Trying something new on A4A

[Brian Kevin]

Old profile :

 

24, 6'6", 216lb, 36w. Average, Blond, Some Body Hair, White.

Hey my name's Xander,

>Clean and disease free!<

I offer upscale fantasy body work.

READY RIGHT NOW.

Guaranteed to satisfy ANY itch 1

TEXT ME 216-860-2145

TEXT ME 216-860-2145

TEXT ME 216-860-2145

TEXT ME 216-860-2145

 

______________________________

 

New Profile:

 

NATIONALLY REVIEWED & ALCIMED Massagescourt

 

TEXTME 2168602145

Hey my name's Xander

Hosting at upscale hotel.

I offer upscale fantasy body work.

READY RIGHT NOW or by appointment**

Guaranteed to satisfy your itch & beyond

TEXTME 2168602145

TEXTME 2168602145

TEXTME 2168602145

 

Which one do you guys personally like more? They're both corny, but I can not say jack shit in 250 characters. Also keep in mind you cannot share any website links on or though A4A when i rent my rentmen profile link i send it rentmen d0t c0m /briankevin noone ever understands it I have to tell them to text me(like my ad clearly says to do to begin with, LOL)

 

P:S: Yes Xander is techinally "dead" but its how I know somone is calling me from Adam4adam.

 

Thoughts? Theories? Input?

[rvwnsd]

Of the two choices, I prefer the new profile:

 

O

New Profile:

 

NATIONALLY REVIEWED & ALCIMED Massagescourt

 

TEXTME 2168602145

Hey my name's Xander

Hosting at upscale hotel.

I offer upscale fantasy body work.

READY RIGHT NOW or by appointment**

Guaranteed to satisfy your itch & beyond

TEXTME 2168602145

TEXTME 2168602145

TEXTME 2168602145

 

...

 

However, you might want to make a couple of changes. First, do you mean "nationally reviewed and acclaimed massagescourt? Looks like a typo or autocorrect doing something very, very weird. Second, I would take out the first "TEXTME..." and the last two "TEXTME..."'s a d make a couple of other tweaks so your ad text would look like this (changes are in red):

 

"WELL-REVIEWED & ACCLAIMED Massagescourt

 

Hey my name's Xander

Hosting at upscale hotel.

I offer high-quality fantasy body work.

READY RIGHT NOW or by appointment**

Guaranteed to satisfy your itch & beyond

TEXT ME 2168602145"

 

You used "upscale" to describe the hotel, so to avoid repetition you might want to describe your fantasy body work as "high-quality" or some other adjective that flows better.

 

Hope that helps

[Brian Kevin]

Of the two choices, I prefer the new profile:

 

 

 

However, you might want to make a couple of changes. First, do you mean "nationally reviewed and acclaimed massagescourt? Looks like a typo or autocorrect doing something very, very weird. Second, I would take out the first "TEXTME..." and the last two "TEXTME..."'s a d make a couple of other tweaks so your ad text would look like this (changes are in red):

 

"WELL-REVIEWED & ACCLAIMED Massagescourt

 

Hey my name's Xander

Hosting at upscale hotel.

I offer high-quality fantasy body work.

READY RIGHT NOW or by appointment**

Guaranteed to satisfy your itch & beyond

TEXT ME 2168602145"

 

You used "upscale" to describe the hotel, so to avoid repetition you might want to describe your fantasy body work as "high-quality" or some other adjective that flows better.

 

Hope that helps

 

 

Thanks just made the final edit there!! I include the TEXT ME 2168602145 so many times because most people over look that there's no number in the AD. The typical client off A4A wants NOW, when he arrives on vacation or after work. Thanks for pointing out upscale twice and helping me fix it. Also, thanks for helping m3 lurn tew spell dis werds properly (sorry I had to and sorry my grammar is so bad sometimes when I'm on my phone)

[mike carey]

Also, thanks for helping m3 lurn tew spell dis werds properly (sorry I had to and sorry my grammar is so bad sometimes when I'm on my phone)

Haha, your spelling and grammar is so spot on most of the time that I wonder if the occasional errors were (a) typos or (b) deliberate mistakes for effect.

[LADoug1]

I like the second as it was amended. You might want to include your stats though as you did in the first. Remove the word "average". You're so far from that in so many ways. If they ask for more pics then send them.

[seaboy4hire]

I like the second as it was amended. You might want to include your stats though as you did in the first. Remove the word "average". You're so far from that in so many ways. If they ask for more pics then send them.

 

I think average is his body type. Its in the drop down choices a4a gives you.

 

Hugs,

Greg

[LADoug1]

I think average is his body type. Its in the drop down choices a4a gives you.

 

Hugs,

Greg

I understand that but is it necessary to put it down? What's average to one person is not to another. I find the term average to describe a body type to be a turn off. If I'm interested in knowing more I ask.

[seaboy4hire]

I understand that but is it necessary to put it down? What's average to one person is not to another. I find the term average to describe a body type to be a turn off. If I'm interested in knowing more I ask.

