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New Horizons Of Acceptance And Self-Confidence!!


JDXXX
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Hi Everybody,

 

Here in Sunny Atlanta, GA enjoying myself relaxing, and taking the day off to reflect and reminisce what me and a client discussed about how we can better improve ourselves as people.

 

I know I haven't been perfect in the slightest, and have made some mistakes in life, but what I feel good about is, folks is admitting to those mistakes, and now having the courage to finally own up to them as a mature adult. Not for the worse, but only for the better so I can improve as better person in the world we live in today.

 

Can I confess something to you guys........Laying my dirty laundry here out on the table........

 

All my life I have had this intense annoying need to go far and beyond out of my way for everyone to like me because I felt like a failure if someone didn't like me or accepted me for who I am. You know what's silly about my fears - I even felt in one form or another there was something wrong with me if people didn't like me for me being me. How crazy is that right? :rolleyes:

 

Now 35 years later(Yes, I'm revealing my age), it dawned on me that you cant please everyone as people have told me for the past 4 years.

 

People in society may or may not accept you for a variety of reasons, and reasons you cant unfortunately control or predict whether it's race, being religious, the way you look, smell, kindness, whatever people are going to either to accept you for who you are - or NOT accept you, and if they don't, it's okay as you have nothing to be ashamed or guilty of as were human, and are entitled to have likes and dislikes in this world.

 

Not everyone is made for everybody. Just how life works, and doesn't mean your a failure because of such obstacles, and finally folks, after all this time, I'm comfortable in my own skin to have come to terms with that, and accept it for which in the past I didn't, and this is where - New Horizons now begin for me.

 

Don't get me wrong, folks - I am a terribly sweet guy who is very giving, and open(Maybe at times a little too open) with a good heart and always have been since I was born.

 

Growing up in Stone Mountain, GA, I was raised to be this kind, loving and giving southern kid unto others for which I have been all my life. Some people feel I'm a little too kind and giving to where it's sickening, but can't help it as it makes me feel good to bring pleasure and happiness onto others. I think that's a beautiful gift to have is to not be selfish, and want to make others happy besides yourself.

 

I'm not giving as a ploy for others to like me and win people over, I'm giving because it's a blessing from God I was born with. I'm a proud Gay man who believes in peace, love, kindness, and serenity within one's self as well as those around me.

 

A lot of people have found such kindness to be phony, and fake of some kind, but there is nothing fake about being yourself of what God has given you, and that's to be real, and kind onto others.

 

Just because I'm kind doesn't mean I haven't had my moments of making some pretty bad mistakes in life. I'm in no way perfect by any means - Why? It's simple - Because I'm human, and humans do fuck up royally sometimes by making a ton of mistakes - even I know that, but because we may fuck up here and there - doesn't mean were not a good person. I had to finally come to terms with that as I'm getting older and wiser now.

 

Being on the forum has taught me a lot about myself, and am appreciative to those of you who have tried to knock some sense into me about certain topics. If I appeared as someone at times who may have been a little too defensive - I apologize as I have had time to reflect over my actions, and maybe to some my actions have offended some, and some have pleased some, but to those I may have offended by such actions - I apologize.

 

JD is not one who believes in being insensitive, holding grudges or nasty being to others. Base on my beliefs and loyal personality, I find it more humble is to be myself, and continue to be of a sweet human being as God made me to be.

 

To those who have gave me advice, don't feel I don't listen or am too bullheaded to listen because guess what - I DO!! Finally have made a decision, folks - when it comes to people giving constructive criticism on this forum or anywhere else - it's just best to shut-up and listen without any lip.

 

Doesn't mean for you guys to go crazy by being too harsh now(LOL) as I know how some of you can get by being a little too harsh when making a point, but just have to know to just shut up, and listen without being defense. If I don't agree with a comment or statement of some sort remain one who is always gracious, and not nasty by one voice they're opinion. I guess in the past I felt I had to be on the defensive when harsh comments are due to the simple fact of feeling like I was a failure to someone for which wasn't my intention.

