Sexual tension: Does it make attraction or break it?

[+ FreshFluff]

Does sexual tension enhance your attraction to someone? As I see it, sexual tension is the period before attraction is first expressed, during which each person is slightly unsure of the other's intentions . That period might last hours, days, or weeks. (This is different from Wiki's definition, but....mine is right. )

 

Does this kind of uncertainty make you more attracted to someone, or does it cause your attraction to dissipate?

 

A classic example was shown on the first season of Mad Men, which was set in 1960. Sal, the agency's art director, meets a male client for a drink, and they end up having dinner. Both are closeted, and since neither could articulate his attraction to the other person, they speak in coded language. Once at the table, the client asks "May I?" and reaches for Sal's glass of cognac. Their fingertips brush for a split second, as the client takes the glass from Sal and then takes a huge gulp.

 

Another one is the Shall We Dance scene in the King and I.

[sincitymix]

some sexual tension is well and good.. but then the other guy just needs to grab you, kiss you deeply and passionately, and then rip off your clothes and [censored] [censored] in [censored]

[+ quoththeraven]

I think sexual tension is useful and a good thing, but having fucked once doesn't necessarily mean there's no sexual tension thereafter.

[+ Gar1eth]

I could only wish someone had the hots for me.

 

Gman

[thickornotatall]

a few years ago a str8 friend took me on his boat....a small powerboat...he sat next to me and kept brushing his leg against my leg....when he took his sandals off to put his feet in the water next to mine....he asked if I thought he had big feet...needless to say I had blood rushing to my head and couldn't hear him...always grabbing me from behind...got to be too much....luckily he was arrested for B&E and was put away for 2 years....

[Rudynate]

Sometimes sexual tension can't have a resolution, for example when you are a professional and the object of your attraction is a client/patient. You have to live with it. But those impossible attractions still give live an edge and a color that it wouldn't otherwise have.

[+ poolboy48220]

a few years ago a str8 friend took me on his boat....a small powerboat...he sat next to me and kept brushing his leg against my leg....when he took his sandals off to put his feet in the water next to mine....he asked if I thought he had big feet...needless to say I had blood rushing to my head and couldn't hear him...always grabbing me from behind...got to be too much....luckily he was arrested for B&E and was put away for 2 years....

Luckily?

[+ poolboy48220]

I've always been a fan of the scene in North By Northwest where Cary Grant lights Eva Marie Saint's cigarette, and she takes his hand holding the lighter and cups it in hers while he's lighting it. That was the point you KNEW they were getting together.

[Rudynate]

a few years ago a str8 friend took me on his boat....a small powerboat...he sat next to me and kept brushing his leg against my leg....when he took his sandals off to put his feet in the water next to mine....he asked if I thought he had big feet...needless to say I had blood rushing to my head and couldn't hear him...always grabbing me from behind...got to be too much....luckily he was arrested for B&E and was put away for 2 years....

 

B&E breaking and entering? I'd say you dodged a bullet.

[+ FreshFluff]

Sometimes sexual tension can't have a resolution, for example when you are a professional and the object of your attraction is a client/patient. You have to live with it. But those impossible attractions still give live an edge and a color that it wouldn't otherwise have.

 

Hmm, I like the sound of the lawyer/client one. (The idea of a doctor/patient attraction feels a little strange because of the asymmetry; the doctor may have seen the patient unclothed but not vice versa.) And yes, this kind of attraction definitely lends color to one's life.

 

In my experience, though, the tension can't last forever. It tends to consume itself over time as both people get to know each other.

[Rudynate]

Hmm, I like the sound of the lawyer/client one. (The idea of a doctor/patient attraction feels a little strange because of the asymmetry; the doctor may have seen the patient unclothed but not vice versa.) And yes, this kind of attraction definitely lends color to one's life.

 

In my experience, though, the tension can't last forever. It tends to consume itself over time as both people get to know each other.