 

Its been a while since I've been on a4a but I think the other choices are muscular, chubby and one or two others. If Brian isnt muscular and he puts that down that'd be false advertising and we all know how clients hate when guys misrepresent themselves. I think it would be in Brians best interest to be honest in his profile. The only issue I have with the profile is the word clean. Does being hiv positive make one dirty? No one wants an std but just cause one catches one doesn't make them dirty. Shit happens. Get it taken care of notify those you've had sex with and move on.

 

Hugs,

Greg

[jackjackjack]

Which one do you guys personally like more? They're both corny, but I can not say jack shit in 250 characters.

 

'jack shit'... Do you really want to use this term?

[seaboy4hire]

'jack shit'... Do you really want to use this term?

 

If he's gonna jack shit I hope he charges a premium and wears gloves.

 

Hugs,

Greg

[bigvalboy]

I personally like rvwnsd's copy. It is cleaner, easier to read, and sounds more professional. Good luck...

[jjkrkwood]

If he's gonna jack shit I hope he charges a premium and wears gloves.

 

Hugs,

Greg

 

 

If he's gonna jack shit, he should look up Adam Smith. He's the resident "shit" aficionado...

[+ Truereview]

I support @rvwnsd suggestions wholeheartedly.

 

I do have two questions:

1. What is an "upscale" hotel? To me, as a client, upscale is a Ritz , a Mandarin, or a Pen - for examples. I recommend that if the hotel is a 4 or 5 star according to Priceline or whatever source you booked it thru, you say 4 or 5 star hotel. If it is 3 star, I hate to sound like a snob (I am & I try to keep it on a leash) but I would rather have you say "nice hotel." Three stars doesn't connote (to me) upscale. If it is less than 3 stars, I would not even add an adjective and just say "hosting at my hotel."
   
2. Also, I'm assuming from the ad you don't do outcalls, right? If you are open to such, then I wonder if you should state it.
   

Sending good thoughts your way for wonderful clients who appreciate you.

[jjkrkwood]

I support @rvwnsd suggestions wholeheartedly.

 

I do have two questions:

1. What is an "upscale" hotel? To me, as a client, upscale is a Ritz , a Mandarin, or a Pen - for examples. I recommend that if the hotel is a 4 or 5 star according to Priceline or whatever source you booked it thru, you say 4 or 5 star hotel. If it is 3 star, I hate to sound like a snob (I am & I try to keep it on a leash) but I would rather have you say "nice hotel." Three stars doesn't connote (to me) upscale. If it is less than 3 stars, I would not even add an adjective and just say "hosting at my hotel."
   
2. Also, I'm assuming from the ad you don't do outcalls, right? If you are open to such, then I wonder if you should state it.
   

Sending good thoughts your way for wonderful clients who appreciate you.

 

 

For me:

 

http://sandiegofreepress.org/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/sdfp-homeless-housing.jpg

[mike carey]

Upscale is ambiguous but I wouldn't worry about it. I don't see a need to define precisely what you mean by the type of hotel you would stay in.

[+ Truereview]

For me:

 

http://sandiegofreepress.org/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/sdfp-homeless-housing.jpg

Nice shoes, babe...tiny feet though I had imagined bozo size.

[jjkrkwood]

Nice shoes, babe...tiny feet though I had imagined bozo size.

 

 

Thanks, I squeeze into whatsever on SALE ! (my toes are permanently curled)

[Kenny]

Upscale is ambiguous but I wouldn't worry about it. I don't see a need to define precisely what you mean by the type of hotel you would stay in.

Agree. In an ad, upscale hotel mostly means "not a dump or SRO." That's good enough.

[rvwnsd]

I think "upscale" to define the hotel is fine. I consider "upscale" to be a W, Kimpton, or a nicer Sheraton, Hilton, or Marriott. I'd consider a Ritz or Mandarin a luxury hotel. I think their marketing departments would agree.

[rvwnsd]

...Also, thanks for helping m3 lurn tew spell dis werds properly (sorry I had to and sorry my grammar is so bad sometimes when I'm on my phone)

 

No worries. Using a phone to type is a pain! Sometimes I have to compose work emails using my iPhone. They are not among my best pieces of work.

[nynakedtop]

As I tell my students, tightness (and in this case I refer only to one's prose) is a good thing... use fewer words rather than more, and simple words rather than flowery prose...

 

Avoid what I recall from the film Amadeus the comfortable place of using "too many notes" (or in this case words)... Excessive prose make you sound silly which, I already know, you are NOT!

[Guest countryboywny]

Brian,

I like your second profile better than the first. I would just stress that you use proper spelling and grammar, it makes you appear more articulate and intelligent, which we here on the forum already know. When I read an ad or profile that is poorly written it gives me the impression that the advertiser isn't very bright.

[+ glennnn]

Shouldn't "massagescourt" be massagescort without the "u"?

[rvwnsd]

Shouldn't "massagescourt" be massagescort without the "u"?

I noticed that term as well, but thought it was clever and would not trip any triggers when the profile text is being reviewed by A4A.

[Brian Kevin]

Upscale = 3 star or higher.

I noticed that term as well, but thought it was clever and would not trip any triggers when the profile text is being reviewed by A4A.

 

 

Yes. he is correct It was smart