college, we'll see. I do miss having a relationship, and I can see that in a situation that wasn't a once-in-a-while thing not every intimacy would have to include anal. (And I'm clueless about how a bottom in a relationship handles hygiene-- do you douche regularly just in case, or do you wait until you know a fuck is imminent?) �

[MikeyGMin]

I've been in two long-term relationships where I was primarily, but not always, the bottom (when we went there.) You will be amazed at how effortless it can become.

 

You learn each other's habits and get into a rhythm. (Never felt like a rut to me.) The bottom, unless they are very submissive, can I have a lot of control over the situation. When I was in the mood to go there, I always made sure I was ready. If I wasn't ready, which also meant I probably wasn't in the mood, I would just say so.

 

It wasn't perfect. Sometimes my preparation would be wasted. Sometimes my partner would really want to top when I hadn't prepared. Or I would be in the mood to top which generally took him by surprise. But that's okay. When it's your partner, there is no clock hanging over your head. It's okay to take a break while someone gets prepared. Fool around for a while so any excess water gets absorbed and you're good to go.

 

I guess if you're as horny as a teenager, and just got to have it now, it would be a different matter.

[LivingnLA]

They cant understand how a GAY relationship cant sustain without anal.

 

That sounds like a very heteronormative perspective since in much of the American heterosexual world, everything is foreplay and the only real sex is vaginal or sometimes anal penetration. Fortunately, this is changing.

 

However I'm built or wired, getting fucked is bar none the most pleasurable sexual experience I ever have had. Physically and psychologically it satisfies something that had never, ever been satisfied before.

 

As I've written before, for me, right now, I am exploring bottoming. I have yet to find the type of experience @BasketBaller describes above, but for now, I'll continue searching.

 

(And I'm clueless about how a bottom in a relationship handles hygiene-- do you douche regularly just in case, or do you wait until you know a fuck is imminent?) �

 

I can't speak for everyone, but I would caution against excessive douching. It can strip away the protective mucous lining, leaving the bottom more exposed to possible infection. It can also lead to inflammation and irritation of the lining, further increasing risk of infection. Lastly, those with heart or kidney issues should avoid enemas and maybe even douching because the water is easily absorbed, which can rapidly alter blood volume temporarily.

 

If you have a balanced healthy diet, at least moderate exercise, and no gastrointestinal issues, you should be having regular bowel movements and generally be fine for anal sex after a gentle cleaning of your anus. Douching should only be for rare extreme sessions, fisting, multihour fucking, etc.

 

https://www.gmfa.org.uk/messy-sex-and-douching

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rectal_douching

http://thehealthybear.com/a-guide-to-douching/

[+ José Soplanucas]

You learn each other's habits and get into a rhythm. (Never felt like a rut to me.) The bottom, unless they are very submissive, can I have a lot of control over the situation. When I was in the mood to go there, I always made sure I was ready.

 

This may not be directly related to the OP intention, so please forgive me if you do not see any interest on it.

 

I am a total top and a control freak. What I enjoy when having sex is feeling I have the power to drive my partner out of himself, to overwhelm him with pleasure, to play his body like a musical instrument in order to freak him out. In order to do it I have to learn his body, I have to see him, I have to listen to him, I have to feel him. That is why I am very flexible and can enjoy vanilla or SM, whatever makes my "submissive" lover freak out, cry, roll his eyes and disintegrate himself in extasys.

 

Paradoxically, and this is the point I'm trying to make, if you are not in an abussive relationship, it is the "submissive" one who is actually in control. Always. Every single second. Please notice I am saying "submissive" and not "bottom", because penetration is completely irrelevant here.

 

I envy versatile and submissive/bottom guys, because from my "dominant" throne I can witness how much pleasure they can get lost in. I know no top or dominant guy who can reach those levels of .... I'm having problems to not repeat "extasys"... Levels of Nirvana, because they do look like reaching a new plan of existence, veeeeery happy existence.

[BasketBaller]

 

I can't speak for everyone, but I would caution against excessive douching. It can strip away the protective mucous lining, leaving the bottom more exposed to possible infection. It can also lead to inflammation and irritation of the lining, further increasing risk of infection. Lastly, those with heart or kidney issues should avoid enemas and maybe even douching because the water is easily absorbed, which can rapidly alter blood volume temporarily.

