Bullied into writing review

[JayNY]

Bypass the 30-day waiting period by posting the review directly on the discussion board. Jock just posted a review about this escort without going through the approval process. Now we just need to know his name.

[Epigonos]

Guy I still agree with my original post on this thread. Unless we live in jock's shoes we should be EXTREMELY careful about advising him on what he SHOULD or what he SHOULD NOT do. We can present him with options, which in my not so humble opinion, is just fine but we should be extremely wary of going beyond that. Frankly nobody elected any of us, including me, an all knowing and all seeing god except ourselves.

[+ WmClarke]

without my having to be positive reviewer #999 and write some lie. I don't want to do that. Not just because he is demanding it, but also because I didn't have an experience that deserved a great review.

I definitely agree that is not a good option.

 

Sorry this happened to you. Good luck!

[mike carey]

@jock, we can give you theoretical advice but the situation you cite is very specific. I think the consensus would be not to give in to his demands. Some people here will have had experience with similar demands.

[+ Truereview]

I'm sorry to hear this situation as well. Best of luck to the OP!

 

An unrelated comment: the new crop of newbies with horror stories about some escort bullying, blackmailing, robbing is just worrisome. If I were a conspiracy theorist I would be setting off alarms that there is some sort of bigger game afoot. Thankfully there is no one that crazy to be trying such things...

 

Back to my rose colored glasses

http://corpserun.files.wordpress.com/2010/04/rose_colored_glasses.jpg

[bigvalboy]

it sounds like a Stockholm syndrome case, is the OP enjoying all this attention with many of just asking him to write a review and he refusing to do it...

 

Who's behind the curtain on here?

 

http://stream1.gifsoup.com/view6/2618300/the-man-behind-the-curtain-o.gif

 

He already wrote a review and published it on his OP post, unfortunately is nameless.

 

+1

[marylander1940]

@marylander1940, I didn't think it was a Stockholm situation, just pressure to write a review.

 

Yes, but he won't give the name of the escort nor write a negative review under an alias...

 

Besides he already wrote a review about it in his post:

 

I had an okay time with the guy and from the minute I arrived at the hotel that I paid for (yet he insisted on booking in his name cuz he wanted the hotel points), I could see that he was bossy and inconsiderate. I was semi-okay with the bossy persona during the 2+ hours session--even though I kept telling him to tone it down cuz I was looking for all the nice qualities that some of the reviewers had mentioned... I was not at all physically threatened by the guy. But I saw the menacing side within an hour after I left (and he insisted on staying in the room--presumably to see another client. I was fine with that, but not with what followed.

 

...The irony of this is that this same guy during our session had told me an emotional story about how a bad client had gone public on him years ago. It's either that he tells that story as a way to disarm me, or that he has just decided to turn the tables. Am I being shortsighted? Should I just write the review and make this problem go away?

 

Is this is a non-explicit review by the OP but nameless, I don't know what is it.

 

Besides you tell me another review where the poster calls himself athletic and in great shape, but calling yourself naïve in a review, that's a first.

 

His name "Jock" already is an alias. I fail to see the point of this whole ordeal if he's not going to release a name. Threatening and blackmailing someone is a serious issue.

 

Exactly, besides some guys on here would love to meet a guy so high maintenance and bossy like the nameless escort, an accurate review naming him might even him him some submissive sugardaddies.

 

@jock, we can give you theoretical advice but the situation you cite is very specific. I think the consensus would be not to give in to his demands. Some people here will have had experience with similar demands.

 

Or name him on here and thus write a bad review.

[caliguy]

Yes, but he won't give the name of the escort nor write a negative review under an alias... Besides he already wrote a review about how "in charge",

His name "Jock" already is an alias. I fail to see the point of this whole ordeal if he's not going to release a name. Threatening and blackmailing someone is a serious issue if it's to be believed.

[+ jc808]

His name "Jock" already is an alias. I fail to see the point of this whole ordeal if he's not going to release a name. Threatening and blackmailing someone is a serious issue if it's to be believed.

 

Especially if a positive review can be considered a "thing of value" under 18 U.S.C. 875(d), which among other things makes transmitting any communication in interstate or foreign commerce (i.e., by phone or internet) threatening another's reputation with the intent to extort "money or other thing of value" a federal offense -- up to 2 years.

