Escorts as Healers

[BigD]

I expereinced a no show last night. I wrote the guy an email and thought I would share it with you. Some of you will think I have

crossed over into madness, but probably more of you will understand what I am trying to say. Would be interested in hearing from both sides on the topic : Escorts as healers.

Here is a copy of the email:

 

Hi X,

I am puzzled about what happened last night. I assume you

changed your mind about seeing me and just didn't want to

say so. I suspect that is your loss, as well as mine.

 

You stated you had not being doing this very long. Let me pass

along some thoughts I have about escorting from a spiritual

perspective.

 

I see escorts as healers. They have gifts and graces to share

with persons who desire a physical touch. Their clients are

probably more often seeking an intimacy of sorts, though masqueraded by the sexual acts. That is high I hold escorts

in such high regard.

 

If this is your calling, you will make a fine escort. If not, you

will probably be happier finding employment that matches

what you are passionate about, not just making a fast buck.

 

What ever you decide, I trust your endeavors are blessed.

 

Best wishes,

Dennis

 

BigD

[woodlawn]

I don't think you're mad, merely that you are deluding yourself. Whatever problems you may have, hiring escorts can't solve them any more than playing a round of golf or going to a movie can solve them. Such pastimes can distract you from your problems, but not solve them. Suggesting that escorts can make up for a lack of genuine intimacy in one's life is like suggesting that going to see "Indiana Jones" can make up for the fact that one's life is dull. When the movie is over and you have to leave, your life will not be any more exciting than it was before, and the same is true when the escort appointment is over.

 

No-shows can be annoying, but it's silly to exaggerate the importance of seeing an escort either to heighten the annoyance one feels or to make the escort feel guilty. Just look at it this way: if you miss your tee time today, the course will still be there tomorrow.

[Bilbo]

This is an old, old argument around here, as you might have guessed. And a good bit of it is usually between Woodlawn and me. You might want to check out the archives. However, I'm not going to stifle discussion by leaving it at that.

Yes, the best escorts can be healers. One way that they can do that is by doing many of the same things with you that a Sexual Surrogate does under the prescription of a phycological therapist. As with any over the counter drug that you self prescribe, you do need to keep checking that the medicine and the dosage are right for you. And, of course, if it doesn't help, realize that and take yourself to a psychologist. (Or some kind of shaman, I suppose, if you are into CAM (Complimentary and Alternative Medicene) rather than Western Medicene.) Just like you would if your allergies didn't react the way you wanted them to when using an antihistimine.

Many of the erotic massuers who realize that they are healers, and train themselves along lines similar to Tantric yoga, refer to themselves as Sacred Intimates. The best of these, IMHO, are trained by Body Electric ( http://www.bodyelectric.org ). Several of them are reviewed here, of course. The one name which leaps to mind is Hung, which he pronounces Om, but I can't remember what city or state he's in. If you do find his site, it has (last time I looked) a list of other S.I.s, which will lead you to other links, etc.

My favorite fictional account of what it might be like if this kind of healing was a highly respected profession is in the novels of Mercedes Lackey, where they are called k'estrachern.

[woodlawn]

>One way that they can do

>that is by doing many of the same things with you that a

>Sexual Surrogate does under the prescription of a

>phycological therapist.

 

But if you are not under the care of a therapist and not seeing someone who is acting under the therapist's direction and has been trained for such duties, the chances that hiring someone for sex will have a genuine therapeutic affect are about the same as the chances that you can ameliorate some physical ailment by closing your eyes and choosing a bottle of medicine off the drug store shelf at random.

 

>As with any over the counter drug that

>you self prescribe, you do need to keep checking that the

>medicine and the dosage are right for you.

 

And how exactly are you supposed to "check" that with an escort? The last time I looked, escorts, unlike patent medicines, don't come with labels advising you of how much time you are supposed to spend with them, what results you should expect to get and when to stop seeing them and go to a shrink instead.

 

>And, of course, if

>it doesn't help, realize that and take yourself to a

>psychologist. (Or some kind of shaman, I suppose, if you are

>into CAM (Complimentary and Alternative Medicene) rather than

>Western Medicene.)