 

If I have annoyed or tried a little bit too hard to prove myself as an escort or here on the forum or anywhere else - I apologize for that too as it was based out of good intentions and nothing bad at all as being a phony. I think a lot of what I was going through with acceptance was being well-loved by everyone here on the forum and outside of the forum was me(again) not being a failure. Well - life just doesn't work that way as some you may "click" with, and some you don't, and to those who don't like you(for whatever reasons) don't mean your a failure or done something horrible.

 

Reflection can be the best therapy possible to help you understand yourself, and those around you. Taking a couple of hours away from work in having some time to myself to think back on what I can improve upon has made me realize I am maturing emotionally more and more as I'm getting older and wise. I see myself as a person a lot more clearer now then I use to back 4 or 5 months ago, and coming to this realization has made me wake up to this maturity as a new form of self-confidence that I never had in the past growing as a child/teen, but later now as a mature adult in his mid 30's. It'll only get better more and more as I get older and wise. Age tends to do that sometimes. LOL.

 

Not to say I never was mature while growing up, but do know what my elders(grandmothers, great-grandmothers, etc.) have told me "with age comes wisdom", and boy do I know what they mean by that comment now versus in my younger days.

 

Just recently back 2 week ago, I had a horrific argument with a friend of mine I need to repair, and by gosh, I've made some horrible mistakes by reacting in ways that went way out of my character to do due to him engaging in some hurtful actions to me for which I didn't deserve by any means.

 

As the final straw (knowing I felt humiliated, betrayed, and hurt severely) I (myself) reacted in a disrespectful manner that was not only out of my character to do, but was regretful at the sametime. I've learned no matter what someone else has said and done unto you - you shouldn't lower yourself to there level as it was just best for me to bite the freaking bullet, and be the bigger person in the situation, and not wish nothing ill-willed against them.

 

Best to be the bigger person in a negative situation no matter what someone says or have done to you. I feel it's the best formula in maturity, and being altogether a much more loving person who care about those you love in the end. :).

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Thanks for sharing, JD. I have 5 phrases for you to consider learning more about and exploring in your journey.

 

Emotional intelligence (EI) and its 4quadrants:

  1. Self-awareness

  2. Self-management

  3. Social awareness

  4. Relationship management

You have to work all quadrants in order to achieve a healthy balance. Based on your post above, I think you are finally At the start line with #1. You are also admitting you need to work more on #2. I encourage you to research, explore and practice #3. I think your line of work already helps you with #4, but it will get even better once you master the other 3. If you are looking for foundations on this, check out Emotional Intelligence 2.0 by Travis Bradberry & Jean Graves. If you like what the book reviews say, I will buy it for you on Amazon - that's how much I believe this will help. If you are really serious about this journey, go take Nancy Lucas' 2-weekend Emotional Intelligent Leadership course at NYU. Check it out here. Worth E V E R Y penny.

 

I believe in change and I choose to believe you really want to engage in it.

 

With utmost respect & best wishes for your EI journey , -TR

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Thanks for sharing, JD. I have 5 phrases for you to consider learning more about and exploring in your journey.

 

Emotional intelligence (EI) and its 4quadrants:

  1. Self-awareness

  2. Self-management

  3. Social awareness

  4. Relationship management

You have to work all quadrants in order to achieve a healthy balance. Based on your post above, I think you are finally At the start line with #1. You are also admitting you need to work more on #2. I encourage you to research, explore and practice #3. I think your line of work already helps you with #4, but it will get even better once you master the other 3. If you are looking for foundations on this, check out Emotional Intelligence 2.0 by Travis Bradberry & Jean Graves. If you like what the book reviews say, I will buy it for you on Amazon - that's how much I believe this will help. If you are really serious about this journey, go take Nancy Lucas' 2-weekend Emotional Intelligent Leadership course at NYU. Check it out here. Worth E V E R Y penny.

 

I believe in change and I choose to believe you really want to engage in it.

