Client cancels check for 2500 dollars and threatens me.

[Kippy]

Adam, Bean is right-- a trip would do you good. Please come to Phoenix-- you would be a great hit here and we will see you are well provided for-- we could use a fresh face for the summer!

 

Peace,

 

Kipp

[AdamAdonis]

This is an interesting thread and I'm sorry the escort is having to endure such a paralyzing situation. Your opening sentence indicates that this client is an emergency room doctor. If this is really the case I doubt he's going to out you to the IRS or take similar action. First of all, this is small potatoes to the IRS and I seriously doubt they would do anything about it. Even if he did the IRS is going to be looking at him as well. Keep in mind he hired an escort which is not considered legal. Secondly, bringing this to light and going public with it would do more harm to him professionally than it would to you. Do you really think a hospital is going to keep on staff a doctor that admits to hiring escorts and going public with it? The PR damage to the hospital would be substantial. Of course, I've been known to be wrong about these things in the past. The one certainty in this situation is that the client appears to be unstable and needs to be avoided. Be prepared to seek legal counsel though if the client indeed carries through on his threats. People like this enjoy instilling fear into others as a way of controlling their actions and orgasming on a power trip. Typical bully behavior. I wish you the best of luck.

 

On a much lighter note....if you ever get to Dallas look me up. You're pretty friggin' hot. Cash and carry customer here. And I'd never stiff you unless you requested it.

I get to Dallas often! Love it there.

[AdamAdonis]

Adam, Bean is right-- a trip would do you good. Please come to Phoenix-- you would be a great hit here and we will see you are well provided for-- we could use a fresh face for the summer!

 

Peace,

 

Kipp

Can't say I've ever worked Phoenix before.

[+ Phactor]

Proceed very carefully and keep us up to date and get advice before you do anything regarding this guy!

 

Dude has mental health issues. I would suggest you cease any communication with him.

[josh282282]

(YES, YES, know I originally put this in the "Ask an Escort" forum, but I didn't notice that the OP had put his post in 2 different forums, so here it is ...again. All comments welcome. Btw, which would have been a better forum for the OP to post? This one or Ask an Escort? Shouldn't posts just go under one forum? )

 

Adam, this client has serious issues. Not your fault- keep that first and foremost in your mind as you read my comments below.

 

It is obvious this client crossed many boundaries and it's that subject I wish to comment on. I strongly feel your (horrid) experience has learning opportunities for all escorts (and clients), so THANK YOU for risking being vulnerable and sharing your story.

 

Escorts, remember we rely on YOU to be the professional. As clients, we come to the sessions needy, vulnerable, hopeful, and not always in the right frame of mine. So it's up to YOU as the escort to clearly define the boundaries. We are not always mature enough or psychologically healthy enough to know when we've crossed a boundary. We may not always even know where boundaries exist.

 

Because we as clients are (potentially) at a vulnerable place emotionally, it is up to you as the professional to clearly set (albeit lovingly and gently) the boundaries of the relationship at the beginning so that both parties can therefore live in those boundaries and have a safe, mutually beneficial, and wonderful time. When those boundaries are not clearly defined by you as the professional we as the client run the risk, that through our own neediness (or psychopathology in this particular clients case), of crossing those boundaries inappropriately and creating harm- not just you as the escort but to we as the client. It takes the upmost Professional of all Professionals to realize one of the most paramount goals is for the client to be (a little bit) better/healthier/happier after the session then he was prior to the session. After the above described encounters, both client and escort are worse off- which is tragic.

 

To the OP (Adam?): I am not suggesting that you are to blame (at all) for the psychopathology and choices of this client. What I am suggesting is rather that you (inadvertently) colluded with his (disrespectful and psycho) choices stemming from his (likely serious) mental health issues by not setting better boundaries with him from the very beginning.

 

There are explanations why you allowed yourself to be disrespected.

Instead of blaming yourself (which you shouldn't do), as a professional look inward & go through the exercise of asking yourself what was the gain to you personally by allowing the client to cross boundaries?