 

Before this gets too ridiculous, I'll wind it up by making a very basic point. There are some escorts who seem to want to think of themselves as doing something more than providing sex in return for money because it makes what they do seem more important. I suppose there's no harm in that, but I think it can be harmful for clients to delude themselves into believing that any real problems they have can be solved by hiring an escort. Clients who do that are setting themselves up for a big disappointment, putting off other measures that might actually help them, and setting a standard for the escort that almost none can even come close to meeting. Don't go there.

[buckguy]

Earlier this year, I was going through an extremely stressful period--a sudden death of a family member, settling the estate, taking care of a surviving child (and finding anew home for him because of his special needs). Under these circumstances, I new I needed a release and something a little beyond what a typical legit masseur would do. I came across Dax savage's ad, contacted him, explained the situation and what I wanted which was very aggressive body work (you can read by review for details). It was largely what I wanted and what I needed. I had another experience with a different escort who helped me with bottoming (something I normally don't do or enjoy)--a somehwat more "training-oriented" task, but he knew how to deal with a lot of things that went beyond mechanics. I have not become a bottom, but I was able to think about sex and myself a little differently and I think I am a better top.

 

I think you have to be very clear with yourself as to why you hire and very clear about the nature of the relationship, which will vary from totally fiduciary with some guys to something more personal with others, but which will almost always tend to be outside the usual realm of friendship or a long-term intimate relationship. These parameters have definite parllels with a psychotherapy relationship and with many other kinds of helping relationships. Within those parameters there is a lot that's possible and some of it can be therapeutic in some way--in terms of confronting sexuality, fears, areas of curiosity, and dealing with different kinds of stress. The problem is going outside those parameters. A lot of posters seem to expect more than this possible in a typical or even more personal than average escort relationship; others are obviously too infatuated and sometimes wind up being exploited. Others are jaded and some people probably cross over these lines at different times in their lives. Seeing escorts is no substitute for psychotherapy of developing close intimate relationships--but it can be a healing experience in many ways.

[Juan Vancouver]

Hey Dennis.

I am very glad that you are bringing up this subject, because it does trigger a very strong response in me. I have thought a lot before answering to this post, and I am still not very clear about what tyo write. So I better begin.

Having received trainning both as an alternative therapist and a surrogate partner, my personal view on escorting is very similar to what you mention. Let me share with you what I believe:

 

I understand why Woodlawn would have such a radical take on escorts; I can myself think of a few that are just "sex for money". (And that's great, if that's what is needed) However, I also know some -not many- that embrace this profession as a personal way to possible -just possibly, make a difference.

Wilhem Reich had the theory that sexual tension is the main source of our societie's misfortunes; He used to think that as soon as every man and woman in the world had the absolute freedom to express every sexual intention and release it in a healthy way, there would be no violence, no desire to overpower, invade, hurt.. and -here is what gets my attention more strongly, there would be no rape, no paedophilia, no sex related cryme at all. (He also thought that there would be no homosexuality. The moron was a total homofobe, which to me shows how he knew what he was talking about, first hand).

 

Granted: It is just a theory. Not lots of therapist agree, but I fully resonate with that. So, from that perspective, if you have a guy that will pee all over you and spank you hard and fuck you while you are wearing a fruit hat "a'la Carmen MIranda", that itself IS therapeutic. (Because you had that need and you fulfilled that urge.)

 

However, I have another take on the whole thing. In my life, I have chosen to believe that every single person that I get in touch with, is there to teach me something. If I pay attention to my human contact with other people, I am constantly learning more about myself and they way I interact with others. THis is not only pertaining to the escorting profession, but I have to say that while escorting, I feel that I am in an environment in which intimacy is hightened, and all these lessons are catalyzed by the fleeting and deeply intimate nature of this encounters. Sometimes, (while escorting or having a cup of coffee with a friend) looking into the other's eyes magic happens, and all of a sudden I understand something very special about myself and life.

