Sending a friend request to someone you don't know well on Facebook

[mcbg22]

My job moved to a new building recently and there is this really cute guy who works on the same floor as me. We don't work for the same department so we don't know each other but we've exchanged a lot of glances. We finally ended up talking for a bit last week twice.

 

Now, I just learned that today was his last day in my building and that he was going to work somewhere else.

 

I don't have any reasons to believe he is gay or interested in me but I was wondering if it would be weird to send him a friend request on Facebook?

 

We don't have any friends in common so by sending him a request, I would basically give away that I specifically looked him up lol.

 

One weird thing: We don't work for the same people and until last week, we hadn't talked to each other but a few weeks ago, we walked by each other and he said Hi XXX (that's my name). There's no way he could have known my name unless he looked me up or asked about me to people at work. My name is also written outside my cubicle but mine is really far from his and there are hundreds of people on my floor...

 

What do you guys think? Am I going crazy lol?

[Guy Fawkes]

Yes your crazy; Yes you should send a friend request.

[+ Robster]

Do it. It sounds like you'll regret it if you don't. Good luck, keep us posted!

 

Rob

[bomerrang]

Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

[+ FreshFluff]

Are you friends with other people in the company on Facebook? If so, there should be no problem.

 

There are a few companies (especially in conservative fields like finance) where people are very skittish about sharing their FB identities with coworkers. If that's the case, maybe start with LinkedIn, which is always safe.

[+ Gar1eth]

While the no-brainer answer is 'yes,' send him a friend request. The decision may be more complicated. There are several things to think about. For example- does your Facebook page ever indicate either by you, your friends, or groups that you are a member of that you are gay or bisexual? Then comes the question of whether you are out at work. Or if you aren't, would you mind if they discover it. There is a news story right now on LGBTNation website of a former employee at the Library of Congress who got along well with his boss. The boss gave the guy his daughter's name. I'm not sure if they became friends in 'real' life or just Facebook buddies. But the daughter saw from his Facebook page that the employee was in favor of gay marriage. It came out that he was gay, and the boss started harassing the employee. The employee was ultimately fired. And the case is before the courts.

 

The next question is what are the underlying reasons for sending him a request. If its just for friends that's ok with the provisos above, or are you maybe trying to find out if he's gay/straight and in a relationship?

 

So the decision can be more complicated than it appears on the surface.

 

Gman

[+ WilliamM]

I don't have any reasons to believe he is gay or interested in me but I was wondering if it would be weird to send him a friend request on Facebook? We don't have any friends in common so by sending him a request, I would basically give away that I specifically looked him up lol.

 

What do you guys think? Am I going crazy lol?

 

I agree that you have nothing to lose, especially if he already has hundreds and hundreds of friends on Facebook. It's too bad he is not around for another work day or two, so you could casually mention the friend request to him in person.

[Atlantagaguy]

Absolutely! Let us know if he accepts. Then check to see his about section. If he is interested in men, ask him out!

[mcbg22]

While the no-brainer answer is 'yes,' send him a friend request. The decision may be more complicated. There are several things to think about. For example- does your Facebook page ever indicate either by you, your friends, or groups that you are a member of that you are gay or bisexual? Then comes the question of whether you are out at work. Or if you aren't, would you mind if they discover it. There is a news story right now on LGBTNation website of a former employee at the Library of Congress who got along well with his boss. The boss gave the guy his daughter's name. I'm not sure if they became friends in 'real' life or just Facebook buddies. But the daughter saw from his Facebook page that the employee was in favor of gay marriage. It came out that he was gay, and the boss started harassing the employee. The employee was ultimately fired. And the case is before the courts.

 

The next question is what are the underlying reasons for sending him a request. If its just for friends that's ok with the provisos above, or are you maybe trying to find out if he's gay/straight and in a relationship?

 

So the decision can be more complicated than it appears on the surface.

 

Gman

 

I am out at work. And I can't be discriminated against for my sexual orientation because I work for the federal government (in Canada) and it would be against the law to do that to me. I'd like to send him a request to get to know him better and hopefully find out if he's gay and single lol.

[+ Robster]

 

[mcbg22]

Just sent the request. Let's see what happens now lol.

[Guest]

What do you guys think? Am I going crazy lol?

 

Well, I think you're crazy for even asking the question. When one faces decisions in life, one has to always evaluate the risks and potential benefits of the decision. Since he doesn't even work in the same place you do any more, the risk of your sending him a friend request is zero. I suppose if he still worked in the same place, the risk might be that you might feel slightly embarrassed if he said no. Since that isn't even an issue, the risk is zero. Even if you consider it unlikely, the potential benefit is certainly very great. Unless there's something you're not telling us, I'm completely baffled as to why this is even a question to consider.

