Do you forgive and forget or hold a grudge?

[JDXXX]

I'm a true Scorpio through and through. Scorpio's forget NOTHING and forgive NOTHING and they get even with a vengeance.

 

And it's amazing to me how BVB took my point of view the wrong way when I pointed out what you just mentioned just now on how some people can be that way in taking vengeance on they're own accord and just let the "universe" deal with it. Then again, when one takes vengeance upon themselves to get even, it doesn't make the innocent person who was wronged look good as two wrongs don't make a right.

 

Thank you, Epigonos for proving my point exactly - just like how BVB proved his to me(for which I understood entirely where he was coming from, but don't think he was trying to get the jest of mine too well). .

 

Personally, It's just best to take once again take the" high road" and just walk away. Again, what goes around, comes around. It's not wishing ill on someone, but just a proven fact of life is when you do someone wrong viciously to it can tend to come back to haunt you.

 

My Mother, Grandmother, Aunts, Uncles, and all have always taught me that growing up, and glad it's always been installed and drilled in my head, so I don't have bad things come my way knowing of such a "myth".

[jackjackjack]

I'm a true Scorpio through and through. Scorpio's forget NOTHING and forgive NOTHING and they get even with a vengeance.

I'm Sicilian so I get it.

ME TOO.

 

~ Boomer ~

Me too, but somehow I ended up sweeter than pecan pie.

Damn, this forum is filled with Scorpios and Sicilians. Ok guys, just stay calm. Nobodies going to hurt you. I'm backing away slowly. See? my hands...nothing in them. Have a nice day fellas. Peace. ;)

[BabyBoomer]

Damn, this forum is filled with Scorpios. ;)

 

We're everywhere.

 

~ Boomer ~

[JDXXX]

We're everywhere.

 

~ Boomer ~

 

Damn - I didn't know you guys can be that vicious, and some of you thought I was bad. :p.

 

As some of you know here on the forum, Me and Steven Kesslar's birthday are on the same day in September, and we are both Virgos that have very strong opinions, and stubbornness as a mules at times. LOL. But, can be very kind-loving people as you have seen in many of our interactions on and off the forum.

 

I wonder if that's what a Virgo's personality is truly like knowing we both have of that same traits at times or just sheer coincidence.

 

Time to break out the astrology book I guess.

Edited January 29, 2016 by JDXXX

[jackjackjack]

We're everywhere.

 

~ Boomer ~

Everywhere????? OH SHIT. 'No where to run, no where to hide.' mmmmmmmmm.......That's a catchy tune.

[jackjackjack]

My sign is of Cancer. We're just the most kind, giving, loving, sweet, sensitive, happy, gay, warm, feeling, tender, delightful, enchanting, wonderful human beings you'll ever meet.

[body2body]

Mama always said " Don't get mad, get even".

And Dad always said "Living well is the best revenge". In this life I have sometimes done the former, and always aspired to the latter.

[BabyBoomer]

'No where to run, no where to hide.

 

Martha & The Vandellas from 1965.

 

~ Boomer ~

[bigvalboy]

Martha & The Vandellas from 1965.

 

~ Boomer ~

 

Oh come on...y'all knew this was coming.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=17yfqxoSTFM

[JDXXX]

There is another thread with the same title for some reason:

 

http://www.companyofmen.org/threads/do-you-forgive-and-forget-or-hold-a-grudge.111276/#post-1051865

[jackjackjack]

Martha & The Vandellas from 1965.

 

~ Boomer ~

Oh yes!! Nothing like the Motown sound.

[+ José Soplanucas]

I'm a true Scorpio through and through. Scorpio's forget NOTHING and forgive NOTHING and they get even with a vengeance.

The zodiac is bullshit. I'm also Scorpio and I forgive almost everything, forget many things and I am rarely vengeful.

[bigvalboy]

The zodiac is bullshit.

 

+1

[gallahadesquire]

My sign is of Cancer. We're just the most kind, giving, loving, sweet, sensitive, happy, gay, warm, feeling, tender, delightful, enchanting, wonderful human beings you'll ever meet.

 

And can be shy, stand-offish, cold, and unforgiving. Signed-Another Cancer.

 

http://sunsignsbylindagoodman.blogspot.com/2009/09/cancer-crab-june-22nd-through-july-23rd.html

[jimboivyo]

And Dad always said "Living well is the best revenge". In this life I have sometimes done the former, and always aspired to the latter.

 

this! who gives a shit what folks think

 

I encourage anyone who's successful to keep doing what they do. the negative folks are only jealous

[gallahadesquire]

Slightly random, but related:

 

Part of forgiveness is apology [receiving, not giving, in the case of the forgiver]. A previous Dean and Chancellor of my Medical School wrote a book, On Apology.

 

http://www.amazon.com/Apology-Aaron-Lazare/dp/0195189116/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1454037800&sr=8-1&keywords=on++apology

 

Two of his points on apology include (a) expression of guilt, and (b) promise to improve and sin no more.

 

Do not be brought into the argument with just "I'm sorry." That's not sufficient reason to forgive. Acknowledgment that an offense was committed is necessary.

 

Here endeth the randomness.

[gallahadesquire]

The reviews of this book are quite illuminating. Further commentary, from a review of the above book:

 

There are four parts of the apology process: acknowledgment, remorse, explanation, and reparation. These were exemplified in Lincoln's 2nd inaugural address, concerning slavery, placing the blame on the whole country and not just the South. This book is not just about personal relationships, but he probes into the war offenses by Germany and the United States' treatment of Japanese-Americans, both during WWII.

 

A grudge is a form of dormant anger sometimes over a trivial matter, such as making an insulting comment about someone's appearance; it's a combination of resentment and memory long after the "offense" has occurred.