 

I trust that this kind of magic is almost always a reciprocal, bi-lateral experience.

 

One can choose among two options:

 

Believing that you are here to be used and use other people; that you are here to sooner or later succumb under the irrevocable fate of loneliness...

 

Or you can choose that we are here to create connections, to learn from each other in every single situation. To get closer and together, with our eyes and our hearts locked (even for only a second, even if you dont know what his real name is) create a little pre-view of heaven, or what life can become.

 

I have chosen to believe the latter.

 

I can hear people laughing at this... but I can also feel others having a little epiphany reading this lines, saying in their heads: "I knew it... it's not just me who thinks like that!".

The laughter of ones, is as soothing as the understanding of the others: I will learn a lot from both.

 

And I know that only by being absolutely in touch of what is happening inside myself, and being honest about what feels good and what feels not-so-good, I will be able to stay in sync with that flow.

 

Call me delusional... (I will certainly learn something from that) :-)

[foxy]

Would you be our next President?

[VaHawk]

>Having received trainning both as an alternative therapist and

>a surrogate partner

 

Huh??? What is a surrogate partner????

 

>I understand why Woodlawn would have such a radical take on

>escorts; I can myself think of a few that are just "sex for

>money".

 

Well in my experiences, whether it is "companionship" or "raw sex", all escorts are doing it for "money" only.

 

>(And that's great, if that's what is needed) However,

>I also know some -not many- that embrace this profession as a

>personal way to possible -just possibly, make a difference.

 

Damn, where the hell are my hip boots??? I definitely need them to navigate this sewer, without getting crap on me.

 

>Wilhem Reich had the theory that sexual tension is the main

>source of our societie's misfortunes; He used to think that as

>soon as every man and woman in the world had the absolute

>freedom to express every sexual intention and release it in a

>healthy way, there would be no violence, no desire to

>overpower, invade, hurt.. and -here is what gets my attention

>more strongly, there would be no rape, no paedophilia, no sex

>related cryme at all. (He also thought that there would be no

>homosexuality. The moron was a total homofobe, which to me

>shows how he knew what he was talking about, first hand).

 

Huh??? What the hell are you trying to state here? This guy definitely sounds like a MORON!! Of COURSE, if one was free to express feelings of sexual intimidation of power there would be no RAPE; if one was free to express sexual attraction to kids, there would be no PEDOPHILIA, and thus no sexual crimes at all.

>

>Granted: It is just a theory. Not lots of therapist agree, but

>I fully resonate with that. So, from that perspective, if you

>have a guy that will pee all over you and spank you hard and

>fuck you while you are wearing a fruit hat "a'la Carmen

>MIranda", that itself IS therapeutic. (Because you had that

>need and you fulfilled that urge.)

 

So in kind, it IS therapuetic to venture to 3rd world countries, where the peasants will sell their 6 yo sons to you to satisfy your natural urges???????

 

>One can choose among two options:

>

>Believing that you are here to be used and use other people;

>that you are here to sooner or later succumb under the

>irrevocable fate of loneliness...

>

>Or you can choose that we are here to create connections, to

>learn from each other in every single situation. To get closer

>and together, with our eyes and our hearts locked (even for

>only a second, even if you dont know what his real name is)

>create a little pre-view of heaven, or what life can become.

>

>I have chosen to believe the latter.

 

God, where the hell do I go to buy hip boots and blinders????

 

So, according to your beliefs, all people who hire escorts, are doing so to:

1. Alleviate the "irrevocable fate of loneliness" rather than a quick toss in the hay?

2. Looking for a spiritual connection, ignoring the fact that the

escort is just a prostitute, who would not be with you, if you weren't paying???

>

[buckguy]

Reich actually was masterful at describing different personality styles, but was a total fruitcake with his sexual theories. He got into legal trouble for selling "orgone boxes" (basically boxes where you'd beat-off and be able to store the "orgone energy" (i.e., sexual energy) you release when you masturbate. He was put in jail for selling the boxes as medical devices.

[Flower]

Well I am puzzeled about this also.