[tsgarp]

Does this scenario not ring a bell with the (likely) many others who were treated similarly by this escort?

[+ stevenkesslar]

I had an okay time with the guy

 

I was robbed by a perfectly rated and regularly featured rentmen guy last year.

 

Here's my 2 cents.

 

Several people have been asking questions privately about the current fundraising drive in relation to the integrity of this website, the honesty of reviews, and the possible impacts of donating money to Daddy. So let me weigh in on a bunch of controversial shit :eek:, which includes long ago history and then end with a specific recommendation.

 

First, the easy part. If an escort who you had an okay time with asks you to write a review, you have two excellent choices. Write a review, and say they were okay. Or don't write a review. If they push the issue, tell 'em to go fuck themselves. Or tell them that you will write a review and spell out what you don't like about them.

 

There are people on this website who worry about the threat of retaliation if they do this. The chance of an escort you reviewed badly HERE retaliating against you is slim. The bigger danger seems to be hiding or disguising the truth. You have an example above of somebody who got robbed because he believed what I suspect are bullshit good reviews on Rentmen. There's nothing we can do about that - Lord knows we've tried - but it does suggest what's good about THIS website. The reviews HERE have mostly proven to be authentic.

 

Having said that, what you also have here is an example of an escort with at least some authentic good reviews who threatens people who refuse to write more good reviews. That's a more complicated situation, and suggests that maybe not 100 % of the reviews here are 100 % authentic.

 

I think time has shown that the real danger of threats of retaliation is if you give in to the fear of retaliation. Somebody who collects positive reviews by bullying only succeeds if you give in. If you write the review, their threats worked. It sets up somebody else to hire them, based on a pattern of false information. Then those clients will get the same bullying and threats. The escort can then use the existence of the positive reviews to defend his reputation against "lies" regarding bullying. In the long run, while no response is perfect, the best response is to simply not give in to any threats of retaliation, period.

 

I've been timed out one time in 15 years. In my eyes, the reason was very simple. I was not going to be bullied. I was not going to give in to private threats about using personal information against me, similar to what the OP describes. I went to the opposite extreme, and blasted the shit out of the person doing it publicly. I will always feel like I basically did the right thing. But I was glad to be timed out because I also feel I deserved to pay a price because I was naive and I let myself get duped. I think there's really one lesson to be taken from this situation: sooner or later, the best thing is to let the truth come out, and the worst thing is to silently give in to threats of retaliation.

 

I commend the OP for starting this thread and being specific about the inappropriate tactics. It is painful. But this is a perfect example of herd behavior and how the best thing to do is circle the wagons and trust in the wisdom of crowds.

 

Let me flip it further back. I constantly asked clients to write reviews for me. I had very little sympathy last year for the argument that simply asking people to write reviews should disqualify you for anything, because I did it myself. A lot. And of course there was a strategy to it. I will be very crass here. If somebody hired me to fuck me, and I wasn't adequately prepared and they ended up with shit on their sheets, guess what? I refused to let them pay me, and I certainly did not ask them to write a review. Shit happens, and I wanted to be able to defend myself against a potential bad review by saying, "I'm sorry. That's why I wouldn't let them pay me." On the other hand, if I had the feeling I knocked somebody's socks off, guess what? I'm a self-promoting little whore, and I asked them to write a review. That is why I have almost 100 positive reviews. Is it possible some of those reviews never would have been written had I not asked for them? Absolutely. Is it possible some reviewers embellished details to please me? Absolutely. Is it possible that I threatened clients with retaliation if they didn't write the reviews? Absolutely not. Being an escort doesn't require you to be a rocket scientist, and that would have just been plain stupid. This post proves it.

 

Let me go further back. Shortly after my first reviews here, back in 2000, I suggested to my escort friend Bill that he should solicit reviews on this website, because it would help him attract better clients. He did so, and all of a sudden a bunch of reviews for Bill came in, at least one of which was from an email that could not be confirmed. So Hooboy or Daddy posted a flag saying that the reviews were suspect. So I wrote a nice little bureaucratic note to Hooboy on Bill's behalf, vouching for Bill's authenticity and asking Hooboy to explain the standards for how the flag could get taken down. It got taken down immediately. For those of you who knew Bill, who passed away years ago from cancer, he was very authentic and loved by a number of frequent reviewers here. So what I learned pretty early in the game is that the people who have run this website are smart, decent people with good judgment and they have a pretty good set of standards for what goes and doesn't go. And they are open to getting information that help them apply those standards.

