Escort Addiction

[Guest vinotinto]

As the new year approaches, I am reconsidering whether I have an escort addiction, and if I do whether I should try to kick the habit. Any advice from those who have permanently or temporarilly kicked the habit would be helpful. Is there a patch available? Does it work?

[+ Charlie]

It's only an addiction if 1)you can't control it even when it is inappropriate, 2)you are spending more money on it than you can reasonably afford, and 3)after the experience, you feel worse rather than better than you did before. If all of the above are true, you probably are addicted and need counseling. If only #3 is true, you may just be suffering from guilt feelings about doing something you have been taught is "bad".

[Guest MrDick]

<<<If only #3 is true, you may just be suffering from guilt feelings about doing something you have been taught is "bad".>>>

 

Or, you might be looking for something that a roll in the sack with an escort does not provide. You may want to give some thought as to what needs you're looking to fulfill, then think whether this is the way the fulfill them.

 

For example, it's very easy to mix up sex with intimacy. Sure, having sex with someone is intimate, but it's a kind of intimacy that does not last a lot longer than the sex act itself. So if you are looking for a long term intimate relationship typical of a friend or companion, then it probably needs to be based on something more than a one-hour roll in the hay. When that hour is up, of course you would feel bad, becuase you have tried to get something with a strategy that was never meant to fulfill that need. I don't know you, so I can't even begin to guess what might be causing your feelings. Just a suggestion to think about what's causing your feelings.

 

Good luck.

[Guest vinotinto]

>It's only an addiction if 1)you can't control it even when it

>is inappropriate, 2)you are spending more money on it than you

>can reasonably afford, and 3)after the experience, you feel

>worse rather than better than you did before.

 

I don't think that 2 or 3 apply in my case. I can afford it, and up to now have resolved the tradeoff between hiring escorts and additional material posessions in favor of escorts in lare part because they can increase the enjoyment of current material posessions. I think it is good to stop and assess that tradeoff from time to time.

 

As for 3, I don't think that applies either in my case. Though the number of less than superlative experiences increased with the number of hires, I can't say that I have a net negative experience after the average hire.

 

I guess 1 is the tricky one. Can sheer quantity of hiring be "inappropriate" in and of itself? How do you define "control"?

[Will]

Where addiction is concerned, "control" is a rather simple notion. If it seems like a good idea to count the number of ________ (fill in the blank: drinks; escorts; pints of ice cream) you consume, then you are already out of control as far as that appetite is concerned. What's more, if you need to count, you are no longer having fun doing whatever it is you're counting. On the contrary, it's having fun with you.

 

If you don't count, there is another way to know if you're out of control. Just stop doing it for, say, a month. During that month, if you find yourself counting the days until the month is over and/or planning what you're going to do once your time is up, you're out of control. Now.

 

Of course, these aren't professional insights. They are, however, born of a lot of personal experience, both my own and that of hundreds of other addicts.

 

These two rules-of-thumb can be very useful to men who, like you, are well-to-do. That's because their bank accounts don't provide an objective sign that they are making unreasonable demands on their resources (emotional, not financial, resources).

 

What to do about it if you think you are out of control? If there is a branch of Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous (SLAA) in your part of the world, call them up and go to some meetings. If you intuit what they're talking about, if nobody has to explain how he feels because you already know it, you may be a sex addict. If you aren't, you'll know soon enough, and can go back to catting around.

 

Let us know. When somebody on this board asks for help, those who try to give a little help like to know whether it was useful. At least, I do, because I take these matters quite seriously. Sometimes they are literally a matter of life and death.

[+ Charlie]

There is no particular magic number of escort hires that is "inappropriate", as long as you can afford it and it is not interfering with other aspects of your life. If your world is organized around scheduling escort appointments, if you have no other social life, if you don't do your job or walk the dog because of the time you devote to escorts, if you put your physical health at risk, then the number you see is probably too many.

[Chuck50]

Its about quality and not quantity. Homework instead of horniess/impulsiveness. If you are having fun after those then get to it. HUGS Chuck

[FrancoDiSantisxxx]

Red Wine

 

>>It's only an addiction if 1)you can't control it even when it

>>is inappropriate, 2)you are spending more money on it than

>>you can reasonably afford,

>

>. . . up to now have resolved the tradeoff between hiring

>escorts and additional material posessions in favor of escorts

>in lare part because they can increase the enjoyment of

>current material posessions. I think it is good to stop and

>assess that tradeoff from time to time.

 

Since everyone else is offering up a suggestion based largely on guesswork, let me give you a few more thoughts:

 

Hiring is an activity in your life. Some of these activities are decided by need, others by want. As I often point out, escorts are a luxery item, not a need. A hire may be an impulse item, and it may be something you desire, but it rarely is something you need. As with other activities defined as "wants," to the extent that they add to your life and to its enjoyment, this is a good thing. To the extent they do not, obviously this is not good.

 

Drinking is one such example. One does not need to drink, but one might want to enjoy doing so from time to time. When you feel you have little choice in the matter, when the want manifests itself as a need, then you have lost control.

 

It is this loss of control, more than sheer numbers or other factors, which characterized addiction. However, to the extent that you also do not enjoy the experiences, as with other things in life (you might not be addicted to drinking, but from time to time, may drink a poor bottle of wine or a badly made cocktail), sometimes what you need is a change of scenary.

 

In your case (as in the potential case of other clients), it may be necessary to explore other aspects of life for some of the enjoyment and pleasure you find in escorting situations. This is neither addiction nor appropriate or inappropriate behavior modification.

 

In any event, good luck finding what it is you seek.

[FrancoDiSantisxxx]

Red Wine

 

>>It's only an addiction if 1)you can't control it even when it

>>is inappropriate, 2)you are spending more money on it than

>>you can reasonably afford,

>

>. . . up to now have resolved the tradeoff between hiring

>escorts and additional material posessions in favor of escorts

>in lare part because they can increase the enjoyment of

>current material posessions. I think it is good to stop and

>assess that tradeoff from time to time.

 

Since everyone else is offering up a suggestion based largely on guesswork, let me give you a few more thoughts:

 

Hiring is an activity in your life. Some of these activities are decided by need, others by want. As I often point out, escorts are a luxery item, not a need. A hire may be an impulse item, and it may be something you desire, but it rarely is something you need. As with other activities defined as "wants," to the extent that they add to your life and to its enjoyment, this is a good thing. To the extent they do not, obviously this is not good.

 

Drinking is one such example. One does not need to drink, but one might want to enjoy doing so from time to time. When you feel you have little choice in the matter, when the want manifests itself as a need, then you have lost control.

 

It is this loss of control, more than sheer numbers or other factors, which characterized addiction. However, to the extent that you also do not enjoy the experiences, as with other things in life (you might not be addicted to drinking, but from time to time, may drink a poor bottle of wine or a badly made cocktail), sometimes what you need is a change of scenary.

 

In your case (as in the potential case of other clients), it may be necessary to explore other aspects of life for some of the enjoyment and pleasure you find in escorting situations. This is neither addiction nor appropriate or inappropriate behavior modification.

 

In any event, good luck finding what it is you seek.