 

With utmost respect & best wishes for your EI journey , -TR

 

Hey TR,

 

I would love to get the book sure being the reviews are amazing. The leadership course seems like it's gonna take some planning to go to, but something to consider going to most definitely.

 

Thanks for the awesome recommendation, and would love to have the book.

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Thanks for sharing your journey, J.D. Wishing you the quiet of peace inside that can come even in lonely solitude.

 

Hey baby,

 

Thanks for the input as it's still a work in progress everyday to overcome and to accept yourself for who you are, and how others accept you as a person. However it gets better everyday, and happy I'm learning to love myself more and more. Just taking lessons one step at a time. :).

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humans do fuck up royally sometimes by making a ton of mistakes -

 

+1. I think people often hold escorts too high of a standard. We all make mistakes, but we aren't so intransigent and self-absorbed that we don't realize when we have made them and learn from them. IMHO, public figures in other professions have often put their foot in their mouths often or made poor decisions, but they are vindicated a little more quickly and thoroughly than escorts are. It's a vast generaization, but it's easier to have your accomplishments get written off and forgotten when you make mistakes as an escort. I know it sucks when you are paying to see Kobe Bryant score 80 points in a game and he scores 8 points, but sometimes that happens. It doesn't mean he's not an amazing player. So, too, with escorts.

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+1. I think people often hold escorts too high of a standard. We all make mistakes, but we aren't so intransigent and self-absorbed that we don't realize when we have made them and learn from them. IMHO, public figures in other professions have often put their foot in their mouths often or made poor decisions, but they are vindicated a little more quickly and thoroughly than escorts are. It's a vast generaization, but it's easier to have your accomplishments get written off and forgotten when you make mistakes as an escort. I know it sucks when you are paying to see Kobe Bryant score 80 points in a game and he scores 8 points, but sometimes that happens. It doesn't mean he's not an amazing player. So, too, with escorts.

Mike, the difference, in my opinion, is that politicians, sports figures, even celebrities, are not playing with as big and as personal of stakes as emotions & intimacy. Escorts, to me, are truly in the big leagues, and hence, fairly or not, you will be held at a nearly impossible standard. It has to be exhausting. I volunteer to relieve you all of such stress. ;)

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JD,

I can only judge you on what I see here and what I've learned in our private conversations. What I see is a generous, loving, open man who maybe sometimes tries too hard, but who I respect and admire and who, I hope, is a friend. Relax and be you; we love you just the way you are.

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sports figures, even celebrities, are not playing with as big and as personal of stakes as emotions & intimacy.[/quote

 

That's a totally valid and thoughtful point with regards to Kobe Bryant, but there's nothing more emotional and intimate than watching Stephen Curry penetrate and drive to the hole. @geminibear help me out here :-)

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. If you are looking for foundations on this, check out Emotional Intelligence 2.0 by Travis Bradberry & Jean Graves. If you like what the book reviews say, I will buy it for you on Amazon - that's how much I believe this will help. If you are really serious about this journey, go take Nancy Lucas' 2-weekend Emotional Intelligent Leadership course at NYU. Check it out here. Worth E V E R Y penny.

 

I do know much about the book. But, It's a very nice thing to offer to buy the book for JD. I have not read very many of your comments here, but I shall now and probably JD will also.

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I do know much about the book. But, It's a very nice thing to offer to buy the book for JD. I have not read very many of your comments here, but I shall now and probably JD will also.

 

Thanks to TR and his caring generosity in getting the book for me, I'm reading it now on kindle as we speak. :)

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Not to say I never was mature while growing up, but do know what my elders(grandmothers, great-grandmothers, etc.) have told me "with age comes wisdom", and boy do I know what they mean by that comment now versus in my younger days.

 

JD, you were really blessed. All of my grandparents were dead, but one, when I was born. I only remember my mom's mother, and even she died when I was five years old. I did have a lot of aunts and uncles though, and a wonderful great aunt who lived until I was 25.