 

Of the many things I don't understand about your post, FIRST and foremost, is WHY you'd write it in the first place!

 

So what if you had a no show--get over it and move on--BUT WHY would you go to the trouble and the totally unnecessary drama of emailing the no show escort (like he cares and would take your letter to heart) is beyond me. We all get no shows--escorts do too--NEXT!

 

Once you're foolish enough to write the email to the no show, however, why would you ever want US to know about it?

 

As you can see, so far, there are no sympathetic readers consoling you, but rather either picking apart what you said or picking apart the first "picker aparters" }(

 

If all you really wanted to do was raise the issue of escorts being healers, then just start your thread with the phrase "Although this has been said many times, many ways...."

 

And why would you tell him if "this is your calling you'll make a FINE escort?" He stood you up for Christ's sake and it appears you don't even know him nor have actually met him! How do you know he will make a fine escort? Actually, it doesn't look like it from where I'm reading.

 

And lastly, tell me please, WHY his endeavor's will be "blessed" and, if that be the case, by whom?

[Juan Vancouver]

Let's not get all mixed up....

 

Hey man!

Here we are again.

I will just try to clarify the meaning of what I wrote, and answer your questions.

 

1.-A surrogate partner (english sp.?)is a person who works in close proximity and under clinical scrutiny by a profesional therapist. He (or she) helps the subject to enact situations that are proving challenging and provide a safe "training" aid in the therapeutic process.

 

2.- Ideally, every person chooses his or her profession based on two factors; A personal vocational call, that ideally will match one's abilities and skills, and -of course- the knowledge that this particular profession will enable us to provide enough sustenance for our needs. (Yes, we are all in our jobs for the bucks... the greenier, the better) Thats no secret to anyone.

 

3.- As I very openly stated, I also believe that Willy Reich had LOTS of serious issues, and he ended up very bad. An absolute moron. However, to me (As an ignorant outsider), as well as to lots of serious professionals, the possibility of sexual tension being the root of many evils in this society sounds absolutely true. (Not because Columbus thought he was going to find India, it means that he didn't discover America)

 

4.- I am reading your answer once and again, and I cant understand what you mean in that part:

 

"Of COURSE, if one was free to express feelings of sexual intimidation of power there would be no RAPE; if one was free to express sexual attraction to kids, there would be no PEDOPHILIA, and thus no sexual crimes at all."

 

So, you agree?

But also you write:

 

"So in kind, it IS therapuetic to venture to 3rd world countries, where the peasants will sell their 6 yo sons to you to satisfy your natural urges??????? "

 

However, it does trouble me a lot the fact that you seem to understand that I endorse or justify non-consensual sex in any way. MY whole point is absolutely the oposite: As long as you have consensual adults, that are willing to help people deal with their darker urges in a healthy way, those urges will never reach the level of a patology. I am talking about preventing those, not justify them in any way. I think that is very clear in my previous post, but if there is need for clarification, I can do it as many times as needed.

Besides, I have the impression that you think I wrote "natural urges" when I talked about something absolutely different.

 

5.- Last, but not least, you mixed two different things in the cauldron. You seem to have understood that I think that:

 

"So, according to your beliefs, all people who hire escorts, are doing so to:

1. Alleviate the "irrevocable fate of loneliness" rather than a quick toss in the hay?

2. Looking for a spiritual connection, ignoring the fact that the

escort is just a prostitute, who would not be with you, if you weren't paying??? "

 

When what I wrote (and it is very clear) is that "IN life" I have chosen to believe.... (blah blah)

That is an absolutely different thing.

 

Not because all those things are written by the same person in the same post, it necessarily means that all those sentences are talking about the same subject. (Not because in the same meal you had shrimps and chocolate cake, it means that you ate shrimp cake)

I think it is very clear in my post, and while I am absolutely comfortable and respectful of people disagreeing with me, I find it very hard to accept when people misinterpret me or accidentally mis-quote what I said to prove a point.