[+ Gar1eth]

Well, I think you're crazy for even asking the question. When one faces decisions in life, one has to always evaluate the risks and potential benefits of the decision. Since he doesn't even work in the same place you do any more, the risk of your sending him a friend request is zero. I suppose if he still worked in the same place, the risk might be that you might feel slightly embarrassed if he said no. Since that isn't even an issue, the risk is zero. Even if you consider it unlikely, the potential benefit is certainly very great. Unless there's something you're not telling us, I'm completely baffled as to why this is even a question to consider.

 

As the OP is in Canada, you have some points. If the OP had been in the good old US of A, unfortunately there could very well be ramifications if the 'friending' led to the discovery he that is gay.

 

http://www.washingtonblade.com/2012/08/03/fired-gay-employee-sues-library-of-congress/

 

Gman

[mcbg22]

I didn't think sending him a friend request was a big deal at first but I asked my best friend and he said it would be a psychotic thing to do to someone I don't know. It made me second guessing myself and paranoid lol. Anyway, I did send a friend request so let's hope he accepts it

[+ Robster]

No offense, but your friend sounds like he's either overly dramatic, or has a crush on you, and wants to keep you for himself. ;-)

 

Rob

[MrMiniver]

Who is still using Facebook? That's so 2007. LOL.

[geoffk]

Obviously many people on facebook have "friends" they hardly know. And I don't really like "friending" people I don't really know. You could have sent him a message saying something like we just got acquainted and you heard he changed jobs, wished him luck, asked him about his new job, etc. See where it goes from there. Maybe he would ask to be your friend.

[MrMiniver]

Obviously many people on facebook have "friends" they hardly know. And I don't really like "friending" people I don't really know. You could have sent him a message saying something like we just got acquainted and you heard he changed jobs, wished him luck, asked him about his new job, etc. See where it goes from there. Maybe he would ask to be your friend.

 

I was having a coffee, by myself, a few weeks ago and I was sitting and enjoying the coffee and there were two guys at the table next to me. They spent close to 45 minutes whining about how someone had "defriended" them on Facebook. It was hysterical to listen to ... I wanted to walk over and just pat them on the shoulders and say "honeys, get a life."

[+ WilliamM]

I was having a coffee' date=' by myself, a few weeks ago and I was sitting and enjoying the coffee and there were two guys at the table next to me. They spent close to 45 minutes whining about how someone had "defriended" them on Facebook. It was hysterical to listen to ... I wanted to walk over and just pat them on the shoulders and say "honeys, get a life."[/quote']

 

My guess is you do not know many people in their teens and/or 20s, except very casually.

[Guest]

As the OP is in Canada, you have some points. If the OP had been in the good old US of A, unfortunately there could very well be ramifications if the 'friending' led to the discovery he that is gay.

 

One can always come up with bizarre, convoluted scenarios, but the ex-employee is not his boss's son. Laws, of course, offer only limited protection when one has deranged bosses. But even if the OP has a deranged boss, in this case I see the risk as zero.

[adriano46]

I am not a big fan of social networking (age thing, I guess) and the whole game of "friending" and "unfriending" people is a bit bizarre to me. I get requests every few weeks from someone who knows someone who knows someone who knows me... I usually do not answer the request. It is as bothersome as I find Linked-In these days with constant barrage form people I really do not want to be connected to professionally (which is how I treat Linked-In... just for my professional job).

 

Occasionally, however, I have come across someone I know (or knew) on Facebook and have taken a stab at "friending" them. It has never been a negative (outside of nieces and nephews who perhaps wisely do not want uncles knowing what they do - for fear we would mention something to the parents!!!).

 

On the original post - I would have simply sent the request and left it at that. He answers YES -- fine; he ignores, MOVE ON.

[+ Gar1eth]

I didn't think sending him a friend request was a big deal at first but I asked my best friend and he said it would be a psychotic thing to do to someone I don't know. It made me second guessing myself and paranoid lol. Anyway, I did send a friend request so let's hope he accepts it

 

If it is really worrying you, and he hasn't responded yet, I think you are able to cancel a Friend Request.

 

Gman

[+ Robster]

I think he meant that he was worried before he sent the friend request. And yes, you can cancel it.

 

Rob

[Atlantagaguy]

Don’t leave us hanging! Did he accept your friend request?

[mcbg22]

Don’t leave us hanging! Did he accept your friend request?

 

Not yet lol. Who knows if he ever will. He doesn't seem like someone who's on FB that often. At least I did what I could to get in touch with him. Now the ball is in his court.