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Mike is totally correct sadly I have paid to see Kobe Bryant score very little, there is something about watching Stephen Curry fill the hole and often. ;)

 

No fair, @Mikegaite ! You cant call your wingman in the middle of a thread just so he can distract me with his honey bear perso..

 

.......damn......i lost my traín of thought thinking about Mike's treasure trail...

 

TR you have to be very careful around @Mikegaite he is like a Jedi. The force is strong with that one. I'm just Wookie doing his bidding. o_O

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JD, you were really blessed. All of my grandparents were dead, but one, when I was born. I only remember my mom's mother, and even she died when I was five years old. I did have a lot of aunts and uncles though, and a wonderful great aunt who lived until I was 25.

 

Oh, baby - I have been blessed to have such amazing Grandparents and Great-Grandparents to guide me in the right direction when it came to old-fashioned values and beliefs along with many other life lessons to go by.

 

Sounds like you've been blessed to have wonderful greats in your family tree as well. :D

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Thanks for sharing your journey, J.D. Wishing you the quiet of peace inside that can come even in lonely solitude.

 

Thanks babe. It's a journey that's a long learning process it seems, but a process I'm willing to be patient with wanting to be more confident about myself and other more and more as time goes on. We all have insecurities, and flaws that we can learn from in life and I'm willing to admit even face such flaws to help better myself for the sake of others, and those around me.

 

After receiving some constructive criticism on this forum and outside the forum regardless whether it's true or not - was a major wake up call to some flaws or good points from others that I have notice about myself in the past that needed to be worked on. Proud to say after receiving compassionate advice from others, and reading this fabulous book TR gifted me with, I'm starting to see there is nothing wrong with being a good-hearted person who's not selfish, and want to make others happy, but need to at times not forget about making myself happy as well as others.

 

That's where I seemed to have lacked on for so many years outside of my profession as an escort, and it feels good to not be or feel the need to be under that obligation anymore by always feeling I have to please others all the time, and not please myself or see myself as selfish if I didn't please or help others all the time.

 

I'm working on creative ways(with others love and kind support) by reading this book TR enlightened me to be secure with just being me, and not let others who maybe against me for whatever reason discourage me from being me which is a wonderful person who cares about people and helping people. I don't think helping and supporting others in this world is a bad thing or anything phony.

 

JD,

I can only judge you on what I see here and what I've learned in our private conversations. What I see is a generous, loving, open man who maybe sometimes tries too hard, but who I respect and admire and who, I hope, is a friend. Relax and be you; we love you just the way you are.

 

Glennn,

 

Rest assured - you do have a friend in me, and wanna thank you here on this forum for expressing your observation of me that's positive and true of my character. I think your adorable, and one who is a very kind and generous soul as well.

 

I'm working and trying everyday on relaxing and be myself more and more as it can be a step-by-step process to be confident within yourself, and come to terms your not well-liked by everyone. Learning to accept taking constructive criticism more and more too which is hard to do without feeling I failed at something or disappointed others in some sort, but getting through it as much as possible to not let it affect me.

 

Honestly, for awhile on the forum, it seems being myself to others sometimes came off being fake or phony (to those who didn't care for me as much) which is not true by any means as I'm not one who believes in being fake or mean, but aiming to please every minute of the day for acceptance is something I do need to work on and overcome the most - absolutely, and can say with pride more and more as I'm working on myself to conquer those insecurities that seems to have been haunting me for years.

 

When you take the incentive to help better improve yourself, and your mistakes - that's one who's growing, maturing, and building a foundation of confidence that's not only secure within oneself, but for the sake to help others who are in need of positive confidence from you as well.

 

Stay positive, Glennn, and know I will be giving you a BIG HUG when I see you soon in PS for the forum event as I'm looking forward to meeting you, and your upbeat persona.