The following are only a few of the questions that one can ask oneself after the above-described encounter.

Are you afraid of confrontation with difficult clients?

Was there such monetary advantage that you thought you could successfully navigate crossed boundaries?

Is appearing easygoing to your clients so important to you that you neglect setting appropriate boundaries so that ultimately you run the risk of not being treated with respect and compensated fairly for your services?

Do you come from a place of so much kindness that you accidentally forget good business sense?

 

I will not describe what specific boundaries were crossed in the session that you had with this client. Rather you should decide for yourself what boundaries were crossed so that in the future you can better protect those boundaries and therefore protect both client, escort, and session.

 

Am I suggesting that the escort/client relationship is similar to the therapist/client; teacher/student; physician/patient; parent/ child? Not exactly, but there are similarities which should be observed. Yes, of course both client and escort are men and equals but within the framework of the actual transactional relationship there are boundaries that only the escort can set. Neglecting to set those boundaries runs the risk of harm to both client and escort (see the OP).

 

Adam, you can't change this client or the past, but look professionally at the (insane) experience to learn and grow. You have been harmed by this client and for that I am truly sorry. You deserve all the Wonderful that the Universe can give you due to all the Wonderful you give back to us as clients. But if this happened once, it could happen again. You best serve yourself, your reputation, and future clients by going through this difficult but potentially beneficial exercise I described above and determining what choices you made, if any, that colluded with this clients (insert a lot of bad words) behavior.

 

If I'm wrong, off base, or an idiot, please tell me. I can learn from this, too.

 

To all escorts: you are much loved.

[Beancounter]

If I'm wrong, off base, or an idiot, please tell me. I can learn from this, too.

 

Yes, on both accounts.

[AdamAdonis]

(YES, YES, know I originally put this in the "Ask an Escort" forum, but I didn't notice that the OP had put his post in 2 different forums, so here it is ...again. All comments welcome. Btw, which would have been a better forum for the OP to post? This one or Ask an Escort? Shouldn't posts just go under one forum? )

 

Adam, this client has serious issues. Not your fault- keep that first and foremost in your mind as you read my comments below.

 

It is obvious this client crossed many boundaries and it's that subject I wish to comment on. I strongly feel your (horrid) experience has learning opportunities for all escorts (and clients), so THANK YOU for risking being vulnerable and sharing your story.

 

Escorts, remember we rely on YOU to be the professional. As clients, we come to the sessions needy, vulnerable, hopeful, and not always in the right frame of mine. So it's up to YOU as the escort to clearly define the boundaries. We are not always mature enough or psychologically healthy enough to know when we've crossed a boundary. We may not always even know where boundaries exist.

 

Because we as clients are (potentially) at a vulnerable place emotionally, it is up to you as the professional to clearly set (albeit lovingly and gently) the boundaries of the relationship at the beginning so that both parties can therefore live in those boundaries and have a safe, mutually beneficial, and wonderful time. When those boundaries are not clearly defined by you as the professional we as the client run the risk, that through our own neediness (or psychopathology in this particular clients case), of crossing those boundaries inappropriately and creating harm- not just you as the escort but to we as the client. It takes the upmost Professional of all Professionals to realize one of the most paramount goals is for the client to be (a little bit) better/healthier/happier after the session then he was prior to the session. After the above described encounters, both client and escort are worse off- which is tragic.

 

To the OP (Adam?): I am not suggesting that you are to blame (at all) for the psychopathology and choices of this client. What I am suggesting is rather that you (inadvertently) colluded with his (disrespectful and psycho) choices stemming from his (likely serious) mental health issues by not setting better boundaries with him from the very beginning.

 

There are explanations why you allowed yourself to be disrespected.

Instead of blaming yourself (which you shouldn't do), as a professional look inward & go through the exercise of asking yourself what was the gain to you personally by allowing the client to cross boundaries?