 

I am sure that if we try, using the same words that I used in that original post, we could prove that I am endorsing the belief that a Messiah is coming. (Or that Elvis Presley was a woman, or Brigitte Bardot was an alien, for that matter) Newspapers are masters of that craft. They half-qoute some words out of context, with a self made headline, and the same words all of a sudden mean something absolutely different.

 

A brief version:

 

Sure, this is a job, and we do it for money. (Such a shock!)

I do believe that escorts (or any person that chooses that) can focus in providing intimacy or sex, or fun, or boredom.

I DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE justify, endorse, romantisize or agree with any kind of non-consensual sex. (Or relationship, or business, or anything, for that matter). Specially when it involves infants!

Please dont put words in my mouth! (My mouth is there for other juicier things)

And yes, I am funny; a slutty Polyanna believing that people can get closer. That life can be better with a bit of intimacy, and I strive to at least have the intention of creating that if my client (or friend, or spouse or store clerk) allows it and seeks that too.

 

And of course, we are here to agree and disagree... (But, I beg you) Dont misqoute me, man. ) x( ( I find that very hard to deal with.

 

So... Thanks for reading this, anyway.

[nate_sf]

>Well in my experiences, whether it is "companionship" or "raw

>sex", all escorts are doing it for "money" only.

 

Sorry this has been your experience, but I don't think it's right to imply that all escorts are doing it only for the money, just as with any other profession doing it only for the money. Yeah, there are escorts who are only doing it for the money, and probably worse, but there are some -- perhaps many (!) -- who see there is more to it than just cash. Certainly the types that spend time on a message board like this one, thinking about these things, see more to it than just money. It isn't about trying to feel important, it's about recongnizing the impact one's actions have on others, regardless of occupation. Unless it's volunteering, money is a factor in pretty much every occupation, but that doesn't mean someone can't care about what they're doing or have an interest in the effect of their actions on their clients, customers, what have you.

 

BigD, I think your letter to the prospective escort is fine if you got the sense he was struggling over these issues and questioning whether escorting was something worth doing, given the shame and risk associated with it. But if he hadn't already been thinking about this stuff, or was just a plain flake, this might not register with him much at all. Maybe down the road it might click for him and come into perspective, but I wouldn't spend too much time worrying about it. You did your part, who knows what impact it will have, but at least you did what you thought needed to be done.

 

So where do I go to get these hip boot things anyways? Maybe I should get a pair...

[BigD]

If any one has doubts that an escort can be a healer,

read the reviews for Juan. Each one of them verifies

that he has these gifts. Even though they only go back

to April of this year, surely there will be many more

testimonials in the future.

[Guest]

I read a column from "Miss Manners" (Judith Martin) several weeks ago, which had a sentence in it which rung a big bell in me as being absoultely true. The sentence was "Shameless people cannot be shamed into good behavior." (or words close to it). To plain stand someone up without taking 30 seconds to call them or send them e-mail to let them know you've changed your mind constitutes incredibly rude and insensitive behavior. (Of course, occasionally something truly extraordinary happens, and you can't call, such as getting into a severe auto accident and being knocked unconscious. However, in that case, the person would have contacted you and apologized once he regained consciousness).

Therefore, someone who just stands you up is simply arrogant and rude. He obviously does not care what you think, nor will you succeed in making him feel guilty.

Of course, unlike Miss Manners, I will sometimes respond with rudeness to someone who's been rude to me. For example, I might flip someone off who's cut me off on the freeway, or I might tailgate someone who's driving slowly in the passing lane. However, I just do it because it makes ME feel better, and because I hope to transfer my anger to them. I don't delude myself into thinking that I'm shaming them into driving more courteously in the future.

[Bilbo]

Sorry it took so long to get back to you on this. I haven't read the other posts on this thread, yet, either, so I'm also sorry if I'm repeating what someone else has already said. Even sorrier if they said it better than I will. But Woody was, in part, addressing me directly.

