Boy Friend Experience (BFE)

[+ imagooddog]

What is your definition of BFE ? It appears that some what to hire an escort for BFE. Does this mean

no sex? Does BFE mean dating a person for a period of time without going to bed with them? Or does

it mean hiring an escort for sex but spending a length of time on the "date" just getting to know the person

prior to an expected sexual encounter? I assume that usually an escort it hired because the person hiring

is physically attracted to the escort and expects sex.

[down_to_business]

For me, and of course everyone is different, the BFE involves lots of affection( aka fake emotion) in conjunction with the sex. If I am hiring for the BFE, I am going to be looking for a sexual experience that encompasses more tenderness and passion with a deeper connection, hugging, kissing, touching, embracing, affection.

[+ sync]

My understanding is the same as down_to_business'.

[bigvalboy]

My understanding is the same as down_to_business'.

 

Me too...

[+ Lance_Navarro]

I've always just thought of it to mean a passionate, loving and connected interaction, which is what I try to bring to most all of my sessions, and it's not fake, it comes from a genuine place. The idea that paying for something negates the experience, is a notion that, unfortunately, exists too much around sex-work. Every other service or form of therapy costs, and no one looks upon it as "less than". I think if you are free of shame or guilt about hiring and the experience is exceptional, why have any regrets or odd feelings?

[AdamSmith]

Does this mean no sex?

No, that would be the Long-Term Marriage Experience.

[+ sync]

BFE is basically having a boyfriend without all the nagging and drama that comes with a real one

 

We all know a real boyfriend is always too tired for sex after coming home from a long day at work while us escorts thrive on the night and give y'all the experience your real boyfriend cannot

 

You are so bad so good.

[+ quoththeraven]

I agree with down_to_business other than the comment about fake emotion. It involves intimacy as well as physical contact without the emotional and day-to-day demands of a real world relationship.

 

Maybe "boyfriend for the duration of the appointment" expresses it best.

[Juan Vancouver]

Imagooddog,

 

Sadly there is no such thing as an industry standard and when it comes to intimacy we are all so different that you will receive many different responses to the same question.

 

BFE is somewhat in the vicinity of what people have said here, but it can mean a myriad other things. I would suggest that if you are about to hire someone and have a specific idea of what BFE you want to have, you discuss it clearly with him to make sure you are not assuming you are on the same page.

 

Communicate clearly every single time, as if it were the first time you hire.

 

It will make every single experience much more enjoyable for you.

 

Wishing you many amazing moments of bliss!

[jjkrkwood]

To ME, the ultimate BFE would be the escort saying "it's on the house" at the end of a session.... I never paid any of MY BF's for sex :p:p That term BFE is therefore sooo

misleading.

[+ jc808]

In my experience, sex is never free. It's just that with escorts the true cost is honestly stated up front, and not extracted over years.

[+ glennnn]

I've always just thought of it to mean a passionate, loving and connected interaction, which is what I try to bring to most all of my sessions, and it's not fake, it comes from a genuine place. The idea that paying for something negates the experience, is a notion that, unfortunately, exists too much around sex-work. Every other service or form of therapy costs, and no one looks upon it as "less than". I think if you are free of shame or guilt about hiring and the experience is exceptional, why have any regrets or odd feelings?[/QUOTe

 

Absolutely! 100% agree, and that is why you are at the top of my "must do" list. I don't have to explain it to you; you just explained it to me.

[LADoug1]

I've always just thought of it to mean a passionate, loving and connected interaction, which is what I try to bring to most all of my sessions, and it's not fake, it comes from a genuine place. The idea that paying for something negates the experience, is a notion that, unfortunately, exists too much around sex-work. Every other service or form of therapy costs, and no one looks upon it as "less than". I think if you are free of shame or guilt about hiring and the experience is exceptional, why have any regrets or odd feelings?

I'm glad you bring such passion and genuineness to your sessions. When hiring I too strive for the BFE but find it hard to think of it as more than a 1 hour fantasy since I'm paying for it. In real life I don't pay money to my boyfriends for sex. Similarly I work with a psychotherapist and despite the fact that we've been together for 8 years I find it continually difficult to consider us friends since I'm paying for his time and know almost nothing about his private life. Paying for services doesn't always translate into reality.

[+ stevenkesslar]

In my experience, sex is never free. It's just that with escorts the true cost is honestly stated up front, and not extracted over years.

 

Yes, except that just skims the surface. It's not just sex, either.

 

This is why the movie "Terms of Endearment" is one of my favorite films. The title says it all. There are always terms, and not just sex. That movie did a great job of amplifying on how we negotiate what QTR called "the emotional and day-to-day demands of a real world relationship" including romance and sex.

 

I have had a lot of boyfriends, and a lot of BFE's. I'll describe one.

 

There's a member of this forum I had a sort of BFE with for about 8 years, and now we've been friends for about the same period of time. In fact, I think the first time I wrote about the BFE experience on this forum long ago and far away him and I talked about it before or after I wrote what I wrote. My memory sucks.

 

Here's an update. After 8 years of a BFE with me that was paid and I would say was therefore obviously mutually satisfying, an event that I won't go into happened that shattered the illusion, to be a little overdramatic. He was very fair about his assessment of why he wanted to end our paid relationship, and we did. I said we should remain freinds, without benefits, since by that point I considered him a friend.

 

Since then, our friendship has deepened. At one point last year, I called him to get his advice about someone who I'd met. He has a therapy background, so his basic advice was the guy sounds like a narcissist, proceed with caution, but hey, we're all fucked up in one way or the other. Then we talked about his boyfriend, who he'd just broken up with, because there were things that really annoyed him about the guy, but since he also really liked the guy he wanted to remain friends. So my view is we had a long term BFE before just having a long term FE that allowed him to vent about his short term BF and me to vent about my short term F. And yeah, he was right, we are all fucked up in some way. I guess I'd say my relationship with this guy is less BFE/more FE, or more real, if less romantic.