The following are only a few of the questions that one can ask oneself after the above-described encounter.

Are you afraid of confrontation with difficult clients?

Was there such monetary advantage that you thought you could successfully navigate crossed boundaries?

Is appearing easygoing to your clients so important to you that you neglect setting appropriate boundaries so that ultimately you run the risk of not being treated with respect and compensated fairly for your services?

Do you come from a place of so much kindness that you accidentally forget good business sense?

 

I will not describe what specific boundaries were crossed in the session that you had with this client. Rather you should decide for yourself what boundaries were crossed so that in the future you can better protect those boundaries and therefore protect both client, escort, and session.

 

Am I suggesting that the escort/client relationship is similar to the therapist/client; teacher/student; physician/patient; parent/ child? Not exactly, but there are similarities which should be observed. Yes, of course both client and escort are men and equals but within the framework of the actual transactional relationship there are boundaries that only the escort can set. Neglecting to set those boundaries runs the risk of harm to both client and escort (see the OP).

 

Adam, you can't change this client or the past, but look professionally at the (insane) experience to learn and grow. You have been harmed by this client and for that I am truly sorry. You deserve all the Wonderful that the Universe can give you due to all the Wonderful you give back to us as clients. But if this happened once, it could happen again. You best serve yourself, your reputation, and future clients by going through this difficult but potentially beneficial exercise I described above and determining what choices you made, if any, that colluded with this clients (insert a lot of bad words) behavior.

 

If I'm wrong, off base, or an idiot, please tell me. I can learn from this, too.

 

To all escorts: you are much loved.

You aren't an idiot and you make excellent points for in general cases. This guy was beyond normal. He's mentally ill. He is still emailing me, lecturing me, and speaking to me as if he is my father or best friend and is giving me advice as if he's known me forever and is scolding me. He's sick! He would say things like "No, you don't want to live there" when I would say how I could live in delray beach. When I would set boundaries and say listen we are leaving the bar I won't be called an asshole he would say "then sit down on the ground with your knees in the dirt and you can drive back to Orlando tonight!" That's beyond me not setting boundaries. He told me what to do and what my opinion should be on everything like an arrogant doctor with a god complex. He's still emailing me now as if I'm a child that needs to be taught a lesson and he's justifying why he shouldn't pay me and that if I had shown I cared more he would've wired me some of what I charged. He's sick! Period.

[bigvalboy]

Well he's right about Delray Beach....

[AdamAdonis]

Well he is right about Delray Beach....

The weird thing was he had never even been there. I just said oh I love Delray Beach I could live there. He said no you would not want to live there. So I said oh so you've been? And he said no but I know you. Keep in mind we had only met twice before. This is how every conversation was with him. He would ask all kinds of questions and then Dabate my answers and tell me what I should think.

[instudiocity]

He's still emailing me now as if I'm a child that needs to be taught a lesson and he's justifying why he shouldn't pay me and that if I had shown I cared more he would've wired me some of what I charged. He's sick! Period.

You need to click Reply and add the message: "Your message to <AdamAdonisemailaddress> has been bounced because the address is invalid." and continue replying until he stops. Or go the lawyer way, "Your message has been forwarded to the Law Offices of Dewey, Cheatum and Howe as part of an investigation into an harassment complaint being filed with the <deardoctor'slocalPD>."

 

If I were in Orlando, I would set it up to happen automatically so he got them back within seconds.

[Mo Mason]

Well he is right about Delray Beach....

Well now, that depends on where you're coming from. I'd take Delray Beach any day over Corn, Michigan. Wouldn't you? lol

[AdamAdonis]

Well he is right about Delray Beach....

I don't like New York City I lived there for five years. However if someone told me they wanted to move there I wouldn't say without knowing them oh no you don't want to live there. Just because I didn't like living there doesn't mean some stranger whom I barely know would hate it. I know people who moved to New York and loved it. You never tell someone what their opinion should be based on your own opinion especially if you've not knowing that person for more than a couple days, but honestly that's small stuff compared to the bigger issue. There were so many insecurities and controlling behavior and outbursts and then withholding money from me the whole thing was a nightmare!