 

Other than a year prostate exam, some ear irrigation, and my dentist, I haven't realy seen a Western doctor since the late 70's. But I have a mind and I am aware of my body. If I have an allergy problem, I identify it as such and go to that shelf and, with my eyes open (Blindfolded?!?!) pick out - well, in my case it's Coricidin High Blood Preassure. It works best for me, which I know because I have tried it and felt the results. I usually don't take the full dosage suggested on the bottle. I have experimented in the past and found that I get the results I want with smaller doses. I observe my body and when it lets me know that I am well, I quit taking the stuff immediately. I also know that there are certain things going on in my body and mind every once in a while for which over the counter medicenes are not the right answer. For example, people tell me that I have a luscious tummy. But, on those days when I have let Madison Avenue get to me and I feel a bit heavy, I know that I simply cannot handle diet pills. I have been known to have to leave work, even known to have to drive to a park and roll around in the grass, to try to handle their effects. I am very confident that if something major were to go wrong with my body I would notice it and, if I felt it neccesary, I would seek out a doctor of Western medicene. But, in the meantime, I don't need one! = Now, remember, this is all true, but I am also using it to continue the metaphor of clients knowing what healing they need from escorts and feeling for themselves whether it is working or not.

 

And another thing, I am not untrained as a healer. I am, for one thing, a Reiki Master. Actually, in my Reiki linneage - Unlimited Reiki - I am a Reiki Master Teacher. And I have completed half of my training with Body Electric to become a Sacred Intimate.

[woodlawn]

> I am very confident that if something major were to

>go wrong with my body I would notice it and, if I felt it

>neccesary, I would seek out a doctor of Western medicene. But,

>in the meantime, I don't need one!

 

Has anyone ever mentioned to you the fact that certain very serious illnesses -- including HIV infection and Hepatitis C, for example -- can be completely asymptomatic for years before manifesting themselves? I guess not.

 

>Now, remember, this is

>all true, but I am also using it to continue the metaphor of

>clients knowing what healing they need from escorts and

>feeling for themselves whether it is working or not.

 

I believe that a couple of different people in the past few months have recounted on this message board what happened to them when they elected to treat serious mental illnesses with drugs of their own choosing rather than submit to the care of a physician. I'll let other readers judge for themselves whether they think that is a good idea. Based on what these individuals told us, I'd have to say it seems like a prescription for disaster.

[Bilbo]

Thank you for reminding me. I do have regular HIV tests. I had forgotten to list that.

 

I'm a bit curious, and I don't think that I've ever seen you address this particular angle: What do you think of nontraditional medicene? What we might call Eastern traditional styles or CAM? Do you feel that they have value if practiced by properly trained people?

[woodlawn]

>Thank you for reminding me. I do have regular HIV tests. I

>had forgotten to list that.

 

But that doesn't make any sense. You just got through telling us that you are sure that if anything serious was wrong with your body you would know it. If that is true, I don't see why you need blood tests. All you need to do is wait for your body to tell you if you have HIV, right?

 

 

>I'm a bit curious, and I don't think that I've ever seen you

>address this particular angle: What do you think of

>nontraditional medicene? What we might call Eastern

>traditional styles or CAM? Do you feel that they have value if

>practiced by properly trained people?

 

There is no such thing as "nontraditional medicine." The human body responds the same way to the same amount of digitalis whether it is taken in pill form or is taken in the form of the plant foxglove. The body is a physical system and operates according to principles that can be observed and charted. What you call "traditional medicine" is simply the most efficient way of observing and charting those principles. I'm aware there are plenty of people who turn to what is called "nontraditional medicine" when physicians tell them things they don't want to hear, but I think it is very rarely the case that herbs and massages and chanting can cure serious medical conditions for which physicians have no treatment to offer.

[Bilbo]

This has been an eye opener for me. While I am not as dependent on Western traditions of medicene as many people, trying to make an exhaustive list of just what I do use it for has been quite interesting. I remembered another item for the list yesterday, but have forgotten it today. Ah, well.

 

But, Wood, what do you think about acupuncture? Or it's less invasive form, acupreassure? It doesn't use chemicals like digitalis. And I can't think, right now, of a Western equivalent, other than some forms of massage.