 

I know I'm confessing to be shallow, but I much prefer going to a doctor I'm attracted to.

[+ quoththeraven]

In my experience, though, the tension can't last forever. It tends to consume itself over time as both people get to know each other.

 

I was thinking of situations where the tension can exist more or less indefinitely: ones where you're not with each other so often or so long that the tension dissipates. If you're seeing each other every day (or often), or living together, you're right, the tension dissipates. That is probably one of the reasons couples get bored with each other sexually. Sexual tension adds a zing to the proceedings that no longer exists when you know each other well. But I don't believe the tension abates completely the first time the deed is done, either, so I guess I disagree that the state of not knowing if someone is attracted to you as well (or at least attracted enough to have sex with you) is the sum total of sexual tension.

[+ FreshFluff]

I think this may be a debate over semantics. (Shocking, right? ) The post-sex attraction you're referring to is what I'd call infatuation. Sexual tension, IMO, refers exclusively to the period of uncertainty about the other's intentions. ST usually involves some degree of awkwardness, as illustrated by this New Yorker cartoon.

http://imgc-cn.artprintimages.com/images/P-473-488-90/60/6058/SZHD100Z/posters/bruce-eric-kaplan-do-you-want-to-get-out-of-here-and-grab-a-cup-of-coffee-new-yorker-cartoon.jpg

 

In my view, sexual tension ends with the first kiss. To quote Betty Draper from Mad Men (the only TV show I've watched in a long time),

 

"You’re going to have a lot of first kisses. You’re going to want it to be special, so you’ll remember. It’s where you go from being a stranger to knowing someone. And every kiss with them after that is a shadow of that kiss."

 

When I said that ST is self-consuming, I was referring to situations in which the attraction cannot be consummated. Eventually, the whole thing gets old and both people know too much about each other, so the tension dissipates.

[+ FreshFluff]

BTW, let's take the North by Northwest scene, which I found hot. Let's take the example of the North by Northwest scene. IMO it's the uncertainty that creates the palpable tension. Would it be as hot if it went like this?

 

Roger: *Rubs Eve's thigh* I'm real hot for u, Eve.

Eve: OMG Roger, I feel the same way about you. Has anyone ever told you that you look like Cary Grant?

Roger: If we weren't on this fricking train, I would rip all your clothes off right now.

Eve: Is that a cheap motel I just saw?. Let's get off at the next stop and go for it.

Roger: Here, let me light your cigarette in the meantime.

 

[marylander1940]

Idk, but I need to be relaxed for sex...

[+ WilliamM]

In my view, sexual tension ends with the first kiss. To quote Betty Draper from Mad Men (the only TV show I've watched in a long time),

 

"You’re going to have a lot of first kisses. You’re going to want it to be special, so you’ll remember. It’s where you go from being a stranger to knowing someone. And every kiss with them after that is a shadow of that kiss."

 

I would agree about the first kiss only if it leads to more intimacy. By that, I do not necessarily mean sexual intercourse, just more warmth and exploration. The kind of exploration that allows you get to know the other person better, and perhaps realize there is something important between the two people. Some value kissing more, some less.

[gallahadesquire]

a few years ago a str8 friend took me on his boat....a small powerboat...he sat next to me and kept brushing his leg against my leg....when he took his sandals off to put his feet in the water next to mine....he asked if I thought he had big feet...needless to say I had blood rushing to my head and couldn't hear him...always grabbing me from behind...got to be too much....luckily he was arrested for B&E and was put away for 2 years....

 

I didn't look ... B&E? Baking and Entertaining? Bartering and Exchanging? Breaking and Entering?

[TruHart1]

Heck! When I was a teen and in my early twenties, trying to date women and holding my closet door firmly closed, sexual tension with a long list of men I had the hots for was my only real sexual act!!! Of course, I would take relief on those thoughts in private, after kissing my gf of the moment goodnight!

 

TruHart1