 

If you have a balanced healthy diet, at least moderate exercise, and no gastrointestinal issues, you should be having regular bowel movements and generally be fine for anal sex after a gentle cleaning of your anus. Douching should only be for rare extreme sessions, fisting, multihour fucking, etc.

 

https://www.gmfa.org.uk/messy-sex-and-douching

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rectal_douching

http://thehealthybear.com/a-guide-to-douching/

 

I know it shouldn't be overdone, and since I only have been getting fucked occasionally, I think I've been okay. I do like being squeaky clean, though. One thing that appeals about a relationship is the chance to bottom more often. So I've just been curious about balancing things.

 

I'm not into fisting, but multihour fucking is awesome. My best, favorite encounters were where we both totally wore each other out, LOL. As I've posted before, one of the reasons I've hired more often than connecting via craigslist or apps is how disappointed I've been with the staying power of some of the amateurs I've met. When a review mentions an escort's stamina or lasting power, my interest is piqued.

[LivingnLA]

This may not be directly related to the OP intention, so please forgive me if you do not see any interest on it.

 

I am a total top and a control freak. What I enjoy when having sex is feeling I have the power to drive my partner out of himself, to overwhelm him with pleasure, to play his body like a musical instrument in order to freak him out. In order to do it I have to learn his body, I have to see him, I have to listen to him, I have to feel him. That is why I am very flexible and can enjoy vanilla or SM, whatever makes my "submissive" lover freak out, cry, roll his eyes and disintegrate himself in extasys.

 

Paradoxically, and this is the point I'm trying to make, if you are not in an abussive relationship, it is the "submissive" one who is actually in control. Always. Every single second. Please notice I am saying "submissive" and not "bottom", because penetration is completely irrelevant here.

 

I envy versatile and submissive/bottom guys, because from my "dominant" throne I can witness how much pleasure they can get lost in. I know no top or dominant guy who can reach those levels of .... I'm having problems to not repeat "extasys"... Levels of Nirvana, because they do look like reaching a new plan of existence, veeeeery happy existence.

 

Ah, the eternal "who's in ultimate control?" debate. Some fun BDSM convos in my 20s.

 

I tend to agree with you because unless it's a true Master/slave Sadist/Masochist dynamic, the submissive is ultimately the controlling party since an experienced Dominant is observing the submissive and using all of those observations and experiences to determine limits, etc.

 

Some wild and fun times with committed subs in my 20s are probably what ignited the spark in me to explore submissiveness in myself.

 

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/evolution-the-self/201206/dominant-or-submissive-paradox-power-in-sexual-relations

[BasketBaller]

As I've written before, for me, right now, I am exploring bottoming. I have yet to find the type of experience @BasketBaller describes above, but for now, I'll continue searching.

 

Sexuality and preferences are so interesting. Apart from orientation itself, it's amazing how different our tastes and needs are. I was curious and yes, exploring that first time. And because I was either naive or optimistic, I hired someone hung big, probably not the best choice for a virgin to take. But he was skilled and patient, and once he was in me and I opened up a bit-- click! I knew this was what I'd been wanting. I walked into that hotel room an inexperienced bi-curious man, and left it as a slightly confused bottom who is more gay than bi. A later hire was a local younger guy (and hung but not as huge) and since I hired him several times before he left the business, he showed me the ropes, letting me learn what I liked best.

 

My sex life with women was decent, and I think I was a good lover with my late wife, and she was happy. (I dearly hope so, anyway.) But while my vague intent once I decided to try sex with men was to experiment with all activity. I have zero desire to top. I can't say that I'll never fuck a woman again, but with guys I am a total bottom. And as I said above-- getting fucked does more for me than anything else sexual I ever did.

[LivingnLA]

Yes, human sexuality is very complex and varied and it frequently varies over time.

 

I still very much enjoy Topping my wife and a guy every once in a great while. I love orally serving my wife and guys. Something about it really fires up my inner Dom and with men, my inner sub. Bottoming hasn't quite clicked for me yet, but for now, I'll keep exploring.

 

And by the way, @BasketBaller, given how thoughtful and empathetic you come across in this forum, I have absolutely zero doubt about your wife's happiness. I don't know the details--nor do I need to know--but I feel confident in my assessment of you being a great partner, husband, and lover for her.

