What does it really mean when it says "ask me" under safe/bb?

[Erid]

Ok, I know this topic has probably been discussed before somewhere, but I am honestly curious what it means when an escort put "ask me" under safe/bb.

 

Does this mean he will do it bb/unsafe for the right donation? I know that we should always protect ourselves accordingly but when I see safe/bb "ask me" it just makes me uncomfortable.

[Kevin Slater]

It means ask him. As there are many different escorts, there are assuredly many different answers.

 

Kevin Slater

[adannyboy]

It means ask him.

 

Full stop. I think we can close this thread now.

[big-n-tall]

This exact topic has been talked about and relatively recently. Search the forum and you'll find the discussion.

[rvwnsd]

It means ask him. Not us. Not the guy down the street. Him.

[biggerbilly]

Though, wasn't there a recent update to Rentmen that put every profile back to the "ask me" stage?

 

At the end of the day, you still have to ask.

[Edward]

It means Ask Him. I does not say he doesn't BB.

[mike carey]

I agree with others that it means, 'Ask him'. The subtext of the OP's question is what does it not mean. Safer sex is not a binary of condoms or no condoms. If 'safer sex' just meant condoms it would be a simple question. It doesn't and isn't. 'Ask me' is an invitation to you and your escort to discuss what each of you do to protect yourselves, what your sexual health status is , and what you are worried about. If you are both on PrEP and tested, the discussion (although not necessarily what you do in your meeting) would be different than if you weren't.

[Nvr2Thick]

Ok, I know this topic has probably been discussed before somewhere, but I am honestly curious what it means when an escort put "ask me" under safe/bb.

 

Does this mean he will do it bb/unsafe for the right donation? I know that we should always protect ourselves accordingly but when I see safe/bb "ask me" it just makes me uncomfortable.

 

It's an attribute on an escort profile, not a definitive indication of a person's sexual habits and history, and not an ironclad indication of his honesty. Even if an escort has indicated "safe only" you have no idea whether he has the most conscientious safe sex practices you can imagine, or whether he got fucked raw by five crackheads last night. None of these answers is an assurance that an escort won't try to initiate unsafe sex during an encounter with you, with or without your consent. None can give you confidence in an escorts' HIV status or his knowledge of his HIV status.

 

Depending on your level of comfort with escorts' selection for this attribute you should probably imagine that they all say "ask me".

[Wiley1]

Erid, ask him if you feel comfortable doing so, and don't ask him if it would make you feel uncomfortable.

 

If the escort's response to that question makes you uncomfortable, then that's on the escort, not you. You don't need to ask anyone if you don't feel like it.

[marylander1940]

Ok, I know this topic has probably been discussed before somewhere, but I am honestly curious what it means when an escort put "ask me" under safe/bb.

 

Does this mean he will do it bb/unsafe for the right donation? I know that we should always protect ourselves accordingly but when I see safe/bb "ask me" it just makes me uncomfortable.

 

I think it means it's negotiable, he might BB with you or not, I you ask for BB he'll do it, if you ask for safe sex he'll do it too.

[jackjackjack]

I know this has been asked about before. I may have asked. I'm very healthy undetectable and I of course always disclose. ...whether when I hire or when some young hottie hits on me, who's into older. Hey I live in CA..... lots of hottie Latinos. When I look at ads on RM, I look for guys I might be interested in that say, 'anything goes' or sometimes 'ask me'. Of course with 'anything goes', I'm careful. Not into druggies or really weird. Now a little nasty, edgy is fun... hehe. But when I've contacted a few that has 'ask me', I've gotten some answers like......'NO'. I play safe only'. Or...' yes, but I charge an extra $100.'. Or...fuck off, NO. And of course, 'I only bb with guys that are negative..' (that's a really smart escort..haha)

I'd rather not put myself into an embarrassing situation.

[MPF_1966]

There was a thread on this recently. I recall some very thoughtful responses to the question were posted.

[+ saminseattle]

There was a thread on this recently. I recall some very thoughtful responses to the question were posted.

 

I believe this may be the thread you're referencing: http://www.companyofmen.org/threads/safe-vs-ask-me.112073/

[sincitymix]

'I only bb with guys that are negative

 

I remember being told that by a hook up once. I asked if he takes them at their word.. or if he demands some sort of testing certificate. he said he takes them at the word, plus he looks at the dick to make sure its not gross...

[Erid]

When an escort does not fill out the "safe sex/bb" section, does the response automatically default to "ask me"?

[caliguy]

When an escort does not fill out the "safe sex/bb" section, does the response automatically default to "ask me"?

Yes. It's him just not dealing with the question for whatever reason.

[Mike Monkevicz]

I always ask regardless of what it says!

[TruthBTold]

And because sex has become judged by what is presented in porno, if you want BB (and you yourself want it) you should ask him if he is willing to cum inside you.

[+ quoththeraven]

I remember being told that by a hook up once. I asked if he takes them at their word.. or if he demands some sort of testing certificate. he said he takes them at the word, plus he looks at the dick to make sure its not gross...

 

Which we all know is 100% foolproof. /end sarcasm

[rvwnsd]

...Even if an escort has indicated "safe only" you have no idea whether he has the most conscientious safe sex practices you can imagine....

 

Nvr, I agree with everything you said. However, there's something I want to add (and I think you alluded to it). Everyone has their own definition of "safe sex."

 

As we have read in post after post in the Deli, there are escorts who demand condom use while giving or receiving oral. Most of us (including those who require a condom for anal sex) find that to be ridiculous. Guess what? To the guys who require a condom for oral sex we are practicing unsafe sex. Let me say that again: The guys who require a condom for oral sex think those of us who require a condom for anal sex only, but do not use one for for oral sex, are practicing unsafe sex. Who is right and who is wrong here? The answer is "no one." Everyone has their own definition of "safer" (which is really the appropriate descriptor) vs "not so safe."

 

I always ask regardless of what it says!

 

That's the best way to get information. When the ad states "Safe only," I ask the escort something like "Your ad mentioned 'safe only.' Can you elaborate on what you mean by that." When the ad states "ask me," I ask something like "Your ad mentioned 'ask me' in regards to 'save vs bareback.' So I'm asking. " I have received a variety of answers, including:

 

• I don't offer anal sex, so the question about "safe or bareback" is irrelevant. I didn't want to mislead anyone, so I left it as "ask me."
  
• I only bareback with negative guys like yourself. (I didn't state my HIV status)
  
• Thanks for asking. Condoms only for anal and no condom for oral.
  
• I thought I checked "safe only." Thanks for asking - I need to update that
  

In short, the only way to acquire information about someone's safer sex practices is

 

It means ask him. As there are many different escorts, there are assuredly many different answers....

 

It means ask him. Not us. Not the guy down the street. Him.

 

I always ask regardless of what it says!

 

It means Ask Him. I does not say he doesn't BB.

 

I agree with others that it means, 'Ask him'. ...

[30somethingsexybear]

"ask me" means different things for different people (especially depending on position) I want bottoms so what I've found is that for most escort bottoms it means, " I don't want to alienate any possible clients and risk myself money so I leave it open to cast as wide a net as possible. Also If I think you're kinda hot, yeah... come in me all you want!" lol