Not so sure

[Rudynate]

He currently sees a shrink. Im not too big on talking to a shrink, someone I don't know.

 

Hugs,

Greg

 

 

So, what is more important - your discomfort with talking to a shrink you don't know, or creating a condition in which a relationship with this guy could thrive?

[jackjackjack]

So heres the situation. For the last few years I have been involved romantically with a good guy off and on. But he'shaving a hard time wrapping his head around me working. I tired explaining to him why, the economics of it and the emotion part. But hes still having a hard time. He confessed that when we first met he googled my name and phone number so hes known about this for a while. But we want to take the relationship to another level and like I said this bothers him. Any suggestions? On how to make it easier for him? This is something I enjoy and it's honestly not all about the money. I genuinely enjoy the guys I've met. I feel like even if its just an hour or over night have left a positive impression and wouldn't trade any of the experiences I've had because they've been life lessons for myself. Being in this biz has taught me never judge a book by its cover and reinforced the rule treat others as you'd like to be treated.

 

Hugs,

Greg

 

Fascinating dilemma. I would think others on here have had/have the same dilemma. Maybe they can help with advice. Question is... Does love win out?

[Rudynate]

I agreed with you until I found an excellent therapist. Believe me, Greg, it does work.

 

 

Years ago, I saw a psychotherapist for a long time, over two years. I went to him because I had these episodes of free-floating anxiety that lasted sometimes for weeks or months. When we started, he recommended that I think long-term and I said OK. I stuck with it, went to see him every week for over two years, paid out of pocket. And it worked, I haven't been troubled by that sort of anxiety in years and years.

[curiousnomore]

Never compromise who you are. That's the best advice I can offer.

[MikeyGMin]

Rudynate is right and you don't need a trainer. You won't lose your but if you do squats, lunges, leg lifts... just tightens your gluts.

 

Yes and no. It kind of goes back to that thread on dimpled vs melon butts. The butt that is mostly/all muscle will be dimpled but still visible. Those melon butts generally have both muscle and then a layer of fat that give them the round plumpness. At least that has been my experience when squeezing (and doing other things) to varoius butts.

[+ Truereview]

Hey Papito. No advice here just questions for you to ponder and not to (necessarily) answer here :

1. What exactly is the next level and why does it require that you give up what you enjoy?
   
2. What's the worst case scenario if you gave up escorting?
   
3. What if he takes a hike bc you don't give up escorting?
   
4. What is he giving up to take the relationship to the next level? are you the only one having to sacrifice something?
   
5. Have you ruled out fear as the basis of your hesitance?
   

Big sloppy beso, - TR

[jackjackjack]

Yes and no. It kind of goes back to that thread on dimpled vs melon butts. The butt that is mostly/all muscle will be dimpled but still visible. Those melon butts generally have both muscle and then a layer of fat that give them the round plumpness. At least that has been my experience when squeezing (and doing other things) to varoius butts.

 

I'm sorry I don't understand. What do you mean... 'and doing other things to various butts'? Please share. .

[seaboy4hire]

So, what is more important - your discomfort with talking to a shrink you don't know, or creating a condition in which a relationship with this guy could thrive?

 

Your right. I'll suggest it.

 

Hugs,

Greg

[MikeyGMin]

I'm sorry I don't understand. What do you mean... 'and doing other things to various butts'? Please share. .

 

I'm afraid I never lick and tell...

[Rudynate]

Your right. I'll suggest it.

 

Hugs,

Greg

 

 

Atta boy!

[+ glennnn]

Years ago, I saw a psychotherapist for a long time, over two years. I went to him because I had these episodes of free-floating anxiety that lasted sometimes for weeks or months. When we started, he recommended that I think long-term and I said OK. I stuck with it, went to see him every week for over two years, paid out of pocket. And it worked, I haven't been troubled by that sort of anxiety in years and years.

 

Good for you! I suffer from Generalized Anxiety Disorder and know how painful, scary and debilitating anxiety can be. I am currently in counseling and slowly getting better. It was wonderful and encouraging to read your post. Thanks!

[Rudynate]

Good for you! I suffer from Generalized Anxiety Disorder and know how painful, scary and debilitating anxiety can be. I am currently in counseling and slowly getting better. It was wonderful and encouraging to read your post. Thanks!

 

We never gave what I had a name, but I guess it would have been something like Generalized Anxiety Disorder. I would have these long periods of feeling like something was wrong, but I couldn't identify what was wrong. The harder I tried to figure out what was wrong, the nuttier I got. The therapist never shared his diagnosis with me. I thought, at some point, that he would would, but he didn't. And I was comfortable with not knowing.

[Kenny]

He currently sees a shrink. Im not too big on talking to a shrink, someone I don't know.

 

Hugs,

Greg

Talking to someone you don't know is actually part of the point. We don't know most people in the world, and talking with a (good) therapist is practice at becoming very comfortable with an honest presentation of oneself to anyone and everyone.

