Contacting a man one probably doesn't have a chance with...

[+ Gar1eth]

So I recently used to be like the younger guy in this scenario. It may just have bad been bad timing. He got busy and the dating scene took a back seat to other things in life. Or maybe he wasn't interested and life goes on. There are other fish in the sea.

 

I had to message the guy who would become my partner about ten times without a positive response before we reluctantly agreed to meet. He thought someone who looked like me wouldn't be into him, and I thought he was aloof. We didn't have great chemistry in chat and our profiles didn't really draw us to each other. We were in geographic proximity to one another and we were bored. A pathetic catalyst indeed, but it was life changing. With great risk comes great reward.

 

There are also a lot of younger hot guys chasing after older less hot guys. I wouldn't give up so easily in general. It will take a lot of rejection but the success will be memorable.

 

I have no reason to doubt Mike's story. I think it's great. I'm very happy for him and his partner. But that's what's wrong with the story. It occurs just often enough to give someone hope that it could happen. But usually it doesn't.

 

Gman

[AdamSmith]

It occurs just often enough to give someone hope that it could happen. But usually it doesn't.

“Luck is believing you’re lucky.” Tennessee Williams, A Streetcar Named Desire

 

“I'm a greater believer in luck, and I find the harder I work the more I have of it.” Thomas Jefferson

“Nanny Ogg looked under her bed in case there was a man there. Well, you never knew your luck.” Terry Pratchett, Lords and Ladies

[+ Gar1eth]

I have no reason to doubt Mike's story. I think it's great. I'm very happy for him and his partner. But that's what's wrong with the story. It occurs just often enough to give someone hope that it could happen. But usually it doesn't.

 

Gman

 

“Luck is believing you’re lucky.” Tennessee Williams, A Streetcar Named Desire

 

“I'm a greater believer in luck, and I find the harder I work the more I have of it.” Thomas Jefferson

“Nanny Ogg looked under her bed in case there was a man there. Well, you never knew your luck.” Terry Pratchett, Lords and Ladies

 

Now I know I have a reputation on the Forum here of being an eternal optimist. So you'll most likely be surprised when I say that Luck like that mainly happens only in stories and not in real life.

 

Gman

[AdamSmith]

Now I know I have a reputation on the Forum here of being an eternal optimist. So you'll most likely be surprised when I say that Luck like that mainly happens only in stories and not in real life.

 

Well, you know I will refer back to the Jefferson line above. Also to Edison's observation "Everything comes to him who hustles while he waits."

[+ Gar1eth]

Well, you know I will refer back to the Jefferson line above. Also to Edison's observation "Everything comes to him who hustles while he waits."

 

 

But my refutation would be that there is a reason the words 'dream' and 'real life' are not synonyms.

 

Gman

[+ FreshFluff]

I have no reason to doubt Mike's story. I think it's great. I'm very happy for him and his partner. But that's what's wrong with the story. It occurs just often enough to give someone hope that it could happen. But usually it doesn't.

 

Gman

 

Well, let's say that "usually it doesn't" means that it would only happen with 1 of every 300 great-looking guys you come across. Those aren't bad odds if you hang out in venues where you meet a large number of guys.

 

I find that mood has a major effect on how people respond to me, both professionally and in social situations. If you can get yourself in a great mood before you go out (maybe with a funny video), people notice and respond to it. Also, people respond more to those who are attracted to them them. (For example, people find photos of potential partners more attractive when the person in the photo has dilated pupils, which signal arousal. ) That doesn't mean that everyone you are interested in will be interested back, but that you'll find that showing interest increases the number of guys who respond. I'm guessing that you're like me. When you go out, have your guard, avoid eye contact (even when initiated by the other person), and don't smile much. Unfortunately, these signals will turn off would-be partners. I would bet a lot of money that if you made non-aggressive, "soft" eye contact and did an eyebrow flash every time you came across a guy you liked, some of them would respond. Some guys may not want an exclusive relationship, but they might well be open to a fun night with you.