 

This question has come up lately because some donors to the current fundraising campaign have wondered in private whether it could undermine the integrity of this website. Another question is whether allowing people to make "donations" will undermine the quality of discussion here by making it harder for Daddy to time people who donate out. My view is that it's a tempest in a teapot. I'm using this as an opportunity to say this publicly, which I think is helpful at this point.

 

I think I'm in as good a position as anybody here to comment on the impact of somebody who has come to be known as not only asking for reviews, but threatening people who don't write them. If I fault Daddy for anything, it's what I'd say about myself: he has an open heart, and he wants to believe people who are asking for help. He did not jump to conclusions based on information he didn't have. That's not a bad thing. And I saw very clearly that he won't be bought off. I defended very honest and blunt statements Daddy privately made that the person in question didn't really want to hear, and thought that he should not have to hear because of his sincere generosity to Daddy. My role in promoting what turned out to be a charade was partly why I thanked Daddy for timing me out. But I could just as fairly say that if some of you had come forth with specific information earlier, as opposed to vague or unfounded allegations, either publicly here or privately to Daddy, the charade would have almost certainly ended earlier.

 

Getting timed out did not stop me from wanting to give to this website and ask others to give. It actually made me respect this website, its integrity, and Daddy more. No information is flawless, nobody's judgment is perfect, and we all fuck up. And there should be NO favorites. The nice thing about the fact that I contributed to a somewhat fucked up situation is that I learned something, the information that needed to get out there got out there, and ultimately we ended up in the right place, I think.

 

So here's my recommendation. If there is an issue about whether escorts should be able to ask for reviews, or how, maybe there should be written standards on that, developed by Daddy with input from whoever he wants. Maybe certain escorts' reviews should even be removed. If there's a good reason to do so, it's what the OP describes: threatening to use personal information against a client unless they cave in to threats and write a review.

 

This website has mostly worked fine for 15 years, and that's because reasonable standards have been applied reasonably, whether they are in writing or obvious or not. It's not like Daddy has not addressed this. From the FAQ's: "I spend a lot of time investigating reviews... Generally, the flags come down after a reasonable amount of time and good reviews. Flags do not come down on scam artists."

 

People who didn't see the standards or decided to simply ignore them have ultimately paid a price for that. What I mostly see a need for is posts like this, every time the issue comes up, because some escort pushes some limit that shouldn't get pushed. And mostly, write honest reviews. This is way better than Rentmen, where escorts seem to easily get away with fake reviews about how good there are, which facilitates really bad behavior, like robbery.

 

Well, that's my 2 cents. Or my $50 a month to support the great stuff that goes on here. If that "buys" me anything, I hope what I'm buying is openness, honesty, and the truth.

[+ Phactor]

I can only offer perspective from a client point of view: Reviews are an important part of my decision-making process. As with my other purchases, I balance positive with the negative. If this guy applied inappropriate/aggressive pressure to write a review, I would want to know that.

[mattr]

The important takeaway here is to do everything you can to keep your personal information private. I do this by only engaging with the escort on a burner phone that has no ties to my name (bought with cash, additional minutes paid for with cash). I use an email address that is only for this hobby. So far I have only done incalls so there is no hotel room in my name and certainly have never had an escort come to my residence. I never bring my real phone or any other identification to a meeting (license, credit cards, etc. stay locked in the car). I am sure that there are still ways of finding out my identity but it would certainly not be easy and therefore hopefully not worth the effort. Perhaps this is overkill but it gives me peace of mind.

[caliguy]

.

A simpler approach would be to go with google hangouts. You can create a number off of any email account you want. It costs you about $30.00. Just as anonymous. Many more options though.

 

https://hangouts.google.com/

[+ ArVaGuy]

I've been asked for reviews and in those circumstances have replied that I'd consider it but make no promise to follow through.

 

Any attempt to bully or blackmail me for a review would be met with laughter and derision. The end result would be a review that describes the extortion attempt with explicit details. Seriously, such bullying reveals a weak and insecure personally.

[mattr]

A simpler approach would be to go with google hangouts. You can create a number off of any email account you want. It costs you about $30.00. Just as anonymous. Many more options though.