[+ quoththeraven]

One elaboration on an earlier point: if you do continue the relationship and you continue to escort, any plans you make with him have to be sacrosanct. Act as if it's another client appointment, don't answer the phone/put it on silent or vibrate (though that has downsides), or explain you have another commitment, whatever works for you, but don't make him feel your clients or the money they bring is more important than him. Don't beat yourself up or regret money you're not making because of this, either. (Not that I think you're likely to, but I wanted to make the point.)

 

It's easy to think escorts are or should be sitting by the phone 24/7 ready to serve clients, but that's unrealistic. They're people, not cabs, and deserve to have a private life and time to themselves.

[seaboy4hire]

One elaboration on an earlier point: if you do continue the relationship and you continue to escort, any plans you make with him have to be sacrosanct. Act as if it's another client appointment, don't answer the phone/put it on silent or vibrate (though that has downsides), or explain you have another commitment, whatever works for you, but don't make him feel your clients or the money they bring is more important than him. Don't beat yourself up or regret money you're not making because of this, either. (Not that I think you're likely to, but I wanted to make the point.)

 

It's easy to think escorts are or should be sitting by the phone 24/7 ready to serve clients, but that's unrealistic. They're people, not cabs, and deserve to have a private life and time to themselves.

 

He isnt aware of it but I have turned down work because I committed time to him in the past. For me home/relationships always come first before work.

 

Hugs,

Greg

[+ Keith30309]

Perhaps framing your work in the context of the good that it brings to others and demonstrating that might help.

Could you share with him some of the thoughts that clients have posted here about how much their time spend with companions has meant to them in overcoming self-esteem issues, dealing with past trauma, filling empty hearts with a few rare moments of happiness and the other very-meaningful benefits they've realized?

The way I see it, the true, good professionals are similar to therapists in many ways and, at the end of the day, despite any appearance of emotional entanglements, therapists go home to the one they love.

[+ quoththeraven]

He isnt aware of it but I have turned down work because I committed time to him in the past. For me home/relationships always come first before work.

 

Hugs,

Greg

 

Perhaps you should make him aware that plans with him take priority.

[+ WmClarke]

Greg, I really hope this works out for you!

[seaboy4hire]

Perhaps framing your work in the context of the good that it brings to others and demonstrating that might help.

Could you share with him some of the thoughts that clients have posted here about how much their time spend with companions has meant to them in overcoming self-esteem issues, dealing with past trauma, filling empty hearts with a few rare moments of happiness and the other very-meaningful benefits they've realized?

The way I see it, the true, good professionals are similar to therapists in many ways and, at the end of the day, despite any appearance of emotional entanglements, therapists go home to the one they love.

 

I'vetold him exactly what you said and even gave him the link to the forum in hopes that he'll lurk and see that not everyone who hires and works are sleazy folk and out to make a quick buck. Out of my three jobs that I do, this is thhe one that I feel gives me the most purpose and is the most rewarding.

 

Hugs,

Greg

[+ José Soplanucas]

So, what is more important - your discomfort with talking to a shrink you don't know, or creating a condition in which a relationship with this guy could thrive?

 

+1

Also, it seems to be just fair if you have to deal with your discomfort with counseling as he is dealing with his discomfort with your escorting.

[+ friendofsheila]

I wish that there was a positive documentary out about escorting.

 

Hugs,

Greg

 

Wasn't there a video posted here about that escort in NYC? He was doing his work partly for his own sexual fulfillment and to support his partner who has a disability (that includes sex), true. But the portion where he talked about the fulfillment he was giving to his clients was very compelling.

 

If it might help your boyfriend, I hope someone remembers where that video is.

[+ friendofsheila]

For what it's worth, here's my "dimestore psychology":

 

Your boyfriend might be having a hard time with this at 3 times the amount most people imagine:

 

--His past with you changed. His emotions might be looking over the past and seeing times where he's wondering if you were working.

 

--His present with you changed. (I think this is the "he's having sex with others!!!" thing that most people think of first.)

 

--His future with you changed. Just like Cher had to make an adjustment when her daughter announced, "I'm going to become a man now," your boyfriend is adjusting to his knowledge about your work. Both got new knowledge about someone they looked forward having to a certain sort of future with, one that did NOT include the circumstance that came forward.

 

So, last I heard, Cher was still making the adjustment, very slowly. It's possible your boyfriend, Greg, will have to be willing to make an adjustment over a really long time, too. One of the two of you might need to ask him if he's willing to do that.

[+ friendofsheila]

I've made decisions to stay true to myself, Greg. As a consequence, I got cut off from some things that the rest of the world has. I'm sorry to hear that you have to face a similar choice with your boyfriend now.

[seaboy4hire]

Wasn't there a video posted here about that escort in NYC? He was doing his work partly for his own sexual fulfillment and to support his partner who has a disability (that includes sex), true. But the portion where he talked about the fulfillment he was giving to his clients was very compelling.

 

If it might help your boyfriend, I hope someone remembers where that video is.

 

Someone posted it a page or so back in the thread. He'sgiving me keys to his apt tomorrow. I know this is a huuuuuge step for him trust wise. He and I are both cancers and trust is a buge deal. I may play the video for him after we have dinner. Seeing thevideo left a huge lump in my throat. The love and dedication was just mind blowing for me.

 

Hugs,

Greg