[bigvalboy]

Well now, that depends on where you're coming from. I'd take Delray Beach any day over Corn, Michigan. Wouldn't you? lol

 

LMAO...well yeah, when you put it that way.

[mattr]

Delray is nice if you want a semi small town vibe.

[Mount N Do]

Sorry to hear about your troubles but I have to say that you are a very attractive man... Come to NY!

You have no idea. His pics don't do him justice. Now... If he'd just hurry back to Lauderdale?

[Mount N Do]

Adam, Bean is right-- a trip would do you good. Please come to Phoenix-- you would be a great hit here and we will see you are well provided for-- we could use a fresh face for the summer!

 

Peace,

 

Kipp

Nooooooooooo!!!!

Get that beautiful ass back to Lauderdale.

[Mount N Do]

"I pick him up from the airport and day 1 he's fine. He asks a lot of personal questions and says that he's in love with me and wants to help me pay for my house renovation."

 

Well I could fall in love with you too honey. Wouldn't be prudent tho. Cause I know you'd just break my heart.:)

 

Btw, when are you finishing that damn house? Dude!

[Strafe13]

I don't like New York City I lived there for five years. However if someone told me they wanted to move there I wouldn't say without knowing them oh no you don't want to live there. Just because I didn't like living there doesn't mean some stranger whom I barely know would hate it. I know people who moved to New York and loved it. You never tell someone what their opinion should be based on your own opinion especially if you've not knowing that person for more than a couple days, but honestly that's small stuff compared to the bigger issue. There were so many insecurities and controlling behavior and outbursts and then withholding money from me the whole thing was a nightmare!

 

So sorry this happened to you, @AdamAdonis. You probably don't remember this, but we met once very briefly when you were in New York when you worked at the Adonis Lounge several years ago. I was super nervous to even approach you, but you were very kind in the brief moment we spoke. So, I have a sliver of a personal glimpse into your personality, and I feel terrible that you were cheated, and that this seemingly disturbed individual is still harassing you. Please keep your head up, and know that most clients like myself sincerely appreciate, and even revere, escorts, who we view as courtesans and sexual/emotional healers. Be well.

[Andy2]

For what it is worth, here is some advice from someone who has never met Adam but who has been to Delray Beach (and liked it very much, thank you):

 

First, gather evidence and make copies of communications you have with this client. Keep a file. Earlier posters are right that he stands to lose more than you by any kind of public flame war. Maybe draw up your own time line, with reference to documents supporting your version of events.

 

Then, make sure you do not raise the stakes. Don't enrage him any further. It may take years to disengage from this guy, but you should start now. Block him on your phone and email. If he gets through the blocks, politely tell him that you both should move on. You do not have to listen to his lectures.

 

I am curious: Did you ultimately get to keep the $2500? Good luck.

[+ Keith30309]

I guess taking out a Backpage ad and posting an image of the check is a non-starter...

[Bart]

Well after 14 years of hiring not the first time this issue has crossed paths with forum or with some of my closest friends who are gentlemen in business for many years.

 

First Adam you are one hot man, I saw your ad sometime ago and said I get to Florida you are on my list and after reading your posts I am even more positive I want to meet you. You sound like a great guy, just caught in a bad place.

 

Second checks are not bad and can even make sound advice for those gentlemen who are trying establish business venture and want to pay taxes. Checks are a sound way to provide proof of income. Thing is you want to do this clients you have a very comfortable relationship with. Two steps in this case that would have helped you, one, cashiers check and then go to your bank and ask how long it takes for a cashiers check to clear and what time length so that it can not be voided. Second, if they say two to three weeks then that is what you tell client is the time between the check arrival and the meeting. My friend and I rarely did anything that was not 2 months out. So I could use either cashiers or regular check.