 

https://hangouts.google.com/

I assume you have to use a credit card to purchase credits and there is your name linked to the account

[caliguy]

I assume you have to use a credit card to purchase credits and there is your name linked to the account

That's what Gift Cards are for.

[Kuriousity]

Write any sort of review you want. This little fuckface is not going to do shit. IF for some insane reason he did, my advice is--heresy--turn around & drop a dime to the po-po. Yes, I said that on an escort review website...but sometimes you just have to take out the trash.

[Despardo]

Here's my 2 cents.

 

Several people have been asking questions privately about the current fundraising drive in relation to the integrity of this website, the honesty of reviews, and the possible impacts of donating money to Daddy. So let me weigh in on a bunch of controversial shit :eek:, which includes long ago history and then end with a specific recommendation.

 

First, the easy part. If an escort who you had an okay time with asks you to write a review, you have two excellent choices. Write a review, and say they were okay. Or don't write a review. If they push the issue, tell 'em to go fuck themselves. Or tell them that you will write a review and spell out what you don't like about them.

 

There are people on this website who worry about the threat of retaliation if they do this. The chance of an escort you reviewed badly HERE retaliating against you is slim. The bigger danger seems to be hiding or disguising the truth. You have an example above of somebody who got robbed because he believed what I suspect are bullshit good reviews on Rentmen. There's nothing we can do about that - Lord knows we've tried - but it does suggest what's good about THIS website. The reviews HERE have mostly proven to be authentic.

 

Having said that, what you also have here is an example of an escort with at least some authentic good reviews who threatens people who refuse to write more good reviews. That's a more complicated situation, and suggests that maybe not 100 % of the reviews here are 100 % authentic.

 

I think time has shown that the real danger of threats of retaliation is if you give in to the fear of retaliation. Somebody who collects positive reviews by bullying only succeeds if you give in. If you write the review, their threats worked. It sets up somebody else to hire them, based on a pattern of false information. Then those clients will get the same bullying and threats. The escort can then use the existence of the positive reviews to defend his reputation against "lies" regarding bullying. In the long run, while no response is perfect, the best response is to simply not give in to any threats of retaliation, period.

 

I've been timed out one time in 15 years. In my eyes, the reason was very simple. I was not going to be bullied. I was not going to give in to private threats about using personal information against me, similar to what the OP describes. I went to the opposite extreme, and blasted the shit out of the person doing it publicly. I will always feel like I basically did the right thing. But I was glad to be timed out because I also feel I deserved to pay a price because I was naive and I let myself get duped. I think there's really one lesson to be taken from this situation: sooner or later, the best thing is to let the truth come out, and the worst thing is to silently give in to threats of retaliation.

 

I commend the OP for starting this thread and being specific about the inappropriate tactics. It is painful. But this is a perfect example of herd behavior and how the best thing to do is circle the wagons and trust in the wisdom of crowds.

 

Let me flip it further back. I constantly asked clients to write reviews for me. I had very little sympathy last year for the argument that simply asking people to write reviews should disqualify you for anything, because I did it myself. A lot. And of course there was a strategy to it. I will be very crass here. If somebody hired me to fuck me, and I wasn't adequately prepared and they ended up with shit on their sheets, guess what? I refused to let them pay me, and I certainly did not ask them to write a review. Shit happens, and I wanted to be able to defend myself against a potential bad review by saying, "I'm sorry. That's why I wouldn't let them pay me." On the other hand, if I had the feeling I knocked somebody's socks off, guess what? I'm a self-promoting little whore, and I asked them to write a review. That is why I have almost 100 positive reviews. Is it possible some of those reviews never would have been written had I not asked for them? Absolutely. Is it possible some reviewers embellished details to please me? Absolutely. Is it possible that I threatened clients with retaliation if they didn't write the reviews? Absolutely not. Being an escort doesn't require you to be a rocket scientist, and that would have just been plain stupid. This post proves it.

 

Let me go further back. Shortly after my first reviews here, back in 2000, I suggested to my escort friend Bill that he should solicit reviews on this website, because it would help him attract better clients. He did so, and all of a sudden a bunch of reviews for Bill came in, at least one of which was from an email that could not be confirmed. So Hooboy or Daddy posted a flag saying that the reviews were suspect. So I wrote a nice little bureaucratic note to Hooboy on Bill's behalf, vouching for Bill's authenticity and asking Hooboy to explain the standards for how the flag could get taken down. It got taken down immediately. For those of you who knew Bill, who passed away years ago from cancer, he was very authentic and loved by a number of frequent reviewers here. So what I learned pretty early in the game is that the people who have run this website are smart, decent people with good judgment and they have a pretty good set of standards for what goes and doesn't go. And they are open to getting information that help them apply those standards.