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+1. I think people often hold escorts too high of a standard. We all make mistakes, but we aren't so intransigent and self-absorbed that we don't realize when we have made them and learn from them. IMHO, public figures in other professions have often put their foot in their mouths often or made poor decisions, but they are vindicated a little more quickly and thoroughly than escorts are. It's a vast generaization, but it's easier to have your accomplishments get written off and forgotten when you make mistakes as an escort. I know it sucks when you are paying to see Kobe Bryant score 80 points in a game and he scores 8 points, but sometimes that happens. It doesn't mean he's not an amazing player. So, too, with escorts.

 

Great point, Mike. I totally agree.

 

All we can do is move forward in life and in our profession as escorts from those mistakes, and hope clients can forgive as by learning from those mistakes we've made that may have offended them or disappointed them in some sort of way.

 

Tend to find when high-ranked escorts make mistakes or do or say something that is unintentional and mean of no harm, they get almost persecuted for it which in my opinion can be unfair being we escorts are not perfect by any means here on the forum or outside of the forum as we too tend to have flaws we may encounter in life here and there that are unintentional.

 

Being your an escort or client who have made mistakes in the past and learned from it, shouldn't cost one's reputation to be viewed in this world not good person, but people who are NOT perfect. It's a realization in life escorts all have to face whether clients may like it or not, but the good side to this is - hey, it's okay - escorts are human too. LOL.

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JD, I think I came up with the reason you have "haters." You know the saying "people love to kick you when you're down?" I've been reading your posts for a while, you always seem to be just that, down. All this is doing is airing out your dirty laundry. Why do you feel the need for people to know your personal squabbles? Why do you feel the need to share the intimate details of what's going on in your life? How is what's going on between you and a friend affecting your relationships with your clients? It shouldn't be. I think it goes back to being very self centric, and thinking you are THAT important, we should know things about you that aren't necessary. You want to make your life a part of others lives, which is what is happening here on the forum. Your posts are like a bad version of a soap opera. People get obsessed and tune into it everyday just to see what will happen next. It makes no difference to me what you post, but don't get upset when others pick you a part and clean the dirty laundry, or make it dirtier. You're also 35 years old. These posts are like a 2 year old's version of a tantrum for attention, but with less yelling and fancier words.

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JD, I think I came up with the reason you have "haters." You know the saying "people love to kick you when you're down?" I've been reading your posts for a while, you always seem to be just that, down. All this is doing is airing out your dirty laundry. Why do you feel the need for people to know your personal squabbles? Why do you feel the need to share the intimate details of what's going on in your life? How is what's going on between you and a friend affecting your relationships with your clients? It shouldn't be. I think it goes back to being very self centric. You want to make your life a part of others lives, which is what is happening here on the forum. Your posts are like a bad version of a soap opera. People get obsessed and tune into it everyday just to see what will happen next. It makes no difference to me what you post, but don't get upset when others pick you a part and clean the dirty laundry, or make it dirtier. You're also 35 years old. These posts are like a 2 year old's version of a tantrum for attention, but with less yelling and fancier words.

 

I'm sorry you feel that way, but unfortunately that's your negative outlook of the situation could give away of how you feel possibly about a lot of people on this forum as others besides me have posted they're so-called "dirty laundry" or "personal squabbles about certain dramas in they're lives. Which to me isn't anything good or bad as to how your making my doing the samething they've done out to be somewhat of the most God-awful thing one can do on the forum which is kinda sad in a way, and can come across as nit-picking actually when you come to think of it.

 

What's your opinioned outlook on other members besides me who air they're so-called "Dirty Laundry" publically? If you feel the way you do about me posting certain life experiences on this forum - then you must feel this way about all members I guess who post they're "Dirty Laundry" I suppose being they're are a lot more people besides me who post about a lot of complicated issues.

 

I may air out what you perceive as "Dirty Laundry", but it's "Dirty Laundry" I'm trying to gain a positive outcome from. Period. The purpose of this post is to be open and admitting of these insecurities I'm facing finally, and to get feedback possibly on some positive guidance on how to handle such obstacles that we all face in life at one point or another as I'm sure I'm not the only person here on the forum who's been down this road.