 

When siblings squabble over a parent's estate and feels that one received or took more than he deserved or when they erroneously felt that responsibility for the care of a dying parent was not evenly shared, it's a big deal. It is common for this grudge to be held for the remainder of their lives. It's not caused by guilt but by a feeling of being wrongly treated by the "victor."

 

To apologize for making a mistake or had used the wrong word which offended the other person causing emotional pain, apology is needed and works only if you value the person; otherwise, it is a useless gesture. An apology has to be accepted for any forgiveness or healing of the wound however caused, deliberately or callously without meaning harm. It caused humiliation and if not sincerely and honestly expressed, can prompt the "victim" to seek vengeance. It is easy to apologize but not so easy to be gracious enough to put things back together again.

 

When I was going through a very painful experience of divorce twenty-five years ago, a friend's young daughter could not understand why I was unable to do what her family kept praying for, and I sat down on the back steps to explain to her that sometimes a person can hurt you so much (not physically) and you cannot live with them anymore. She accepted my explanation but not the fact that their prayers were not answered.

 

A simple apology is not sufficient if emotional and verbal abuse had been consistent over a number of years. Sometimes it takes a minor incident to be the 'straw which broke the camel's back.' Prolonged stress and criticism cause more pain than physical abuse. To ever heal, you have to remove the stressor and the only way to do that is through the courts. It is easy to get married, but not so easy to divorce and ever trust another man. After I suffered from chronic nerve pain for ten years, my abuser finally apologized for making fun of my pain and not believing it could possibly be so bad (after he had a back operation and had to give in and take pain pills), but it was too late to be accepted. There's only so much humiliation a person can accept.

 

When a person refuses to apologize, he doesn't feel he's done anything wrong and instead has a real reason not to give in. They say you can forgive but never forget when a person has intentionally hurt you to the core. Sometimes there is no way to make reparation.

 

Dr. Lazare wrote an article on apology in 'Psychology Today,' very well received; thus, he's become a leading authority on the psychology of shame and humiliation. He's a psychiatrist who taught at Harvard Medical School and now holds a position at the University of Mass. Medical School in Worcester.

[jackjackjack]

And can be shy, stand-offish, cold, and unforgiving. Signed-Another Cancer.

 

http://sunsignsbylindagoodman.blogspot.com/2009/09/cancer-crab-june-22nd-through-july-23rd.html

Well yes, but those must be other Cancers......can't be me....

[Guy Fawkes]

I forgive and forget; it's not worth holding on to the negativity.

 

Do you forgive and forget or hold a grudge?

 

I was recently let down by some people which until now I considered my closest friends.

[Guy Fawkes]

This is taking the high road how?

 

Hi Geminibear,

 

Thanks for creating this thread as I myself in the past year have been painfully hurt and betrayed recently by a couple of people I thought were my close friends, and came to find out they bad mouthed me to each other, and even stabbed me in the back on more then one occasion.

 

Wanted to get even, and been tempted to do so considering the circumstances of how badly burned I was in the situation, but decided to take the "high road" instead.

 

Really hurts when you been loyal to someone you consider as a friend, and then consequently in the end find out they've betrayed your trust and confidence in them cold-heartedly to others. Then when you call them out on it, and express your hurt and anger - they wanna so call end they're association/friendship with you after they've done you wrong viciously.

 

Really hurts to be burned terribly in that manner, but it's good these things do happen to show us who are true friends are in this world.

 

Now, how shitty is that? By them ending a friendship after you call them like that shows maybe they can't stand you hurt you, and is a firm of guilt maybe?

 

I can totally relate what your experiencing, and sorry to hear this happened to you.

 

I'd say take the high road, and eventually forgive, but not hold a grudge. I'm gonna do the same thing is to forgive, but on guard of who I consider as close friends from now on. Especially if I been burned by them already horrifically in the past without end.

 

Be the bigger person and forgive, baby as it'll pay off to keep a positive outlook and know what goes around does eventually come around to those who are nasty individuals that can't be trusted with a two dollar bill as karma my dear can be a vicious bitch too. Just doesn't pay to be nasty to people, and always be gracious and kind to others as when your nasty to people who been loyal and kind to you, it'll come back on you and sometimes 10 times fold worse then the crap that person has done unto you.

 

Just isn't worth it, and best to take the high road in these sort of unfortunate circumstances.

 

Really is a shame, but it happens, and we move on with our head up high knowing they're are more fish in the sea as you win some and you lose some as they swim up stream. ;)

[MiamiLooker]

I don't take a squat on your worldview, so extend me the same courtesy.

 

If you expect only agreement of the opinions you post in the forum, you’re going to be sorely disappointed.

[+ purplekow]

[QWhy UOTE=geminibear, post: 1051684, member: 9851]Do you forgive and forget or hold a grudge?

 

I was recently let down by some people which until now I considered my closest friends.

 

Why the fuck are you asking me? I am still mad from your asking of that other ridiculous question.

 

But since you did, I suggest this:

[JDXXX]

This is taking the high road how?

 

I think that's a question that should be asked of everyone who replied on this thread with different outlooks, and not just me as I replied on different post is that taking the "high road" is best. Some people think vengeance another answer, some say it's best to forgive, but not forget. Isn't just me.

 

I say it's best in the end to take the "high road" forgive, and forget without creating vengeance of any kind. Like you said, isn't worth holding onto the negativity.

[+ purplekow]

I'm Sicilian so I get it.

 

Well as a Sicilian I understand the genetics of "you are dead to me" but that usually comes with a matching gene of "well now that we have that settled let's have something to eat"

[HoseMaster]

I never hold a grudge, as life it too short to hold a grudge. I do tend to forgive people, as that is what I was taught by my parents growing up, as well as going through a Christian school. As for forgetting, sometimes I do, but other times I just keep up my guard more.