 

This question has come up lately because some donors to the current fundraising campaign have wondered in private whether it could undermine the integrity of this website. Another question is whether allowing people to make "donations" will undermine the quality of discussion here by making it harder for Daddy to time people who donate out. My view is that it's a tempest in a teapot. I'm using this as an opportunity to say this publicly, which I think is helpful at this point.

 

I think I'm in as good a position as anybody here to comment on the impact of somebody who has come to be known as not only asking for reviews, but threatening people who don't write them. If I fault Daddy for anything, it's what I'd say about myself: he has an open heart, and he wants to believe people who are asking for help. He did not jump to conclusions based on information he didn't have. That's not a bad thing. And I saw very clearly that he won't be bought off. I defended very honest and blunt statements Daddy privately made that the person in question didn't really want to hear, and thought that he should not have to hear because of his sincere generosity to Daddy. My role in promoting what turned out to be a charade was partly why I thanked Daddy for timing me out. But I could just as fairly say that if some of you had come forth with specific information earlier, as opposed to vague or unfounded allegations, either publicly here or privately to Daddy, the charade would have almost certainly ended earlier.

 

Getting timed out did not stop me from wanting to give to this website and ask others to give. It actually made me respect this website, its integrity, and Daddy more. No information is flawless, nobody's judgment is perfect, and we all fuck up. And there should be NO favorites. The nice thing about the fact that I contributed to a somewhat fucked up situation is that I learned something, the information that needed to get out there got out there, and ultimately we ended up in the right place, I think.

 

So here's my recommendation. If there is an issue about whether escorts should be able to ask for reviews, or how, maybe there should be written standards on that, developed by Daddy with input from whoever he wants. Maybe certain escorts' reviews should even be removed. If there's a good reason to do so, it's what the OP describes: threatening to use personal information against a client unless they cave in to threats and write a review.

 

This website has mostly worked fine for 15 years, and that's because reasonable standards have been applied reasonably, whether they are in writing or obvious or not. It's not like Daddy has not addressed this. From the FAQ's: "I spend a lot of time investigating reviews... Generally, the flags come down after a reasonable amount of time and good reviews. Flags do not come down on scam artists."

 

People who didn't see the standards or decided to simply ignore them have ultimately paid a price for that. What I mostly see a need for is posts like this, every time the issue comes up, because some escort pushes some limit that shouldn't get pushed. And mostly, write honest reviews. This is way better than Rentmen, where escorts seem to easily get away with fake reviews about how good there are, which facilitates really bad behavior, like robbery.

 

Well, that's my 2 cents. Or my $50 a month to support the great stuff that goes on here. If that "buys" me anything, I hope what I'm buying is openness, honesty, and the truth.

Many websites that provide a free service allow for donations toward their expenses and to insure their continued operation (e.g. FBP [Facebook Purity] which blocks ads on one's FB page.) There is nothing weird about that, and there is no quid pro quo.

[LivingnLA]

I learned from my first and only interaction with an escort last year. As I said in my post, he robbed me, but at the end of the day an 800 dollar phone and some cash isn't a big deal. My fear is what happened during the hours I was blacked out and does he have something to blackmail me with or whatever. I've been tested twice since the encounter and I'll keep getting tested just to make sure I remain clean and he hasn't contacted me since the encounter. He's even left LA, so I hope I'm ok.

 

I definitely learned and will be more careful if I ever decide to try again. In this situation, I'd say it's up to the client. If they feel pretty safe, write an honest review. Other people deserve to know about bad experiences with the escort. I wish I'd seen even one cautionary review instead of all perfect reviews. Maybe I would've been even more cautious and avoided what happened to me.