[+ Gar1eth]

Well, let's say that "usually it doesn't" means that it would only happen with 1 of every 300 great-looking guys you come across. Those aren't bad odds if you hang out in venues where you meet a large number of guys.

 

I find that mood has a major effect on how people respond to me, both professionally and in social situations. If you can get yourself in a great mood before you go out (maybe with a funny video), people notice and respond to it. Also, people respond more to those who are attracted to them them. (For example, people find photos of potential partners more attractive when the person in the photo has dilated pupils, which signal arousal. )

 

I guess it's time to get out the ol' belladonna then.

 

 

That doesn't mean that everyone you are interested in will be interested back, but that you'll find that showing interest increases the number of guys who respond. I'm guessing that you're like me. When you go out, have your guard, avoid eye contact (even when initiated by the other person), and don't smile much. Unfortunately, these signals will turn off would-be partners. I would bet a lot of money that if you made non-aggressive, "soft" eye contact and did an eyebrow flash every time you came across a guy you liked, some of them would respond. Some guys may not want an exclusive relationship, but they might well be open to a fun night with you.

 

I don't go to clubs and things hardly ever anymore. Yes, I realize that this cuts down on my chances. But as they always say past events are good predictors of future events. With that being the case, there's no real use for me to go. Yes, I'll admit that there is a possibility I could find someone. But the probability is only slightly higher than the monkey given the typewriter pounding out one of Shakespeare's tragedies.

 

Gman

[+ WmClarke]

But as they always say past events are good predictors of future events.

Only if nothing has changed. Same equation with the same values for the variables = same result.

 

Change some variables.

 

Took me 37 years to change some variables. And I'm happier than I've ever been.

[+ friendofsheila]

He was there one day since I sent him the message. I only saw him from across a large room as I was leaving. I didn't approach him.

 

No update? Seen him again?

[+ friendofsheila]

If he didn't reply it means he's not interested. Time to move on to the next guy.

 

It also could mean Mr. Beautiful has not been on that website, or is distracted by the idiot who just broadsided his car, or the IRS audit happening the next day.

 

A friendly smile of acknowledgment in passing will let Mr. Beautiful know that ManinSoma is still interested, but isn't going to be a Truman Capote about it.

 

(Apparently, TC used to pester people to have sex with him until they got so annoyed with him, they'd do it just to get rid of him.)

[+ friendofsheila]

 

There are also a lot of younger hot guys chasing after older less hot guys. I wouldn't give up so easily in general. It will take a lot of rejection but the success will be memorable.

 

It must be in places I never go to, where this happens.

 

For instance, I'm going to the Accordion Festival this weekend. I wonder if there will be a Younger Guys* Who Like or Play Accordions Who Are Interested in Older Men Tent?

 

*Or at least are my age and don't look like they haven't worked out in 8 years and haven't seen a doughnut they haven't made the acquaintance of.

[maninsoma]

No update? Seen him again?

 

Not since I last posted. I may have previously given a wrong impression. I do see him at the gym frequently -- sometimes. Sometimes I may go months without seeing him. When I do see him, most of the time he arrives about 10 minutes or so before I'm ready to leave, so it isn't like our schedules overlap greatly.

[Rudynate]

 

There are also a lot of younger hot guys chasing after older less hot guys. I wouldn't give up so easily in general. It will take a lot of rejection but the success will be memorable.

 

This could be true. It seems to be the age of the "daddy." Older men are no longer categorically invisible to younger men. I have found that men closer to my own age (63) are incredibly hot sex. Their experience and their confidence guarantees a good time for all. Who knew?

[AdamSmith]

This topic "Contacting a man one probably doesn't have a chance with" reminded me of an exchange between the great poet Wallace Stevens whose day job was Vice President of Surety Bond Claims with The Hartford and a young associate who worked for him.

 

Associate: "Mr. Stevens, when we lose a surety case, what's the point of filing an appeal?"

 

Stevens: "Hope for a miracle!"