 

So how fucked up is that?

[jjkrkwood]

Yes, except that just skims the surface. It's not just sex, either.

 

This is why the movie "Terms of Endearment" is one of my favorite films. The title says it all. There are always terms, and not just sex. That movie did a great job of amplifying on how we negotiate what QTR called "the emotional and day-to-day demands of a real world relationship" including romance and sex.

 

I have had a lot of boyfriends, and a lot of BFE's. I'll describe one.

 

There's a member of this forum I had a sort of BFE with for about 8 years, and now we've been friends for about the same period of time. In fact, I think the first time I wrote about the BFE experience on this forum long ago and far away him and I talked about it before or after I wrote what I wrote. My memory sucks.

 

Here's an update. After 8 years of a BFE with me that was paid and I would say was therefore obviously mutually satisfying, an event that I won't go into happened that shattered the illusion, to be a little overdramatic. He was very fair about his assessment of why he wanted to end our paid relationship, and we did. I said we should remain freinds, without benefits, since by that point I considered him a friend.

 

Since then, our friendship has deepened. At one point last year, I called him to get his advice about someone who I'd met. He has a therapy background, so his basic advice was the guy sounds like a narcissist, proceed with caution, but hey, we're all fucked up in one way or the other. Then we talked about his boyfriend, who he'd just broken up with, because there were things that really annoyed him about the guy, but since he also really liked the guy he wanted to remain friends. So my view is we had a long term BFE before just having a long term FE that allowed him to vent about his short term BF and me to vent about my short term F. And yeah, he was right, we are all fucked up in some way. I guess I'd say my relationship with this guy is less BFE/more FE, or more real, if less romantic.

 

So how fucked up is that?

 

Relationships can develop anywhere and anytime if the participants are receptive to it. It does not necessarily need to evolve from and initial Paid business arrangement. Basically its a connection between 2 people which can start anywhere, anytime, and in the least expected ways.. So YES, you are absolutely right, its not just ALL about sex... but having sex involved is a nice touch....

[+ stevenkesslar]

its not just ALL about sex... but having sex involved is a nice touch....

 

Ya think? You just got these guy's seal of approval

 

http://www.queermenow.net/blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/07/DYLAN-ROBERTS-Getting-Fucked-By-PHENIX-SAINT-Cocksure-Men-Gay-Porn-Stars.jpg?1aac54

 

And besides. Sometimes even if it hurts, it hurts so good.

 

http://www.queermenow.net/blog/wp-content/uploads/2010/11/CocksureMen-Gay-Porn-Star-Kevin-Crows-Fucks-Robert-Axel-6.jpg?1aac54

[+ Keith30309]

For me, @Lance_Navarro has described the ideal - a genuine closeness that is emotionally heavenly- and I'm hard pressed to think of more than a couple of times I've experienced that. I think that the top 10% of professionals are capable of doing that and in only a subset of encounters do the 2 participants have a genuine chemistry.

 

My experience is that the very good professionals - maybe 30% - can provide the experience that @down_to_business describes. I'm happy with this; I know the affection may or may not be genuine and it will vanish like a puff of smoke at the end of the time, but it's very rewarding for me, and I hope, him as well.

The remaining tiers of companions range from good kissers/huggers/snugglers (just the physical part) down to the guys we warn each other about.

 

I've developed a sort of litmus test for the tone of the review I will write (or choose to not write): an hour after the meeting, how do I feel. Elated? Longing to still be with him? Good about myself? Desired? Or do I feel like I've been thru an industrial porn process.... a fuck-widget devoid of emotion, good or bad.

 

Tangential, broad, sweeping, over-generalization: No companion under the age of 35 can be in the top 10% and none under the age of 30 is in the top 30%. Everyone else is just biding their time before they can check their text messages.

[+ Lance_Navarro]

For me, @Lance_Navarro has described the ideal - a genuine closeness that is emotionally heavenly- and I'm hard pressed to think of more than a couple of times I've experienced that. I think that the top 10% of professionals are capable of doing that and in only a subset of encounters do the 2 participants have a genuine chemistry.

 

My experience is that the very good professionals - maybe 30% - can provide the experience that @down_to_business describes. I'm happy with this; I know the affection may or may not be genuine and it will vanish like a puff of smoke at the end of the time, but it's very rewarding for me, and I hope, him as well.

The remaining tiers of companions range from good kissers/huggers/snugglers (just the physical part) down to the guys we warn each other about.

 

I've developed a sort of litmus test for the tone of the review I will write (or choose to not write): an hour after the meeting, how do I feel. Elated? Longing to still be with him? Good about myself? Desired? Or do I feel like I've been thru an industrial porn process.... a fuck-widget devoid of emotion, good or bad.

 

Tangential, broad, sweeping, over-generalization: No companion under the age of 35 can be in the top 10% and none under the age of 30 is in the top 30%. Everyone else is just biding their time before they can check their text messages.

 

Thanks for the shout out. I agree that age (more importantly, having transcended the ego boundaries that tend to accompany youth) plays a big part in one's ability to connect in the most honest and vulnerable way. You did state that you are perhaps over-generalizing, so I would like to say that I hope I've been creating that level of connection for at least the last few years, and I'm only now 35. I started this work when I was 28 and I can certainly see how much I've grown and continued growth is something I hope I'm always striving for. We teach what we most need to learn, so as much as I am the "teacher" I will also always be a student of life and love.