[liubit]

That sounds like a very heteronormative perspective since in much of the American heterosexual world, everything is foreplay and the only real sex is vaginal or sometimes anal penetration.

President Clinton comes to mind here...

[marylander1940]

President Clinton comes to mind here...

 

LOL, he sure thinks oral is more than enough and it's not sex either...

 

ps: I'm a big fan of him and I wish HE could run again, "triangulation" worked in the 90's and made all of us wealthier.

[WolfRamNHard]

I consider myself completely versatile, but even that is just another label. For me it's all about the other person and the kind of chemistry we have. Whether I choose to top or bottom or do both all comes down to what "feels right" with that person.

 

I also very much enjoy flip-flops. But unfortunately they don't happen often enough for me because most people seem to strongly prefer one or the other. That's ok, I just go with the flow.

 

The one thing that is mandatory for me is kissing. If the other person does not want to kiss and make out, that's a deal breaker.

[LivingnLA]

LOL, he sure thinks oral is more than enough and it's not sex either...

 

ps: I'm a big fan of him and I wish HE could run again, "triangulation" worked in the 90's and made all of us wealthier.

 

Actually, his Presidency didn't make all of us wealthier. The bottom 30% of American citizens saw wealth and income contraction. Though, more low-wage jobs were created. Plus, his neoliberal deregulation policies laid the foundation for the Great Recession and accelerated wealth & income concentration. I'm not saying he was all bad, but he is not the amazing President so many Democrats seems to place on a pedestal. He was good for many Americans, but he had many problems and issues.

 

http://academic.udayton.edu/race/2008ElectionandRacism/Clinton/clinton03.htm

 

http://clinton5.nara.gov/WH/Accomplishments/eightyears-03.html

[marylander1940]

Actually, his Presidency didn't make all of us wealthier. The bottom 30% of American citizens saw wealth and income contraction. Though, more low-wage jobs were created. Plus, his neoliberal deregulation policies laid the foundation for the Great Recession and accelerated wealth & income concentration. I'm not saying he was all bad, but he is not the amazing President so many Democrats seems to place on a pedestal. He was good for many Americans, but he had many problems and issues.

 

http://academic.udayton.edu/race/2008ElectionandRacism/Clinton/clinton03.htm

 

http://clinton5.nara.gov/WH/Accomplishments/eightyears-03.html

 

I respectfully disagree with you!

[LivingnLA]

I respectfully disagree with you!

 

That's fine. The numbers speak for themselves and this is the wrong forum for a political discussion. To each their own.

[+ Gar1eth]

I can certainly have a good time making out with a guy. The best date I ever had we made out for about an hour and a half.

 

And lord knows junior isn't always cooperative. But all that being said as well as assuming the good lord is willing and the creek don't rise, I prefer to top. But I'm cognizant that others don't.

 

As Catullus once said," Vivamus atque Amemus!!"

 

Gman

[liubit]

The one thing that is mandatory for me is kissing. If the other person does not want to kiss and make out, that's a deal breaker.

Yes, yes, yes, yes. No kissing, no deal, absolutely not. Fortunately, most (if not all) Czech boys excell --and I do mean excell-- in that department. Once again, I am a very hapoy camper in good ol' Prague!

[WolfRamNHard]

Yes, yes, yes, yes. No kissing, no deal, absolutely not. Fortunately, most (if not all) Czech boys excell --and I do mean excell-- in that department. Once again, I am a very hapoy camper in good ol' Prague!

 

Yummy ... those East European guys are sexy, even without facial hair

[liubit]

Especially because they do NOT have facial hair, @WolfRamNHard. And they are generally smooth (great), with hairy legs (a plus).

[marylander1940]

That's fine. The numbers speak for themselves and this is the wrong forum for a political discussion. To each their own.

 

Numbers (and by the way there are other numbers that tell you other story) tell you whatever you want to see.

 

If you want start a new thread in the politics area about this subject.

[+ glennnn]

I've bottomed five times now, because I love the idea of being fucked. Unfortunately, although the pain level has gone down, the pleasure I hoped for hasn't happened. I keep hoping but I'm about ready to give up. How long before I start to enjoy it? Seriously! All of my tops have been well-reviewed experts, but it still hurts and the prostate pleasure is mostly missing.