In or Out?

[MTLover]

I found it interesting that while I was 'in' to myself until I was 20 years old, I discovered I was always 'out' to most close friends and family who told me they 'knew' it all along. It's been fairly easy ever since being in a LTR for almost 20 years, being connected to another man to be out to everyone (work and play.)

[Spida]

I wish I was brave enough to come out to my family, I know all the encouragement that you really don't know how they will react.. But I do know how they will react! We were brought up very very religious and a religion that is very "Anti Gay", if you are found to be gay AND acting on it (you can be gay as long as you don't have sex!) then you are thrown out and others that are still in the religion are "Not even supposed to greet you" and your family is supposed to have limited contact with you.

 

I know it will happen I am getting tired of not going on with my life, I have been in limbo trying to be straight for way to long. That is one reason I enjoy this board so much, it has been so much more to me than just talking about escorts and sex! I have also had the priviledge of meeting some of my first gay friends either on the phone and in person from this board! I have in the last 8 months finally made gay friends and went to gay bars and really broken out! I don't think I could go back to where I was and I can only imagine things will go forward! I must say I appreciate Bostonguy's comments they did give me something to think about!

[OneFinger]

>...We were brought up very very religious and a religion that is very "Anti Gay", if you are found to be gay AND acting on it (you can be gay as long as you don't have sex!) then you are thrown out and others that are still in the religion are "Not even supposed to greet you" and your family is supposed to have limited contact with you.

 

Gosh, that sounds so much like my religious history (Mormon) that it's scary to think there is more than one religion like that!

 

After coming out to my parents it took almost 5 years for our relationship to get back to "normal". We finally had to agree NOT to discuss religion or sexuality. That gave us a chance to focus on the other common areas of our relationship that didn't change.

 

Eventually my parents came to realize that my sexuality was only a minor portion of my life. They even apologized for following the church policy at the time and shunning me.

 

Thankfully, for current Mormons, parents are no longer encouraged to cut-off contact with their gay kids. Now, if they would just stop encouraging shock therapy and programs like Evergreen (a non-sexual sports/male bonding therapy that's supposed to teach you how live the straight life).

[Trixie]

Cougar, I agree w/ KY Top. It's where you're comfort level is that is most important. People come out for different reasons, at different times of their lives. Some people just never could pretend otherwise, even at a young age (a young acquaintance of mine was having his mother rent every Divine movie he could find... at the tender age of fourteen...

mea culpa!) Others come out as they grow weary, or angry, or ashamed of hiding. Others just never come out.

Coming out to one's parents is something different all together. As free as we are with the people we get to choose in life, family is a whole 'nother matter.

There are some who believe that until we come out to our parents, we're not really out... I for one have to admit that when I came out to my folks (verbally, myself) it was out of anger. I was tired of my mother's self-pious evangelicalism, and I was itching for a brawl.

This was definitely not the right way to do it. Our relationship is more or less one of politeness these days. My parents, they want their son back, in a non-sexual form. Myself, I don't know what i want... I know I can't have full acceptance, and I can't be a non-sexual little boy again.

Mainly I want to avoid the issue, as much as possible.

Well, i'm meandring... I guess coming out is like the AA prayer... be out where we need to, be in where we need to... and God grant us the Wisdom to know the difference.

 

Trixie

[+ Charlie]

When I was 19, I had a mild nervous breakdown at college, so my parents sent me to a psychologist. I told him I was gay, and he asked if I wanted to change; I said no. He said, "Then it would be best to let your parents know now." So I went home and said, "I'm telling you this because the psychologist you sent me to advised me to do it," and I told them I was gay. I had no idea what their response would be--in fact, there was none, just an apparently puzzled silence. They never mentioned the subject again, but lived as though they understood and accepted it (my mother is now 100, and always remembers to send her love to my partner).

[Spida]

Yes OneFinger there are other religions like that and it is a somewhat mainstream religion.. Jehovah's witnesses, they disfellowship you and others in the religion can't speak to you. As a matter of fact people associating with disfellowshipped people can themselves get disfellowshipped and be on the "outside" of everything you know. Another aspect that is taught is to not hang around with "worldly" people that is ones that are not witnesses, therefore, your whole world revolves around your religion so when you do get thrown out you have no support system.. Wow now that I am typing it sounds sort of like brainwashing..