[Despardo]

Blasting the guy with a negative review might be very satisfying, and it would be justified. However, let's be realistic. If you and your partner are in any way vulnerable, that might not be the best way to go. In which case, I would suggest doing nothing. Do NOT write a positive review under any circumstances. Block his number, cease communication of any kind, and there is a 99% chance the guy will do nothing and simply go away. Remember, he is vulnerable as well--to a charge of extortion and, yes, solicitation. This creep is not going to stick his neck out over the lack of one good review--he will just move on. If you are unwise enough to communicate with him again, and he pushes the issue, you might consider suggesting that he really does not want you to write the review you have in mind--one which will throw suspicion on all the good reviews he has accumulated. He has as much to lose as you and will not want you to play the cards you hold already in your hand--the ability to destroy his reputation. If you either ignore him or stand up to him, he will most likely back off fast. Since discretion is the better part of valor, I strongly recommend ignoring him. Besides, it is much easier.

 

OK, that was the good advice. Now, let's work on finding a sneaky way to divulge his identity!

[+ stevenkesslar]

If they feel pretty safe, write an honest review. Other people deserve to know about bad experiences with the escort. I wish I'd seen even one cautionary review instead of all perfect reviews. Maybe I would've been even more cautious and avoided what happened to me.

 

You may have said this already above, and I think I knew the answer, but let me ask if it's repetitive. All the "reviews" you read of this guy were on Rentmen, right?

 

Correct me if I'm wrong, somebody, but I don't think Rentmen has anything like the review verification process of this site, if they have any process at all.

 

I am hardly an expert on Rentmen. My recollection of the ongoing adventures of "The Traveling Pack" is that at one point there were only a few reviews of one of them, all of which were flattering to the point of sounding transparently false. Like one review said "the guy was straight, he did nothing, and I felt honored to simply gaze it his Godlike beauty, and buy him a meal." At a future point, recently, some bad reviews appeared, which I assume are real. That itself suggested a problem: the review were either over the top great, or over the top shitty.

[Despardo]

You may have said this already above, and I think I knew the answer, but let me ask if it's repetitive. All the "reviews" you read of this guy were on Rentmen, right?

 

Correct me if I'm wrong, somebody, but I don't think Rentmen has anything like the review verification process of this site, if they have any process at all.

 

I am hardly an expert on Rentmen. My recollection of the ongoing adventures of "The Traveling Pack" is that at one point there were only a few reviews of one of them, all of which were flattering to the point of sounding transparently false. Like one review said "the guy was straight, he did nothing, and I felt honored to simply gaze it his Godlike beauty, and buy him a meal." At a future point, recently, some bad reviews appeared, which I assume are real. That itself suggested a problem: the review were either over the top great, or over the top shitty.

Steven,

 

With RM's abbreviated review format, there isn't much latitude. Don't know exactly how RM would verify a review. Probably, they should concentrate on verifying the escorts. Anyway, I have a system for evaluating RM reviews which I discussed with Keith in the latter part of the following thread:

 

http://www.companyofmen.org/threads/rm-escort-reviews.114682/#post-1102186

[klifhangar]

Is hiring really that risky that people use toss away phones etc? Is the risk legal or just with regards to reputation? How common is it for escorts to extort customers?

 

I would think in this case that the client could push back and say "Look, I won't review you at all but if you share my personal information and will give you the worst review ever and give the police your contact info". Seems like a worker is far more vulnerable than a client.

 

Geez, the few times I have made contact, I used my cell phone, an email that has my last name and I told the person my real first name. I wouldn't love for people to be told about it but it wouldn't end my career and I'm not married. I just don't see why any escort with a profile and reviews would extort. They could lose everything while the client would mostly just be embarrassed.

 

I have also wondered about the safety of this site. I'm pretty much an open book on here. Maybe I shouldn't be.

[Frequentflier]

1. I think there was a post a few years back that said we shouldn't rent a room in our name and/or using our credit card and then let someone else use it after we're gone. Any charges they run up or damages end up in our checkbooks.

2. I like that an escort wants a review because I'd think they would work harder to encourage a good one. Wanting a review though doesn't mean threatening if someone won't write a good one and I'm sure as heck not submitting a draft to the escort for review.

3. We've all read about clients who have been threatened with being outed and/or drugged. Neither is a good deal for an escort as there are instances where the police or Feds will overlook possible soliciting charges and go after the extortionist or the person that drugged the other.

4. I may be kidding myself but I guard my personal identity until I know a guy for a while and trust him. Maybe I'm paranoid. Every guy I've been with though has revealed their real name fairly quick but interestingly never asked for mine.