 

The problem with paypal is that if get even a whiff this is for something like escorts they will freeze your account quicker than you can hit the enter button. Plus you have to be really careful about larger amounts, paypal is not instantaneous. However, I have just started using western union for something I am doing in the fall and prepaying that way and it is quite easy and while my account at bank I can get cashiers checks free, there was a time I was paying $8 and Western Union is charging me $9 and its from my computer. Paypal fees can be higher.

 

Okay now the part you don't want to hear, what should do - no good answer here but everyone of my friends has faced situations similar to this in the past, even with clients who they had good relationships with. Let it go. You can try blacklisting ah I don't know how many guys actually look at that. You are better off cutting all ties with man. Anyone who is this unstable, has pulled this on other guys before, act or not. You will continue to be frustrated when in all honesty you are better off putting it down to lesson learned. At least you did not fall into trap of paying your own flight somewhere.

 

One more thing, don't fall into the trap of believing everyone who posts here about hiring you. Honestly if people here want you to come visit them, tell them to send you a plane ticket and confirmed hotel reservation. That's reality. You should protect yourself first. Look for posts from Juan Vancouver, he has given out excellent information for gentlemen in the business to follow so you don't get left in the lurch when you begin to travel. There is nothing wrong with a bit of skepticism about every "fantastic" opportunity you are offered. Words can be so sweet and wonderful, but it is the actions by both gentlemen and clients that determine success or not. You can't book promises, they have no value at the bank.

[bigvalboy]

One more thing, don't fall into the trap of believing everyone who posts here about hiring you. Honestly if people here want you to come visit them, tell them to send you a plane ticket and confirmed hotel reservation. That's reality. You should protect yourself first. Look for posts from Juan Vancouver, he has given out excellent information for gentlemen in the business to follow so you don't get left in the lurch when you begin to travel. There is nothing wrong with a bit of skepticism about every "fantastic" opportunity you are offered. Words can be so sweet and wonderful, but it is the actions by both gentlemen and clients that determine success or not. You can't book promises, they have no value at the bank.

 

+1

Truth...

[AdamAdonis]

For what it is worth, here is some advice from someone who has never met Adam but who has been to Delray Beach (and liked it very much, thank you):

 

First, gather evidence and make copies of communications you have with this client. Keep a file. Earlier posters are right that he stands to lose more than you by any kind of public flame war. Maybe draw up your own time line, with reference to documents supporting your version of events.

 

Then, make sure you do not raise the stakes. Don't enrage him any further. It may take years to disengage from this guy, but you should start now. Block him on your phone and email. If he gets through the blocks, politely tell him that you both should move on. You do not have to listen to his lectures.

 

I am curious: Did you ultimately get to keep the $2500? Good luck.

I deposited the check into the ATM and he cancelled it. So no. Thanks for the advice! I've kept all his emails.

[gallahadesquire]

Two observations:

 

My first long-term hire told me, after I paid him in cash for a weekend, "In the future, a check is ok." But we'd been communicting for at least five years before I met him.

 

I had a long-term stalker who was so egregious that, when I wound up in the ICU for ten days during a 3 1/2 month hospitalization, he STILL demanded money. The only way I got rid of him was (a) to tell him I'd retired (which was true), and (b) stop replying to any and all communication.

 

He eventually called the police in my town to make sure I was okay. An officer came to the door:

"Are you [so-and-so]?"

"Yes, Officer, what seems to be the problem?"

"Do you know [xxx]? Is he a friend?"

"Um ..."

"Stalker?"

"Yes, that's more like it."

"He called to make sure you were okay. Shall we handle that?"

"Yes, Officer, that would be nice."

THAT never happened again.

 

If you have the info, I would get his Medical License information ... just to have, when you need it. You can PM me for how to get it, if necessary.

 

I have faith that this jerk will eventually go away.

[rvwnsd]

I deposited the check into the ATM and he cancelled it. So no. Thanks for the advice! I've kept all his emails.

Quick question: Has the check been returned yet?