 

How is what's going on between you and a friend affecting your relationships with your clients?

 

Who said anything about how my friendship with someone is affecting my interactions with clients? I never said of such a thing as my personal life and escorting life are two separate things.

 

Once again, WT, your misunderstanding me by not reading carefully of what I'm stating in my original post. It is what it is, this is your opinion, and even though I don't agree with one word of what you stated being your somewhat twisting around what my intentions are - I'm gonna say "Thank you" for your being open, and move on as what your posting here isn't anything positive or an encouraging way of positivity to help overcome the obstacles at hand, but your statements and accusations are coming off somewhat severely demeaning of my true character in your approach.

 

Again, I'm sincerely sorry you feel the way you do about me, and what my true intentions for the purpose of creating this thread is to gain positive advice on how to deal with the obstacles - not condemn me as I do know I have some insecure issues to work out, but no need to knock me down because I'm seeking advice.

 

I don't see you pick on others this way, so why your so geared in approaching ME like this being I'm doing anything different then what others here on this forum post about being open and seeking advice?

 

Think about it.

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What's your opinioned outlook on other members besides me who air they're so-called "Dirty Laundry" publically? If you feel the way you do about me posting certain life experiences on this forum - then you must feel this way about all members I guess who post they're "Dirty Laundry" I suppose being they're are a lot more people besides me who post about a lot of complicated issues.

 

I may air out what you perceive as "Dirty Laundry", but it's "Dirty Laundry" I'm trying to gain a positive outcome from. Period. The purpose of this post is to be open and admitting of these insecurities I'm facing finally, and to get feedback possibly on some positive guidance on how to handle such obstacles that we all face in life at one point or another as I'm sure I'm not the only person here on the forum who's been down this road.

 

 

 

Who said anything about how my friendship with someone is affecting my interactions with clients? I never said of such a thing as my personal life and escorting life are two separate things.

 

Once again, WT, your misunderstanding me by not reading carefully of what I'm stating in my original post. It is what it is, this is your opinion, and even though I don't agree with one word of what you stated being your somewhat twisting around what my intentions are - I'm gonna say "Thank you" for your being open, and move on as what your posting here isn't anything positive or an encouraging way of positivity to help overcome the obstacles at hand, but your statements and accusations are coming off somewhat severely demeaning of my true character in your approach.

 

Again, I'm sincerely sorry you feel the way you do about me, and what my true intentions for the purpose of creating this thread is to gain positive advice on how to deal with the obstacles - not condemn me as I do know I have some insecure issues to work out, but no need to knock me down because I'm seeking advice.

 

I don't see you pick on others this way, so why your so geared in approaching ME like this being I'm doing anything different then what others here on this forum post about being open and seeking advice?

 

Think about it.

 

Ya know JD, I'm starting to honestly think you ARE posting out of innocence with the intention of being humble, and that's the scariest part of it all. You're having a very difficult time seeing other POV of how you're perceived. By all that's happened this past year, from what I've read you'll do ANYTHING to get what you want, step on toes, manipulate the system, that's a dangerous way to operate. By all means, seek advice and counseling, either in a group or from a psychologist where you can truly get what you need. Coming on here, having the same 8 people tell you how wonderful you are and how horrible someone else is, is holding you back from personal growth. For an educated person with a degree in psychology, the fact you have the inability to see all this leaves me breathless. I'm not saying you're a bad person. I'm saying I'VE HEARD you're a good person, who needs to see that they're doing the wrong things to get attention. But then again, from a distance, we can only judge people on what we read and what we hear. Before you bring up other escorts past public squabbles on here, you should notice they've cleaned up and moved on from making the same mistakes. Think about it.

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By all that's happened this past year, from what I've read you'll do ANYTHING to get what you want, step on toes, manipulate the system, that's a dangerous way to operate.

 

Okay - Thank you for your opinion, WT as that's the way YOU and others who may dislike me for whatever reasons being that's NOT me or my persona at all, but do value what you have to say nevertheless.

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